Would You Dump A Good Guy Over Bad Sex?

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By Nathan Hale Williams

Actress, Meagan Good recently wed studio executive, DeVon Franklin. Nothing noteworthy about an actress getting married, except the fact the newlyweds made it clear that they were waiting until their wedding night to have sex. It’s definitely a changed time because more people thought it was more ludicrous than virtuous. It begs the question whether, in this modern society with evolved notions of relationships between men and women, how important is sex?

The wedding sparked a discussion between one of my best sisterfriends and a brotherfriend regarding the issue of waiting until the wedding night. Surprisingly, my sisterfriend was the most adamant about it not being a good idea to wait. In her, words, “You wouldn’t buy a Mercedes without giving it a test run; sex is too important to a relationship not to know.” On the other hand, my brother-friend found it romantic and refreshingly traditional.

We were then joined by another brotherfriend who thought it was completely preposterous that they’d waited that long to have intercourse. In fact, he didn’t believe them. In his mind, he found it impossible for a man in 2012 not to want to have sex with his fiancée prior to getting married.

At first, I was on the side of giving your intended a test drive or two before saying I do. But, as we talked further, I switched sides. I think Meagan and her new husband might be onto something. I couldn’t help but think of the lyrics of a Mary J. Blige’s “Enough Cryin’”: “Cause the sex was good you had my mind and I let you back in every time…” Sex can be a major distortion in a relationship; both good and bad.

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Ever Wondered What A Male Orgasm Feels Like?

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By Melissa Noble

So what does a male orgasm feel like? Do orgasms differ drastically between the sexes? On our search to find out what exactly goes on in a man’s head and body during sex, we first examined what we already know:

For starters, the male orgasm is significantly shorter, more intense and can, usually, only be experienced once during a single sex session. Women on the flipside, if properly stimulated, can pop out a series of orgasms with little recovery period. Secondly, the male orgasm unleashes a rush of drowsy hormones—norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nictric oxide and the hormone prolactin—making it next to impossible for men not to feel sleepy after sex.

But what exactly does a male orgasm feel like, we wonder. To find out, we asked a few bonafide, penis-owning individuals if they could put it into words that coveted five seconds of orgasmic bliss. What we found? The question was downright hard. Asking men to explain the male orgasm was akin to having them describe the color orange. Regardless, we managed to cull a few truths.

1. The brain shuts off, and then a moment of clarity arises.

Andrew, a 30-year-old computer programmer said that during sex he’s in a trance-like, robotic state. While he’s physically there, his mind wanders into deep horny forests, that if asked about, are just as ephemeral and hard to explain as the orgasm itself, but after he comes? “Everything makes sense for a split second. Like I’m seeing things clearly for the first time. That to me is the most powerful thing about orgasm, the moments afterward.”

2. It’s feeling of passing “energy.”

Adam a 27-year-old set designer says his orgasms are different depending on whether he’s masturbating or having sex. Masturbation for him results in an orgasm out of necessity, but when he comes inside a woman he explains it as almost spiritual. “I feel like I’m passing the core of my soul to someone,” he said. When we thought he couldn’t be serious, he concluded, “not to be cheesy, but its like sharing your energy with somebody. Being so close to someone during a very vulnerable period.”

3. The intensity varies depending on how long he holds out.

Paul, a 23-year-old actor says his most intense and earth shattering climaxes happen after he’s reached the edge and held out a few times. “There’s a differences between just letting loose when you first feel the urge and challenging yourself to hold out. I’m a million times more exhausted after I’ve stopped and kept going.”

4. Women’s are indeed longer—and possibly better.

Wes, a 26-year-old advertising copywriter, reiterates the already known fact that the male orgasm is inherently shorter than a female’s. It also doesn’t seem to be quite as euphoric. “My girlfriend seems to experience her orgasm in lingering waves. Ours isn’t like that. We have a very intense 3-5 second burst, if that, and then our entire body goes numb. It feels good, but I get the feeling hers are better.”

