Can We Skip Dating…. And Go Straight To The Altar?

VIDEO: BLAM Fam..check out the below question from a viewer and let us and her know what you think.

Aiyana and Ayize, I have a question…or predicament that I’d like your input on. After yet another failed dating scenario, I have decided to step back and take some time to myself to reflect on my contribution to my failed relationships and almost-relationships. After hearing a sermon at church, one of the things that really struck a chord with me was when my pastor mentioned that women were not intended to be girlfriends or baby mommas…we were intended to be wives.

When thinking about my past relationships and especially the most recent one, where the man told me I was ready to be “wifey” way sooner than he was even thinking about playing the reciprocal role, I realized it was a trend. Some of my closest friends have told me part of the problem is that I give too much too soon…I am ready to trust and support and give to my last for the man I care about, instead of allowing him to court me and earn the privilege. I would have to agree with them.

Also, I have realized that I am not as committed to dating as I am to marriage. I know that sounds odd, seeing as how I have never been married. Basically, I don’t feel like I have to deal with anyone’s crap while I am dating…it’s easier to get out, to leave the situation. I will tell my friends “if I am not married to him I have no obligation to deal with anything I don’t want to. Only with my husband will I feel obligated to make it work”.

So, Ayize & Aiyana…what can I do when I’m not committed to dating and move to quickly to ever actually allow a relationship to grow at a steady and natural pace to end up in marriage?

6 replies
  1. intjurban
    intjurban says:

    Sound advice. Who wants to marry someone without knowing them first? How about spending time discovering, uncovering and defining one's own needs and desires? And how would one know if the other person can complement those needs and desires? Romanticizing relationships is a clear sign that something is lacking, immaturity or need for an escape.

  2. Sirrah Eiram
    Sirrah Eiram says:


  3. Ava Rochelle
    Ava Rochelle says:

    You guys hit this subject right on the head!!!! This is the best? advise that she can ever get. I hope she listens, & applies this to her situation!!! I love watching you both!! & keep up the good work!

  4. Denise
    Denise says:

    Sometimes I don't know why you ask for our input because you hit the nail on the head. LOL. I especially like what Ayize said. The sister does seem to be romanticizing the idea of marriage. First find out if the dude is ready to have, deserving of a wife before you start acting like wife-lite. This sister has more sense than she realizes because she at least knows she has some work to do, and she actually knows what she needs to do. Slow down.
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    • Aiyana
      Aiyana says:

      Heeeey Denise! *waving* We love it when you stop through and lend your voice to the issue. 😉

  5. Bernadette Smith
    Bernadette Smith says:

    A lot of young folks today want things w/o? earning them. There's a since of entitlement, and they live in an unrealistic fantasy. I agree, if the writer won't put in work before the marriage, she's not going to put in work after the marriage.

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