I Was Frustrated, Disappointed, And Mad As Hell…BUT…What A Difference A Year Makes (Part 2)

By Neysa Ellery Taylor

Yesterday, I wrote about the day my husband’s sons were born. I wrote about the range of emotions that I felt and how ill prepared I was to handle those emotions. Today, I am writing about 365 days later. Today is the boys’ birthday. Who would have thought that I would be ordering cake for little ones that I now call my sons? But today that’s where I am.

I wish I can say the past year has been an amazingly glorious time of reconciliation and growth. While that statement is true, I have to note that for each step we’ve taken forward, there have also been some pretty big potholes that we’ve had to overcome.

Like the fiscal aspect. It goes without saying that kids are expensive. When you are pregnant, you get a baby shower with cake, games, and gifts. These gifts help offset the huge financial hit of having a baby. Well, imagine having TWO babies, years after you’ve given away all of your oldest kids’ baby stuff without a shower. From formula to diapers to clothes to cribs, it’s been a tough fiscal year.

Then there is the legal hassle. Call me crazy but I thought that since there are 365 days in a year, one parent would get 182 and the other would get 183. In this age of all sorts of blended families this should be easy, right? Ummm, not so much. This has been a painfully slow, nerve racking process that still isn’t over.

An unexpected problem has been the interference from family. We’ve had the oddest people to totally overstep their boundaries and basically act a fool. For the first few months of the twins’ lives, they were not allowed to come to our home. Because of that my husband and I had one rule – no extended family should meet the boys until the immediate family meets the boys. Not because we were hiding anything. Not because we were ashamed of anything. But we as a family unit had to come to terms with this first. We were the ones who were going to be here day in and day out. And we deserved a few moments to define ourselves and unify before we had to deal with anyone else. That went out the window when family – family that we thought would be rallying around us – decided to ignore our wishes. And not just once but repeatedly. So some family have been dropped from our “family circle.” If you can’t respect my husband as head of our household, and abide by the rules we set for all of our children, then you can no longer darken my door. Harsh? Maybe. But I can not concerned about what extended family thinks when I am fighting for the survival of our family unit.

The question I get asked most often is “how do you and the other woman interact?” I guess in this age of Basketball Wives people expect me to continue the drama. And why write if you aren’t going to keep it honest? While I wish I could say that I’ve been all Joyce Meyer-ish, I’ve gone “Real Housewives” more than a few times. For the longest time I wanted an apology. I wanted her to look me in my face and admit her wrongdoing in the situation. I wanted her to look past her wants and think about the kids and what’s best for them. But alas, we aren’t there. And honestly we may never be there. I may never like her – ever. But I do have to respect her as a parent and eventually forgive her – not for her sake but for my own. But for now, we rarely cross paths. It’s better that we keep it real church-like. You know “let the Lord watch ‘tween us whilst we are apart.” And that is a good first step.

And finally, I’ve embraced my title as mom-mom. Is it made up? Yep. But it’s mine. In the past year I’ve learned that I can love God enough to trust him. I’ve learned that people really can change. I’ve seen my daughters show such compassion and care for their brothers. I’ve learned that forgiveness is real. And I’ve learned that in just 1 year – just 365 days – that my life can be fuller than I ever imagined. I get to live Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Read Part 1 HERE

BLAM Fam: Neysa’s story epitomizes the essence of our company tag line: “Stop Playing. Start Pushing.” For those of you that are going through similar situations or much less….Are you being intentional in your healing and/or growing process?

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~ Dale Carnegie

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” ~ Denis Waitley

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com.

64 replies
  1. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    I bet you are the laughing stock of your family, your friends, and "ESPECIALLY" his friends. I can just hear his friends laughing behind your back and wishing they had a fool like you. Your husband has got to be the biggest pimp I have ever known. Superlfy from the 70's Blaxploitation movies doesn't have anything on him.

  2. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    I feel so sorry for the children involved (her twins and your girls). It's a shame that those innocent children have to look at a man like your husband and call him their father. I especially pray for your girls that they don't fall victim to a man like your husband when they come of age and hopefully those boys don't turn out anything like him.

    • Monica
      Monica says:

      Mrs. Tee,
      While I understand that everyone has an opinion, I must also say that this snapshot of a story does not represent or capture everything he is as a man. I will respect your viewpoint. But you should know that he is an INCREDIBLE MAN and an AMAZING FATHER!!!! I would be perfectly fine if my twins turned out like him!

      • Mrs. Tee
        Mrs. Tee says:

        Is this the mistress Monica? If so, this man has made a fool out of you and his wife. LOL .

