By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

* Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship?

* Do you often feel empty inside even if you are in a relationship but your partner is not paying attention to you?

* Do you get anxious when a person you are dating does not contact you when you expect them to?

* Do you get anxious when your partner goes out of town?

* Do you tend to ruminate/obsess about what your partner or someone you are dating is thinking or doing?

* Do you get angry when someone is not saying or doing what you believe they would say or do if they cared about you?

People turn to addictions when they are not taking responsibility for filling themselves with the love they need. Love and approval addiction is like any other addiction: you are using something external – in this case another’s attention to you – to fill the emptiness that is the result of your own self-abandonment.

Most of us learned to abandon ourselves, with various addictions, as we were growing up because:

* We had no role models of how to take loving care of ourselves.
* We could not handle the big feelings of loneliness and heartbreak that are often a part of childhood.
* We did not receive the nurturing we needed to handle the heartache, heartbreak, and loneliness of childhood.

When your parents or other caregivers were upset or unhappy, what did they do? Did you see them doing an inner process to discover the inner source of their upset and shift their thinking and behavior to make themselves happy? Did you see them comforting themselves with deep caring and compassion when life’s challenges were causing them loneliness and heartbreak?

Or, did you see them:

* Ignoring their feelings and numbing out with substances such as food, alcohol or drugs?

* Ignoring their feelings and numbing out with processes such as work, TV, gambling, or sex?

* Getting angry at someone, blaming someone for their feelings?

* Falling apart, becoming very needy?

* Turning to you to fill them up – being emotionally incestuous?

The chances are that your parents or other caregivers did not role model personal responsibility for their own feelings, and they may not have compassionately been there for your feelings, so you may never have learned to do this for yourself. If you don’t know how to manage your own feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sadness, sorrow, grief, and helplessness over others, then you have learned to turn to various addictions to manage these feelings, including the addiction to others’ love, attention, and approval.

HEALING LOVE AND APPROVAL ADDICTION

You CAN heal from love and approval addiction! Following is a brief description of the 6-Step Inner Bonding process that heals love and approval addiction:

The first step is to make a decision that you WANT responsibility for learning how you are causing your own anxiety, depression, anger, guilt and shame with your own thoughts and actions, and that you WANT responsibility for learning how to nurture the painful feelings of life – the loneliness, heartbreak and grief that are so challenging.

The next step is to open to learning with deep compassion toward yourself, connecting with a loving spiritual Source of love and wisdom. If you are not connected with a spiritual Source of love and wisdom, then you need to learn to do this. You cannot take responsibility for your own feelings alone. You need to be supported by a spiritual Source.

Third, you need to explore what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing your anxiety, depression or anger – discovering the false beliefs that you are operating from. You need to be tender and gentle with your deeper feelings of loneliness and heartbreak.

Forth, you need to open to learning with your Source of Guidance, asking “What is in my highest good?” “What is the loving action toward myself?” Open and listen for the answer.

Fifth, take the loving action in your own behalf.

Sixth, go back inside and see how you are feeling. If you are not feeling better, then go back and do the process again until you feel relief.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help.

Dr. Randolph Shipon

You don’t know your partner as well as you think. And if you do, you shouldn’t.  Introducing one partner to another, even if they have been together exclusively for years, is one of the best parts of being a seasoned couples therapist.

People are always changing. If you believe you know who your partner was yesterday, maybe you are missing out on who is in front of you today — and today’s version is likely to be a lot more interesting than the version you think you know.

Here’s how to keep yourself, and your partner, fresh for one another.

1. Tune into your fantasies.

Your sex life is an important part of your energy system. In fact, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, treating tan t’ien is likely to enhance and release new sexual energies to promote overall health.

A universally accepted notion of healing is that life energy is vital only when it moves. If your sexual life energy is not moving, it might not be vital.

Get your energy moving. Have fun with your partner by engaging in fantasy. If you can do that, you will see your entire relationship improve.

Discover how the sexual energies can lead you into new dimensions of intimacy and spontaneity.

2) Mind your meters.

If you’re eating the same kind of meal, talking the same walk, or watching the same TV show you did yesterday, you probably aren’t recognizing your and your partner’s unique set of needs today. My wife and I call this “checking our meters.”

You might have an exercise meter today that needs attention. There might be a romancemeter. There might be a dessert meter tonight, when there wasn’t last night. These meters need attention, and so do your partner’s.

Get in the practice of telling each other about your meters, and work together to pay attention to them. You’ll have a blast and discover new things about each other!

3) Check in about new big goals.

The original vision of your relationship for the future is not set in stone. Nothing you dreamed up previously been carved into destiny, and new dreams emerge all the time. If you’re sticking with the original dream, maybe you are not responding to the forces that are changing in your life.

CLICK HERE to read more.

By James M. Hussey

It used to be that all you needed to do was stop by a florist, grab a dozen or so roses and a box of chocolates, and $100 later show up early to pick her up for dinner. Those days, well, actually those days are still around to be honest with you. However, if you’re creative, you can use Facebook and other social media to go public. I know what I’m about to tell you is a bit controversial. Some would say it’s even a little bit on the cheesy side, a bit over the top, but after being married 15 years I’ve discovered that even the most die-hard romantic can be wooed with a few simple keystrokes. What I am sharing with you is unashamedly “cheesy,” something you’d expect from a pair of high school kids. That’s OK. My wife thinks I’m a bit on the silly side, but it’s purposefully done. I honestly want the world to know, even her anonymous Facebook “friends,” that I cherish my wife.

Here’s a few of the things I’ve done:

1) Signed up for Facebook.

Mind you, if my wife had signed up for MySpace or Twitter, I’d have gone those routes. She stuck with Facebook, so I created my own account. We have many shared friends, but many unshared friends. I don’t care who these people are, I signed up for Facebook to woo my wife. Everything and everyone else is second fiddle.

2) I post YouTube videos of our favorite songs from yesteryear on her wall.

I do this semi-often, at least once per week. I’ll listen to the radio and catch an oldie but goodie, and I’ll think of her, and sometimes it’s just simply to remember how horrid our taste was back then. We get a laugh from silly Vanilla Ice or Milli Vanilli videos, and then I’ll post a Jack Johnson or something she is privy to, just to show her I know her and her tastes. Then I’ll post a status or comment message to reflect the silly or romantic idea.

3) I post status messages on my account to let everyone know what a seriously lucky guy I am, and praise my wife’s recent accomplishments, even if it’s seemingly unimportant.

I delight in the simple things she does, from sewing and canning to simply being a fantastic mom. I want the Facebook universe to know that our romance is very much alive, though I refrain from posting anything that could come off as inappropriate for young eyes.

4) I’ll be sure to comment on her posts and thoughts on a regular basis. I want her friends as well as my friends to know we’re united and still those best friends that got married just out of high school. This may not be your case, but perhaps letting your significant other know that he or she still retains that apple-of-your-eye status in a public forum would enrich their day.

Alright, maybe some of what I have written is simply too public for some of you: that’s fine, pick one or two things to interact with your loved ones and let them know you’re thinking of them. Sometimes the simplest sign that you still care can put that smile on your loved one’s face and lighten their step just a bit. Using Facebook to add romance to your relationship will in the very least show that you took five minutes’ worth of your time to actually stop and think of your partner. Give it a try if you haven’t already, and who cares what the other guys will say? If you’re in a committed relationship with one woman, then isn’t she worth the extra five minutes?

James M. Hussey is proud father to 6, happy husband to his lovely bride of 15 years and counting, and works a family business by day and builds his websites by night. See his site at Elliptical Trainer Exercise to find the best brands.