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Pastor Juanita Bynum’s Testimony: Admits To Sleeping With Men, Using Drugs, & Sleeping With Women

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Of all the celebs that are coming out of the closet lately, the last one you would expect to do so would be pastor Juanita Bynum.   But then again, pastors are doing all kinds of crazy things these days and in all days past.  Bynum, during an interview on V-103, admitted that she’s been around the block, getting with all kinds of men, sleeping with women, doing drugs and having a life that appears to be as wild as another prominent, wealthy Atlanta pastor we know.

“I’ve been there and I’ve done it all. I did the drugs, I’ve been with men, I’ve been with women. All of it,” Bynum said on the air…”

CLICK HERE to read more.

Exploring Four Types Of Sensual Touch

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By Dr. Martha Lee

You hear of conscious sexuality but whatever does it mean? It essentially means going within yourselves and reconnecting with each other consciously. One of the ways you can practice doing so is through authentic touch? Through mindful touching, you can renew the romance in your relationship and rekindle flames of passion.

There are four essential types of touching:

  1. Giving – In this touch, you are essentially delivering the kind of touch, which your partner likes based on their explicit request – to the right part of the body and how it should be done; including the grip and strength. This may be a back rub, shoulder massage, or body cradle. The giver’s intention is to be generous and to nurture the recipient. Givers can solicit feedback from the receiver, so they can improve their techniques.
  2. Receiving – Conversely the other person is being given touch and actively receiving touch. The receiver’s role is to be open in experiencing pleasure through being touched. Expressions of pleasure, such as smiling and making noises, as well as gratitude to the giver, will reinforce that the touch is desirable and wanted. It is important the receiver learns to understand their own body’s responses. Receivers may give feedback to the giver so the touch can be even better next time.
  3. Absorbing – With this touch, the absorber is the one doing the touching, while the one being touched is the allower. The absorber is focused on what he or she can feel through touching, rather than giving what the allower wants. There is still authentic consent while the absorber is activating the muscles of their body through for instance, the use of the back of the arm, wrist, hand, palm and fingertips. The absorber’s role is to enjoy the range of pleasure possible through the physical connection.
  4. Allowing – The person being touched is allowing to be touched by the absorber without judgment or evaluation. In surrendering, the allower can effectively “melt” into taking the touch right into his or her body, and essentially be able to attain an even deeper state of relaxation. This surrender may takes place not just physically, but also mentally.

Benefits of Conscious Touching

To ask: We become fixed in giving the type of touch which we think our partner likes, wants, or had asked for before. We forget that needs, wants and desires can change. Sometimes, we ourselves, get caught up with what we are used to – and forget to ask.

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My Husband Is Addicted To GETTING Oral Sex But NEVER Wants to GIVE IT…Why???

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VIDEO: My Husband is addicted to oral sex but refuses to give me the same pleasure. We have been together 6 years and have got married 2 months ago. I don’t know what to do. I love him but I feel if i can do it without a moments hesitation, he should be able to do the same.Can you guys help me?

BLAM FAM…What do yall think?

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Why Men Go To Sleep After Sex..LOL

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What we discuss in this video is timeless.  It happened way back when in ancient Kemet and it still happens today all over the world.  After guys get a piece of that “oooh wee” there’s a tendency to drift, to fade, to pass out and when it happens women are left sitting, laying, wondering all to themselves…”What in the hell just happened”?  Many women get pissed when you decide to take a stroll with the Sandman after sex.  Other’s get irritated, as my wife so eloquently states in this video.  Wherever your sentiments rest on post sex satisfaction, I want you to know…..YOUR MAN GOES TO SLEEP AFTER SEX BECAUSE HE’S SATISFIED.  You did your job Boo.  Be proud….our ZZZZZZ’s are your standing ovation.  Lol

 

It Really Is O.K. To Have Sex After Marriage

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By Kalman Heller, Ph.D.

