By Ilex Bien Aime
Have you ever seriously listened to married people fight? Let’s be honest for a minute, married people sometimes argue about the craziest things! We have all heard the saying that you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, but unfortunately we do this too often. Sometimes things that are not even that important become World War III. We end up yelling and attacking each other for things that in the big scheme of things, aren’t that important.
I am sure that we have all heard the age old argument about the toilet seat being left up. After all of these years, this same argument has stumped many couples. Wives believe that the toilet seat should be pulled down after the husband uses the bathroom and husbands just don’t see the big deal. Still to this day I can get a crowd of men and women riled up if I just mention the subject but no matter how you slice it up, the argument is just ridiculous. Husbands, for your own sanity, please pull the seat down. Wives, if he forgets, just pull the seat down and go about your business. It’s just that simple – nothing more and nothing less!
My wife and I used to argue about how we would drive to her mother’s house. She likes to go a certain way when she drives and I like to go a certain way when I drive. She says that her way is shorter and to be honest, whether it is or not, I personally like to go the way that I go. Not because I am trying to be difficult or opposite, but because that is what I prefer. We don’t have this argument anymore because I realized that in order to not have it, I would just go the way she suggested. Honestly, it just was not worth the conversation.
I know that as human beings, we tend to take things personally but we really have to learn to get over ourselves. Marriage teaches us all that the world does not revolve around us. When we continue to fight over these simple things, we continue to think that the world is revolving around us. Peace in marriage is the responsibility of both partners. A husband shouldn’t always have to do something his wife’s way in order to keep peace. Wives shouldn’t have to always do things the husband’s way to keep peace either. It’s about compromise and the reason that we don’t compromise is because we have a problem with self exaltation!
Men and women usually understand that in life they cannot have everything their way. Yet for some strange reason, we believe that this does not apply to marriage. We seriously have this skewed view of marriage where our partners seem to become our own personal punching bags. If we don’t get what we want, then somehow our partner must not love us like they should. Let’s be honest for a second and just call it like it really is – at times we are just plain selfish! We want what we want and when we don’t get it, then someone (our mate) has to pay.
Honestly, our marriages are too blessed to be stressing over foolishness. Some husbands spend all of their rent money on horse races and getting drunk. Some husbands beat their wives for looking at them funny. Some wives like to go clubbing with the girls and act like they aren’t married. Some wives feel like there is nothing wrong with having another man on the side. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that some people have serious issues in their marriages. Arguing over stupid and simple things just show how simple some of us really are. Am I guilty of this sometimes? Of course! That is why I am writing this. I am starting to understand that I need to grow up and that many of our marriages need to grow up as well!
Ilex Bien-Aime is an integral part of the BlackLoveAndMarriage.com team. He lives in Washington, DC with his lovely wife. He writes as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. He writes as a man who wants to give his future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly he writes what he writes because his female friends are always asking his opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email firstname.lastname@example.org.