By Lucy O’Brien
Dating can feel like hard work to those women who would love to have a successful relationship but wish that they could skip the dating phase. Unfortunately, successful dating is a prerequisite to getting that relationship. For a start, skipping dating would make it very difficult for you to get to know whether the guy is a suitable match for you. If you always seem to lose the guy when you think it’s going well, then you need to read on to find out why.
When you first meet him it feels great and, lets face it, you want more. You just have to get your fix. It’s not long before you think that he could be a suitable mate for you and you start to fantasize about a future together. The problem is that you don’t really know him. You’re still in the honeymoon period. He’s on his best behaviour and his flaws haven’t yet started to appear.
You charge ahead regardless, desperate for that highly sought after prize – the relationship. You immediately start to centre your life around him and mentally make plans for your future together. You have high expectations for him as your new partner. But inevitably, at some point when you think all is well, he starts to back off and you have no idea why.
Of course, the reason why he withdraws is the pressure that your premature expectations place upon him. You commit to the relationship without getting to know him first. You don’t take it slowly. You don’t stop along the way to check whether he is the right guy for you. You assume that because you want a relationship with him, that he feels the same way. You don’t want to date him – you want that relationship and you want it now. This is not a recipe for successful dating.
When a man seems really keen in the beginning, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that he wants a relationship with you, but this is not necessarily the case. A guy will want to get to know you before he commits to you, even if he’s pretty crazy about you in the beginning. He has his own timescale for feeling like he is in a relationship and this is generally going to be much longer than yours as a woman.
When a guy starts to withdraw when everything seems to be going well, he is feeling the pressure of your relationship expectations. He’s not quite ready for the relationship yet. It’s ironic but if you want to keep him, you must now let him go. If you chase after him, desperate to hang on to him at any cost, you will lose him. This is too much pressure for a man. If he doesn’t get out now he will feel trapped in a relationship that you created in your head. This is why so many great women lose great guys and are not successful at dating.
The only way to keep a man is to play it cool during early dating and not allow yourself to get carried away by your expectations of a relationship with him. Let him set the pace and show you that he is the one for you. If he doesn’t make the grade then let him go early. If you’re desperate for the relationship you will waste months in wrong relationships where you eventually lose the guy. For successful dating, patience is essential if you want to get your prize.