Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal Premieres Tonight Sat. Feb. 2nd at 9/8c. Will You Be Watching?

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Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal features intimately told stories from real couples that have suffered tremendous infidelities. In each episode, two couples share their deeply personal stories of heartbreak, while a therapist provides inside perspective on how to begin the healing process. Intensely revealing, this series illustrates how men and women can learn to come to terms with infidelity and share their stories of ultimate betrayal.

 

Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal premieres tonight on Saturday, February 2nd at 9/8c with back-to-back episodes, only on OWN.

It’s All About Digging Deeper & Learning Lessons.

Will You Be Watching? We Will.

 

 

I’m Ready To Leave My Husband Because He Left Me Long Ago

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VIDEO: What do you do when you feel like you’ve done all you can do in your relationship? Is it time to walk away? How can you continue to work when you feel like you’re the only one working on your relationship? Do you walk away? Just because you feel something doesn’t necessarily make it so. Often times there is more you can do; it just requires you to stretch beyond your comfort zone just a little bit more. Listen in to see just what “stretching beyond your comfort zone” looks like.

CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING

CLICK HERE to get a RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

You’ve Gotta Teach Him How To Romance You

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By Team BLAM

Oftentimes we, as women, leave our needs unexpressed and wait for our husbands to just guess what to do. Many men honestly don’t know how to be romantic.  And, when they do get up the courage to attempt romance, their efforts may not be expressed in a way that we appreciate or even recognize as romance.

Look how silly this sounds. If your son was attempting algebra and didn’t understand it, you wouldn’t cry because he didn’t love Alegebra. As a mom, we’d sit down, and go over it again and again, for as long as it took until he understood. Yet, we expect our husbands to know something that they’ve never been taught. Instead of leaving your man to struggle, show him how to romance you. How will he know what to do if you don’t show him?

So, how can you teach him how to romance you?

1. Be romantic yourself.
If you show him that you value him and love him on a regular basis, instead of expecting him to be the romantic one, he’ll be more receptive to trying it himself. The old saying, “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”, definitely applies. Yelling and crying because he isn’t romantic isn’t exactly going to put him in the lovey mood.

2. Tell him what you like.
Do you enjoy expensive gifts or would you rather have him make something for you? Would you like him to go on walks with you? Give you cut flowers or live plants? Make a list of every birthday, anniversary and holiday and include ideas for things he can buy or do for you. Set him up to succeed.

3. Learn what he likes.
The same thing stands for him. Know what makes him happy.  Please don’t buy him an expensive gift if he is the frugal type. He won’t like it. Don’t take him to a fancy French restaurant if he’s a Burger kind of guy. It’s ok to take him there for your birthday, but donít take him there for his birthday.  If he loves sports, then go to them with him.

4. Initiate romance. So often, women just get more and more resentful that they aren’t feeling romanced and their man has no clue what to do to fix it. There really should be a required romance course before you can get your marriage license. At least that way, men would, at some point in time, learn how to be romantic. Until then, it’s our job to show him just what we want and need to feel special. Now go Romance Your Man!

TLC Premieres New Series Starter Wives Confidential Tonight. Will You Be Watching?

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Tonight, January 29 at 10pm ET/PT, TLC reveals the fascinating and controversial world of celebrity ex-wives and ex-girlfriends with the new series Starter Wives CONFIDENTIAL. Each hour-long episode shares the lives of seven women who supported their former husbands/boyfriends before the fame and wealth made them the men they are today. They devoted their time, money, and support to the men they loved. Now, these women are working on moving forward and starting over on their own, with a new focus on creating a path in life that will give themselves and their children the security and success they know they deserve.

The cast includes:

· Zakia Baum: Ex-girlfriend of Jermaine “Maino” Coleman; mother of his son.

· Cheryl Caruso: Ex-wife of mobster Phillip Caruso, and mother of his 2 daughters.

· Josie Harris: Ex-girlfriend of Floyd Mayweather; mother of his three children.

