The Forgotten Art Of Kissing

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By Brett Smith

Do you remember your first kiss with your sweetheart?  Was it exciting or were you anxiously anticipating it’s ending?  Regardless of what those initial emotions were…..I’m certain over the course of your relationship you experienced moments where you wished the lip locking lasted “almost” forever.  It’s important that in our relationships we cherish those moments and be intentional about making them more frequent instead of accidentally becoming few and far between.  Check out the passionate piece below by Brett Smith and let it serve as a reminder that kissing is key to a healthy relationship.

Sleeping Beauty knew the power of a kiss. Fated to sleep for a hundred years, she was awakened from her trance by her Prince’s lips, and everyone lived happily ever after. Kissing, snogging, smooching, is an integral part of fairytale mythology, romantic novels and famous films. However, in Western sex-obsessed society, kissing is overlooked as an end in itself. Be honest. When did you last enjoy a really passionate pash?

“Many people, particularly if they’re in a long-term relationship, often skip the kissing stage when they begin to make love,” says Susan Quilliam, author of Women On Sex. “But it’s such a shame—kissing is one of the sexiest, most exciting and intimate things a couple can do.”The deep tongue kiss can be a second penetration, while a light kiss or a brush with your lip across a partner’s neck, shoulders or back can spark a rush of erotic reactions through their body. That’s the beauty of kissing. It works in all sorts of places.

As Alex Comfort, in The Joy of Sex, writes: “If you haven’t at least kissed her mouth, shoulders, neck, breasts, armpits, fingers, palms, toes…you haven’t really kissed her.”  The way we kiss – like the way we make love – can, over time, become habitual. And with habit, our sensations gradually shut down. So the answer is to shake things up a bit.

“Be inventive,” Olivia St. Claire urges in 203 Ways to Drive a Man in Bed. “Use your lips, your tongue, your teeth. Press hard. Brush softly. Suck, lick, and bite. Linger lovingly, press passionately. And respond sensitively to his lip manoeuvres. This is not a solo tune but a lovely, harmonious duet.”  When we kiss a lover for the first time our knees go weak and wobbly. It’s a wonderful feeling and it’s worth repeating. So rediscover the kiss, and explore the erotic potential of your lips.

Brett Smith is not your average health and online datingexpert. He has some interesting and controversial views on health and how singles can get through the dating scene successfully published on partner4real.com.au

Dating While Married. Are You Guilty? We Hope So!

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By Debbie Leigh Fraser

Almost half of marriages these days fail. That’s a bit daunting for anyone thinking of entering into a marriage.

Why? Can it be prevented? I think a lot of people put an awful lot of effort into their relationship while dating, but after marriage, and children we fall into a bit of a mundane routine. Go to work, eat dinner, bath the kids, put the kids to bed, then sit in front of the computer or tv and often fall asleep, without having a conversation other than what the kids have been up to during the day.

That’s why I think a date night for every married couple is a necessity, if not every week then at least once a month.

What stops a lot of people having a date night often is, they can’t afford a babysitter, or can’t afford to go out. But by putting a limit on what you spend on a date night can actually make the whole experience more special. It’s easy, if you have the money, to book a beautiful restaurant, send flowers or buy an expensive box of chocolates but if you have a budget of just say $30 for night, you really need to put a lot of thought into what you can do that’s special but also inexpensive.

It is so much nicer when you receive a gift where a lot of thought has gone into it, a gift voucher is easy, but not a lot of thought has gone into that idea.

What can you do with $30 for an evening for two people. A beautiful walk along the beach, throw a blanket on the ground, lay back and watch the stars – totally free. Pack a picnic with a nice bottle of wine, some good music and head off to a park. Go for a walk along the river, then sit in a cozy little cafe with a good cup of coffee and a delicious cake. It really is endless with a bit of thought.

So what about not having a babysitter? There are other couples out there that would also like to have a date night, swap babysitting with them, have their children over for a sleepover or vice versa. Start a date night babysitting circle in your neighbourhood.

Marriage isn’t the be all and end all, it has to be worked at like everything else in life, so have some fun and rediscover again why you fell in love.

Debbie Fraser is a mother of 4 living on the beautiful Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. She is the owner of Ourdatenights.com and the author of the e-book “Our Date Nights” which has loads and loads of Date Night Ideas under $30.

