I Only Want To Have Sex To Procreate…Is There Something Wrong With Me?

VIDEO: What is normal when it comes to sex? Would you consider the frequency that you want “it” or the way that you want to have “it” normal? In this video we endeavor to explain “what is normal” as we answer the question of a 27 year old viewer who ONLY wants to have sex to procreate. We encourage him to make it a priority to get into some counseling so that he can begin to explore the roots of his only focusing on the utility of sex versus the pleasure. Was he raised with certain strong philosophical or religious convictions about sex? Did some sort of sexual trauma occur early on in his life? Only he can get the answers that he needs. And, we salute him for being in a place where he is ready to begin working to get the answer. This is exactly the kind of self work that one should be doing before marriage if at all possible. We must not be afraid to discover the depths of who we are or where we’ve been. There is healing in the journey.

8 replies
  1. Eric
    Eric says:

    Let me take a swing at this. Disregard my age(23) and allow me to contribute to the matter lol i have experienced both sides and i'm currently in agreement with sex is only for procreation. Before I defend the subject, I would like to say that matters like these are not to try to enforce on someone. People's hearts and minds are different and may not be capable of accepting anything different due to insecurities or what not… Blah blah blah, you get the picture. But if Mr. 27 (I don't know his name) is experiencing problems with his past then obviously he should get that straightened out. If not, then the heart in which he has that desire matters most. If Mr. 27 is practicing self control for his religion, lets just say Jesus Christ because he is my Lord and Savior, then he could possibly be doing it to please his Lord. Jesus came to sacrifice his flesh and to also show us to sacrifice our fleshly desires. Was his fleshly desires bad? Maybe not… But they weren't his Father's desires. For instance, after being fasting for forty days in the wilderness, Jesus was tempted by satan to turn stone into bread. It doesn't seem bad to eat after 40 days lol but what The Lord is showing us is that even though we may think we need to feel our desires, we need to have self control most of all. Self control and sacrificing fleshly desires is what pleases God. And as far as intimacy with someone… now that I know Christ I have become more intimate with my companion than any of my past relationships before I knew Christ. Of course y'all know that Jesus has a way of unifying. As far as sex being a stress reliever, give your problems to God. Prayer relieves my stress. Also another thought, define a contraceptive… Think about this definition. Something that prevents an offspring right? Preventing life? Sounds like abortion to me. So if you have sex with the intention of avoiding the production of life, then logically you can now make the assessment that since you are avoiding life you are preventing it which is equally bad as abortion. ….well has it clicked yet…. Maybe this is something we are suppose to control. To be Christ-like its better to spend the time reaching out to many people through prayer or strengthening your walk instead of reaching in to fulfill your fleshly desires. Remember that everything in this life will pass. Sex is a temporary feeling and doesn't shine the light of Christ. As Christ said, those who have eyes to see, let him see; those who have ears to hear, let him hear. In the end it's a choice and a direction in which your heart desires. Your heart is the final factor in which God could grant you with eternal life. But he is the one to judge. Sorry for the long explanation and I know this post is over a year old but maybe it will better someone's life. Thanks for reading and remember to carry your cross 😉

  2. Erika
    Erika says:

    All of you are amazing to me… Im curious to know why someone who had taken the time to think about the consequences of his actions, and desires only to have sex to procreate, has something wrong with him. I applaud him, on not being the "horny toad" that most men his age are. Did you know that humans are the only species on the planet that has sex for pleasure. So according to what you are saying we would be "abnormal" on the grand scheme of things. Having sex for pleasure is almost single handedly responsible for the things that plague our community today ie, aids, teenage pregnancy, the abundance of single never been married mothers, with multiple "baby daddies"…. All the result of these men running around telling lies to get women to sleep with them for pleasure and then leave. It is irresponsible to engage in sex just for pleasure without concern for your health and the possibility of a life being created that you are not ready for and can not take care of. I am a 31 year old wife and mother of 1. Having any other children would be a strain on our resources, the smart thing to do is to not engage in intercourse and find other ways to connect and maintain an intimate relationship until we decide that we are ready for another child and ask God to bless us. There is joy and pleasure in knowing you are working together to create life. I think it sad to determine that this man has a problem because his desire comes at the thought of creating life, that is the most natural thing that I have heard or seen on this entire blog. Peace and God Bless

    • Aiyana
      Aiyana says:

      Erika, think about what you are implying. Sex within a relationship for utility and no pleasure is ok? Of course, promiscuity and lack of regard for the consequences of sex without commitment and being in a loving relationship is not good. No where did we say it was ok for him to engage in sex for pleasure without concern for his health and the possibility of a life being created.

      However, a healthy relationship should always include sexual pleasure and connection. Are you saying that having sex for the sole purpose of creating children and nothing more is normal and should be applauded?
      My recent post Meet Featured Future Wife Jaiya Keys!

      • Erika
        Erika says:

        Yes that is kind of what I'm saying… I'm saying that sex with the intent of procreation should be pleasurable for both parties. I am also saying that having sex only for pleasure and because it is pleasurable is irresponsible.

    • LogicBomber
      LogicBomber says:

      "All of this is a result of these men running around telling lies to get women to sleep with them for pleasure and then leave" ??? Come on now, what about the woman who CHOOSE TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH THUGS/LOSERS? After all, women are the choosers. Most Black Women in my generation don't want a nice guy until they and have been ran through and have a number of kid by mutilple baby daddies. Take me for instance, Im 32, single with no kids and no baggage. During my 20's I noticed most of the eligible black woman in my age range wanted thugs and gangsters. Either that or they had unrealistic standards when it came to relationships.
      Now these same woman who are in my age range have multiple kids out of wedlock and have a ton of baggage find me attractive (all of the sudden!). But I keep it moving. Not my child not, my problem. Its funny how the news medias always to depict black woman as the only victim to this dysfunctional black relationship epidemic. I might sound like a bitter black man but im just sick of the bullshit. please feel free to respond.

  3. Sparkk2def
    Sparkk2def says:

    Bless you are right on sista about the sexual trauma part a lot of times our people fall victims of their own past and not just in this one situation but in how we deal with our partners the psychologically implications are developed over time and definitely needs time for healing

  4. Ramona
    Ramona says:

    There may be some health reason causing him to have a low libido. I know that a low sex drive could be associated with some hormonal imbalance. He should definitely look into this because most men at the age of 27 that I've encountered are like horny toads LOL

  5. Mr. Brown
    Mr. Brown says:

    I definitely think that this young man was probably abused as a child. It's just not normal to have no desire to have sex and he's a young dude too? Naw….

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