  3. Truth Be Told
    Truth Be Told says:

    If this were the REAL story, then it would be commendable. There is so much more than what you are telling– like the fact that he is still cheating on you.

  4. Whatevs
    Whatevs says:

    Men love stories like this…until they imagine it happening to their daughters.

  5. SJM
    SJM says:

    The author wrote this article to gain praise from her audience, but since she’s getting mixed reponses she’s not too happy. I don’t see not one response where she is thanking her supporters, instead she chooses to focus on those who disagree with her because she knows there’s some truth to what we are saying.

  6. Girlygirl
    Girlygirl says:

    I kinda thought you were deleting. It's okay to call single women jump-offs, but it's not okay when you're on the receiving end, is it? Actually, I'm not a name caller but I did it to make a point. My guess is that you know in your heart your marriage is a sham but you don't have the strength to go on without this man. This is why he chose you as the wife. You were the one who would put up with it. What do you really expect to gain by airing your issues in a public forum? You might better spend your time soul-searching and evaluating your self-esteem issues. Listen to your extended family now. You know why? Because when that man is gone and has left you completed devastated, you might need your extended family.

    • SJM
      SJM says:

      @ Girlygirl, you hit the nail on the head with that reponse. So sad when women allow their husbands to disrespect them over and over again. Any man who’d have sex (and unprotected at that) outside his marriage does it because he doesn’t repect his wife. Like you said, she knows her marraige is a sham she just can’t live without him! But honey God will give you the strength to go on without him too!

  7. Girlygirl
    Girlygirl says:

    He gets to have his ho hos and eat them, too. Big pimping!

  8. LAM
    LAM says:

    I thank you for posting your story! It made me feel not so crazy! I went through a simliar situation the past year (things were a little more complicated than yours) but the end result was the same. I went through some of the same emotions as you and in the end decided to make my marriage work as well! It felt good to read a story to which I can relate and let me know that other people go through these things as well. Thanks again for being so transparent with your life to inspire and help others

  9. Sunkissed
    Sunkissed says:

    I hope it all works out, but it seems to be a 'man-sharing' situation going on here. After twins were born, how does she know that her husband isn't still sleeping with the other woman? She doesn't.

    • Pitty the Fool
      Pitty the Fool says:

      Oh, she knows he is still cheating. She just does not want to admit or accept it. This is as entertaining as it is sad.

      • SJM
        SJM says:

        This IS entertaining, yet pathetic! I can’t wait to read more of this foolishness, lol!

  10. mrssays
    mrssays says:

    I can't believe people are so seemingly angry about YOUR decision. What God has joined together let NO man/woman put asunder. This includes the parties in the marriage and definitely includes any mistress. Are people projecting themselves onto your situation? I didn't see anything in your post that would lead me to believe that you are somehow deluded about the situation. Am I wrong or did I miss it when you mentioned you are ok with putting up with infidelity. What I understand is that you have made a difficult but very conscious decision to persevere and continue in your marriage. As for your daughters what they can learn is that your love is not conditional. Much as you forgive them when they inevitably screw up you've chosen to do the same for your husband.
    My recent post 3 reasons to love the other woman

  11. SJM
    SJM says:

    The author mentions how “ill prepared” she was to deal with her emotions. How do/can you ever prepare for something like this?

  12. SJM
    SJM says:

    Where are the men’s stories of great forgiveness like this??? Would we all be so supportive and understanding if it were a man telling this story instead? I only know of one man who had a story like this where his wife was the one who cheated and ended up with child and he decided to forgive her and stay in the marriage with their three kids and new love child.

  13. SJM
    SJM says:

    The author’s choice to stay in her marriage is hers to deal with and just as her family didn’t rally around her decision to stay, surely she can’t expect a bunch of bloggers to support her either (not to be disrespectful to anyone). As I read the responses to this article, I agreed with what some of the ppl said who were for and against her decision to stay, but mostly I agreed with the ones who were against her decision to stay. I won’t say what I say what I was thinking as I was reading the article, but I will say that it never ceases to amaze me how some grown women (and men) think…and try to rationalize things in their heads to support their life decisions. The most intelligent ppl I know are still dumb as a post. No pun intended.

  14. CJM
    CJM says:

    She (along with her husband’s assumed renewed behavior) is showing her children the difference in being sorry for a wrong-action or a bad place in his life and just be(come)ing a sorry person. I believe if done correctly this could be a great lesson for their children, not in how to be made a fool of but in how to never let a mistake define who you are or how you love. A marriage is a reflection of the love God has for us and I do not believe he loves us by condition. If she has been granted the power and strength of forgiveness for the pain she's endured then I believe it to be a blessing to honored and supported not condemned. And as for the notion that an affair is one thing but a pregnancy from an affair is another, that's bull imo. Children (traditionally) get here one way…sex…and even the best intentioned forms of birth control fail. As far as I feel if you forgive one you forgive the possibility or the reality of the other.

