How Committed Are You To Your Relationship? Take The Test.
By Team BLAM
As I was researching commitment (within the context of a marriage) the other day I came across a definition that I particularly liked. Here’s what it said. Commitment: Personal dedication which is characterized by a desire (and actions) not only to continue in the relationship but also to improve it, sacrifice for it, invest in it, link it to personal goals, and seek the partner’s welfare, not just one’s own.
I just love the way that sounds. It’s like music to my ears personally. To know that someone has my back no matter what. #Priceless.
Our culture encourages devotion to self. In fact, our society seems to glorify self and vilify whatever gets in the way. If there’s one thing I know for sure it’s this: Selfishness may sell in our culture, but it doesn’t buy lifelong happy marriages. Selfishness seriously undermines a couple’s shared identity. But, we want to be clear: Working on yourself, making improvements, and considering what you can do to make yourself and subsequently your relationship better are not examples of being selfish. These are acts of personal responsibility. And, one of the most powerful things you can do to be th best partner you can be is take personal responsibility. So, here’s an opportunity for you to quietly and privately take some personal responsibility by seeing how you score on the Commitment Test below.
Use this 7 point rating scale to gauge your level of dedication: 1=strongly disagree, 4=neither agree nor disagree, and 7=strongly agree. Jot down your responses on a separate piece of paper.
1. My relationship with my partner is more important to me than almost anything else in my life.
2. I want this relationship to stay strong no matter what rough times we may encounter.
3. I am willing to sacrifice for my partner even at the risk of personal pain.
4. I like to think of myself and my partner more in term of “us” and “we” than “me” and “him or her”.
5. I am willing to endure being unhappy at times because I know that is a part of the process of being married and in relationship.
6. My relationship with my partner is clearly part of my future life plans.
7. When push comes to shove, my relationship with my partner comes first.
8. I tend to think about how things affect us as a couple more than how things affect me as an individual.
9. I don’t often find myself thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else.
10. I want to grow old with my partner.
To calculate your score, simply add up your ratings for each item. If you score at or above 58 you’re pretty highly committed. However, your commitment may be quite low if you scored below 45. Whatever your score, take some time to think about what it may mean for your relationship. And, if you’re feeling really brave….share it with your partner. That would be going to the next level for sure. 😉
Adapted from Fighting for your Marriage by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Manley, & Susan L. Blumberg
I think there are way too many narcassists in the world, north america especially. This needs to change. Our world and it's carefree ways are destroying not only our planet, but our relationships with the people we are supposed to be loving. If you can't open your mind and realize how abusive and cruel you are being to your loved ones then all is lost. I am an empathic asperger (rare), and am going through one of the toughest obstacles in my life with my marriage. My husband has Narcassistic pathological disorder and I am trying to keep my strength, composure, stand my ground and show love while frustratingly and painfully attempting to get him to realize himself. Today he realized what a gut feeling was and it was a huge breakthrough, though the step was small. We will get there, I won't give up.
Man, I'm I feeling this post. I agree with Patricia that selfishess in a marriage will tear it apart.
Thanks, you two, for the work you do! It's definately needed.
From the married couples I know (and I know plenty), selfishness is such a problem that the marriages have become stagnant. Thank you for showing in the test questions that selfishnishness and commitment in marriage are direct opposites.
God help us all if we don't listen as you teach!