A good marriage is best friends with passion. Without the passion, you just have a friendship. For some, being companions is sufficient. But for most, it is not. One of the major casualties of the harried pace of modern marriage is the loss of sexual intimacy. It is too steep a price to pay. While communication is the most frequently mentioned issue in troubled marriages (see April 2005 article on “Improving Marital Intimacy”), inevitably I find a diminished sexual relationship at the center of most troubled marriages.

What follows is a brief tour through the world of marital sexuality with a focus on how to understand the issues and strategies to repair the damage.

Gender and Physiology

Men and women are different. While these differences get debated in some circles, when it comes to sex, they are real and very clear. Unfortunately many couples fail to reflect on these differences and integrate them into an understanding of how to be successful partners.

Start with arousal patterns. Men are quick to be aroused and relatively quick to achieve orgasm. The “spike” rises sharply and drops off just as sharply. Men are especially aroused visually; brain research documents this. So looking at other women, at magazines, videos, and online pornography play a much bigger role in the sexual life of men.

Women are aroused more slowly and after achieving orgasm, tend to remain at a high plateau of arousal before dropping off. These are very different physiological patterns. No wonder it is a challenge for couples to really experience mutual satisfaction. These differences must not be ignored; instead they must be incorporated into the lovemaking process.

The simplest way to do this is, regardless of who initiates the foreplay, is for men to focus on pleasuring their wives, bringing them to an initial orgasm before focus is given to bringing the male to orgasm. It is also critical for men to understand what will help their wives achieve orgasm. While clitoral stimulation is usually a key component, many women still “get off” on intercourse, especially if the angle is such that it also stimulates the clitoris or that clitoral stimulation is being done manually by either partner during intercourse.

It is also important to understand the psychological implications of the different genital anatomies. For men, sexual intercourse is an external act. This has evolutionary implications about the need for prehistoric men to “seed” many partners in order to insure survival of the species. It is part of what allows men to more easily separate sex from love. But, for a woman, to have intercourse means allowing a man to enter her body. That is a deeply personal act and men need to appreciate this. It is why women complain about the need for emotional intimacy before they can be sexually active. Combine this with the difference in arousal patterns and it becomes much easier to understand why it is so important for women to experience meaningful foreplay.

Yet there is a trap here for women that becomes a key issue for so many of the couples who come to see me. When couples are struggling, women insist on emotional safety and closeness in order to be actively sexual. That creates a prohibitive barrier to improving the marital relationship, since the lack of sex, especially for men, but a lot more for women than they recognize, is one of the central underlying problems in not resolving their issues. Women act as if sex is still a process of servicing men and often deny that they are sexual beings who need to be serviced at least as much if not more. While some female readers may be dismissing this because it is being written by a male author, this concept is a central theme in books written by some of the best known female professionals in marital work such as Betty Carter, Ellen Wachtel, and Susan Scantling.

Women need to have sex! For themselves! So it is important to overcome the excuse of emotional disconnection and have sex with your husbands as frequently as possible. It will allow BOTH partners to feel closer and create a more intimate context in which to resolve other issues. I am, of course, not suggesting that this can happen in relationships that are verbally and, especially, physically abusive.

Women Need to Feel Desired; Men Need to Feel Competent

Another gender factor is the different psychological needs that are played out in the sexual relationship. Women have a never-ending need to feel attractive and desired. Unfortunately, this often traps them in the issue I was addressing in the previous section: objectifying themselves, minimizing their own sexuality and focusing on being a desired object by their husbands.

The reality is that women who are in touch with their sexuality, literally and figuratively, are really the masters of the bedroom! They can control and shape the sexual relationship because of their longer state of arousal. Most men, secretly or openly, are aroused by women who take a dominant role in their sexual relationship. Women are not used to this and often experience it negatively because they have been socially conditioned to be the “chased” rather than the “chasee.” They associate the male as initiator with their own sense of being desirable. Just turn your husband on and you’ll quickly enjoy a sense of being desired!