  15. CJM
    CJM says:

    I'm with Briana, all of these 'just my personal opinions' are coming across as quite condemning and judgmental. Comments such as 'when will you leave', implications that she's a fool, must have no self-respect, isn't thinking about her children, assuming what she should do based on your own priorities….all take away the same amount of respect and control that these posters feel the author has given away to her husband. Just because she didn't choose what YOU would do she's all of a sudden weak, a fool, has low self-esteem, or doesn't respect herself or isn't thinking about her children? Come on now people there is more than one way to show strength. I believe that what Neysa has done here is proven her faith not only in God but in people. To pack up and leave without even at least trying, would mean to me that she shouldn't have taken those vows with her husband in the first place because she never believed accepted or knew him to be human, capable of making a mistake without being branded A mistake.

  16. lanasuccess4kids
    lanasuccess4kids says:

    Neysa, let me say this sister. I am so proud of you and the way you handled this situation. It can't be easy but you are seriously trying to move past the negativity and enjoy the beauty of family. That's what sustains long term marriages and families because no one's situation is perfect. Sometimes we have to swallow things that we shouldn't but in your situation you've done it with grace, integrity and the poise of that Proverbs 31 woman. The times when you've vented, screamed, cussed and cried shows that you are human. The fact that you are writing about it shows your desire to let God use this tremendous hurt in your life to restore your family and help others to understand what true healing looks like. Again, I am proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers are with you sister!

  17. Lioness_Lo
    Lioness_Lo says:

    I'm HIGHLY DISTURBED by the number of people that make it seem as if it's UnGodly to forgive and maintain a marriage!! Lest we forget the entire chapter in the Bible devoted to infidelity and forgiveness. GOD personally instructed Hosea to marry a prostitute…. when she stepped out on him time and again, and YES had a child from her infidelities, GOD SAID STAY!! We try to equate love to this watered hollywood version that flees at the slightest mistakes. God is Love and Love (God) conquers ALL THINGS, ENDURES ALL THINGS!! She hasn't become 'comfortable' and because she accepts the children doesn't mean she isn't number one. You talk about her family leaving b/c they 'see who he really is', that's CRAP! How many times did 'friends and family' tell Job to curse God and die?!! We wouldn't have the story that shows us that faith and trust in God can turn ANY SITUATION around!! Let NO MAN PUT ASSUNDER!

  18. Jaquuie
    Jaquuie says:

    It's never been about the kids; I know the children did not ask to be put in the mix of what transpired. But, come on folks, I don't know of any woman in my circle who would've put up with his infidelities…And you put this on God like she has done something holly, as she needs to be honored for doing what she did…NO, No and No – Her cheating ass husband is the one who should be patted on his back for being able to brain wash her into thinking this kind of behaviour is okay…I do not see it -And what are you teaching ur girls? If your husband cheats on you and make babies it is okay? open your heart and ur home to them and be a good Mom-Mom Ohhhhhhhhhhh Noooooooo!!! What happens the next time – now you are a mom-mom-mom? Humph…………not!!!!!

    • ms dee
      ms dee says:

      If he has another set of twins maybe she would be mom mom mom mom. And mistress or not, wonder what the real mama thinks about her calling herself mom mom? It's a damn shame what women put up with these days and are willing to subject their kids (especially daughters) to just because they are afraid to let a man go. Altogether, this is just really sad.

  19. Briana @ 20&Engaged
    Briana @ 20&Engaged says:

    I understand everyone's entitled to their opinion. I do, however, have a problem with the people saying you should've left. Did your husband mess up? Yes he did. Are you entitled to be angry with the woman, even though your husband did you wrong? YES YOU ARE! I don't care what anyone says, they can say what they would and wouldn't do up until the point it happens to them. I understand why you stayed and I agree that God helped bring you through it. Because one vow was broken, another should be too? Not necessarily. This is your marriage, and everyone makes mistakes. No one has to wake up to this man but YOU and if YOU'VE forgiven him, then I completely commend you. It's more than how you feel. This involves your daughters, and your new sons. I'll be praying for you and God bless you. You've shown me that even in the face of betrayal and hurt and pain, a marriage can still make it through.
    My recent post Finance Friday: It’s Time for FINCON11!

