By Mark Webb

Have you been taking your partner for granted? Do you have good intentions that never materialize? What is the present level of satisfaction between you and your mate? If your answer stirs up feelings of guilt, sadness or frustration, then you need to evaluate your efforts within the marriage.

I have heard spouses on numerous occasions complain that their partner has done “too little, too late.” If your partner has said this to you then you need to make some major changes fast, because your partner is headed for the door. Many people wait until there is a problem or a conflict, then they attempt to perform a Band-Aid solution. This usually gives good temporary relief and things return to “normal.” Unfortunately, it is often only a matter of time before there is a reemergence of the same problem area. Once we see the pattern occurring, then we develop frustration and resentment because we see that things are not changing. You’ll only get so many chances with the band aid approach. The dangerous part is when you take your partner’s forgiveness as a license to freely mistreat them.

Don’t let this happen to you! Do something now. I’ve seen too many people live lives of regret because they lost the best partner they could of ever had. Make your marriage a priority. Let your spouse know how important he or she is to you. Don’t wait until that person throws up his hands and is fed up. Sincerely dedicate yourself to being a better partner.

A system or formula exists for anything we want to do in life. All we have to do is plug into the system and do what the system says or do something similar. We are fortunate that books are numerous on the subject of marriage enhancement. Church is another good place to learn how to have a fulfilling marriage. People often come to therapy in a state of confusion, stating “We don’t know how to do this.” You learn about happy marriages through good role models and/or by studying. So if you haven’t had the role models to set a positive example for you then you need to seek out the experts. You’ll find them in your community, in books, and on the internet.

Ask for professional help, seek out input from other married couples, particularly those who have lasted the test of time. Do whatever it takes. Don’t wait. Get started today. You know you don’t want to spend the rest of your life without your partner. A little bit of effort goes a long way. Decide to fall in love all over again. You’ll be glad you did.

By Ilex Bien-Aime

My views on marriage are based on my moral beliefs. I believe that marriage is forever and not just until you get tired of someone. Unfortunately the world has a different take on the subject. People tend to view marriage as if it is a dress with the tag still on it. They wear it for little bit and once they get tired of it they try to take it back. Like buying a pair of new Nike Air Force Ones – if we get one smudge on them, we look to replace them.

Many  don’t view marriage as being important anymore. Today people see being married as a sort natural progression. Some of us feel that once we reach a certain age and achieve certain accomplishments, marriage is the next step. The deep significance of a lifelong partner becomes overlooked. The situation also becomes worse the older we become, because many of us will marry the first person that seems semi decent. Nothing makes people rush to the altar faster than when they see their friends getting married and start having babies.

When so many people start adopting these trivial thoughts on marriage, the sacredness of the institution becomes null and void. I believe that this is one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high. People don’t understand that marriage is not a game. It is a lot of hard work and there are many sacrifices to be made. Unfortunately folks don’t seriously think about these things when they rush to get married. As soon as problems arise, they feel that divorce is the way to go.

Marriage is not a  a short term lease where you test it out for a little bit and get a newer one later. The world has adopted this great lack of commitment  that makes marriage into a joke. It’s crazy, but now people get married because of a drunken night in Vegas or because they lost a bet. Seriously, Kim Kardashian?! 72 days?! Is that what marriage has now become?  Because no one wants to take marriage seriously, many are over before they start.

I get into arguments with people all of the time when I tell them that if I were rich, I would not sign a prenuptial agreement. I understand that the agreement would be there as a protection of my assets, but what about becoming one? What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine but I guess that only works for poor people…..? To me this agreement is saying “just in case”. Well I don’t want a “just in case” marriage – we are sticking this thing out. I always say that marriage is not all about drinking piña coladas and making love under the pale moonlight. If you think it is, you seriously shouldn’t get married. That way you will save yourself a divorce later on.

Over the past few years, I have been to more weddings then I care to count. Each time I heard the pastor tell the bride and groom that marriage is a sacred bond and that it is not to be taken lightly. Maybe we live in a Godless society where people don’t care about making and breaking vows to God. I take my vows seriously. Don’t get me wrong – this walk ain’t easy. This thing is a full time job with long hours but if you meet the right person, the pay is excellent. Maybe there needs to be more stringent rules to getting married. That way people would have time to think before rushing into it. I know that this would never happen so all I can do is worry about my own marriage. I refuse to make a mockery out of marriage, I just wish everyone else would follow suit!

Ilex Bien-Aime is an integral part of the BlackLoveAndMarriage.com team. He lives in Washington, DC with his lovely wife. He writes as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. He writes as a man who wants to give his future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly he writes what he writes because his female friends are always asking his opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email atilexbienaime@gmail.com.