3 Keys To Transform Your Marriage

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By Idriys Luqman Muhammad

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are supposed to live ‘happily ever after’. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood’s long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has ‘fallen out of love’?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

The fact is we know surprisingly little, and from the moment we say “I do,” we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. We don’t get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Some say if we don’t make mistakes we don’t really learn, but what do those mistakes cost us, and is the cost too high for some couples?

That’s why I have 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let’s call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I’m talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling unappreciated? Don’t make love as much as you used to? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner? Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

* The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
* The issue is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind may be that you are being invited into making a greater contribution into coupledom.
* The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needing to feel validated in the relationship

If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

The second key to transforming your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. It’s okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don’t always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with it. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope that it will all go away?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we are called into as a couple is finding that solution together. Make a list of things that you have learnt since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.

The third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Just because your partner views something different to you doesn’t make them wrong, and the same goes for you. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things. For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where a woman may focus more on the emotional process as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it’s up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

Idriys Luqman Muhammad is an exceptional Network Marketer with over 16 years of experience in the field, and a history of lucrative business accomplishments.http://www.IdriysMuhammad.net

‘Basketball Wives’ Malaysia Pargo Creates A Wedding Ring That Imprints “Married” On A Man’s Finger

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“Basketball Wives LA” star Malaysia Pargo has added a new wedding band to her already successful jewelry line, “Three Beats,” which leaves an imprint of the word “married” on a man’s finger when it’s taken off.  Check out the pic below and let us know if you think wearing this ring will increase one’s sense of relationship security.  Will it prevent infidelity?  Should there be a ring for women as well? CLICK HERE to read more.

How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

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By D.P. Haynes

Are you unhappy with your marital situation and searching for how to fix selfishness in your marriage? Well, I’m not sure what particular way selfishness is hurting your marriage but I do know if it’s not dealt with it can quickly ruin a marriage.

The following statement written by James Allen puts selfishness in perspective for me:

“The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; so ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; selfishness by Love.”

Selfishness has the tendency to ignite other problems in your marriage so it’s important to deal with it early on. Some of the fruits of selfishness is bitterness and lack of self control.

You see, couples enter the marriage with different expectations and ideas regarding how their marriage should be. Unfortunately, reality sets in and couples quickly realize that marriage is not as easy as they visualized. One of the hardest things to leave out of the marriage is the idea that your needs are more important than your spouses.

When things aren’t going according to our selfish desires, we can easily become frustrated and bitter. Bitterness is a good ingredient for destroying a marriage. You need to fix selfishness in your marriage before bitterness sets in.

If you don’t learn how to fix selfishness in your marriage before it’s too late it can lead to other destructive behaviors. For example, if a spouse is frustrated and bitter and wants to get his or her way they are more vulnerable to infidelity.

You see, all it takes is for someone to come along and agree with them, take their side and let them know how misunderstood and mistreated he or she is. Before you know it emotionally a connection is made and then you know what can happen next.

How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage

The way you deal with selfishness in your marriage is bring it to light. Although, it’s easy to assume that your spouse knows how selfish he or she is, it’s not always the case.

  • Make a list of the top 5 selfish characteristics that are driving you crazy.
  • Create a similar list of some selfish behaviors you may exhibit from time to time.
  • Schedule some quiet uninterrupted talk time to review the selfishness that you believe is hurting the growth of your marriage.
  • Be prepared for defensiveness or perhaps resentment or anger because selfishness is not easy to receive as constructive criticism.

The key is to make sure your spouse doesn’t feel under attack but rather that you are bringing up the issue because you are truly hurting and want to make things better.

Come up with some suggestions for fixing some of the selfish things you may do from time to time and see if your spouse can do the same.

Selfishness doesn’t have to ruin your marriage and your life. However, It’s definitely a marriage killer if you don’t fix it.

D P Haynes is the author of Saving Your Marriage. Visit him at www.RestoringRelationships.infoto access more information about saving your marriage.

Was Jesus Married?