4 Relationship Rituals From The Ma’at’s To Keep Your Love Rock Solid

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By Aiyana Ma’at

What do you think when you hear the word ritual? Important? Sacred? Habit? Pattern?  One definition I read is: any formal act, institution, or procedure that is followed consistently. All of those things would be correct. Ritual…It instantly makes me pay attention. So, now on to what I wanted to talk about today…What important habits or sacred patterns do you have in your relationship? Do you have any?

For those who are stuck or need a little more clarity, let me give you a few examples from my own marriage:

1. Stay in touch with each other throughout the day.

Ayize and I are aware of each other’s daily lives and know most everything each of us has going on day to day. It helps to keep us connected in to how the other is thinking and feeling on an ongoing basis. We have regular times to talk each day about the simple mundane things that are happening in our day to more complex conversations around the kids, business decisions, etc.

2. BE KIND to each other DAILY.

This is often underestimated. A simple act of kindness can instantly shift the energy within you and your boo. Remember, it’s the smallest and simplest things that usually make the biggest impact. I know I can sometimes be moody but I really try hard to treat my husband the way I want him to treat me. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend the way you sometimes treat your partner. Would you criticize or put down? Would you always be trying to change them? Sometimes if we treated our friends the way we treat the ones we love, we wouldn’t have many friends. Work to make him or her happy rather than better.

3. Have fun with each other every single week.

More than just about anything I love being with my husband, hanging out, holding hands, cracking up, and acting a fool. It is some of THE most sacred time I have in my life. I am very protective over what I consider to be “our down time” because it is literally the road that leads to our incredible irresistible connection and success. We make time for what we value and I highly value spending time with the love of my life. Howard Markman has suggested a simple way to add to your fun things to do list. You and your spouse can each make a list of fun activities you’d like to do. Trade lists. Choose one thing from your spouse’s list. Have them choose one from yours. Schedule the activities. Each spouse takes responsibility to plan the activity chosen from the partner’s list. Make the scheduled activities a priority.

4. Make time for spiritual connection and personal development TOGETHER.

Ayize knows the strength of my faith and how heavily I rely on God to see me and our family through so much. He knows where I struggle in my spiritual walk. He knows how I feel about certain theological perspectives. He knows how I experience God and how I see God. I know what Ayize believes and does not believe in. I know the way he is most easily able to connect to the Creator and I know what resonates with him spiritually and what things make him grimace if he hears them said in a spiritual setting. I know where Ayize is still a work in progress and he knows what I still haven’t fully given over to God….real talk. Why do we know all of these things about each other? Because we make and take intentional time to ask questions of each other that you might otherwise only hear in a theological reflection group. Because we make no (or I should say we try hard not to make) assumptions about what the other person should or should not believe, do, or feel. Because we don’t use what we know about each other against each other and we know that ultimately all of life is a spiritual journey and one of our greatest responsibilities to each other is to be a reflection of the God within each of us.

Nurture your relationship by doing some of the things suggested here. You know yourself and your partner best, so think of other ways you can strengthen your friendship and your bond. With some effort and creativity, you can keep your partner as your best friend for life!

 Aiyana Ma’at is the wife of Ayize Ma’at, mom of 4, and co-founder and owner of this website, BlackLoveAndMarriage.com, as well as PurposePusher.com. Aiyana is a Seeker, Motivator, Risk Taker, Explorer, & Overcomer. She is a self-described PurposePusher and does her best to live her life with self-awareness and intention. Some of her official titles include licensed psycho-therapist, certified marriage educator & relationship coach and speaker. She is clear that a part of the call on her life is to help bring insight and awareness to others so that they can “get out of their own way” and create the lives they want to have.

How To Build Spiritual Intimacy In Your Marriage

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Contributed By Marriage Rescue Associates

There is a limit on how close a couple can be to each other if they are not also close to God. Not only individually close to God, but close as a couple as well.

In our Marriage Counseling practice most of the couples who come to us want a deeper spiritual life together. How does a couple get closer to God?

The first thing to do is plan/prepare. Sit down as a couple to talk about the things that have made you feel close to God in the past or that you think would make you close to God in the present. Make two lists. It would be common for each spouse to have different ideas. Since this article is about getting closer to God as a couple, look at the two lists to see if there is anything you could do together.

Set yourselves up for success. See if there is an item that both of you have on your lists (for instance prayer). Talk about how you both like to pray, when to pray, and where to pray. The goal is to come into agreement on how you would like to go about praying as a couple. There is an old saying that couples that pray together stay together.

