I Ain’t Feelin’ My Husband BECAUSE He Has NO HUSTLE!!!!

VIDEO: I met my husband online. I was living in the UK at the time and he was in the USA, where he was born and raised. He wanted to be the one to pay for mine and my daughter’s plane tickets, while I sold my furniture and books, so that I could sort out the other expenses. As we got nearer the date for us to fly over to the USA, my then boyfriend, was struggling extremely to raise the money. Please bear in mind that his only source of income was selling books. He kept giving me his word and sharing his plans for the next set date to fly, and then the next, but he was just not putting in the time or the effort to actually go out and sell those books. It burns me to say that I saw those red flags to wait and see if this man was a diligent one, who could take care of business. Cutting a long story short, after help from others, we arrived in the USA. We were only supposed to live with his grandma for two weeks, and then move into our own place which his uncle was giving up. Well, that plan fell through, and my husband didn’t have a plan b, and still his only source of income was the books. We ended up staying at his grandma’s for six weeks and everyday we argued, even violently at times because he refused to get a second job so that we could eat, be clothed, and get our own place. This caused much war with his family getting involved, and we were kicked out of Grandma’s home. After much arguing, he finally applied for a previous job, and worked only one week, before deciding that he is going to drop it and return to selling literature. We are now living with friends, and we have no money for food, clothing and certainly nothing to get our own apartment. I have pushed and pushed him to go out there and apply for jobs, and he has made the least attempts, but his thing is is that God has called him to sell Christian books! But the man wakes up any hour of the day, and leaves in the afternoon/evening, and expects to get a full day’s wage!!! My twelve year old daughter and I are in dire straits. I told him that we are returning to the UK in March, and everyone has told me don’t do it, but at least that way I can work and support me and my child. Our arguments are escalating and affecting everyone around. I have come to the point where I feel nothing but resentment to him. I don’t want him to touch me; I don’t want to even sleep in the same bed as him, and my respect for him and his for me has totally died. I am so sorry that this is long winded. I have given up on his promises and being made to feel bad by his friends and family for expecting my husband to go get a job and support his family. I cry everyday, and I feel that he is slowing me down, and suffocating the hard working, ambitious woman that I am. What advice would you give?

13 replies
  1. Kashe
    Kashe says:

    I'm surprised how everyone seems to be attacking her. So she married a guy she fell in love with. Love makes you overlook a lot of stuff that you should not. Now what? I understand your plight dear, I've had a similar situation and his lack of drive made me resent him. I was not married to him though so I could decide to leave with little repercussion. I agree with you. Go back to the UK where you can work and take care of yourself and your daughter. In the meantime, work on your marriage. If the man is serious, he will make things right so that he can provide for you. That's how I see it. What good is a man who cant provide for his family and no longer respects his wife?

  2. June
    June says:

    Women really need to be smart about dating, whether they meet someone from online or not. Some men have no ambition and will get upset at women for refusing to waste time on them. The first red flag is that this man had to search OUTSIDE the USA for a potential mate. A woman with a strong mind does not get herself into these situations.

  3. Pat K.
    Pat K. says:

    You knowingly married a man in a precarious financial situation. You had the daughter to raise; he did not. Your decision, as unwise as it was, is now made. This man is now your husband. God bless you, dear. From the sounds of it, you have a hard way to go in this marriage.

  4. C. Price
    C. Price says:

    Why isn't she looking 4 a JOB ? Marriage is more than a notion… And y'all right. Planning is key.

    • Kashe
      Kashe says:

      she probably cant get a job because of her visa.

  5. Brooke
    Brooke says:

    I can't say that this was a dumb move because I wasn't in your heart when you decided to believe that this would work. I can say that you have lost faith in what you believed in and that you have lost faith in him. See when we marry we accept our partners for who they are. That acceptance nurtures love and gives us what we want. You have a man who believes that he is called to be a literature evangelist. You as his wife are obligated to believe with him. When you lose faith he becomes confused and loses faith too. That is why you are arguing, and that is why he is getting up at 1:00pm going to work. He's not eager because he knows his wife thinks he's a fool. Think back to the reasons why you thought this would work, and try to believe again. Think of what you can do to encourage him and how you can make money yourself. Think of avenues, by which he can sell his books. If he chose you, you must be a Godly woman, so ask God what you are to learn from this. Go ahead, learn faith, learn hustle, learn patience, learn wisdom, learn it baby learn it. Watch your life become beautiful by accepting your lessons.
    My recent post Guide to Olives

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn says:

      I can appreciate the spirit of what you are saying but to be fair and real EVEN when someine feels called to a particular thing– that doesn't mean that they are not still responsible for covering their family and the responsibilities that come with that. I agree she should support him and change her attitude. But, she needs to deal with the facts–if being a "literature evangelist" is not makeing ends meet right now and he is not willing to do something else to supplement their income in addition to doing what he feels called to do he is not living up to his responsibilities. And, I do not agree that she is responsible for his getting up at 1 o clock to go to work. Thats a grown man!

      • Brooke
        Brooke says:

        He was selling those same books when she lived in the UK. Too often we take what we see without fully accepting it. She held some belief when she lived there that he was the one for her or else she wouldn't have picked up and moved to the US. Now, if she decided to walk on water to get here, she needs to keep walking on water. Some rely on preparation, some rely on promises, some rely on money, some rely on faith, some rely on a combination of all of those things. She obviously chose faith to get here, so now's not the time to switch up. Keep believing.
        My recent post Guide to Olives

  6. Knowledge
    Knowledge says:

    i think she wasen't ready to be married because a REAL wife will not give up on her dude that easy because of a financial problem..if the shoe was on the other foot she would have a whole different story and would probely blame him and say the famous quote "your the man so you should be providing while i cant" lmao bullshit! marriage is 50-50 and just cause he doesn't have material things to show..doesn't mean his hustle to progress himself is weak.this man should be glad she wants to leave

    • information213
      information213 says:

      I kinda disagree. I believe that certain things should be in place B4 marriage. It seems like she was in a bit of a fairy tale which can cause us to make really stupid decisions in love. Sometimes u just have 2 b practical (how much money r we making/going to spend, where will we live?) U know, the basics. If at some point during the marriage financial problems come, that's different. But, going into a marriage, you need to be prepared or else u end up w/ these kinds of problems.

  7. information213
    information213 says:

    WOW! Aiyana, you're so direct but definitely true. I love how y'all just really "keep it 100% real". People need to hear what they might now want to hear. I love it. Ayize, you get some love too. You hit it right on the nail. Thanks to the both of you for all that you are doing. Love and Blessings to you and your whole family!

  8. sdevc5
    sdevc5 says:

    You two look stunning!

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