I’ve Discovered That I Have Super Powers…..And You Do Too!!

What’s up Fam,
Hope you’re doing well today.  I’m doing pretty good.  I had a moment this morning that made me realize something special about myself.  Truth be told, it actually put me in sync with something that I already knew….but really don’t always pay that much attention to.
Check it…..I was laying in the bed next to my wife and the alarm went off.  I think it was Steve Harvey’s loud mouth that jolted me from my sleep. lol.  In any event I woke up….cut the alarm off….and got back in the bed.  You know how we do : )  While laying in bed with my eyes closed I reached out with my left hand towards my wife and touched her on the inside of her arm.  I didn’t massage it….I didn’t caress it….I didn’t fondle it…..I just touched it.  I touched the inside of her arm and then BAM!!!!!!!  That single touch triggered a chain of events that became amazingly explosive.
You wanna know what she did in response to my touch?  What she did next really blew my mind…..not because she hadn’t done it before…..more so because I became even more aware of the profundity in simplicity.  I wasn’t really looking for anything to be reciprocated…but guess what…she did. You wanna know what she did?
Aiyana took her right hand and reached out toward me and placed it on my left hand (ya know the one that was touching her)…and BAM!!  Yassssss!!!!!  The magnetism was amplified.  I touched her…She touched me…and in that moment a spiritual funnel was created that reinforced our love.  Wow!!!
I did that with my super powers fam.  With a simple touch ….I RECOGNIZED her.  I REASSURED her.  I REVITALIZED us.
Guess what…YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS TOO…
I know you can do the same…..try it today!
Until next time,
To infinity and beyond!!!!!! : )

For Individual or Couples Coaching

CLICK HERE

Why Don’t You Say “I Love You”?

 

I Love You. 3 Simple…yet life changing words are often a forgotten part of our vocabulary. Everybody needs to feel love…everybody wants to feel love……so why don’t you take a moment, cuddle up with your boo and say….I Love You. They need it…and you need it too.

 

How Do You Help The Helper?

How Do You Help The Helper?

Viewer Question: I’ve recently come to find your page and to date I have found your articles and videos quite helpful. However, I haven’t found that you’ve discussed military marriages….

I’m married to an army officer. I knew that going in and I have absolutely no problem with it. In all actuality I’m proud of my husband and the work that he does. He deals with stress combat which is training and counseling soldiers before and after deployment. The problem lies in the fact that he is so busy helping others that he finds it impossible to talk about his own issues (which we all have). I feel so shut out and isolated from his life. I tell him that all I want is to be his help mate but because he won’t talk to me I don’t know exactly how to help!

Do you have any advise on how to help the helper? I really miss my best friend!

10 Ways You Can Help The Helpers

  • help with everyday tasks that are routine
  • invite helpers to talk about their experiences
  • help helpers accept help; offer something specific instead of “call me if you need anything”
  • do not rush helpers; their sense of time may be distorted
  • reassure them that their stress is normal; most people recover well from stress
  • respect their privacy
  • encourage sensible health habits
  • repeatedly show appreciation for the helper’s work
  • take care of simple needs for helper, such as picking up a meal for them
  • provide a listening ear, a hug or other expression of support

10 Ways Helpers Can Help Themselves

  • get some sleep
  • eat well-balanced meals as much as possible
  • set up and maintain a structured routine, if possible
  • learn to say no without feeling guilty; prioritize your time
  • change your environment; take short breaks
  • seek normality
  • realize when a situation or problem should be referred to another helper
  • be aware of your energy limits; stop when these limits have been reached
  • communicate with people who understand your endeavor
  • practice optimism and humor

 

Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are relationship experts and internet marketers who have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets.  They are helping people build healthy relationships and build home based businesses.  To learn how you can MAKE MONEY while working from home CLICK HERE.  To get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES  COACHING from Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

You Don’t Look At Me Like You Used To

By Ayize Ma’at

Remember the fireworks?  Remember anticipating the next time you saw his face.  Remember that certain look (exclusively reserved for you) that he gave you when you entered the room.  Remember those butterflies? What about those never ending phone calls (you hang up…no you hang up…no you hang up..until someone fell asleep).   Remember when everything was bliss?