Getting started is the easy part. The more difficult part is to be consistent with your new goal. Let’s look at some things that would help. You can start with setting a specific time each day. If setting a time each day is too rigid a couple might try setting a sequence, i.e. breakfast, dress, make bed, prayer. Also a couple might arrange accountability with another couple who would like to also improve their spiritual life together.

Once you have started your new goals and practiced them for a period of time, perhaps 30 days, it will become second nature to you and it will require much less effort to sustain.

The strongest thing that you can then do as a couple is to turn outward to help other people. Volunteer at church, help out at a shelter or soup kitchen, or visit a sick friend. If your schedule is too busy to help others, then you are too busy. Purposely helping others will be a life changing experience.

Taking turns reading aloud from a book that helps you get closer to God is very effective. When you read aloud you both experience the words at the same time and can have very meaningful discussions on the content.

Praying for each other is an excellent tool and life changing experience. We recommend buying and using Stormy Ormartian’s Power of a Praying Husband and Power of a Prating Wife as great tools for those who are not experience at praying for each other.

Nothing is more important and effective than reading your spiritual text of preference together. My wife and I read the same Chapter at the same time. We highlight the verses that are the most meaningful to us and then discuss together.

Couples that are close to God heal the fastest even when they are in crisis. We also see that those couples who have not been close to God and close to each other before they came, but make the decision to change have great success in healing their hurts and regaining a true “closeness” as well. Work on building spiritual intimacy in your relationship starting TODAY. Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.

With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs. To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org


5 Questions To Ask To Bring You And Your Boo Closer

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By Aiyana Ma’at

My husband and I receive questions all the time about how we maintain a happy relationship. Folks want to know how we manage running a business together along with raising 4 children.  We are often asked how we maintain a hot & healthy sex life (check out the convo I had a while back about me and hubby’s off the chain sex life). And, while there are all kinds of tricks and tips I could give; after thinking about it I realized that there is one thing that is ultimately responsible for the kind of relationship that my husband and I have. It is this: We are emotionally connected to each other. Yup, that’s a huge part of why we’re able to have a happy relationship. We make it a point to be vulnerable with each other and to make time to really be with each other.

I must say I think it’s a little easier for me than my husband. Ayize, like many men, can sometimes hold back a bit with how he feels (and I’m talking about deep feelings….from the heart and gut; not opinions from the head, etc.). When I sense that he’s doing that I go out of my way to let him know that I want to know what’s on his heart and that he can trust that I won’t judge his feelings.

Ayize does the same thing with me. He goes out of his way to make me feel emotionally safe and If I start to retreat or put up a wall…he’ll bug me until the wall melts away and I’m back in our safe space being vulnerable again.

My point? You have to be intentional about maintaining closeness between you and your partner. You have to have the right accepting and non-judgemental attitude and you have to be willing to go the extra mile for the one you love. Ayize and I are no different than any other couple. We have our issues, upsets, & arguments just like everyone else. But, at the end of the day our # 1 priority is to keep transparency, honesty, and trust between the two of us. When you get a taste of what that feels like you never want to lose it!

If you have it in your relationship then keep it going! If you don’t then be intentional about creating it. No matter where you fall take some time out to just be with your sweetheart and ask these 5 questions to bring you and your boo closer–(remember, no judgement):

  • If you had a magic wand and could change anything about our relationship, what would it be?
  • Are there some things in your life you’ve never told anyone? Would you feel comfortable telling me one of them?
  • What are three things you’d like me to consider doing differently in the bedroom?
  • What do you think are the three most important things in life?
  • What would your life be like if I weren’t in it? What things would you have done or not done?

2 Simple But Powerful Ways To Strengthen The Bond Between Marriage & Romance

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By Hayden Danczak

The words marriage and romance sometimes mix like oil and vinegar for a lot of married couples. Just think about it for a second. When was the last time you and your spouse spent some quality time together outside of the bedroom? A lot of people will not be able to remember the last time! One of the biggest reasons that marriages start to fail, can be directly attributed to a lack of romance in the marriage. In order for any marriage to thrive and remain healthy, it is important that married couples work at keeping the romance spark alive in their relationship.

