VIDEO: The first step toward any lasting change you want to make is to decide that you are going to make the change. Makes sense, right? But, what does it really mean to make a decision? Most of us don’t really understand what a true decision looks like. In this show Aiyana will break down what a REAL decision is and challenge us to move beyond rhetoric and put our words into action. Today, make a decision and do something immediately to change the trajectory of your life. Listen in to find out how.
by Lisa The last day of the year will be a buzz with chatter of the past year’s best of, hottest this, latest that. And even more than that, everybody and their momma most likely vowed a commitment to some act of self-improvement for the upcoming year. The infamous New Year’s Resolution. Good intentions, that most often fall by the wayside only to be regarded as lists of would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. If you’re looking for a new way to approach your outlook on the new year, try this instead. Take a moment for some silent self-reflection on the past year and use where you are today to get where you want to be tomorrow.
In a notebook or journal:
- Name something you discovered about yourself in 2012.
- Identify how the discovery changed you, your behavior, or your perception on life.
- Write about whether a goal was accomplished with this new found discovery.
- List what things you will need to do to maintain the discovery long-term.
- Explain the lesson learned through your discovery experience.
What you have just created is a successful roadmap for realistic and attainable achievements. Continue this process throughout the new year and you will realize your true resolutions.
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” — Maya Angelou
Lisa is the founder of Sistaspace, a blog site all about the little things in life that make you go hmmm and are usually left unspoken. Looking for some end of the week commentary that is sure to spark up a conversation? Check out her Top Five Friday posts at sistaspace.wordpress.com.
By Lana Moline
Even in the midst of our perfectly laid plans, we can get knocked down and meet despair face to face. In fact, that’s probably when it feels the worst. You see during this time, our mind pays less attention to the possibility of anything going wrong because its focus is winning. So when life gut punches us, it really, really hurts. So how do we bounce back after we’ve gone all in, cashed in all our chips and found ourselves on the same road we vowed never to land again? Here’s the answer: with style, grace and dignity!
The truth is, no one sets out to fail, come up short or suck at anything, but it happens. Everyday we wake up to our theme song with the freshest frocks and put our game face on. We embrace the rhythm of our life and after a while, we master our flow. We make partner at the firm, get that award for top sales or sign the biggest client of our careers and then suddenly something happens in the blink of an eye that changes things. It goes sort of like this: you are out with your girls toasting the big promotion and then your phone rings and with that phone call your entire life changes. Now that’s the space that I’m reaching for. It’s the one that exists after the call comes and before you dust yourself off.
I’ve known people who seem to exist indefinitely in that space and what I’ve noticed is that each time he or she has emerged from this place, they were better, stronger and wiser. Sure there were tears and pain but then there was rebirth. You ever watch a cut heal itself? It happens on its own after the bandage, the bleeding and itching. It’s like it exhausts the energy to fight the process and just gives in and then soon it disappears.
The trials in our lives are the same way. In the big picture they exist to prepare our clever minds for the victories that are still to come and the memory of the cut becomes a timepiece for growth.
Lana Moline is a freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at www.lanamolinespeaks.wordpress.com
VIDEO: by Aiyana Ma’at How many times have you started down a new path to a new goal, a new endeavor, or a new “you” only to fall to the wayside because you get discouraged, disillusioned, and downright tired of your results (or lack thereof)? I know I have! Why do we do this? All too often it’s because we want to get it (whatever it is) juuuust right. We want it to come together perfectly. We want it to look a particular way. We want to feeeel a certain way. We want it to be PERFECT! Well, life and human beings (that’s me and you) don’t work that way. We’ve got to be willing to fail in order to succeed. The difference between something being a stumbling block and a stepping stone is...your perception. Stop worrying about having everything PERFECTLY lined up before you get moving. Get moving and adjust while you are in process. Make 2011 your year of completion. Let’s commit to getting things DONE! It’s about completion NOT perfection.
By Aiyana Ma’at
I cannot begin to tell you how many times over the years I’ve sat with clients and talked about…….their parents and the impact that their parents (whether present or absent) are having on their lives and the life of their relationship. To truly know yourself and grow there’s no detour around your parents. Love em’ or hate em’, these two people are a significant part of your emotional make-up and why you do what you do.
