Should I Lose Weight For Him?

VIDEO: I have been talking to a guy for about a year and everything has been going wonderful. We are both praying Christians and have found eachother to be perfect examples of the kind of spouse that we desire. However, only recently, although he met me as an overweight person, he has mentioned how my weight might be an issue for us to continue to proceed deeper into our relationship. Our feelings toward eachother have become more intense and we have gotten to a point where we want to make things official. He says that he loves me so much and believes I would be an amazing wife and an amazing mother. However, he finds that he is feeling attracted to women who are much slimmer than I am and he doesnt want to “be in looking out” (his words). He said that if I feel comfortable the way that I am, he doesn’t want to make me feel like he is trying to change me but if I also would like to do something about my weight, he would be there to support me to reach that goal and that it would benefit both of us. He said that although he is very much attracted to me (character wise, personality wise, and in that I am a beautiful woman) he feels that he does not feel that sexual attraction to me, which is definitely a crucial part of a marriage, especially since men are very visual. My question is: is this something I should be offended by? Should I accept that and try to change to help him become sexually attracted to me or should I feel that he should want me the way that I am and that his demands mean that it’s not true love? These questions keep rolling through my mind. I think he is exactly what I have asked the Lord for in a man but now I am feeling that he would be settling because most of what he wants is there not all. Also, I would not want to be in a marriage knowing that my husband is not completely in love with me and that another woman is igniting that sexual passion in him. What should I do? God bless you. Thanks for your reply.

11 replies
  1. mzrozkulp
    mzrozkulp says:

    Do it for your self if that is your choice. Trust me I have been there. Compromise one thing and you will continually do so.

  2. Raybabe
    Raybabe says:

    A man should love u 4 who u are.

  3. Joe Don
    Joe Don says:

    My sister, I think he must love you the way you are. However, if his demand is a suggestion for a better look, he could support you in love to achieve it but, not a condition for marriage.

    • SmoovMochaNut
      SmoovMochaNut says:

      Agreed. The desire for a "smaller/healthier you" should be a good shared goal for you both, especially with his support. However, the condition for marriage based on his feelings of not really being sexually attracted to the woman she is today, presents a major relationship barrier that will affect the marriage in the future. What if she loses major weight initially, marries the guy, then regains most of her weight back….she WILL be worried that he'll become uninterested in her sexually & that will hurt their overall relationship – no mater how much he says he would still love her.

      And, if the guy really loves this woman, her weight should not be a factor in them getting married. A minor condition for him may be an excuse as to why they shouldn't even consider marriage at all.

  4. GodsButterflye
    GodsButterflye says:

    She should NOT be with him. If she loses weight, there's a STRONG possibility that she will gain it back and then some. You never want to a relationship wherein sexual attraction is an issue. Men are visual and if he doesn't like what he sees, that should be a deal-breaker.

  5. Taz
    Taz says:

    Yes your health is important. You two have been together for a year and now this. He should love you for you. What happens in five years down the line. I went through the same thing with my wife. Love yourself, in time you will see that someone out there will love you for who you are. Weight does not reflect your personality. Good luck and GOD BLESS!!!!!

  6. missladygray
    missladygray says:

    While health is important, it is NEVER ok to ask someone to change who/what they are for your sake. If she wants to lose weight for her own reasons (not for him), and he is supportive of that, then wonderful, go ahead. If he wanted her to change, it seem hypocritical that he has dated her for a year to the point of considering marriage when he MET her in that EXACT state. It means he know going in that she wasn't all he wanted visually or otherwise and he still selfishly pursued her. No bueno.

  7. MsDimples28
    MsDimples28 says:

    This sounds like he's making excuses why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with her

  8. ThxB2TheMostHigh
    ThxB2TheMostHigh says:

    Love you two! Blessings to you and your beautiful children!

  9. Pat K.
    Pat K. says:

    I hear you loud and clear, Ayize. Here's what I'll add to it:

    My Sisters, we must stop accepting men who do not love and desire us as God made us. Some of the brothers are using the sisters need for a relationship to get us to jump through hoops.

    If you agree with this sort of "bargaining" (lose the weight, or I won't be able to control my wandering eye), I promise you, it'll be something else after that. You will have established a pattern in your relationship (and marriage), that will have longstanding, irreversible negative consequences.

    This brother has some serious character issues, honey. Nobody gets all of what they want in a marriage partner. The rest of us are just mature enough to accept the gift God sent to us, anyway.

  10. Amber Lee
    Amber Lee says:

    I think you should not only focus with your husband. Lose weight because you wanted to…because you need to uplift yourself.. and not because of a guy who doesn’t appreciate you. Improve yourself because you’ve wanted to appreciate yourself more. What do you think?

    Thanks for sharing!

    Amber Lee

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