While it sounds nice to hear that keeping the romance in your marriage alive will help it to remain healthy, it is not always easy. So how do you go about keeping marriage and romance together in your marriage? For starters, it is important that you consider your spouse’s needs, wants, or interests in mind. Romance is a two way street and you must be able to compromise with your spouse in order to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

Marriage and romance doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact probably the most important first step in rekindling your romance is through simple daily affection. Now this may sound trivial and not to exciting, but the fact is, that this should be the foundation for romance. We sometimes get too caught up in the daily grind of work, family, chores, etc. and forget to do the little things that allowed us to fall in love in the first place.

Affection doesn’t cost anything and it is pleasurable to both give and receive. Remember a simple “I love you,” goes a long way. So what are some easy ways to show your affection? Simple things such as holding hands, kissing, and embracing your spouse can really show your affection. Don’t be afraid to show affection in public (don’t get too crazy) it can really prove to your spouse that you want others to know just how much you care about them which is important.

I’d say the other important part to keeping romance alive is spending alone time with your partner. Just like showing affection, many married couples, stop going out on dates. Whether it’s a special night alone in the house or a romantic night out on the town, it is vital that you spend time alone with your spouse. Going out on a date should not be a complicated process. Make it exciting, and something for the two of you to look forward to.

There are a couple of ways to set up a date that can be both exciting and memorable. You could plan a surprise weekend getaway for you and your spouse. This builds up excitement and can really ignite the romantic fire. Or, simply plan a night out together without the kids. It doesn’t matter whether its dinner and a movie, or stopping by the local bar to have a couple of drinks, the important thing is that you and your spouse are spending time alone to reconnect.

Romance needs to be an essential part of any healthy marriage. Remember, keeping romance alive is not and should not be difficult. Simple things that we may take for granted such as showing daily affection are very powerful actions. Also, spending time alone together can really keep the marriage away from the mundane of the daily grind. Just remember, if you want to keep the chemistry between marriage and romance flowing, then you have to put forth the effort and show your spouse that they are still very much an important and necessary part of your life.

Hayden Danczak is the owner of Makeamarriagework.net. Visit the site today.

Constantly Turn Toward Each Other Rather Than Away

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By Dov Heller, MA

When you pass your spouse sitting at her desk doing some work, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give him a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in his ear — or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of “turning toward” as opposed to “turning away.”

Happily married couples have ways to constantly be emotionally close to each other.

Marriage research shows that happily married couples do a lot of turning toward each other whenever they get the chance. They look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other. Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

One big way happy couples turn toward each other is by doing things together that you both enjoy. Taking walks together, drinking coffee together after dinner, learning a new language together, and listening to music together, are all examples of how couples turn toward each other.

Couples who “turn away” from each other don’t develop closeness. So, do a self check and ask yourself are you turning toward your spouse or away with your daily interactions?

No matter what the answer is, when you finish reading this find your boo (even if they’re not with you) and turn toward them by letting them know they were on your mind…

Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University. He also holds a B.A. in philosophy and was ordained a rabbi in Jerusalem in 1982. He is director of the Aish HaTorah Counseling Center in Los Angeles, founder of the Relationship Institute, and runs a private practice specializing in adult psychotherapy, marriage counseling and personal guidance. In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling service via telephone helping people solve their relationship challenges. Visit his website at www.claritytalk.com.

A Wedding Anniversary Should Not Be Taken Lightly

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By Andrea Boley

A wedding anniversary should not be taken lightly, especially these days when divorce is so common. Each year that comes is another milestone that should be celebrated whole-heartedly. Couples should take the time to truly remember the reasons they love one another and why they got married in the first place. Many couples like to share simple traditions together each year. Some choose to spend large sums of money for an elaborate affair, while others prefer a more intimate get-together. From a weekend cruise to a backyard barbeque, there’s a way for most everyone to commemorate each anniversary and share their joys and triumphs with those closest to the heart.

Make each year a special and memorable occasion between you and your spouse by remembering specifics from when you dated or the early years of marriage. You could visit a park, restaurant, or other spot you had your first date, first kiss, or got engaged. If you gave a specific, inexpensive gift (such as a certain type of flowers or chocolate), give the same thing each year on your anniversary (with or without additional gifts). Take a trip to the same place each year. Really make each year a fun and memorable occasion.

For those large milestone anniversaries (10, 25, 50, etc), consider having a big party with those you care about. Decide on a theme and let your imagination run wild. Some fun ideas include a black and white party, a large backyard barbeque, or a masquerade ball. Hotels, restaurants, country clubs, or large houses all make good venues for anniversary parties. Consider the original wedding or reception venue for the party. Celebrating there will open the flood gates of emotion and bring back tons of fond memories. Be sure to find a menu that fits with the theme of your party. Some venues will provide catering and/or entertainment services, which can make things easier.