She entered our office searching for an answer…..desperately seeking relief.

She told us:

I forgot what being adored feels like.  He doesn’t look at me like he used to.  His eyes and energy are indifferent.  His back is turned.  I wish he would touch me…on my hand..if only for a split second.  Maybe we can share a laugh.  I miss him completing my sentences. I want to feel like I matter.  I miss being his…..

To get individual or couples counseling from Therapist’s Ayize and Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Healing Is A Process….Let’s Begin

By Ayize Ma’at

While sitting across the room from a couple, I watched his fidgety movements shout an ensnaring tale capturing a 27 year history of hesitation.  His ambivalence didn’t begin with her….however she views herself as the VICTIM of his indecision, his restlessness, his wandering eye…his failure to fully commit to her.  Her pain cast a cloudy glow around her that she’s been trying to shake for years.  His shame oozes from his pours…he doesn’t know how to shelter his soul from the storm that’s been hovering above him for years.  He hides…she hides.  They both are tormented…they both are torn…they both are hurt.  As they sit before us…in silence…in tears…in rage….in hope…we watch the subtle dance of healing begin.

If you’d like to have a session with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Your Beliefs Are Holding You Back In Your Relationship

By Eve

We often think that just because we believe something, it is the truth, which is not always the case. As you know, the majority of people prior to 1492 believed that the earth was flat. That belief turned out to be wrong. Many, many of our beliefs, about everything from science to society, have been proven wrong over time with the addition of new information and new tools.

Many of the beliefs we as individuals have held about ourselves and about our lives have also been proven wrong, or will be over the course of our lives. Therefore, the concept that “belief equals truth” is disputable.

The problem is that few of us question our beliefs, and unchallenged false beliefs have the power to alter our decisions and to limit what we can accomplish. When we use limiting beliefs as guideposts for our decision making, they impact every aspect of our well-being, including our relationships. If we think something is dangerous, impossible, or too hard, we may not venture to do it. How many people didn’t try sailing around the world based on the belief that they would fall off when they reached the edge? How many marriages have ended in divorce because of the belief that nothing could be done to make the marriage work? How many people don’t introduce themselves to someone they like because of the belief that they won’t be interested?

Look up the definition of “belief” in the dictionary. Nowhere does it imply that a belief is actually a fact, and yet most of us treat our beliefs as if they were the absolute truth, often without testing them. This is where self-examination and inquiry come in.

Examine your beliefs about yourself and your relationships, challenge them, and determine whether they are serving you. If your beliefs make you feel good and serve your goal of having healthy self-esteem and loving relationships, great. If not, it is time to develop a new mindset, one that emphasizes your personal power for creating and maintaining love in your life and in your relationships. The good news is that beliefs are something we choose. When your current choices aren’t serving you, you can make new ones.

As you read the following list of common beliefs, notice whether you hold any of them, consciously or unconsciously. Notice also how you feel as you read them.

* Once I’ve fallen out of love with someone, that is that; I can’t get it back.

* What I have experienced in the past is likely what I will experience in the future.

* My spouse has to do something different in order for our marriage to work.

* I can’t improve the relationship by myself; it takes two.

* I need different conditions to make my marriage work (if only I had a job/we didn’t have kids/we had kids/we had more money/I weighed less/I were more trusting/he hadn’t cheated/she liked sex more…).

* If this relationship doesn’t work, I will never have love again.

* Men (or women) aren’t trustworthy.

Notice the difference in the way you feel as you read the following list of empowering beliefs. Notice if an old belief or way of doing things is being challenged and, just for the sake of the exercise, try on some new beliefs to see if they serve you better.

* I can fall in love again. In fact, love has never left me; it has just gotten blocked. I can clear the obstacles between love and me, and between me and my partner.

* With new skills and tools, I can create new experiences.

* I take full responsibility for the quality of my relationships.

* I can improve my experience of this relationship with or without my spouse’s involvement.

* It is my response to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves, that dictate the quality of my relationships.

* Love is unlimited. As long as I am loving, I will never be without love.

* I trust myself to be able to handle any situation I encounter. I trust God to provide me with experiences that will help me grow wiser, stronger, and more compassionate.

