By Evelyn Cole
1. The honeymoon was over before it began. Cousin Joe came to your parents’ wedding reception drunk, made a speech about the bride and her old boyfriend, infuriating your father. His father kicked Joe in the shins. Joe howled with rage. The best man dragged him outside and your mother spilled red wine on her $1000.00 wedding gown.
2. The reception cost $10,000.00. Your mother’s parents put up $2,000. That’s all they could afford. Your Dad’s parents didn’t put up any money but they gave them $500 for the honeymoon.
3. The honeymoon cost $6,000.00 and it rained the whole week.
4. Your parents spent the first ten years of their marriage paying off their wedding. That’s why they waited so long to have you. Those years weren’t a whole lot of fun.
That’s one story. There are too many like it.
The point: our culture builds fantastic illusions about weddings. We spend far too much on them and often suffer great disappointment.
I want to spare you that disappointment.
I want you to experience the joy of everyday love and laughter from an inexpensive wedding, with friends you don’t need to impress, in a marriage that lasts because it’s based on reality, not illusion and hype.
I write from bitter experience. I married twice for the wrong reasons. When I finally learned to live alone, support myself, find my own strength, my own values, I married again for the right reasons. What a relief. What a joy.
So be careful when you read those bridal magazines and honeymoon ads. Broken illusions are not only painful, they’re expensive!
And besides, after the honeymoon you have to know how to keep love alive.
Remember when you first fell in love? Glorious, wasn’t it.
I’m sure you know why the phrase is “fall in love” not “step in love” or “crawl in love”. You fall, “head over heels”.
There is nothing rational about sexual love. It’s called “blind love” because the frontal lobes of the brain are not involved at all.
But where does that great love go? And it does go.
The romantic phase of a relationship is blind. When the blinders wear off you begin to see each others as individuals. You begin to compete, like siblings. If you grew up with a brother or sister close to your age, you know how to fight and get over it. But, If you didn’t have a close sibling, you don’t know how–and your spouse does!
Then, when the fighting starts the love dies hard, unless . . .
you both decide to keep it alive,
not the crazy “in love”
but a conscious, willing exploration of your own subconscious mind, and an open sharing of your discoveries.
For example, one man told me that he doesn’t like to French kiss. He said it gave him “the willies”. His wife was terribly hurt. She felt rejected by him. He loved her every other way, but his tongue embarrassed him.
In writing about his tongue he uncovered the source of his embarrassment and spit it out for good.
Another way to keep love alive involves recognizing the role of projection in everyday life. Everyone projects his feelings about himself onto others at some time. If I think I am clumsy today, I notice how clumsy everyone is. If I feel fat, I notice everyone else’s fat. If I feel good, I notice how pleasant everyone is today.
We tend to project our self-criticism onto the ones we love, killing love. Recognizing self-criticism will keep love alive.
Recognizing the source of your attitudes toward and habits with money will save many a fight.
Since love is more important than vitamins for good health, make sure you keep it alive.
As long as you keep uncovering your whole mind and sharing it with your lover, you will keep love alive and live long and wealthily.
Besides, the hidden advantage of using your whole mind with your lover is laughter, and that really keeps love alive.