Just because you do not have money to spend on a large celebration doesn’t mean you cannot do anything; you must remember that the best things in life are free. Never let money hinder plans to create a memorable anniversary. Share a favorite dinner at home together by candlelight, dance with one another in the living room, or take a bubble bath together. You can also plan a practical get-together for your closest friends and family if you’d like to celebrate with others. If you have the room to host, have it at your house. If not, ask someone if they will be willing to let you use their space. Make the meal potluck style, asking each guest to provide their favorite dish that way you won’t feel financially burdened by the party. If you have some money to spare, invest in a few disposable cameras and ask party guests to take candid pictures throughout. There are plenty of frugal and practical ways to create an unforgettable celebration.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to remember why you’re celebrating. Show your love and appreciation for one another by giving your time, creativity, imagination, and sincerity. Reconnect with each other and reminisce the years you’ve shared together. It doesn’t matter how grand or simple the celebration may be, so long as it is one that is memorable.

Andrea Boley is a writer and blogger with http://storkie.com.  She has been writing articles and blogging for over 10 years and is always happy to share her passion for life and experiences through her work.  Her educational backgrounds in psychology and journalism have given her a solid foundation from which to draw experience and expertise in an array of topics.


VIDEO: Be Present While Dating & While Married

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By Team BLAM/Aiyana Ma’at

I’m not the jealous type. Really, I’m not. But, I was starting to feel “some type of way” about the amount of time I was getting to spend with my hubby lately. He’s been working so hard lately (and let me just say that I love him for it) and I was starting to feel a little…..shall we say neglected?

So, I had to keep it real with my baby and one day I said “You know, I’m starting to get jealous of BLAM”. To his credit, that was all it took–my sweetie pie handled his business once I handled mine (meaning I communicated exactly how I was feeling).

We had a wonderful weekend! Lunch and the movies on Saturday. Church and a musuem on Sunday. I don’t know about ya’ll but it was perfect to me! 🙂

In this vid we’re on the way to pick up our children from the grandparents’ house (yup we even had a kiddie free house this weekend) and my husband shares why it’s so important to BE PRESENT in your relationship.

Happy Monday Ya’ll! Be Present!!! ;-0

Intimacy – The Path To Forever

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By Joe and Emily Season

For a marriage to survive and last until that dreamy “forever,” intimacy must exist between the couple. What is intimacy anyway? This just does not pertain to the act of making love, but fulfilling each other’s emotional needs. It entails enlightening conversations in between kisses and caresses.

A lot of marriage counselors chalk up the longevity of a marriage to how intimate the couple is. Here are some ways to achieve that intimacy for that ideal, almost magical marriage:

1. All work and no intimacy make a dull couple.

It is a given that after a crazy day at the office, the husband and wife both feel exhausted. But they must not let it get in the way of their relationship. They must allow for some quality time in and out of their love bed.

2. The husband must give what his wife wants: quality talk time.

Wives want to talk things out and express what is inside their hearts. The husband must grant her that as this is one way to achieve emotional intimacy.

3. The couple must still exert an effort to look attractive.

It does not mean that both must be “dressed up” all the time. But married couples must still try their best to look nice for their partners. This is one of the ways to start up the intimacy.

4. The couple must schedule dates.

Dating must not end at marriage. In fact, both should set a time to go out and have fun, just like before.

5. Husband and wife must continually unleash their romantic side.

Kisses, hugs, flowers, holding hands, stolen smacks…’the works’ – they do magic in a relationship.

6. Surprises are nice.

Sweet surprises always lead to intimacy. If the couple knows when to pull off these incredibly romantic stints, then that’s a surefire way to attain a divorce-proof relationship.

7. Solving a problem before it gets blown out of proportion is important.

Intimacy loses its appeal once it gets “infected” by those conflicts that cripple the relationship. Conflicts should let a couple grow and not cause the downfall.

It is nice to earn that happily-ever-after plateau. But marriage is not as easy as a Disney fairytale had told everyone. Intimacy must be maintained long after the honeymoon is over to guarantee the husband and wife that yes, this marriage would last. That yes, forever is possible.

Joe and Emily Season are experts when it comes to relationships and marriage. They have helped countless couples find real happiness in their lives.