Become aware of when you are “feeding” a belief that limits possibility, and consciously switch to a belief that better serves you, and your relationships.

Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: What are your beliefs?

Love Tip of the Week: It is never too late to make a new decision and adopt a new, more empowering belief.

The ROUTINE: An Often Overlooked Enemy Of Your Marriage

By Daryl Campbell

Remember the early days of your dating relationship? What a time you both had. It seemed like every moment you got together it was music, fun and excitement. Some of your family and friends even hated to see you coming because the two of you were so into each other it made people nauseous. You are probably right when you say they were just jealous. And guess what? Neither one of you could have cared less. The relationship was fresh, spontaneous and exhilarating.

 

And then it happened. You cannot quite put your finger on when exactly it took place but it happened. Whether it occurred sometime after you got married or six months into your dating relationship is inconsequential. All you know is the music, fun and excitement went on permanent vacation. What took their place? The routine.

 

One of the mains reasons many couples get blind sided by the routine is the seduction of familiarity. You naturally want to become well acquainted with the other person in the hopes that it leads to greater intimacy between the two of you. That is the point of relationships. Unfortunately, familiarity also inspires a certain amount of self-satisfaction. In other words consciously or unconsciously, many couples tell themselves the prize has been won so there is no need to continue the game.

 

While some people do not consider this a big deal, in essence it is a planted seed that can spell trouble somewhere down the road. It is only a hop, skip and a jump from familiarity to routine to dissatisfaction.

 

Now there is no question that your relationship is going to have certain amount of routine due, in some part to circumstances beyond your control; for instance your work schedules may only allow the two of you to get together on specific days and times. However there are things you can do to keep the relationship fresh:

 

1. The Thrill of the Impulsive

 

When your relationship was just starting out, spontaneity ruled. The two of you did not even think twice about hopping into a car and going to places you had never been or trying out a new restaurant with food you never heard of. There was something thrilling and wonderful about not knowing what you were getting into yet still having the courage to explore anyway.

 

Routine tells you to be rational and self conscious. What if people are looking or you run into someone you both know? The answer is “who cares?” Sure being spontaneous may not work out every time but do it anyway and go with the flow. Unplanned adventures big or little have a way of adding excitement and in many cases some serious laughs to the relationship which is very healthy and great way to reconnect.

 

2. It is Not Your Birthday

 

Or anniversary or any other major routine event but do not let that stop you from buying small gifts for each other. In fact you can just as easily create your own special days. It could be the anniversary of your third date or the time you both laughed through the worst movie you ever saw. Occasionally giving a small gift for no particular reason lets the other person know that they are always in your heart.

 

3. Date Again

 

Not just going out to dinner either because that also can become routine. Instead plan a time outside of your normal schedules and treat it like you did during the early days of the relationship. Get yourselves spruced up. Go at it with the mindset that you are making every effort to make a good impression. Having a special time together at least once a week can throw a beautiful monkey wrench into the routine machine. .

 

It is nothing out of the ordinary for a relationship to lose some of its zing over time. The problem comes when couples accept the routine as normal and do not do anything to restore the excitement and unpredictability they once had. You can always reverse the process by being spontaneous, give small gifts for no reason other than to let the other person know you love them and start dating again like it is the first time. This all requires constant effort but the payoff of an exciting relationship is well worth it.

 

 

Daryl Campbell is a writer and entrepreneur with an extensive background in customer service. He has owned and operated Campbell Marketing L.L.C. for over six years.

Secrets Your Mom NEVER Told You About Love, Marriage, & Money

By Evelyn Cole

1. The honeymoon was over before it began. Cousin Joe came to your parents’ wedding reception drunk, made a speech about the bride and her old boyfriend, infuriating your father. His father kicked Joe in the shins. Joe howled with rage. The best man dragged him outside and your mother spilled red wine on her $1000.00 wedding gown.

2. The reception cost $10,000.00. Your mother’s parents put up $2,000. That’s all they could afford. Your Dad’s parents didn’t put up any money but they gave them $500 for the honeymoon.

3. The honeymoon cost $6,000.00 and it rained the whole week.

4. Your parents spent the first ten years of their marriage paying off their wedding. That’s why they waited so long to have you. Those years weren’t a whole lot of fun.

