By Ayize Ma’at
If you’re anything like me, when the Mrs. begins talking I almost immediately develop a case of A.D.D. When I’m watching the Celtics, Lakers, Heat, or OKC I don’t have A.D.D. When I’m working out I don’t have A.D.D. When i’m making love I don’t have A.D.D. But when my wife begins talking to me and I see the conversation beginning to tip over the 5 minute mark I start showing symptoms of A.D.D. I start getting fidgety and restless. I look for my phone. I look at my watch. I fondle the remote. Every cell in my body screams “GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!” I feel like running. I feel like walking. I feel like taking a long shower. I feel like doing anything other than sitting here and listening to my wife for another 15 minutes. I feel like being free.
A lot of yall are probably thinking, “Is talking to your wife that bad?” Nope, I actually love talking to my wife……when I want to talk to her. Let me hip you to a little secret….men engage in conversation when they initiate conversation and when you initiate conversation you’re interrupting the conversation they are engaged in that they’ve initiated in their mind. You’ll probably have to read that last sentence 3 times before you really understand it…..but basically men are very analytical and thoughtful and are always having conversations with themselves. The reason why I’m impatient with my wife while we’re conversing is because I selfishly desire to get back to what was going on in my mind before the conversation with my wife began. Selfish yall, just straight up selfish. However, I’ve learned how to create space for my wife and make her feel like she’s the center of my universe even when i’m battling conversationally induced A.D.D.
Here’s the MAGIC BULLET……………………………. COMMIT
You see I realized that I have the capacity to focus when I choose to……so all I have to do is choose to focus on my wife. For instance, because I value my wife and know how much quality conversation means to her i’ll occasionally get a chair and sit it in the middle of the kitchen and engage in conversation with her while she’s making dinner. No phone, no Mac, no watch…just me in the chair listening to my wife. COMMIT. Just recently we went to dinner and I sensed that my wife wanted to connect through some meaningful conversation so I sat across from her, and gently caressed her hands and looked into her eyes and talked to her while we waited on our meal. COMMIT.
You see in both instances, I did something physical to interrupt the usual pattern of conversing with my wife. I put a chair in the middle of the floor and sat in it. I held my wife’s hands and looked into her eyes. Doing these two things signaled to my wife that that I was interested in her and engaged in her world. Doing these two things opened me up to experience the value in meaningful conversation with my wife. Doing these two things intensified our connection. COMMIT. Fellas try it. I guarantee your wife will appreciate it. Ladies share this…..I’m certain your man will grow from it.
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Ayize Ma’at is Co-founder and President of B Intentional, LLC, the Relationship Education company that owns and operates Blackloveandmarriage.com, the premiere cutting edge Marriage and Family web publication with the largest collection of love and marriage advice videos for African Americans. He is a Marriage & Relationship Educator certified in various Singles and Marriage Education curriculums and has a passion for inspiring others to grow and gain a deeper understanding of love. He is a devoted husband and the proud father of 4 amazing children.