Don’t Need To Put A Ring On It…Being Married Does Not Define Me.


It’s always good to stay in touch with emerging thoughts as it pertains to relationship dynamics.  Doing so, equips you with the necessary knowledge to remain relevant and relate to your children as they age and enter adulthood.  In the below article from TheRoot we are provided an opportunity to explore the thoughts of the millennial generation about love, marriage, and parenting.  We found the article to be very intriguing and thought provoking on many levels.  BLAM Fam check it out and let us know what you think.

By Brandee Sanders

There it lay in front of me, a strapless, satin, ivory gown embellished with floral embroidery, complete with a chapel train and my aunt’s promising smile. “We’re saving this for when it’s your turn,” she said.

It was the perfect equation for her. My mother and father never tied the knot, and my aunt didn’t have any daughters to pass her wedding dress down to. Little did she know that marriage is the last thing on my 21-year-old mind. It took every fiber in my body not to rain on her bridal parade with a “No thanks.”

Don’t get me wrong. Her dress was to die for, but taking that walk down the aisle isn’t a necessity for me, and a recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center suggests that many Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 agree with me.

In fact, just 30 percent of survey respondents in the Millennial generation agree that one of the most important things in life is “having a successful marriage,” while 52 percent put “being a good parent” in that category.

I’m sure that every girl has dreams about finding her Prince Charming, walking down the aisle, exchanging vows in front of family and friends and living happily ever after. But when we’re faced with the realities of relationships in our society, those dreams often get lost along the way, and priorities relating to marriage and parenthood began to shift.

Family Structure in Flux

With the ever changing landscape of family structures in America, the tradition of getting married first and then having children has become old-fashioned to a growing number of young people. Single parenthood by choice is on the rise, and the trend toward having children out of wedlock has been growing for some time now — and in some quarters has been accepted as the norm.

Seventy-two percent of black children are now born outside of marriage, while only 29 percent of white children are born to unwed parents. Sixty-seven percent of African-American households are headed by single parents, compared with 24 percent of white households.

With these developments, it’s little surprise that Millennials value parenthood far more than marriage as a life goal. Certainly, living in the same household with unwed parents has shaped my perception of tying the knot. My mother and father didn’t need a huge ceremony or a certificate to define their relationship. My brother’s birth and my own were testimonies to their love.

BLAM Fam she goes on to say,

Sixty-seven percent of Millennials taking the Pew survey believe that it makes no difference whether you are single or married when it comes to finding happiness.

She concludes by saying,

Whatever the future holds for me, whether I’m a co-parent or I’m doing it on my own, I know that when it comes to parenting, I will use the morals that my parents gave me. I don’t need a ring, a huge ceremony or a marriage certificate to define who I am. I’ll let the way I raise my child speak to that.

BLAM Fam what are your thoughts about this?  What do you think about choosing single parenthood over marriage?

To read the full article CLICK HERE.

11 replies
  1. monbimohfu
    monbimohfu says:


  2. Ag
    Ag says:

    This is why our black children have the behavior issues
    They have now. Then they grow up 40 year old angry adults
    With a missing void & no family values..

  3. Tanyelle Reed
    Tanyelle Reed says:

    I get to work with children every day…what a blessing it is to shape the minds of young people, but in that work I have come across some cultural truths. We, as women, have convinced ourselves we can do it by ourselves. Taking the bus on purpose when u have the opportunity to have a luxury vehicle is foolish (to me at least). Just b/c you can do something, doesn’t mean its a good idea or should be your first choice. Bottom line is children NEED 2 full time parents and a village that’s supports the parents’ vision. Not only do children need two parents, but they need a male and female combination, as both genders bring something different (yes equally important) to the table.

    Marriage isn’t for the faint at heart, but if u intend on being with someone for life, you should get married. Aside from the moral standpoint, you need to protect yourself, the lifestyle you both have created together, and your family (the children)! If you’ve never seen someone act a fool, just wait until someone dies or gets sick! A lifetime of memories, plans, and assests are nothing to sneeze at!

  4. K.O.
    K.O. says:

    Wow…Who actually makes the choice of being a single parent over parenting your child with two parents? That speaks volumes about the tragic condition of our families these days. I'm a single mother, and I can testify over and over how valuable and essential it is to have 2 parents present and in the home. This is truly sad.

  5. guest
    guest says:

    how can her parents who are living immorally pass on morals to her? it's obvious that was a FAIL! now she is comtemplating doing the same thing or worse yet become a single mother on purpose. she sites the statistics but fails to give the consequences of those statistics. all these little black children born out of wedlock and being raised by single parents are the main reason the black community is sadly lacking compared to the white community. marriages bring about FAMILIES and families birth STRONG communities. all her parents taught her was to devalue herself.

  6. Snarky
    Snarky says:

    People have the right to do what they want to do. But personally, I don't see how two people can cohabitate, comingle funds, and put all this energy, but not take that last step to say that I am in it for the long haul. For me, you get all the milk, but you can kick the cow to the curb without any consequence because you never really was committed. All it takes is 40.00 to get you the legal protection marriage brings. If you are going to do everything else, may as well get you some right to survivorship benefits, and other protections the law affords if something unfortunate happens.

    • Tonya C.
      Tonya C. says:

      EXACTLY! Try breaking up after co-habitation and disagreeing over something. Try having your 'significant other' be sick and not being allowed in the hospital because you are not the next-of-kin. Marriage was originally created for the contractual obligation it affords families. Black people as a whole are doing to well, and a large # of the issues can be attributed to the breakdown of this one important building block of strong societies.

      • Tonya C.
        Tonya C. says:

        I meant black folk as a whole AREN'T doing too well. Spellcheck is my friend.

  7. Ashley S.C. Walls
    Ashley S.C. Walls says:

    Recently I have thougt much more about having a spiritual ceremony than one that is legally/ governmentally binding. So, in essence, I would have a ring and the commitment, but not the legal paperwork….Not sure if my boyfriend agrees, but its a growing option for me.
    My recent post ASCW Life Plan (Part 3)

  8. Goo
    Goo says:

    I see marriage as the ultimate form of commitment. Any man can lay up with you but a man that says I want to be with you forever is priceless.

    • Tammy
      Tammy says:

      I agree with Goo. It’s about what “putting a ring on it” symbolizes and about making that commitment before God, family and friends.

Comments are closed.