That’s one story. There are too many like it.

The point: our culture builds fantastic illusions about weddings. We spend far too much on them and often suffer great disappointment.

I want to spare you that disappointment.

I want you to experience the joy of everyday love and laughter from an inexpensive wedding, with friends you don’t need to impress, in a marriage that lasts because it’s based on reality, not illusion and hype.

I write from bitter experience. I married twice for the wrong reasons. When I finally learned to live alone, support myself, find my own strength, my own values, I married again for the right reasons. What a relief. What a joy.

So be careful when you read those bridal magazines and honeymoon ads. Broken illusions are not only painful, they’re expensive!

And besides, after the honeymoon you have to know how to keep love alive.

Remember when you first fell in love? Glorious, wasn’t it.

I’m sure you know why the phrase is “fall in love” not “step in love” or “crawl in love”. You fall, “head over heels”.

There is nothing rational about sexual love. It’s called “blind love” because the frontal lobes of the brain are not involved at all.

But where does that great love go? And it does go.

The romantic phase of a relationship is blind. When the blinders wear off you begin to see each others as individuals. You begin to compete, like siblings. If you grew up with a brother or sister close to your age, you know how to fight and get over it. But, If you didn’t have a close sibling, you don’t know how–and your spouse does!

Then, when the fighting starts the love dies hard, unless . . .

you both decide to keep it alive,

not the crazy “in love”

but a conscious, willing exploration of your own subconscious mind, and an open sharing of your discoveries.

For example, one man told me that he doesn’t like to French kiss. He said it gave him “the willies”. His wife was terribly hurt. She felt rejected by him. He loved her every other way, but his tongue embarrassed him.

In writing about his tongue he uncovered the source of his embarrassment and spit it out for good.

Another way to keep love alive involves recognizing the role of projection in everyday life. Everyone projects his feelings about himself onto others at some time. If I think I am clumsy today, I notice how clumsy everyone is. If I feel fat, I notice everyone else’s fat. If I feel good, I notice how pleasant everyone is today.

We tend to project our self-criticism onto the ones we love, killing love. Recognizing self-criticism will keep love alive.

Recognizing the source of your attitudes toward and habits with money will save many a fight.

Since love is more important than vitamins for good health, make sure you keep it alive.

As long as you keep uncovering your whole mind and sharing it with your lover, you will keep love alive and live long and wealthily.

Besides, the hidden advantage of using your whole mind with your lover is laughter, and that really keeps love alive.

 Evelyn Cole, MA, MFA, The Whole-mind Writer:  Cole’s chief aim in life is to convince everyone to understand the power of the subconscious mind and synchronize it with goals of the conscious mind. Along with “Mind Nudges” and “Brainsweep”, she has published three novels and several poems that dramatize subconscious power.
http://www.write-for-wealth.com evycole@direcway.com

Marriage…Do You Have What It Takes?

By Neysa Ellery Taylor

I love wedding shows. I really do. I love looking at the dresses and seeing how people illustrate their love. From Say Yes To The Dress to Four Weddings, I really enjoy watching these shows. But they are just entertainment that tell you how to prepare for a wedding. There are no shows that tell you how to be married. I think that is where we do marriages a disservice. They show the fun highlights but don’t give anyone tools to endure marriage.

“Endure” sounds so apocalyptic doesn’t it? But let’s be honest – it’s not all roses. There are wonderful highs and some amazing lows. It takes a special kind of person to be able to weather all that comes with marriage. So do you have what it takes to be a spouse?

Can you open up and share yourself with another person? Sounds minor right? But it is true. Are you able to share all of yourself with your partner? Not just your PR agent that everyone meets, but the core of who you are? The reason this is so important is how can you ever accept someone fully if they’ve never seen you fully? You can’t.

Can you pursue God’s will for your life? Are you really ready to walk into all that God has placed in you? See, God placed all that vision in your life not for your own benefit but for the benefit of the kingdom. That kingdom starts with a little village – your family. So are you ready to go get it so that the blessings will pour down on your family?