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By Christy Krumm

When I first heard that a professor at Harvard Divinity School found a piece of ancient papyrus indicating that Jesus had a wife, my initial reaction was one of skepticism and eye rolling. Hadn’t we been over this already—back when Dan Brown wrote the Da Vinci Code and got everyone questioning whether Jesus was secretly married to Mary Magdalene?

And besides, the papyrus contained eight random lines, none of which were complete sentences, and only a few of which were even related to each other. The words, “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife . . .'” were legible among the various phrases; thus, speculation began as to whether or not this writing could actually be legitimate. Did Jesus have a wife that the Bible never mentioned? Was it possible?

The more I thought about it, the more difficult it was for me to even wrap my brain around the concept. And I came up with loads of questions I couldn’t even begin to answer. For example, f Jesus had been married, would people have thought he loved his wife more than anyone else? Would it mean the God of the universe hadsex with a mere mortal—much the way Zeus was rumored to do in ancient Greek mythology? If he and this wife had a baby, would their offspring be part divine being?

And, finally, what about that verse in I Corinthians 7 where the Apostle Paul writes, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided.” Would that same statement be true of Jesus? If he were married, would his interests be divided, and would his mission of being the redeemer and savior of mankind then be compromised?

 In the spirit of speculative fun, I thought I might do a little research and find some answers.
CLICK HERE to read more.

4 Ways To Reconnect And Save A Failing Marriage

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By Minnisha DeGrate

The thought of your marriage failing can be so overwhelming and scary that you’re too afraid to take action. Considering we are an imperfect people , it is only logical to think that our marriages will become strained at one time or another. However, in knowing this we ought to also be aware that these are the moments in marriage that can matter most. These moments are the opportunities for the bond in your marriage to grow , or mark the moments your marriage began to fail.

1. Focus on Attraction-

Reflect on the positive things your marriage was first built on, such as remembering why what brought you two together. Focus on the character traits that attracted you to your partner. For instance , sense of humor, uniqueness, common interest, physical appearance, or even any of the smallest things you can think of. Make an effort to rekindle that romance and reconnect with your partner. It’s easy to get distracted with the everyday stress of life and displace these feelings.

2. Touch Just To Touch-

Make it an obvious point to touch your partner, just for the sake of touching. Emotional resilience frequently keep us from getting near to the ones we care most for, but that it doesn’t cruel that the desire to do so isn’t there. These are times when unconditional love exposes itself in marriages, and this alone can in some cases turn a failing marriage around. Even one thing as simple as brushing against your wife/husband as you pass one another in the hall way. Small efforts can often times yield enormous results.

3. Kissing Your Partner –

Kissing is much different than touching your wife/husband. Kissing someone is no accident, it is a display of intentional affection in your marriage. Kissing can lead to a unforgettable passionate moments. And in an instance, the miserable marriage you thought was falling apart, has managed to save itself.

4. A Fresh Start Everyday-

Strive to permit each unused day to be a fresh start in your marriage, don’t make your marriage miserable by adding yesterday’s brief comings to each unused day. We are all human, but in the institution of marriage we often hold our partners to unrealistic standards.

In conclusion, we all know that in life our efforts don’t always give us the results we would like to have. Without ever trying we will never know what results our efforts could deliver to us in return. Walking elsewhere from a marriage that’s failed, no matter what caused it to fail, is never easy. However, if you take the initiative now , and at least try to save your marriage. I truly do believe with success or failure, you will be able to go on knowing you tried your very best. Always wishing my own readers the best!

Minnisha DeGrate [Williams] is the CEO and Founder of Tankum’s Legacy; she is a full time writer, Webmaster, Internet Marketing Researcher, and Co-CEO of L&R HR Consulting and Staffing Service. Minnisha also travels and dedicates time to motivational speaking; she strives to encourage others through compassionate works. You can find more of her work at www.minnisha.com

1O MUST HAVE Tips For Talking (And Actually Getting Somewhere) In Your Marriage

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By Team BLAM

Communicating effectively takes practice and a whole lot of effort. Without communication, it is nearly impossible to resolve conflicts or grow your relationship. Whether you are in a troubled marriage, simply seeing the value of a “tune-up”, or seeking marriage help, here are some useful tips for communicating effectively within a marriage.