Men carry the burden of sexual competence. Men have to get an erection and keep it long enough to satisfy their partner. This performance anxiety is a major issue. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are very common problems. The former can now be more easily addressed with medication and the latter with proven strategies. The key is for men to be comfortable dealing with these issues. For men who are functionally okay, the key to feeling like a successful sexual partner, as stated earlier, is to put your wife’s needs first. Focus on her arousal, on being affectionate, on a reasonable period of foreplay, and on bringing her to orgasm first – if you follow those rules you will have a very happy partner and feel like a very competent lover.

A common problem for women, especially with newborns and very young children, is sleep deprivation and loss of libido. It is important not to believe that you have no need for sex; just that you feel too exhausted to think about it! So when baby naps, try a bubble bath and a vibrator to reawaken your sexuality as well as experiencing some incredible stress relief and a re-energizing.

Differences in Libido

A major challenge can be when couples have a natural significant difference in their level of sexual desire. Some individuals have very high sex drives and desire sex constantly while others have very low levels of need and are quite content with infrequent sex. Most of us fall somewhere in between and are usually close enough in libido levels to feel satisfied with the alleged average of about 1.5 times per week. But when partners have very different levels of need (and sometimes it is difficult to separate physiological need from level of attraction – there is such a thing as the “chemistry” of love), that presents a real challenge.

Like any other relationship issue, the solution lies in finding compromises that can create a win-win situation. Just don’t go outside the relationship, even with consent, to fill unmet needs and think that won’t harm the marriage. However, masturbation can play an important part in providing some relief, especially when “toys” or videos are mutually agreeable as ways to make it fun for the higher-need partner. The key is not to make either partner feel abnormal or wrong in being who they are.

Scheduling Sex

Couples constantly face the time issue. There isn’t any! If you wait for a quiet period when romantic behavior can surface and there is energy for prolonged lovemaking, you will only get to have sex a couple of times a year when you get away without the children! You need to schedule a date night when you plan to go to bed early enough that you are both still awake with a mutual commitment to make love. The door should be locked to prevent unexpected entrance of children. Of course, you don’t need to be limited to nights. Many couples find the best time is in the morning after children have left for school; others are able to work out lunchtime liaisons.

If the children are older, there is the usual embarrassment about “What will the children think?” Look at it this way. Parents hide their sexuality from their children, and then expect their children to grow up and understand that sex is an expression of love between two adults. It is healthy to be open about this. Healthy to explain to your children that husbands and wives express their love in part by touching each other in special ways. Healthy for children to know their parents are lovers. So don’t hide the fact that you are.

As for the lack of romanticism embedded in scheduled sex as opposed to spontaneous sex, I guarantee you that within minutes of gently arousing each other on a date night, you won’t even be thinking about the fact that this was scheduled. It will be just as satisfying and enjoyable as if it were spontaneous. Meanwhile research has shown that there are very clear relationship benefits from sex – couples have fewer disagreements for about 48 hours after making love. I guess that suggests if you have sex every few days, you’ll get along great!!

Communication Before, During, and After

Words are very erotic. You can do the exact same physical act over and over yet transform it endlessly with words. Whether it’s “talking dirty” or saying “Imagine we are sitting in a restaurant and right now I am slipping my hand into your pants!” Expressions of love, desire, telling your partner how hot she is, moaning – there are so many ways to intensify the experience with words.

Another important communication is to let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t as it is happening – or to ask for something you want to experience. That’s all during. Actually, I have found many couples already do at least some of this. On the other hand, what is missing from most relationships is the before and after.

By before I’m not referring to general conversation, although it never hurts to be talking to each other. Too often couples are embarrassed to ask questions, to discuss likes and dislikes – everyone assumes they are supposed to know how to be good lovers, but how can you be unless you are able to talk about it. Of course, this includes the after as well, because the issue I’m addressing here is finding out what works and what doesn’t IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. Even if you are very experienced, you still don’t automatically know each other’s desires. So while you are snuggled together after making love, it is important to let each other know what might have been especially erotic that time. DO NOT use that time to be critical. Talking about what doesn’t work needs to be away from the time you have sex. It can be awkward, even upsetting, and not conducive to feeling good right away.