Can you say no to temptation? Do I really need to say more? But can you resist all the tail that will be thrown at you the minute you say “I do”? What? You thought the ring was a booty repellent? Puh-lease! The ring is a magnet for booty. The ring increases your net worth. The ring says that somebody in this world thinks that you are so special that you were worth putting a ring on. That alone sets you apart from the rest. So can you say “no” to that?

Can you put the good of your spouse and family before everything else (except God)? Before your boys, before the sorority, before your church commitments, sometimes before your job… Can your immediate family come first?

Ladies: Can you keep a clean house? I know that is a generalization, but really in at least 8 out of 10 households the majority of housekeeping falls on a woman’s shoulders. That doesn’t mean that the men don’t contribute, they do. But the MAJORITY of the housework will fall on you. Is your house dirty? Not cluttered. Cluttered in a nuisance but it can be picked up. Is your house nasty? Because if is nasty with you living by yourself, then it will nastier when you have a spouse and kids.

Men: Do you have maintenance skills? Yep, another generalization. But in my informal survey – which is mainly just my friends – the majority of maintenance jobs are on the husband’s plate. Can you fix an overflowing toilet? Can you paint a wall? Can you find your way around a wrench? Is the lawnmower your friend? And if you answer no to all of the above questions, do you at least have the initiative to call someone to fix a problem?

And there are many more questions: Can you keep it hot in the bedroom? Can you forgive? Can you take care of someone at their worst and cheer for someone at their best? Can you celebrate your spouse’s success without being jealous? Can you love?

Neysa Ellery Taylor is an integral part of the writing team here at Blackloveandmarriage.com. She lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at Myriadthatisme.blogspot.com

63 Interesting Facts About Marriage

By Team BLAM

Every now and then we come across an article that is both light-hearted and informative enough to be posted.  When we read this piece we both were like “what…i didn’t know that”.  Some of you academicians may know more than others about the 63 things on this list but I’m willing to bet (pinky bet that is..lol) that there’s something in here that will probably have you saying hmmmmm.

*Note* This was initially published on randomhistory.com in 2009 and we found it interesting enough to still repost today.

63 Interesting Facts About Marriage. . .

The term “marriage” derives from the Latin word mas meaning “male” or “masculine.” The earliest known use of the word in English dates from the thirteenth century.

Due to jobs, kids, TV, the Internet, hobbies, and home and family responsibilities, the average married couple spends just four minutes a day alone together.

The Talmud is very strict about banning extramarital sex—but also enforcing marital sex. The Talmud even lays out a timetable for how often husbands should “rejoice” their wives. For men of independent means, every day; for laborers, twice a week; for ass-drivers, once a week; for camel-drivers, once in 30 days; and for sailors, once in six months.

Over 75% of people who marry partners from an affair eventually divorce.

The Oneida colony established in New York in 1848 advocated “complex” or group marriage in which every woman was married to every man. They also practiced “scientific breeding” where parents where matched by a committee according to physical and mental health.

Traditionally, bridesmaids would be dressed in similar bride-like gowns to confuse rival suitors, evil spirits, and robbers.

Marrying younger than age 25 dramatically raises the divorce risk. Also, the divorce risk is higher when the woman is much older than the man, though the reverse isn’t as a strong factor.

On average, married couples have sex 58 times per year

The average married couple has sex 58 times per year, or slightly more than once a week.

At Italian weddings, it is not unusual for both the bride and groom to break a glass. The number of shards will be equal to the number of happy years the couple will have.

The word “wife” is likely from the Proto-Indo-European root weip (“to turn, twist, wrap”) or ghwibh, which has a root meaning “shame” or “pudenda.”

The word “husband” is from the Old Norse husbondi or “master of the house” (literally, hus “house” + bondi “householder, dweller”).

Some scholars trace the word “bride” to the Proto-Indo-European root bru, “to cook, brew, make broth.”

The term “groom” is from the Old English guma, meaning “man.”

In three states—Arkansas, Utah, and Oklahoma—women tend to marry younger, at an average age of 24. Men’s average age is 26. In the northeastern states of New York, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts, men and women wait about four years longer to marry. The U.S. average age for women is 25.6 and for men, 27.7.

A person’s level of education influences the age at which they marry. Couples tend to marry later in states with higher numbers of college-educated adults, while the opposite is true for states with lower education levels.