I love when individuals and couples aren’t afraid to stir up the pot and examine the relationship they had and have with their parents. Why? Because genuine emotional and mental freedom and insight lies in your ability to disentangle yourself from their worst traits and embody the best.
Who you are often reflects who your parents were. While growing up, it’s often monkey see, monkey do. For better or worse, you emulate (often without awareness) your parents strengths and faults. If your mother was anxious and always worrying, chances are you have some of that within you. If your father was an absolute optimist, that came through too. For example, my mother is one who always encourages the search for insight into self. That is very much who I am. My father was a true risk taker who believed that you can create whatever kind of life you so desire. Well, that ideal runs thick through my blood too.
Sometimes, in an attempt to be different from our parents, we may develop completely opposite emotional coping styles. For example, my mother can be quick to assess, analyze…and basically judge so it’s not a surprise to me that my motto is “There is more than one way” and that I am always emphasizing our need as people to stop judging so much. My father tended to avoid “certain conversations and situations” and today I highly value (productive) confrontation and hate having “unaddressed issues” hanging around. But, these styles also deserve examination so that instead of simply doing the opposite of what your parents did, you can find a truly authentic and balanced way to be.
The bottom line: Examining who your parents have been and are today and how their personalities and ways have shaped you can throw you light years ahead in your personal development and grow a better and more insightful you. Your boo won’t be able to help but sing your praises because YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE ELEVATED FROM THE WORK YOU PUT IN. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
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VIDEO: At the beginning of every year we are practically drooling over our perfectly laid plans of how we intend to lose weight, manage our money, be better parents, and experience deeper love. More often than not somewhere within the subsequent 364 days the train of motivation that we began the year riding gets derailed and start standing and staring as though we are helpless passengers. SHAME ON US. We’ll be the first to admit that to remain committed to a process is challenging but we will also attest to the fact that challenge is NECESSARY. We become strengthened while experiencing challenge but in order to acquire that strength we have to intuitively know that when our train gets derailed WE ARE THE MECHANICS, CONDUCTORS, ENGINEERS, AND DESIGNERS OF OUR TRAIN AND TRACK AND WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO PUSH THROUGH SO WE CAN EXPERIENCE OUR BREAKTHROUGH.
Children did not ask to be born, did not choose their parents, state, zip code, race or income level. I share the belief of all great faiths that every child is sacred. I believe in America’s promise, yet to be fulfilled, that every child and person has a right to a fair and level playing field on which to survive and thrive. That millions of our children lack the most basic protections of health care, nutrition, housing, safety, early childhood development supports, education which prepares them for college or career and productive work, and stable family support, threatens our national, economic and military security now and in the future.
While our nation is in a dither about an impending fiscal cliff created by political grandstanding and gridlock which threatens economic recovery, it needs to turn with equal urgency to another threatening deficit: our human capital deficit that is eroding the foundation of our nation’s house today and tomorrow. The greatest threat to our national security comes from no enemy without, but from our indefensible and foolish neglect of our children today. Each day in America:
5 children are killed by abuse or neglect.
5 children or teens commit suicide.
80 babies die before their first birthdays.
949 babies are born at low birthweight.
1,204 babies are born to teen mothers.
1,240 public school students are corporally punished.
2,058 children are confirmed as abused or neglected.
2,163 babies are born without health insurance.
2,573 babies are born into poverty.
18,493 public school students are suspended.
These facts of child neglect will be the seeds of our nation’s undoing if we do not act with urgency and exercise common, fiscal and moral sense in our budget and investment choices. If the foundation of your national house is crumbling, you don’t say you can’t afford to repair it. So as we give thanks this week for all the blessings we have, let’s also commit to pray and stand for children who need our voice.
We pray and stand for children blessed by parents who care and for children without a parent or anyone who cares at all.
We pray and stand for children filled with joy and hope and for children whose days and nights are joyless.
We pray and stand for children with hope and for children without hope whose spirits have been dimmed and dashed.
We pray and stand for children high on play and study and laughter and for children high on pot, glue, cocaine, and ecstasy.
We pray and stand for our children for whom we pray every day and for children who have no one to pray them along life’s way.
