Divorce Sucks!

By Lana Moline

I just heard from a friend that she is getting a divorce and I am devastated.  In that conversation, she ended up consoling me because I am literally stuck in all the wonderful memories my family shared with hers.  She sounded at peace and all things considered, they really have made a decision that they both are comfortable with.  I respect that but I’m pouting over here.  Divorce affects everyone, not just the couple or the kids.
I know my attitude probably put a tremendous amount of uncomfortable pressure on her and I should ease up but I am having serious issues in understanding how to operate within their divorce.  I know it’s not their responsibility to babysit me on top of all the things they are considering but this is a real issue for me.  Things will forever be different for all of us.  I know they are busy sorting all of this out.  I just wonder what will remain of our relationship.  Will I have to choose which one to invite over to my house during the holiday season or anytime for that matter?  Man!  Divorce is like the ugliness of cancer spreading through the body.
I know this probably sounds bratty but in truth, I did offer my friend my love and support in her decision.  I am just mourning the end of the relationship of two people whose relationship I loved as well.  Their union, together, brought so much positivity to the world but somehow they did not have enough of whatever was lacking in order to stay together.  That particular story isn’t mine to tell but all I will say is that I’m like a little kid wishing for a reconciliation.
We live in a world where access to counseling, both conventional and unconventional, is at our fingertips.  It is extremely wise to talk about everything even if it hurts.  I’ve said this before but couples are the backbone of the families and keeping our families afloat means we have to roll up our sleeves relentlessly.  I kinda feel like breaking out into “Don’t Nobody Bring Me No Bad News” because I don’t know how many more family fatalities I can take.
 Of course, I am not advocating staying in an abusive relationship of any kind and there are certainly deal breakers with each relationship.  Please understand this is simply my commentary on the fact that divorce sucks for the extended family.  I don’t know the magic cure to prevent it and work extremely hard each year within my own marriage.  I believe that love is sustaining and can see us through anything.  We should love when things are good and love even harder when things are bad.  I truly wish, we could all just stay together, in love.
Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her atLana Moline Speaks.
8 replies
  1. newnaturally
    newnaturally says:

    When mupsy husband and I separated I (and I believe my husband) really struggled with who to tell. There were some people who I didn't tell because I knew they were going to have a hard time. We already had family members who were very upset with us, shaking their fingers at us, telling us that we didn't work at it, we didn't pray enough, we didn't give it the good Christian sacrificial try. What many didn't realize was that I didn't want to share all the details of our separation. As hurt as I was about what my husband did, I still loved him and wanted to protect him. What others also don't realize is that it takes 2 to do the work of staying in a marriage. If both partners are not willing one person can't carry it alone. So statements like "Y'all need to work this out" or "You two are being very selfish" hurts because I wanted to work on the relationship. I hurt for all those who love us and wish that we could stay together but there's always more that what you see. Please be supportive to your friends. They are not all being selfish. Some of us are really struggling.

  2. Pat K.
    Pat K. says:

    Divorce creates a ripple effect through our families, friendship groups, neighborhoods and cities. When a couple confides to us that they're having problems, my husband and I shift into gear to help them. We invite them over for a nice couples dinner (to draw from the positive energy of other couples), assist with babysitting the kids so that they can have a date night, and even discuss ways to trim the budget, if the problem is financial.

    We value the marriages of our friends and families deeply. We know that they help us to have a good marriage. If their marriages falter and fail, who will be around to help us when ours does? I think we all must consider this question.

    • Lana Moline
      Lana Moline says:

      Positive insight and great question. We all need one another!

  3. ReeRee
    ReeRee says:

    Someone in my family is going through a divorce right now and it does affect other people especially when we spent alot of time with this couple as well. My husband is mouring his relationship with this couple and he just can't get over the fact that it is over. He doesn't like going to her home anymore he says its not the same. We need to understand that they may have done all they can do and it just didn't work.

    • lanamolinespeaks
      lanamolinespeaks says:

      You are so right ReeRee! We must UNDERSTAND and love just the same. Peace and blessings!
      My recent post Victory Today Is Mine

    • Pat K.
      Pat K. says:

      I hear you dear, and understand your compassion for this divorcing couple in the family. However, my concern is for you and your existing marriage. You may not know that their divorce can have an affect on your own marriage. Please be mindful that relationship dynamics do change once a person is single again.

      When married couples socialize together, it can be a very positive experience for the couples. By the same token, socializing with singles can be a negative experience for married couples. The old adage, "three's a crowd" applies here.

  4. Tallesha
    Tallesha says:

    My heart weeps for those who are facing divorce. When I heard that someone I see everyday was getting a divorce, I was startled. I was full of questions, Why? Did you try…? What about trying…? i didn't ask out loud, but my spirit was screaming. I am humbled when persons confide in me about there marital discord. i am filled when God gives me a word to share. May God continue the anoint the gifted writers on this site.

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