~Realize that no one “wins” an argument. If you don’t leave a discussion with a possible solution to the problem, then neither party has been successful.

~Compromise is an essential tool to solving problems through communication. Before bringing up a problem, make sure you have thought of ways that you can help solve it by mutual compromise.

~Try to be positive when bringing up sensitive marital problems. Instead of jumping right into a discussion, open by acknowledging that every partnership could be improved and you’d like to take some time and discuss the things that are working in your relationship and the areas that could use improvement. It helps to start by talking about positive things and then moving into the deeper discussion on problem areas.

~ Be a “reflective” listener and make sure you understand what your partner has said. “What I hear you saying is…” is a great way to make sure the proper message has been received.

~Feel free to use the “time out” card if the discussion gets too intense. If an argument gets heated and irrational, it is better to postpone the discussion to a time and place where effective communication can happen.

~Make sure your body language, facial expressions and vocal tone are in line with your message. One study showed that 55% of the emotional meaning of what you say is expressed by your facial expression. While only 7% of the emotional meaning is verbal.

~Be honest, direct and focus on the real issue. If you enter a conversation insecure about making your point — you probably won’t make it.

~If you can’t come up with a definitive solution, at least try to end the conversation on a positive note like “I think it’s good we’ve both shared our feelings and we’ll continue to talk about it and try to come up with a better solution.”

~Don’t ever be rude or talk down to your partner in a discussion about your relationship. Don’t dismiss an idea or thought as absurd, but instead listen to your partner’s point and then react with the reasons you disagree in a respectful manner.

~Stay on track. If you sit down to talk about a financial problem and suddenly other emotional issues are coming up, realize that you may need to focus on one area at a time in order to create solutions instead of more arguing.

Last but not least, recognize when you need outside help to communicate effectively. Coaching, counseling, or classes may help solve what seems to be an impossible communication problem. We hope you truly utilize these tips. They really do work—when you use them. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

Why I’m Thankful For My Husband And Our Marriage

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By Joni Tapp

When a friend suggested we write a post about what we love about our husbands, I confess I rolled my eyes. Who would want to read that?, I wondered. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve gained a lot of insight about the way I look at marriage and my husband. I’ve realized that I definitely do have a tendency to focus on the few things that are not so great in our marriage rather than the thousands of things that ARE great. I was walking around angry and frustrated, and one day God just kind of woke me up to the fact that I was being completely ungrateful for my husband, our marriage, and our life together. Sure, it’s not perfect and it never will be, but there is SO MUCH that is right. Most of all, I KNOW that our marriage was ordained and blessed by God, and since I know Him to be good and loving, then I know that His gift to me of the sweet man I married is a wonderful blessing. So that day I chose to start thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for in my husband, and I was actually shocked at how much of a difference it made in the way I perceive the few hard things. They’re not near as bad as I thought they were. All that to say, even if none of you want to read all of the things I’m thankful for about my husband and our marriage, it is essential not only for me to make this list, but to dwell on it every single day.

One of the most important things to me is that my husband is a good man. He has strong character and integrity. I never have to worry about him cheating on me or leaving me or abusing me. Just these few things, I think, put me in a small minority of women around the world who have a husband their hearts can trust in. For this, I am thankful.

Along the same vein, but I think deserving of its own bullet point, is that my husband has strong faith. The storms of life don’t shake him, for which all glory goes to the Christ who saved him. I am thankful to have a believing husband who prays with me every night and encourages me in perseverance.

He is very disciplined and hard-working. Sometimes this drives me crazy because his productivity and achievement make me look bad! However, it is a very good thing that God gave me a man who is disciplined and committed to things, because it spurs me on to action when my tendency would be toward laziness.

He is wise and rational. I never have to worry about the decisions he makes because I know they are well-thought-out. He often tempers my high-strung emotion by helping me to slow down, calm down, and think clearly about things.