· Monica Joseph-Taylor: soon to be ex-wife of Aston “Funkmaster Flex” Taylor; mother to his two children.

· Liza Morales: Ex-girlfriend of Lamar Odom; mother of his three children.

· Tashera Simmons: Ex of Earl “DMX” Simmons; mother of four of his children.

· Shaniqua Tompkins: Ex-girlfriend of Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, and mother of his son.

Soooo…. Will You Be Watching???

Innocent Mistakes Husbands Make That Piss Wives Off

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By Ruth Purple

“She is driving me crazy, I’m dying here! What the heck did I do to you now?!” Sound familiar? What you did may be unintentional, so stop pulling at what’s left of your hair.

 

And for whatever its worth, you are not alone in this dilemma. The majority of husbands out there complain that they just don’t get their wives alot of the time. I sympathize with you guys, so to shed some light and prevent further misunderstandings in your relationship and confusion on your part, here are the innocent mistakes that men usually make that upset the women.

 

Being a slob, so please, take care of your appearance. Women in general, take the extra mile to look good for you, the least you can do is to try to put on some good clean pair of pants and we all know that ironing your shirt will not kill you, so take that effort. Yes, your woman will love you no matter what but taking that initiative to look good for her will cause the good mood to last.

Another innocent mistake that you can make to change the mood of your honey bunch from heavenly to scary is to become a preacher when she pours out her problems or dilemma. Most women are not looking for solutions when they divulge their problems, they just want someone to listen and sympathize with them. I know that you mean well and that you are just overwhelmed with concern for her but giving her step by step directions on what she needs to do and how she can solve her problems will do nothing but aggravate her. So when she starts spilling her guts about her predicaments, it’s best to say “that really sucks, honey. I’ m sorry you feel that way, I hope everything will be alright soon.”

Another innocent mistake that men make are to trivialize the bonding moments, bonding moments can be snuggling on the couch watching television or having dinner together in a fancy restaurant or at home. What I mean when I say trivializing these moments is going to sleep during your snuggling time or finishing your meal like you’re a famished person in a rush to go…nowhere. Doing those innocent mistakes will make your woman feel that you don’t want to take the time to spend those “little moments” that makes your relationship different and special.

 

And the worst innocent mistake that you can make is to be clueless and not get the hint when she is in the mood for love. In case you don’t know here are the hints your wife drops when she wants some hot steaming sex tonight- she gives you more soft touches, gives you naughty glances, she wears skimpy and sexy lingerie instead of her usual pj’s, or she talks about the “Brazilian shave” she got this afternoon.

 

These innocent mistakes are the things that annoy women and though these may not really hurt they don’t help either. If you want to make her feel good  now you know what to do.

 

 

Ruth Purple is a Relationship Expert who has been successfully coaching individuals and couples in their relationships. Get A Copy of her sensational ebook on Winning Over Infidelity. Experience a Happier Love Life. You can read more from Ruth at http://www.relazine.com.

What Do You Do When Your Spouse Has Changed? Embrace it.

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By Lana Moline

Although we marry with the thought that our spouse will forever be that guy or that girl who we married, inevitably we change. Right now I am experiencing a bit of a transition in my marriage that I am watching unfold. Just this past week, my husband preached his first sermon of many. It was powerful and I am so grateful to God for my husband’s obedience because I know that impacts our family. As we went through last week, I can share with you now that I fasted and interceded on my husband’s behalf because I knew that I needed to be still. We have always shared our faith but this was different in my mind. This was him leading others to understand a word from the Lord. That’s a huge responsibility and something we hadn’t predicted 12 years ago.

 

I suspect that this change is similar to a job relocation, a change in careers or a decision to return to school. What does it mean for us when the terms change? What does it mean now when we are not both working 9-5? When our spouse is on call and that has never happened? How do we balance family time and couple time? What does that mean for our relationship?

