The A B C’s Of Marriage. It’s Not Child’s Play

By Ruth Purple

You’re in this for the long haul-MARRIAGE. Some people are afraid of it, some can’t wait for it. Others never even consider it. Marriage is one of the greatest decisions we make in our lifetime. A decision which means we are ready to face and tackle situations bigger than ourselves.

Being emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically ready is a must if you are decided in walking the aisle. Having a positive perspective and considering the larger picture and thinking ahead are one of the basics of marriage. In marriage, your responsibility is so magnanimous, a lot of things depends on you.

That is why love is one of the essentials of entering this sacred vow-it makes everything beautiful no matter how heavy and demanding matters get. But there’s a catch- no matter how much you love, respect and adore each other it will never ever count unless you show it to your partner.

That is why everything boils down to communication. It’s not as easy as it seems. Communication requires honesty, vulnerability and compromise. You should learn to let your guard down and let go of your own issues. Scary if you think about it but would you rather prioritize your own fears and issues at the expense of the betterment of your relationship? Power play in marriage is like oil in water- its a poison mixture.

A hug, a kiss before leaving for work, simple things that make you feel you really belong. All of these are forms of communication or affection. Listening is also important, not just ordinary listening but really listening- paying attention. When you listen, focus on the message your partner needs to convey not your own insecurities.

Communication in marriage is opening your soul, your whole being and not losing it, doing this should definitely make you grow as a person. Consider communication as the blood supply of your marriage-it is the one carrying the love and respect and other essential nutrients to make the whole relationship function properly.

Yes, there will be glitches but as long as the blood keeps on circulating- it will be okay. Trust will not exist in marriage if there is no communication. And having no trust in a relationship is like living inside an invisible cage- hell on earth. Once communication is settled and trust is established it is easier for other areas of your marriage to fall into place.

A strong foundation depends upon your beliefs, your values, your morals and how much you are willing to compromise. This is quite critical because this is what your marriage is built upon. Couples who have different views in this area don’t last very long. Learning to compromise and meet halfway is half the battle.

Other significant elements that every marriage cannot live without is of course- total honesty, full understanding and sincere forgiveness. All of these should be practiced with each other and also with yourself. You have to be honest. If there is no true understanding of yourself and no honesty within yourself it will be difficult for you to be honest with your spouse.

No one is perfect so cut yourself some slack sometimes.  It is impossible to forgive others if you cannot forgive yourself. It goes without saying that you should learn to take care of yourself before you decide to take care of others. Aside from loving, trusting and understanding each other, by all means be friends- establish a friendship with each other because no matter how difficult and tedious things get, it will be fun when your doing it with a friend.

Ruth Purple is a freelance writer and relationship coach. Visit her at

4 replies
  1. Sharon
    Sharon says:

    I like the analogy of communication being like the blood in the body. It certainly is vital.

  2. Lamont
    Lamont says:

    great post….i can definitely use those skills

  3. Mary shing
    Mary shing says:

    I have been married for 4 years. The man I married has changed in how he relates to me. He is more interested in talking and hanging out with friends than me. I feel more lonely in this marriage than being single. I don’t feel appreciated or loved and desire to have some one fill that vowed. I’ve considered divorce because I’m not getting from him emotionally what I need. Can a marriage be saved if the other spouse refuses to communicate and compromise? I’ve tried talking to him about the way I feel and he gets defensive and shuts down. We’ve been to counseling and it has not helped. He refuses to go to anymore.

    • MissTired
      MissTired says:

      I, Mary, am in the same boat. Except I've only been married for a little under 4 months. My husband don't hang out or anything but we don't spend any time together because of the way he works. When he is home, there is no intimacy really. He only seems happy when his daughter is here and that's every 2 weeks. I don't feel appreciated, loved or desired by my man and it is killing me. I would never cheat on him but divorce is becoming more and more appealing to me. Not to mention in the heat of an argument, he's mentioned divorce twice before we hit 3 months of marriage.

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