We pray and stand for children poised by circumstance to soar and conquer life’s challenges and for children bogged down by hunger and homelessness and violence and miseducation and trying so hard to survive.
We pray and stand for children who love to read and for children who can’t read at all, for children who learn with excitement and for children told by adults they cannot achieve. We pray and stand for children who we expect and help to do well and for children whom no one believes in or helps succeed.
In this time of Thanksgiving, we pray as parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers, political and community leaders that we will be a help and not a hindrance to children we call our own and to all the children God created who are part of our family too.
Follow Marian Wright Edelman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ChildDefender
By Jeanne Angel St.Cyr
How you see yourself in your mind is what you are going to manifest in your life. You will never rise higher than your own perceived expectations. How do see yourself? Are you a positive, outgoing individual? Or are you a quiet little mouse hiding in the corner afraid of the future?
You have control over your mind and emotions. Simply put you have the power already inside you to determine which path your life will follow. You can reprogram your mind through meditations, positive thoughts, saying or writing out positive affirmations. The word affirmation means to make true. What do you want to change in your life?
Make a list. Number your list in order of importance to you. Decide what one thing you want to work on. Only one goal or dream at a time, so as not to overload yourself. It has been said that it takes only 21 days to make or break a habit. You could be only 21 days from your greatest successes! How great would that be? You may feel that you have a long way to go, but look back at how far you’ve already come.
Don’t stay locked away in a prison of remorse, of things done or not done, of choices made or not made. Let yourself be free and enjoy a brand new beginning! Now is the time. Do not delay. No more excuses, just start now! If you don’t take action on your dreams and ideas, how can you expect to manifest success? You must take the 1st step, no one else can do it for you! Your never too old and it’s never too late to start.
BLAM Fam: If this seems eerily profound and speaks exactly to you and your situation in this moment take it as a sign and confirmation that you need to move! Seize the moment, and take that 1st step!
Jeanne Angel St.Cyr is the Author of “Inspirations”. Jeanne and her husband John live in Northern California with their son, Brad. In April of 2012 they will celebrate their 24th wedding anniversary. Visit her at Inspirationangel.com.
By Team BLAM
We are clear about our mission here at BLAM. We exist to promote, encourage, and elevate marriages & relationships in the African-American community in particular and the world in general. But, we are not here promoting any old kind of relationships. We are not here to say hang in there even when you are being disrespected, walked all over, and treated like trash. You have to utilize keen discernment to know the difference between “appropriate going through” in your marriage and “this is crazy, get out, move on, this ain’t love and never was”. We believe in love. We believe in commitment. But, we DO NOT and never will believe in foolishness, emotional or physical abuse, or staying where you are not wanted. As a wise person once said the best thing to do when something is over is–LET GO.
By Lana Moline
There are a few things in my life that keep me on my knees. I’ve accepted the fact that I just don’t have the power to fix it or even navigate through it without help for that matter. Those areas are my “prayer things.” Prayer things are matters in life that we don’t have any dominion over and no matter what we do or how hard we try, we are incapable of conquering it alone. Just saying those words evokes a funny feeling because on one hand it shows how far I’ve come and on the other it shows how powerless I truly am as a human. The prayer things are also the things I used to get so upset about but the wonderful thing about having prayer things is that prayer really does work. So the quicker we yield those areas to the power of God, the more at peace we will be.
Growing up I had an idealistic view of the world as did many others. I looked at the world in terms of right and wrong and while I still have that tendency, I recognize that right and wrong exists congruently all the time. For instance, we’ve heard the saying “hurting people hurt people” or even read a police report of theft due to poverty. I can’t quite resolve that to a matter of right and wrong but of circumstance. Furthermore, I thought that fixing the issue would solve the problem until I grew up and saw that everything is a choice.
True enough, we face daily challenges, yet most of us wake up every day and try to do something while others succumb to those challenges. Life is much like that funny Facebook relationship status, it’s “complicated” and the sad reality is that contrary to the widespread belief that cancer is the #1 killer, untapped potential is an even worst epidemic and is a direct result of improper labeling of your prayer thing.
Once it’s moved out of the way, there isn’t anything that you can’t accomplish by grace. You don’t want to look back and see that this one time, you really did hold the key to it all.
Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at Lana Moline Speaks.