 

Here are a few things to consider when faced with changes within your marriage/relationship:

 

Recognize that change is imminent.

Although we may not have carved out the specifics when we got married, we both knew that we would grow. In fact, we encouraged it. With wisdom comes a greater commitment and responsibility to being a light in your own way. At some point, it becomes absolutely necessary to step beyond the point of “just knowing” and begin to empower others.

Know that you are equipped.

Rarely do we experience radical changes in our lives. Typically we move through varying degrees of involvement gauging from mild to extreme. So when we find that there is a burning desire to do something, it has probably been there all along. It’s just that now is the time and season for it to manifest.

Resist the urge to run.

Often times when something new presents itself, we desperately look for a security blanket and retreat. While that me fine for a moment, it’s not the final answer. Remember that just as much as you need your spouse, he or she needs you too. It is an equally challenging time for both sides. Remain right where you are with outstretched arms, just as you always have.

Quite honestly, I had an inkling that this day would come for us. Ironically, my husband didn’t see it. So that tells me just how important my response is to him. Had I agreed when he said that he didn’t see it, he may not have delivered such a powerful word. Who knows? All that I do know is that I stayed in my lane because it was not my place to tell him to not walk his purposed path. My job was to love him through his figuring it out.

 

 

 

 

Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at Lana Moline Speaks.

Loving Your Spouse Even When Your Spouse Is Not Loving You

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By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Marlo and Jack have been married for twelve years and have two young children. Marlo and Jack each state that they love each other, yet Marlo does not feel loved by Jack, while Jack states that he is content with the relationship.

 

In their relationship system, Marlo tends to be the caretaker, while Jack is the taker. Marlo often thinks about what would please Jack, while Jack rarely thinks about what Marlo wants or feels.

 

What should Marlo do? Should she leave Jack, even though she loves him? Should she continue to try to get him to care about her, which has never worked? These are the questions Marlo had for me when she had a counseling session with me on the phone.

 

Marlo was quite surprised when I told her that neither action was warranted at this time.

 

“Marlo,” I said to her, “there is a good possibility that the way Jack treats you is a mirror of how you treat yourself. How often do you think about what you want or feel?”

 

“Not very often. I usually think more about Jack and my kids than I do about myself. I think it’s selfish to think about myself. I want to be loving, not selfish.”

 

Marlo was confused between selfishness and self-responsibility. Actually, in their relationship, Jack was the selfish one in expecting Marlo to give herself up to take responsibility for his feelings and needs. By not caring about her own feelings and needs, Marlo was training her children to be selfish as well. They were already learning to blame her for their feelings and expect her to give herself up for them. As soon as Jack or the children would get angry or withdraw, Marlo would feel guilty and responsible and give herself up to do what they wanted.

 

Marlo would not know whether or not Jack really loved her until she started to love herself. What if she left him and met another man? I assured her that the same thing would eventually happen if she remained a caretaker, because people usually end up treating us the way we treat ourselves.

 

“So what do I do?” asked Marlo. “I’m so used to taking care of everyone else. I have no idea how to take care of myself.”

 

“Imagine that your feelings and needs are a small child that you’ve just adopted. What would you do to help her begin to feel loved?”

 

“Well, I would spend time with her, and listen to her, and hold her. I would let her know that I’m here and not going away. I would do lots of things to help her feel safe and loved.”

 

“Exactly!” I stated. “This is what you need to start to do for yourself. Keep imagining that your own feelings are a small child and you are the parent of this child. You really do know how to be loving – it’s just that you’ve never thought about being loving to yourself. Take all that you’ve learned about giving to others and now give some of it to yourself.”

 

Then we moved on to another subject. “Marlo, do you have a source of spiritual guidance you turn to?”

 

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m a Christian and I turn to Jesus.”