Of course, people often don’t even know what they want because they may not have explored their own sexuality enough to provide guidance. That’s what makes a place like the Grand Opening, a sexual boutique in Brookline, Mass., so helpful. Created and run by a woman, it is a comfortable place for women and men to go and find out about oils, sex toys, videos, and classes that can be taken to better understand how to have more satisfying sex.

Sex as Fun, a Release of Tension, and Good Exercise

In the stressed-out world we live in, people are always looking for ways to unwind, to escape from real-life concerns, and, of course, to find time to work out and shed some of those calories. Sex provides all of these. One single activity, preferably about 45-60 minutes of time, can achieve so many goals. And it’s free. You don’t even have to leave home to enjoy it! So turn the lights on (so many couples still have sex in the dark), put on music, light candles, open a fragrant bottle of oil, heck, get out the whipped cream or chocolate sauce (so much for burning off calories) and get some relief from childrearing, laundry, or the job that follows you everywhere.

I have tried to provide you with a brief guide to enhancing your sexual relationship and, simultaneously, improving your marital intimacy. A good reference for a more detailed exploration of this topic is David Schnarch’s book, “Passionate Marriage.”

I’ll close with the following thought:

Sexual and emotional intimacies are inextricably linked. A marriage that loses its passion becomes merely a good friendship and ceases to be a true marriage – which ultimately even ruins the friendship.

Source

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How To Heal From From Fear Of Intimacy

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By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D

Intimacy is a lot like trying to get warm on a cold winter night. You wrap yourself up in your favorite blankets and settle in for sleep, but at some point overnight you may feel too warm and constrained by the blankets. So you disentangle yourself and push the blankets away. But after a few hours you feel chilled again. So you grope for the discarded blankets and wrap them around you again, basking in the warmth and security they bring…that is, until you feel too warm once more…

Fear of intimacy

The term “fear of intimacy” is often used to describe someone who has difficulty creating and maintaining a close connection to his/her partner. The phrase highlights a person’s struggle to become physically and/or emotionally close and we often describe this struggle as a fear. However, this general term can’t fully explain what lies behind one’s struggle with intimacy.

Let’s take a closer look at three ways a fear of intimacy can manifest in your marriage or relationship.

1. Intolerance for closeness–physical and emotional.

For some, a more accurate description would be an intolerance of intimacy. You may have a desire for intimacy yet at the same time have a strong, negative physical reaction to deeper levels of connection. It’s as if your body’s intimacy-thermostat is set to avoidance or withdrawal mode whenever a certain level of intimacy occurs. People who have this reaction may feel confused by it and not fully aware that it is happening.

Overcoming a fear of intimacy that stems from adverse physical reactions:

The roots of this reaction often (but not always) stem from the disruptions of intimacy (i.e., neglectful or intrusive parenting) in childhood. When this is the case in your history, the goal for you will be to learn how your body reacts to emotional and physical intimacy. (Be sure to suspend self-criticism while monitoring your reactions.) Once you become aware of your bodily cues, you can use relaxation exercises as a way to recondition your body so that you can accept the deeper levels of connection offered by your partner.

2. Gender role constrictions

Society and culture create powerful rules for how men and women relate to each other. Female/male stereotypes have a potent influence on what you feel are acceptable ways to experience and express intimacy. Often these gender roles function behind the scenes in your relationship, at times guiding you and your partner. However, they can frequently serve as a strait-jacket, limiting the level of intimacy allowed in your relationship–the influence of gender role constrictions frequently attribute to one’s fear of intimacy.

