Help…I Caught My Husband Cheating On Facebook

Video: Question from a viewer

To make a long story short, I found emails on my husband facebook page (he forgot to log off) between him and females.  One of the emails, he was  describing his penis and telling her what he could/would do to her with his penis.  The emails went back and forth.  I was so upset I told him I want a divorce.  He stated he was just talking and that nothing happened or was going to happen.  Even if he was just talking, I still fell that he cheated.  He doesn’t want to get a divorce or a separation.  I dont trust him anymore.  I never had trust issues with him before.  I believe that without trust there is no relationship.  I found a divorce lawyer.  However, a divorce cost more than i can afford.  My husband and I have been married since 2004.  We have a 11 month old daughter.  I am so hurt.  I feel disrespected and betrayed.    We are currently going to marriage counseling, but I can’t seem to get pass this/over this.  I love my husband, but i also love myself.  I believe that you teach people how to treat you and if I continue with our marriage he will do it again because I let him get away with it the first time.   Any advice you have is appreciated.

BLAM FAM what do you think about this situation?

17 replies
  1. Mrs. Jones
    Mrs. Jones says:

    This is straight garbage! What kind of decent God fearing man cheats on his wife via Facebook, etc. …… Folks stop making excuses for these piece of trash men and women who cheat on their spouses. Most of them don't have the IQ to understand what it takes to make a marriage work and most of them definitely don't have the metal ability to take care/raise children. When you enter a marriage you have to understand that you will come across many temptations, but that's when you get on your knees and pray and ask that God gives you the strength to resist that man or woman who you may be attracted to or those who are trying to get you to commit adultery – so simple !!!!!!

  2. sandra
    sandra says:

    Thank you thank you GREAT ZUBA for the good work you just did in my life , my name is sandra i was married to my husband for two years and we were living together happily and we both love each other for this two year not until one bad evening when i came back from work late due to scares of transportation and he started queering and he said he does not trust me anymore and he can continue with this marriage anymore and he drove me away from his house unknowingly to him that i was carrying his two month old baby inside me i tried informing he but he won,t listen to me anymore i thought i will never get him back again and i loved him so much and i promise not to rest until am able to get him back to my life so i began to look for a solution and help to get him back this was because i do not want to give birth to a fatherless child so one afternoon as i was browsing on my computer i came across a testimony shared by miss Rachael from UK how she got his ex husband back with the help of greatzuba of so i decided to give him a try and to my best surprise the spell this man cast on my husband work just within two days i contacted him . and today am happily living with my husband and a bouncing baby boy , with all this help rendered to me through this GREAT ZUBA OF i will always thank him forever and testify his goodness in my life for other,s to hear an see , once again thank to greatzuba for your help

  3. Lisa Hopkins
    Lisa Hopkins says:

    Wow, I thought I was one of the few putting up with this crap. Only difference with my husband is that he not only uses Facebook, he uses yahoo, dating sites, myspace, his blackberry, etc. I have gotten several nasty pics, video's, chats and emails saved from where he lies to these women. Telling them how ugly, fat, and what a bitch that I am, while at the same time, telling them how hot and sexy they are and all that he would do to make them feel good. They get down right nasty, talking about their sexual activities together. He has met several of them and I have talked to many. He has told me with a few that he was in love with em. His recent one is married and they are both just waiting until they can get together again. This has been going on for four years since I have been with him, he even did this with his ex wife. The only reason that I have not divorced him yet, is because he has me right where he wants me, so he can have his cake and eat it too. He has us so far behing in bills, that if I kick him out now, my disabled son( not his child ) will be left in the streets. I have had four nervous breakdowns and want so bad to make him leave, but I am out of work and don't know how. By the way, I don't care who knows, so if you are a woman, cheating with married men online, in case you are talking to my husband, you aren't the only one he has and his name is Kevin Mark Strickland and you can have him!!!!! "FED UP"

  4. Kimberly
    Kimberly says:

    My husband of 10 yrs tried to be sneaky a few yrs ago by flirting,taking pictures on his cell phone of women he thought he was the man until i caught him twice talking daily with his ex hood rat babys moma/baby is grown . After that i love him but he is sneaky saw him on facebook looking at women and ladies stop acting like tramps. why go after a married poor man. Dont some of us have any class. thats why these men act like this we let them and disrespect ourselves. What am a good wife/if it happens again in gone.

  5. Kimberly
    Kimberly says:

    I am a good wife to my husband. We have been married 9yrs. He has been lying and has female friends I dont know about,he is also very sneaky. I saw him on facebook looking at some females. I dont feel 100% about him being honest to me. He likes to flirt and it is not fun to me that I have that kind of man. How do you trust your husband who is sneaky. Signed: Sick of the bull.