 

“Good,” I said. “Now you need to start asking Jesus for information regarding the loving action toward yourself. You do this by asking a question, such as, ‘Jesus, what would the loving action be toward myself when Jack is angry with me?’ or ‘What is in my highest good when my children are being demanding or disrespectful toward me?’ Then imagine what Jesus might say to you. You might have to make it up for awhile, but after awhile you will begin to experience that Jesus is actually answering you. You will begin to experience two-way communication between you and Jesus. Are you willing to try this?”

 

Marlo was willing. I cautioned her that Jack and her children might be upset with her for awhile, because they were used to her being a caretaker, but that if they really loved her and wanted her to be happy, they would end up supporting her in loving herself.

 

“But what if Jack just stays mad?” she asked.

 

“Well, then you can decide what is in your highest good. But until you are loving to yourself, you will not know the truth about Jack. Most of the people I’ve worked with have found that when they are loving to themselves long enough, their whole relationship improves. I can’t guarantee it, but isn’t it worth a try, rather than just giving up?”

 

“Yes, I don’t really want to leave Jack. I’m excited about this. I finally have some hope for our relationship!”

 

 

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her at innerbonding.com.

Is Your Partner Overstepping The Relationship Boundaries?

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By Rachel Moheban, LCSW

When you’ve been together long enough, you pick up each other’s habits, finish each other’s sentences, share a bed, a home, maybe a couple of kids.

You become a unit.

But have you retained your own identity?

Can you define yourself as your own self, or only as one half of a couple?

Being part of a strong relationship is the ultimate achievement, but only if this is in a healthy and positive way, without giving up what makes you unique. Remember that you and your partner chose each other because of these individualities.

For example, let’s say that you have a friend, Sue. Sue is a motivated and successful Sales Manager at a hi-tech company. She loves traveling, going to art galleries and working out at the gym. Sue always has time for her friends and always offers an ear to listen.

Sue meets Bob. And falls in love. Three years down the line, Sue and Bob are married and are in an intense and passionate relationship.

You hardly ever see Sue anymore. Bob is very demanding of Sue’s time. He prefers to stay at home, so they don’t socialize much. Sue no longer visits art galleries and has stopped going to the gym.

He has a jealous nature, and often goes into her Facebook profile and checks her mobile text messages.

Bob definitely oversteps the relationship boundaries and doesn’t give Sue her right to privacy and individuality.

This is quite an extreme example, but do you feel that there are ways in which your partner oversteps the boundaries?

If so, here are some tips on how to approach your partner about this issue:

· Don’t accuse – raise the issue in a sensitive way, as perhaps your partner doesn’t intend to do this

· Offer suggestions on how your partner could change this behavior

· Reciprocate – ask your partner if there are any ways in which he/she feels that you overstep the boundaries

Healthy relationships can only be maintained if both partners are fulfilled and complete.

Rachel Moheban currently has a private practice in New York City and specializes in individual and couples therapy, and is the founder of The Relationship Suite. She has her Masters Degree in Social Work from New York University and was trained at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and at the Training Institute for Mental Health in marital and group counseling. For more info visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com

Are Rebound Relationships Destined To Fail?

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By Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Rebound relationships can be quite intense. It’s often the case that the longer the previous relationship, the more intense the rebound. Why does this happen?

Rebounds have a lot to do with our attachment makeup (based on early life development). To create a visual, imagine for a second that you have a bunch of strings coming out of you — each string representing a type of need based on our attachment type. When in a relationship, most or all of these strings are attached to our significant others (like a plug into an outlet). When we make this connection, our partner essentially soothes our attachment needs by being the recipient of these strings.

When going through a breakup, it’s a form of emotional crisis. Even if we weren’t happy in our relationship, there’s an overarching feeling of being grounded in the sense that our attachment needs are being soothed. The longer the relationship, the stronger the “strings” become, and the more unconsciously dependent they become on this other “object” (our partner) to maintain this connection. So, when the strings are suddenly pulled away from our mate, we suddenly end up with these emotional strings aimlessly flying around in the wind waiting to attach to someone. It can feel similar to breaking a long-term addiction all at once — there’s generally no weaning process in a breakup. (It has been said that love is a form of addiction).