Societal and cultural rules may work well for you and your partner, but at times they can adversely restrict the ways in which you and your partner relate to one another. For instance, some cultures send the message that men shouldn’t experience feelings that make them feel vulnerable, while women receive the message that the assertion of their needs is unfeminine.

Overcoming a fear of intimacy based on gender stereotypes:

Questioning the assumptions that lie behind gender-role stereotypes is the first step toward loosening the restrictions that accompany these assumptions. Here are a few questions to get you started:

Do you feel that societal and cultural gender role stereotypes are holding you (or your partner) back in your relationship? If so, take some time to journal the ways in which female/male stereotypes are blocking your marriage or relationship from reaching its full potential.

Can you discuss this with your partner and develop a mutual plan to overcome any gender restrictions that may exist in your marriage or relationship?

3. Family role models

Most educational systems do not teach you how to create and maintain a long-term, intimate relationship. Often learning occurs by trial and error–and for better or worse, most of us learn by observing the relationships that surrounded us throughout our formative years. You learned by observing how your caregivers related to one another (and to others), as well as how the important adults in your life related to you.

The long arm of your childhood family role models can create powerful expectations and beliefs that negatively influence your view of relationships and intimacy. Problems arise when your partner’s need for intimacy differs from the role models you’ve internalized.

Overcoming a fear of intimacy caused by relationship role-models:

Becoming mindful of your (and your partner’s) beliefs that inhibit emotional and physical intimacy can help you clarify any conflicting attitudes that the two of you might hold about intimacy. Often couples misinterpret their differing expectations as a fear of intimacy.

What expectations do you hold about emotional and physical intimacy?

How do you believe intimacy is best created in your relationship? Is this view consistent with your partner’s?

Do you hold any beliefs from your family-of-origin that negatively impact your ability to create a close bond with your partner?

Use these questions (and others you might think of) to start a dialogue with your partner about how to take the steps necessary to begin increasing the intimacy in your relationship.

Like that blanket that can keep you warm one moment and feel constraining the next, over the course of your relationship you will need to adjust the level of intimacy depending on the type and degree of closeness that feels most comfortable to you. If you (or your partner) frequently cast the blankets of intimacy aside, it may be a sign that an underlying fear of intimacy is at work. If so, take the steps to examine what lies behind your fear of intimacy and you will be on your way to creating a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your spouse or partner.

To discover other ways to create a deeper, more intimate relationship visit www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.

As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue…before your arguments control you.”

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Understanding The Agony Attached To Sex

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By Amy M. Carbone

Sexuality is a broad term used to describe a complex array of feelings, beliefs, and behaviors related to how we express ourselves as erotic beings. In general, the expression of healthy sexuality has to do with the ability to exquisitely and respectfully pursue pleasure by being playful, spontaneous, and engaged. It also involves an awareness of and an ability to cultivate the sexual relationships we have with ourselves and with others. By contrast, unhealthy sexuality typically involves a fearful approach that manifests as guilt, shame, control, avoidance, pain, or displeasure. Unhealthy sexuality often comes from the perspective that our bodies are somehow shameful and should be hidden and controlled.

Like our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health, our sexuality is a normal and necessary part of the characteristics that make us unique. As with other parts of our personality, our sexuality must mature throughout our lifespan and be nurtured in ways that are appropriate to our age and context. We must learn what it means to be sexually vibrant and expressive in ways that are congruent with our individual sexual orientation, gender identification, and innate rhythms of sensual and erotic exploration.

Problems with sexuality can result from a multitude of sources. These sources can range from everyday circumstances, such as stress at work or conflicts in relationships, to more extreme problems stemming from traumatic events. For many individuals and couples, problems with sexuality can be a normal and even expected result of living in a complex world. For instance, though most couples experience an initial period of heightened sexual exploration and pleasure at the beginning of their relationship, it is not uncommon to see this pattern diminish or even deteriorate over time. Often this is not a function of trauma or illness, but rather a reflection of inattention to the maintenance of the couple’s sexual health. For other couples, the areas of sex and money become metaphors for unresolved power and control dynamics within their relationship. Addressing these underlying dynamics may provide resolution to the issues of power and control that are disguised as sexual problems.