  6. hismissus
    hismissus says:

    Wow….almost quite similar to one of my problems, but mine did not go as far as talking about private parts. My husband chose to use Facebook as a platform to chat with women he found attractive in his youth and flirt with them. My problem is that I am also his FB friend, so what does that make these women think of me? That I can't keep my man happy cuz he's seeking them out to flirt? We had our problem hit the fan when I asked him to not keep in contact with an ex, and found it instead it had lead to regular e-mails and phone calls. I wanted so much to just walk away…but we've come so far in our 10 1/2 year marriage, so I "pumped my brakes" and have started back at square one. That's a hard pill to swallow, but if you're committed to your marriage…you do what you have to do! I'm new to these forums, but they have opened my eyes up to the fact that we are not the only one's with struggles in our marriage, and I hope to learn and grow from this. He and I are the couple that all of our friends look up to because of our friendship, so that puts a lot of stress on you to maintain that status…Thanks so much…

  7. bcake1985
    bcake1985 says:

    I agree with you DrGspicylove121. However, I give all of me and what he ask of me to do to keep him happy. I even told him that "I am realistic in knowing that he is going to be attracted and talk with other women"- not a big deal, but don't be up on Facebook chating like this woman's husband has done. I conside this to be one of my relationship bounderies and repeatedly ask if he can handle my bounderies and he replied yes. Then I catch him in this lie (the online chatting in sexually suggestive manner) and he wants to singe the "I'm sorry" song" and the "I'll never do it again", but he does! I ask he why he does it, and he thinks its not a problem. I do. And he is out of here! I told him he is not being with himself by telling me he'll stop for me, but continue to do it behind my back. The last straw was broken when he decided to tell his ex girlfriend (of 7 years back, and be been together since that relationship stopped in that time frame) on FB that he wanted to have sex with her before he got tied down with me!

  8. empress
    empress says:

    I would chuck him.

  9. 3peasinapodity
    3peasinapodity says:

    I think this woman may feel that her husband is probably sorry he got caught; this may account for such major doubt on her part, to repair their marriage. I agree with the Ma'ats also. Get to the root. Facebook infidelity, any infidelity usually is a symptom of a problem that existed long before the "discovery".

  10. Kirsten
    Kirsten says:

    Engaging in questionable behavior on any social networking site is cheating. The behavior is destructive and can rip apart the fabric of any marriage. That said, I agree with you and most of your readers that she should take time to allow counseling and hopefully prayer to guide her next steps. Marriage can survive infidelity, but only if both parties are willing to examine the choices and behaviors that led to the cheating and then work together to develop a plan to put their marriage back together. It will take time to rebuild the trust, but with some hard work, honesty and faithfulness to the relationship and each other, I believe they can not only get back on track, they can improve their marriage. Let's remember that what they were doing brought them here, I would like to suggest they aim for working to develop a new way of operating so they can communicate love and respect at all times.

  11. sonceraefan
    sonceraefan says:

    I think if you tell someone to shut down a Facebook Page they will sneak? and do it anyway.

  12. Denise
    Denise says:

    Ma'at family… you are on the money. While I feel her with every fiber of my being, this is not a simple boyfriend-girlfriend situation. Marriages are much more difficult to dissolve, especially when children and assets are involved. There are multiple costs to be counted when deciding to leave a marriage, and not just financial ones. Many marriages have survived infidelity and have come out on the other side stronger, and prayerfully hers can, too. However, even if she's going to leave, I would encourage her to at least wait until the sting has subsided to make that determination. She's way too emotional to make such an important decision right now.
    My recent post Terrified of Being the “Old Lady” at the Club!

  13. Cynthia
    Cynthia says:

    Great advice, similar to what I was told at one time. I hope this couple stays with counseling and learn to rebuild. Trust can be restored if they get to the root issues and remain transparent with each other.

    There is something to be said about the seven year itch….I am praying that this couple is able to get pass this.

  14. Brooke
    Brooke says:

    Good advice Ma'ats "pump the brakes." I also like the point that Mrs. Ma'at made about it's not a trust thing anymore, and that you have to start at ground zero to rebuild. This is this young woman's life that is being trifled with, so she has the right to investigate, demand some shut downs, etc. until she feels comfortable. Another thing is that having a new baby can make marriages vulnerable to infidelity. Women began to cheat themselves when children come into the picture, and as the woman herself said "we show people how to treat us." If we are cheating ourselves, the people around us may cheat us too or cheat on us. The important thing to do is like what Mr. Ma'at said, explore why this happened. My guess is that their are some holes within the two of them that need to be addressed. They can grow past this, but work has to be done.

    Love you guys!

  15. jetblakink
    jetblakink says:

    There seems to be a lot of this going around at the moment, and I am glad to hear the answer that you both gave. It is a very mature answer, and it requires maturity to apply it in a marriage that has gone this way. However, I find too many of us are not very mature, and tend to treat marriage like girlfriend boyfriend in school. So we just run or use it as an excuse? to run out and be single again.

  16. Latoya M.
    Latoya M. says:

    I think that you should try and work it out. We're all human and we all make mistakes but like the Maat's said YOU MUST HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE. Don't let him get it twisted and mistake your grace for weakness.

  17. DrGspicylove121
    DrGspicylove121 says:

    Facebook is not life we give life to it , and we need understand that you have to know your man and what he like to do. Some woman live for drama so face book give them this? . A man love excitement and the idea of more attention so woman need to be very careful to keep him focus on giving him excitement .

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