He has a servant’s heart. He will often sacrifice his own comfort for mine. One example of this is, recognizing that I’m NOT a morning person, he gets up almost every single day to feed our early-rising son his breakfast and lets me get a few more Z’s. He often cooks me eggs for breakfast so they’re ready for me when I get up.

He is a GREAT DAD!!! I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a better father than my husband is. He is so involved in our son’s life, spending so much time with him and investing deeply in his personal, physical, intellectual, and spiritual growth. I cannot wait to see how their relationship blossoms as our son grows!

He tries really hard to be a great husband. Transparency in communication doesn’t come naturally to my introverted husband, but he recognized how valuable it is to me and how important it is to our marriage, and so he tries. We’re both learning a lot about ourselves and about each other as we make this journey together, and I am thankful that we both want marriage to be a JOY and we recognize that is worth working for.

He trusts me. My husband and I are both frugal people who want to be wise stewards of our resources. Since he works full-time so that I can stay home with our son, that means I have more time than he does to be able to balance our checkbook and keep up with our budget. Knowing how important it is to him, it really means a lot to me that he trusts me completely with keeping our budget, and it makes me want to do a good job to honor his trust.

So I think that’s where I’ll end it for today, but I know there’s much more to be added… I should print this and post it on my wall so whenever I start feeling discouraged or resentful about something that isn’t going well, I can remember ALL I have to be thankful for.

Joni has been married to her best friend, Justin, since 2005, and together they have a 2-year-old son, Elias. Joni has always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, so it was such a blessing when God allowed her to do that when Elias came along. Joni is also a Pampered Chef Consultant, since she loves to cook and throw parties! Read more of Joni’s thoughts about being a Christian wife at muddymamas.net.

Got Intimacy?….. 9 Tips To Help You Get Close

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By Gian Fiero

The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store, and I glanced at the covers of several magazines. Many of them advertised articles on relationship topics such as “How to keep the fire burning,” and “How to Make Your Relationship Affair Proof.”

Topics such as these have their role in the repertoire of self-help materials which flood the market and feed the fears and insecurities of women, but they also contribute indirectly to something else: the belief that the woman is responsible for preventing her man from going astray. That’s foolish. It’s also impossible.

Men go astray because they choose to go astray. So do women. What both (mature) men and women can agree upon is that the success of any relationship requires commitment and collaboration…and sex…quality sex.

To that end, this article provides couples with some helpful ways in which they can achieve greater intimacy through better sexual interaction and activities.

ADDRESS YOUR FEARS: When fears are left unattended in a relationship, they grow. They also make us feel vulnerable. It’s simply not possible to be truly intimate, without being vulnerable. The fear of getting hurt, rejected, or disappointed looms large. Open and honest conversations about such fears will enable you to understand their origins, and eradicate them.

COMMUNICATE OPENLY: Most couples know the importance of communication. What they don’t know is that communication styles impact the effectiveness of that communication. To improve communication, acknowledge what was said and give feedback. This reduces discrepancies between what you heard, and what was said.

EXERCISE TOGETHER: People are not only motivated to work-out for health related reasons. Surveys show that increasing or maintaining sex appeal is just as important. Why not do it together as a couple? Healthiness and sexiness go hand-in-hand. Who will appreciate your nice physique more than a partner who was involved in the process of creating it?

GO DANCING: There’s a reason why “Dancing With The Stars” has been a hit for the last several years: It’s a sexy show! You may not be able to dance like the contestants on the show, but you can certainly enjoy the stimulating benefits of physically interacting with your partner while they are looking their best while dancing.

SPEND TIME TOGETHER NAKED: Get comfortable with each others bodies. Know where and how your partner likes to be touched. The greater the comfort level you achieve in your state of nakedness, the less inhibited your love making will be.

MASSAGE EACH OTHER: Massages are perhaps the most underutilized, and highly appreciated, sensual activity of couples. When given in an environment which is conducive to relaxation (soft music, candlelit room, etc.) a firm (or gentle) massage can relieve tension, stress, and awaken your dormant sexual desires when special attention is payed to your erogenous zones. Incorporate scented oils to maximize the sensuality of your massage experience.

