By Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at
Normally in the beginning of a relationship, couples are so infatuated…so immersed in the “feel good” that they don’t see the challenges/reality looming around the corner. As they bathe in bliss, the bitter never crosses their mind until they find themselves in the cross hairs of bullshizzle being aimed at their perfect love.
Truth be told…over time couples begin arguing and struggling through hidden issues that ALL couples encounter. Knowing that they’re coming and learning how to deal with them as they come up can help to preserve most relationships from many feuds. Here are some of the unforeseen roadblocks that partners endure in their time together.
Many couples see eye to eye on everything else except the moolah. This can lead to arguing over bills, or disagreeing over spending. Couples in love will often overlook the financial expectations of living together in a relationship as they are too blinded by infatuation.
When couples initially move in with each other, spending habits should change to group thinking of monetary spending. If not, partners will have issues because they’re still operating from a singles mindset vs a couples mindset
Everybody has got baggage. Some folks bags are heavier than others but nevertheless we all gottem.
Discovering the stench of your partner’s stuff will happen if you have a pulse. It comes with the territory. Once you discover it, grace and empathy can go a lonnnggggg way….and remember…your stuff stinks TOO.
Different Goals in Life
It’s not strange that in life we can have different ambitions. When it comes to the time and commitment given to; employment, kids, seeing the world, and places to live, different goals is a subject many couples will argue over.
To avoid arguments in this area, articulate your individual goals and establish some collective goals. Show support for each other. That way they can act as a team in achieving both as opposed to being competitors in the relationship.
How they Use their Free Moments
In a partnership, couples will battle over how they get to spend their free time. Should I spend this hour doing something I want to do?….or Should I spend this hour with you? Hmmmmm??? Then the question comes up “Spending ‘this’ hour with me is not something you want to do???”
While single people may be successful as individuals, living together in a relationship requires a lot of changing in our thinking. This issue can be resolved through using proper communication and working it out ahead of time. This way, people can talk about how their weekend will look before it happens and last minute surprises to the weekend schedule can be averted.
Moving in with Each Other
Living with each other can be trying and a struggle all by itself. Most people will complain about the other or claim that the other is lazy, trifling, an dirty.
What’s interesting is that while many folks complain, there never were any clear expectations established for how responsibilities and tasks would be assigned and accomplished.
By creating a chart of chores for each individual disagreements can be greatly reduced. By designating jobs, it causes individuals to take responsibility and rise up to the challenge designated to them. This also avoids unneeded arguments because responsibilities are clearly known.
Unwilling to be altered
In a partnership, you’ve got to be willing to SACRIFICE. What’s common in failed relationships is that one of the partners maintained a single mindset even after they got into the new partnership. People need to adapt to their new environment, not vice versa.
The goal of any couple is to love and care for their partner. Seek first to understand and then to be understood. This unified mindset needs to be demonstrated in all facets of life together; what they do with one another, the choices they make with one another and the friends they spend time with.
You’ve got to embrace the flexibility that’s required to make your relationship work. Being rigid in mindset will prematurely end your relationship.
Lacking Good Married Role Models
One of the biggest problems that couples face, is that there are few good marriages for couples to look up to and talk to.
Couples should look for the friendship of other healthy and committed couples. Couples that have experienced the dilemmas you are going through or will go through can provide priceless insight on what you should or shouldn’t do in your situation.
Less Important Fights
Experiencing petty disagreements is a normal thing that couples deal with. As individuals, both of you have been taught to stand up for what we believe. Well too much “corner commitment” will inevitably lead to constant childlike arguing over small things. Folks it has been statistically shown that 69% of the stuff you’re arguing about in your relationship will never get resolved. Focus on the 30% and KEEP IT MOVING.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be in relationship? Learning how to just grin and bear it, and determine which disagreements to get into can encourage and keep a relationship more than words ever could.
Discovering the mistakes of other relationships, and using the solutions that successful relationships have found helpful, can be healing to any couple. Just like an old map, landmines have been marked and safe routes have been laid out.
It’s up to you to get on the right course to protect and grow your relationship.
What’s up y’all we are Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at….a married couple that has been together since high school. Yup…high school sweet hearts. We have Fo’… not four… but Fo’ incredible children…who keep us on our toes all the time : ) We are relationship therapists, coaches, and experts that have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets. We are helpers…we are healers….and we are here to serve you.
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