What ends up happening is that we end up looking for somebody who can be the recipient of our attachment strings in order to soothe our emotional crisis. When this happens, we end up in a rebound relationship, with pre-strenthened attachment strings, with an increased sense of urgency to re-connect, from the reaction of the sudden detachment. This paves the way for a fast and intense connection.

This leads to a combination of problematic issues that often present in a rebound relationship:

  • The previous relationship hasn’t been resolved. Rebounds are generally reactive. These relationships start out as an emotional response to a removal from emotional security and stability (whether or not the relationship was healthy). Therefore, the previous relationship as a whole, and the accompanying emotions from the breakup have not been processed or resolved. A rebound relationship is a subconscious way of trying to avoid feeling the hurt, sadness, disappointment, and other emotions from the relationship that didn’t work. The euphoria drowns the sorrow. But only temporarily. Eventually, these emotions surface and often cause confusion within the rebound relationship.
  • The rebound partner is often idealized. In a rebound relationship, it’s common that the new partner is viewed as perfect — the person that we always wished we’d found first, and were so lucky to find this time. It’s euphoric. This response has a lot to do with our attachment needs seeking a state of stability to resolve the emotional crisis we experience in a breakup. In a metaphoric sense, we end up plugging all of our emotional strings deeply into a new partner all at once, in order to emotionally stabilize ourselves. They aren’t slowly worked in, such as with most non-rebound relationships. Eventually, the idealization (and euphoria) goes away, and this is when rebounds often hit a well.
  • Our own role in the previous relationship has not been explored. People often find they deal with similar types of struggles from one relationship to the next. This is because we have a role, based on our developmental history, in the formation and dynamic of our relationships. Simply said, if we don’t work to understand how our previous relationships went wrong, and what we can do to learn and grow from the experience, there’s a significant chance we will end up dealing with similar issues, only with a different person.

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It’s Cheaper To Keep Her….And Better For Both If The Love Is Real

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When you consider what Vanessa was likely to get if she moved forward with the divorce…the first thing you’ll say is DAMN!!! Next you’ll probably say WOWWW!!!! And then finally many of you will probably say IT’S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER. lol

Johnnie Taylor wasn’t lying in 1973 when he soulfully sang It’s Cheaper To Keep Her.

When your little
Girl make you mad
And you get an attitude
And pack your bags

Five little children
That you`re leaving behind
Son, you`re gonna pay some
Alimony or do some time

That`s why
It`s cheaper to keep her
Help me say it, y`all
It`s cheaper to keep her

According to California attorney Andrew L. Botros via LarryBrownSports.com, if Vanessa had proceeded with their divorce, per California law, Kobe would have had to pay approximately $1.36 million a month.

A 10-year marriage is considered a long-term marriage and a California judge can award spousal support indefinitely. Vanessa and Kobe crossed that 10-year threshold a few months before Vanessa initiated divorce proceedings, meaning Kobe might have had to pay spousal support for the rest of Vanessa’s life (ouch).

So what are we looking at in terms of child and spousal support?

According to Forbes, Kobe’s annual income is somewhere in the neighborhood of $53.2 million dollars. Assuming that he has 50/50 custody of his two daughters, Kobe would have to pay somewhere near $365,000 inchild support under the California Guideline. He also would probably have to pay somewhere around $1,000,000 in spousal support.

These are not annual figures. These are monthly estimates.

I didn’t mention property division. Kobe and Vanessa were married on April 18, 2001. Under California law, every penny Kobe earned from basketball or endorsements from the date of marriage to the date of separation is considered community property. It’s half Kobe’s and half Vanessa’s. That also applies to every mansion, car, yacht, or private jet that the either party purchased with community money.

BLAM Fam what are your thoughts?  It may be cheaper to keep her…but we feel that the love, commitment, and devotion to family must be the first and foremost priority.