Sexual problems can also arise from deeper issues. For example, early or current insults to our sexual identity formation, such as incest, rape, or sexual assault can instill a sense of fear or powerlessness around sexuality that can result in two major sexual disturbances. One of these disturbances is a withdrawal from sexuality as an authentic expression of the self, and the other is an over-identification with sexuality as a source of interpersonal power and control, rather than as a source of pleasure and intimacy. In either case, sexuality becomes a reaction to trauma rather than an unencumbered, delightful, and integrated expression of a well-developed sexual identity.

Another major obstacle to healthy sexuality is the impact of cultural bias and oppression, such as racism, sexism, ageism, sexist language, and homophobia. For example, many religious and cultural belief systems teach that the only purpose of sexuality is that of procreation. This eliminates the possibility of our sexuality being a source of pleasure in its own right. As a result, when sexual feelings do arise, we may feel a sense of guilt or shame. Religious and cultural belief systems can also be limiting in terms of definitions of “normal” sexuality and sexual orientations. When we fall outside of the culture’s definition of “normal” we may experience alienation, identity crises, depression or other emotional symptoms, and a sense of shame for being different.

Finally, problems with sexual functioning can be the result of physical illness or disease. Sexual problems can be related to the side effects of medications, the complications of medical treatments, or the impact of drug or alcohol abuse. In these situations it is important to consult with a qualified medical provider who will be able to identify whether the problem is physical or related to other issues.

In conclusion, if our sexual health and development are affected by environmental stressors, negative interpersonal patterns, trauma, or limiting cultural beliefs and biases, then we run the risk of developing unhealthy attitudes and behaviors about sexuality. These attitudes and behaviors are not set in stone. Everyone has the ability to make changes so that they may access the power and pleasure of healthy sexuality. The purpose of consulting with a therapist who specializes in human sexuality is to find support while you discover, clarify and expand your unique style of sexual expression.

 Amy Carbone is a Licensed Professional Counselor practicing in Denver, Colorodo

My Husband Wants To Have Anal Sex But I’m SCARED!

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By Dawn Michael

The facts are this; anal sex can be enjoyable, if done the right way

Information on anal sex is one of those questions as a clinical sexologist I get asked quite often about. The facts are this;  can be enjoyable, if done the right way. When talking about anal sex it is about allowing that delicate part of the body to be penetrated, this is not just physical but emotional as well. If it is a wonderful experience for a woman, she can even have multiple orgasms from anal sex, but on the flip side if it is not done correctly she may never want to try it again.

Tips on having anal sex:

The muscle on the rim of the anus and the inside of the anus needs to be slowly relaxed before penetration. Forcing any object in the anus when the muscle is tight is going to be painful; the skin on the outside is also delicate and can be torn. The anal muscles need time to relax, which means that the mind also has to be relaxed too. When the muscle is relaxed penetration will happen easily, and feel enjoyable. If you experience pain then slow down the penetration until the mind and body can relax again.

Lubrication is another important part of anal sex, make sure to use lubrication when penetrating and playing with the anus. The interesting fact about anal sex is when a  person is enjoying it the anus will lubricate on it’s own as well.

Let’s talk about the poop; this can be resolved by cleaning the anus with a water rinse before anal sex. Women can get infections transferring between the anus and vagina without cleaning the penis. Safety is an issue too, wearing a condom is recommended. Having a clean anus is recommended for health reasons, and will also make the experience more enjoyable.

Teasing and finger play is a wonderful way to get the anal muscle to relax, rubbing the area gently, and taking time to enjoy the feeling and relax. Clitoral and nipple stimulation at the same time as anal stimulation can also relax the muscle and lubricate the anus.

Anal play or anal sex may not be for everyone, but if you do want to try it do it the right because it can be a wonderful erotic experience.