How Do You Help The Helper?

How Do You Help The Helper?

Viewer Question: I’ve recently come to find your page and to date I have found your articles and videos quite helpful. However, I haven’t found that you’ve discussed military marriages….

I’m married to an army officer. I knew that going in and I have absolutely no problem with it. In all actuality I’m proud of my husband and the work that he does. He deals with stress combat which is training and counseling soldiers before and after deployment. The problem lies in the fact that he is so busy helping others that he finds it impossible to talk about his own issues (which we all have). I feel so shut out and isolated from his life. I tell him that all I want is to be his help mate but because he won’t talk to me I don’t know exactly how to help!

Do you have any advise on how to help the helper? I really miss my best friend!

10 Ways You Can Help The Helpers

  • help with everyday tasks that are routine
  • invite helpers to talk about their experiences
  • help helpers accept help; offer something specific instead of “call me if you need anything”
  • do not rush helpers; their sense of time may be distorted
  • reassure them that their stress is normal; most people recover well from stress
  • respect their privacy
  • encourage sensible health habits
  • repeatedly show appreciation for the helper’s work
  • take care of simple needs for helper, such as picking up a meal for them
  • provide a listening ear, a hug or other expression of support

10 Ways Helpers Can Help Themselves

  • get some sleep
  • eat well-balanced meals as much as possible
  • set up and maintain a structured routine, if possible
  • learn to say no without feeling guilty; prioritize your time
  • change your environment; take short breaks
  • seek normality
  • realize when a situation or problem should be referred to another helper
  • be aware of your energy limits; stop when these limits have been reached
  • communicate with people who understand your endeavor
  • practice optimism and humor


Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are relationship experts and internet marketers who have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets.  They are helping people build healthy relationships and build home based businesses.  To learn how you can MAKE MONEY while working from home CLICK HERE.  To get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES  COACHING from Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

2 replies
  1. Charmaine
    Charmaine says:

    Right on point as usual. I know your husband is dealing with a stressful situation. Hang in there sis.

  2. April
    April says:

    Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it.

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