Nevada, Maine, and Oklahoma have the highest percentage of divorced adults. Arkansas and Oklahoma have the highest rates of people who have been married at least three times.

The probability of a first marriage ending in a divorce within 5 years is 20%, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49%. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33%, compared with 62% for cohabitations.

Hammurabi’s Code (ca. 1790 B.C.), an ancient Babylonian law code, contains some of the oldest known and recorded marriage laws. These early laws defined marriage as a contract that paradoxically served to protect women and restrict them. According to the Code, a man could divorce his wife if she could not bear children or of she was a “gadabout” who humiliated her husband in public and neglected her house. Additionally, she could be “pitched” in a river if she committed adultery.

Washington, D.C., has the lowest marriage rate in the nation.

Approximately $6 billion in revenue is lost by American businesses as a result of decreased worker productivity linked to marriage hardship. Employees in a happy marriage, in contrast, tend to increase a company’s bottom line.

The Great Recession has been one of the greatest strains on marriage in decades.

CNN reports that the current economy is the biggest stress on married couples in the past 60 years.

A New Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that 72% of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point.

Married couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can lead to a decrease in sexual attraction and general health. Additionally, a spouse’s chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if his or her partner is obese.

A 2008 study found that marital satisfaction improves once children leave home. However, if marital problems existed before, an empty nest often reveals those otherwise masked issues.

People whose marriage has broken down at the time they are diagnosed with cancer do not live as long as cancer patients who are widowed, have strong marriages, or who have never been married.

In ancient Greece, Solon (638-538 B.C.) once contemplated making marriage compulsory, and in Athens under Pericles (495-429 B.C.), bachelors were excluded from certain public positions. In Sparta, single and childless men were treated with scorn. In ancient Rome, Augustus (63 B.C.-A.D. 14) passed drastic laws compelling people to marry and penalized those who remained single.

A marriage ceremony typically ends with a kiss because in ancient Rome, a kiss was a legal bond that sealed contracts, and marriage was seen as a contract.

Adults who are childhood cancer survivors are 20-25% less likely to marry compared with their siblings and the general American population.

Stress associated with divorce affects the body’s immune system and its ability to fend off the disease. The health benefits of remarriage are reduced the second and third times around.

Throughout most of history, marriage was not necessarily based on mutual love, but an institution devoted to acquiring in-laws and property and to provide the family additional labor forces (by having children).

A white New Orleans man in the late nineteenth century transfused himself with blood from a black woman he loved so he could overcome anti-discrimination laws by claiming he was black and marry her.

One nineteenth-century New York legislator insisted that letting married women own their own property attacked both God and Nature.

A low or no sex marriage has a high probability of separation or divorce within 12 months.

Just two years after marriage, an estimated 20% of couples make love fewer than 10 times in a year.

One in three American marriages is “low sex” or “no sex.”

The number of marriage therapists in the United States has increased 50-fold between 1970 and 1990.

In the United States, over 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages end in divorce, and nearly 74% of third marriages end in divorce.

Marriage does more to promote life satisfaction than money, sex, or even children, say Wake Forest University psychologists.

Compared to singles, married people accumulate about four times more savings and assets. Those who divorced had assets 77% lower than singles.

Married elderly people are more likely to maintain daily health-promoting habits, such as exercising, not smoking, eating breakfast, and having regular medical check-ups.

More than friendship, laughter, forgiveness, compatiblility, and sex, spouses name trust as the element crucial for a happy marriage.

Eighty-one percent of happily married couples said their partner’s friends and family rarely interfered with the relationship, compared to just 38% of unhappy couples.

Eighty-five percent of couples have had premarital sex.

Nearly 60 percent of couples have had an affair, with most affairs occurring within the 25-39 age bracket

Nearly 60% of married adults have had at least one affair.

The cost of an average wedding is $20,000. The cost of an average divorce is $20,000.

Words form only 7% of our communication with anyone, including spouses. Tone of voice accounts for 38% and body language is responsible for 55% of the messages spouses receive from each other.

Women who report a fair division of housework were happier in their marriages than women who thought their husbands didn’t do their fair share. Wives also spent more quality time with their husbands when they thought the housework was divided fairly.

