I Deserve More Than A Wedding At The Courthouse

VIDEO: My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 9 years.  He had been unfaithful for approximately the middle three years of our relationship, but has been faithful for the last three years.  During those three years of unfaithfulness, he was also very irresponsible financially, which has left him with a staggering six-figure debt.  We are finally at a place where we would both like to get married at the same time, but I am afraid that we will not be able to afford a decent wedding with his staggering debt.  As we are not married yet, and I had nothing to do with the debt, I don’t feel comfortable with helping hiim pay it down.  I couldn’t afford to if I wanted to.  Please bear in mind that for me, the marriage is more important than the wedding day, but after nine long years together, I want something more than just an anticlimatic jaunt to the courthouse to make our union legal.  Do you have any advice for me? BLAM FAM what do yall think?  Do you think she deserves more than a courthouse ceremony because she’s “earned it”?  Should she help him pay down his debt once they’re married?  What suggestions would you give her?






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8 replies
  1. Snarky
    Snarky says:

    Maybe I am reading too much into to this, but I sense a little of the "I am ready to be married just to say I am married." You dealt with is mess for nine years and the inquirer wants this marriage as consideration for all of her investment. I understand wanting a celebration, but it is not about the ceremony, it is about the it symbolizes. Right now, it seems as if the wedding would not symbolize unity, but it will symbolize her work ethic and patience. That is a bad deal. There are too many people getting married for the wrong reasons. Please evaluate before you take that step.

  2. Denise
    Denise says:

    Besides, if iour spouses had a grip of money instead of before getting married, we'd be GLAD to take on all of that! In marriage, you can't pick and choose between the struggles and the blessings. You take it all or you take none of it.

  3. Denise
    Denise says:

    I submit that if you're not willing to help pay off his debt, then perhaps you're not as ready to get married as you thought. I know you didn't run up that debt, but like it or not, when you get married, his problems become YOUR problems. I will tell you that when we got married my husband had a lot of debt dating back to his early 20's. I tried for years to do it "my way." I didn't touch that debt, even went as far as to file my taxes separately. But it piled up and ended up spilling into every other area of our finances. When I decided to submit to what I had willingly taken on and joined my husband to truly become a unit (fiancially-speaking), the debt came down and today it's nearly gone. It's okay to not be willing to take all of that responsibility on, but really if you aren't and if you're so pre-occupied with the idea of a big wedding, it may not be time to get married — even if you both finally want to do it at the same time.

  4. Monique
    Monique says:

    I personally could not do it, even after the 9 years of love which I know MUST be there and it's very strong. Your unfaithful to me! Go into a six figured DEBT with someone else! I'm to marry into that debt which COULD have afforded us our dream wedding!! hhmmm….I'm sorry. I do hope and pray that all works out well for them both.

  5. Ronnie
    Ronnie says:

    Oh yeah….I forgot to add that you can always
    renew your vowels in five years and have that wedding that you want. At that time you may have put a good dent into that debt. Best wishes 🙂

  6. MsFierce2009
    MsFierce2009 says:

    marrying into debt and they cant afford the wedding those are red flags!

    • Ronnie
      Ronnie says:

      Well the question is are you going to leave him because of the debt and are you going to continue to date him without the wedding? If your going to stay and continue to date him inspite of those things than I say marry him….If you really love him. Keep in mind that God don't bless no mess. You never know what's in store if you do it His way. Many a couple has invested a pretty penny into a wedding only to have the marriage dissolve and as far as the debt goes…it could be you. If you become one,
      what helps him will ultimately help you so team up!!

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