Game Recognizes Game: I Trust You But NOT Him
VIDEO: Hello Brother and Sister Ma’at,
I have a question that has bee bothering me for several days now and I hope you can help me with it. I must preface this by saying that I am not usually a jealous boyfriend who gets upset every time my girlfriend has a male friend. Here goes:
The other night my girlfriend and I were out at a very nice party at a local night spot for an organization I am apart of. While we were there we were mingling both together and at times on our own. I noticed that there was another man constantly seeming to hover in her area so I made it my business at some point to make sure that I introduced myself to my loves new found “friend”. The testosterone in me had to make sure he knew that she was mine and I could see in his eyes that he was trying to “go in for the kill”. My girlfriend thinks that I am just being paranoid but I believe Brother Ayize will back me up when I say that every man knows when another man is trying to zero in on his woman.
After he was told that I was actually her boyfriend and that we live together he suddenly changed the conversation towards business and stated that he wanted to use my girlfriend on a project he was working on. I didn’t know that guy from a can of paint but “game recognizesgame” so while I smiled as they exchanged business cards I was watching his eyes as he was eyeing my woman and smirking at me.
When we got home from the party I politely told my girlfriend that I’d prefer if she didn’t work with him, not because I don’t trust her but because I don’t trust him and there is no way in the world that a man flips from “booty mode” to “business mode” that quickly, in my mind at least. My girlfriend was a little annoyed at my request because according to her I don’t have the right to tell her who she should or shouldn’t do business with.
Am I wrong for making that request? Like I said I love and trust my girlfriend but I am merely trying to protect her and prevent a potentially awkward situation for her as well as not have to knock him out in the future.
Thanks for your help?
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The boyfriend (bf) had perfectly natural reaction to seeing some other guy "flirt" with his girlfriend (gf). The guy used a professional reason to possibly get more "face-time alone" with the lady – so that's something just to be aware of. Though it's never good to tell anybody what to do, especially in a relationship; the bf should have mentioned being concerned about the guy at the party.
This particular situation does reveal a couple things about both the bf and the gf. The bf didn't know that guy at all – though his says "I trust you, but not him", it's not a totally truthful statement. Logically, if the bf totally trusted his gf to be faithful & committed – that guy didn't have a "snowball's chance in hell" to get any closer to the gf sexually or whatever – so the guy could suggest a steamy meeting in a hot tub & the gf was going to shoot any social advances down without a moments thought. Think on it a bit. The bf was worried that further social interaction & flirting could lead to something else, which is possible. If the bf trusted his gf, he probably wouldn't have been worried at all.
This situation reveals that the gf either ignored the guy's "passive" advances or chose not to admit that she noticed his behavior as well. Same as guys, women do pay attention to all sorts of things & one of those is whether or not she thinks another guy is attracted to her. So, for the gf to get upset at her bf's concerns could mean that she noticed how the guy was trying to "push up on her" at the party, but she wasn't willing to admit that maybe she liked the attention.
I've had similar discussions with my wife as well. It's better for her to admit that she was aware that some guy was flirting with her & she liked the attention. But reinforce that it was only the flirting she liked & wasn't looking for anything more. And had the guy suggested "more", she was prepared to let him know the real deal about her & her bf.
Yeah you were wrong for making the request. My man is the same way. It aint that he don't trust me but he don't trust the intention of other men. My man don't care about being wrong. I have to make the adjustments or he turns into a little boy on me. I make the adjustments.
You gone be wrong, your woman is going to have to deal with it and make adjustments or make sure you grow out of that stage. I can work with him like he is. What that other man had for me to do aint nothing to do compared to what I got going on with the man I got.
Get a good relationship with your man ladies, use wisdom and discrection. Know him, know how is and know how he does. Deal with him acordingly.He will act like a child sometimes and it is okay for him to be insecure sometimes.
My recent post HOW TO USE RED FLAGS…A WORD TO THE HAUGHTY
I'm surprised that some people are saying that because they aren’t married he didn't have a right to say what he said. Before I was married my boyfriend (now my husband) we discussed situations where we didn't trust a women or a man. And we decided that the other was right and we stayed away from that person. I agree with the Maats in this video. He shouldn't have told his girlfriend to not do business with this man but explained to her that he was uncomfortable with this guy and talked it out. Any relationship no matter if you are married or just dating everyone should have the right to express what they feel. Just because you are dating someone doesn't mean you are not allowed to voice your concerns or make requests with reason. Dating someone exclusively is the prelude to a successful marriage. So what you do and learn while you are dating sets a foundation to your marriage later. So I think it’s absurd that people are saying they are just dating like he doesn’t have a right to request his girlfriend to not work with someone. He just needed to talk to her and not demand that she not work with him.
I totally agreed with what they said as a unit! sometimes its just not worth the bs for the "business" to have drama in your home.
As usual, great insight Ma'ats. I would add some profound words from the wise Beyonce, "I you like then you shoulda put a ring on it." Living with is not married to. The guy "your" woman was talking to and might do business with could end up being her husband. You could end up being referenced in a statement like so, "I was actually in a relationship with someone (<—- that would be you) when we met."
The point I'm making is that without full commitment you have no right to demand full loyalty. Mrs. Ma'at said something interesting. "People don't come at us like that because we present ourselves differently, we're married." Come with it brother or be prepared for someone else to come with it.
My recent post Black Woman’s Manifesto 2012
I’m glad someone said that! And more eloquently than would have. I’m not saying disregard his feelings but I’m saying… If they were married I would totally be on his side. If my husband asked me to not do business with someone I’d like to say I would most likely listen for peace keeping sake but they are living together and not legally official and he didn’t even say FIANCÉ so I’m not feeling him trying to make demands that can implicate her financial life.
Let me rephrase and say that I do not think he was wrong but like the Ma’ats work together they need to work together. But simply trying to run the business of someone you are not married to is a hard sale. I think the point needs to be made that Aiyana said regarding Aiyze she says he’s not just my man he is MY HUSBAND. They also mention connecting regarding the incident from different perspectives. The guy could simply tell his girlfriend that the business dude is a vulture. I’m sure she’s smart enough to know if she follows up what he’s about now that she’s been made aware.
I love both views on this vid-article! Because Talkinication… Tryng is a very importatnt part of commuing to understand how things happen and why th!ey happen! Both view great!
You better believe a trained dog knows when a coyote is on the prowl. We've got similar instincts. That was a refreshing take Sis. Yall are good peeps.
The key in a good relation must have a good oral communication. To be able a healthy relationship. This one is really packed with good info. I understand the sentiments and sharing this post is great.
My recent post how to pick up women
Good points on both parts! Y'all are so cute!
You rite you just know when somebody trying come on to your spouse and we also need be aware ourselves and check the person. Not rudely
What is he afraid of that the other guy will leap on his girlfirend, She should be able to check the other guy if he tries anything.
I really like your videos. Yes, learning how to communicate with each other is the key to any successful relationship. Adults do not want to be told what to do, but if you communicate your feelings regarding an issue it can be better accepted and maybe complied to when the other person understands and really cares about you.