GO SHOPPING: Taking your man shopping to find clothes that capture his handsomeness can be both an educational and bonding experience. But do men hate shopping with women? Yes, but it all depends on what they are shopping for. In this sexy scenario you are purchasing clothes that he has a vested interest in (such as the sexy outfits you will wear while out dancing). Watching a woman slither in and out of a dressing room in sexy clothes is very arousing.

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION: A recent report found that children see more violence growing up than they see public displays of affection. Like Stevie Wonder sings, the world is in need of a little love today – show it to them! Public displays of affection tend to come naturally to new couples who can’t keep their hands off of each other. All couples should follow suit.

MAKE LOVE…SLOWLY: In a world that has become increasingly fast-paced, why wouldn’t you? This is the time when the world should slow down long enough for you to feel as though time does not exist, and your pleasure, is the most important thing in the world. After all, being sexy as a couple is comprised of moments which lead to, and come down to this.

Gian Fiero is an educator, speaker and consultant. He specializes in business development, career planning, and personal growth issues. He is affiliated with San Francisco State University as an adjunct professor, and the United States Small Business Administration (SBA) as a business advisor, in addition to conducting lectures, workshops, and counseling sessions throughout the country.

TV One’s “Save My Son” With Dr. Steve Perry Premieres Tonight 9/26 @ 9pm. Will You Be Watching?

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‘Save My Son’ is a one-hour series from TV ONE hosted by renowned Educator, Principal, Author, CNN Contributor Dr. Steve Perry. The eight-episode series will feature several young men and their families dealing with gangs, drugs, truancy and other crimes. The series premieres tonight, Wednesday, September 26, 2012 at 9 EST.

We really like this dude…..and think this show will be good. Tune in and let us know what you think.

Want An Unbreakable Relationship? Let Go Of The Past…

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By Team BLAM

Studies show that people who enjoy healthy relationships have more happiness and less stress. We also know that the the way in which you think, feel, and believe in your adult relationships is a direct result of your past relationships and early experiences, going all the way back to childhood.

Many of us carry into our adult relationships the dysfunctional behaviors we witnessed and learned as children. If your parents separated or divorced, or if one parent abandoned the family (physically or emotionally), you might have adopted the same behavior patterns that prompted these events.

If your relationships in the past were chaotic or troubled, you can start now to examine and undo unconscious attitudes and behaviors that might be contributing to an unsatisfying personal life. By understanding how early circumstances have had an impact on your life, you can begin to overcome negative habits and thinking that can affect your relationships now and in the future.

Look, it won’t be the easiest thing in the world to do. But, anything worth enjoying and having is worth working to have and create. Building a healthy relationship is kind of like building a house. First, we must clear the land by doing away with the dysfunctional behaviors (i.e., anything that serves to keep you bound, down, and ignorant instead of enlightened, free, and uplifted). This is what usually separated the “winners” from the “losers” because this is where the hard work comes in. Most people ain’t trying to do all that….we’d rather stay comfortable—unhappy but comfortable. SMH.  But, for the folks who are serious about finding true happiness within themselves and in their relationship; here’s where what you put in really counts. It’s hard and hugely rewarding work that often requires assistance from others. Then we must lay a foundation of willingness to communicate, care, and commit. Finally, we construct one story of the house at a time. We start with casual contact, move to friendship, then companionship, and ultimately, (if appropriate) we top the structure with romantic love and committed love.

Skip any step in building a house and the structure might be unsafe and collapse. The same is true for building relationships. If you omit an essential step, you put the relationship in jeopardy. At first the relationship can seem sound, but as time passes, flaws begin to show and the framework starts to sag. When a storm comes along, the relationship might break apart.

Overcoming your fears and dealing with your past allows you to move forward awake and aware. It allows you to intentionally create the relationship of your dreams. So, BEGIN. START. MOVE. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.