A 15-year-long study found that a person’s happiness level before marriage was the best predictor of happiness after marriage. In other words, marriage won’t automatically make one happy.

Researchers found a huge decline in happiness four years into a marriage with another decline in years seven to eight. In fact, half of all divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, which gives rise to the popular term “the seven-year itch.”

More than two in five Catholics marry outside their church, twice as many as in the 1960s. There are at least one million Jewish-Christian marriages in the U.S. Two in five Muslims in America have chosen non-Muslim spouses.

Married people are twice as likely to go to church as unmarried people.

Half of emotional affairs become sexual affairs.

While couples with children are less likely to divorce than childless couples, the arrival of a new baby is more likely to bring more stress and emotional distance than new happiness. Nearly 90% of couples experienced decrease in martial satisfaction after the birth of their first child.

Over 40% of married couples in the U.S. include at least one spouse who has been married before. As many as 60% of divorced women and men will marry again, many within just five years.

Birth order is an important factor in determining the success of a marriage.

Birth order can influence whether a marriage succeeds or fails. The most successful marriages are those where the oldest sister of brothers marries the youngest brother of sisters. Two firstborns, however, tend to be more aggressive and can create higher levels of tension. The highest divorce rates are when an only child marries another only child.

The number of men and women age 65 and older cohabiting outside of marriage nearly doubled between 1990 and 2000.

Because Virginia law required an ex-slave to leave the state once freed, one freed woman petitioned the legislature in 1815 to become a slave again so she could stay married to her still-enslaved husband.

For many centuries, the Catholic Church argued that contraception was a sin and made the wife no better “than a harlot.” Up until 1930, many Protestant churches agreed.

One seventeenth-century Massachusetts husband was put in stocks alongside his adulterous wife and her lover because the community reasoned she wouldn’t have strayed if her husband had been fulfilling is marital obligations.

Research points to certain characteristics that are most often linked to infidelity, such as being raised in a family where having affairs is considered normal, having a personality that values excitement and risk taking over marital stability, having coworkers and friends who believe affairs are acceptable, and feeling emotionally distant from one’s spouse.

No sex in a marriage has a much more powerful negative impact on a marriage than good sex has a positive impact.

Modern Western marriage traditions have long been shaped by Roman, Hebrew, and Germanic cultures as well as by doctrines and traditions of the Medieval Christian church, the Protestant Reformation, and the Industrial Revolution.

Levirate marriage, where a man is obligated to marry his brother’s widow if she had no sons to care for her, is sometimes required in the Bible (as in Deuteronomy) and sometimes prohibited (as in Leviticus).

The first recorded mention of same-sex marriage occurs in Ancient Rome and seems to have occurred without too much debate until Christianity became the official religion. In 1989, Denmark was the first post-Christianity nation to legally recognize same-sex marriage.

— Posted November 18, 2009

References

a Boswell, John. 1995. Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe. New York, NY: Random House.

b Bride’s Book of Etiquette. 2002. New York, NY: Perigee Books.

c Connolly, Katie. “Why So Few D.C. Residents Are Married.” Newsweek.com. October 20, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

d Gottman, John M. and Julie Schwartz Gottman. 2006. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.

e Graff, E.J. 1999. What Is Marriage For: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

f “Groom.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

g Harrar, Sari and Rita DeMaria. 2007. The 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy, and Passion. Pleasantville, NY: Reader’s Digest Books.

h Hein, Holly. Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads. 2000. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.

i “Husband.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

j Mannes, George. “Is the Economy Ruining Your Marriage?” CNN.com. August 21, 2009. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

k Moore, Matthew. “Divorce Damages Your Health—and Getting Remarried Barely Helps.” Telegraph.co.uk. July 27, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

l Neal, Rome. “Signs of Divorce Ahead?: New Study Tries to Predict Which Marriages Will Last.” CBSNEWS.com. August 7, 2002. Accessed: October 29, 2009.

m Squire, Susan. 2008. I Don’t: A Contrarian History of Marriage. New York, NY: Bloomsbury Press.

n “Where You Live May Affect When You Get Married.” CNN.com. October 20, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

o “Wife.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.