  20. Tanyelle Reed
    Tanyelle Reed says:

    Having a daughter myself, I am not interested in making her believe that her father, my dear husband, loves anybody in this world more than he loves us. I want her to grow up and seek a marriage like ours….one where she’s treated like the princess she is! I am her example and I want to set the example of a Queen….and no Queen allows the handmaidens children in her home. I admire the authors strength, but I personally couldnt/wouldn’t do it!

    • Mrs Jackson
      Mrs Jackson says:

      Haaaaaaaa! That's so funny and true! I am all for forgiving your husband and keeping your family together. But as you said …. your husband and his mistress{s) have to know that your the Queen #1 and your kids are 1# within the marriage. You don't have to play supporter, stepmom, mom-mom or nothing else to whatever mess he creates outside your marriage. And your husband shouldn't expect you to. You don't have to give up all your self respect to keep your marriage together.

    • Mrs. Tee
      Mrs. Tee says:

      Tanyelle, be very careful of calling God's creation (a child) "handmaidens children". I know of a women in a situation like the author and she keep calling the other womans child an "outside child" because she gave birth to a little boy which she wanted so dearly. Well make a long story short, the wife finally became pregnant with a little boy and nine months into the pregnancy she gave birth to a still born baby boy. God don't like ugly and whether those children came here in a marriage or outside the marriage, it's not thier fault. As my grandmother used to say, you better be careful who you put you mouth on because you might be curing your own children. Just something to think about. God Bless.

  21. Neysa Taylor
    Neysa Taylor says:

    I am NOT trying to elevate myself onto a pedestal or looking for praise. Prayer? Yes. But not praise As for people wanting to hear more about my husband and if I held him accountable, don't worry. You will hear more. I've just started wielding the power of the autobiographical pen. Maybe that will be part 3 or part 203.

    If you were faced with the same situation, should you stay? IDK. That's for you & God to discuss. All I'm trying to hear Him say at the end of my life is "Well Done."

    My recent post What a Difference a Year Makes.. Part 2

    • Jaquie
      Jaquie says:

      Humph, It's not about anybody else, this is about you. If you can sleep at night and be rest assured your marriage is in a better place bcause 0f your infidelities; than go ahead and live your life. You put it in God's hand? God does not set us up to be fools for anyone, let lone our spouses. What is it really that is keeping you with this man? There is no way in hell I could look at those children without the devil on my shoulder. But that's me – who's to say your husband won't or hasn't cheated on you again. God bless you and I hope it all works out for you, but that would be a hard pill for me to swallow; even with God by my side.

      • Jaquie
        Jaquie says:

        * your husbands'

    • Tesh
      Tesh says:

      Thank you for sharing your story. You don't want praise, you had to do what you had to do for you. If you feel its worth saving, stay. You never mentioned leaving so obviously you feel your marriage is worth saving. I went through something similar and I'm trying to deal with it. Difference is, I found out when the little one was 4 so i didn't go through the whole pregnancy part, which i don't know if we would've made it through. Its tangled and complicated. You know your vows are for better or worst. Hopefully this is our worst! I support you!

  22. Neysa Taylor
    Neysa Taylor says:

    I am going to do exactly what Aiyana has advised me not to do, I am going to respond to the comments. (Sorry, Mrs. Ma'at.) So here goes:

    I've read the comments that posted on the site regarding my decision to stay married. Some are supportive and some aren't. As a writer (and journalist) I understand that some people disagree with my position on my situation. That's fine. I'm not the poster child for marriage or infidelity. I talk about my situation to show 1. God is able to repair a marriage, 2. In the midst of trials, you can grow, 3. forgiveness is real.
    My recent post What a Difference a Year Makes.. Part 2

    • Been There
      Been There says:

      I've been here and done this before– even boasted to the world (as you are) that my man was "changed" and really believed he was. I believed my marriage was restored and that our storm was over. Though I stepped out on good faith, surrounded myself with like-minded/prayerful people, and my husband CONSTANTLY reassured me everything was on the up, I knew better. He put in work and even checked in with me upon every interaction he had with the new mother of his child… I thought. I wanted to trust him and believe him everytime he told me "everything is ok"– and for a while, I did. No one deserves to constantly worry about what their better half is up to when they are not staring them in the face. 16 years. 3 kids– plus his one with her. When I found out he was cheating again, it floored me. But I'm still here, still married, and too involved (and embarrassed) to leave. I understand how/why you stayed. After all, he was mine first. But if I could do it all over again, I would see him for the man he is– not the man I fell in love with so many years ago. Hope your ending is better than mine.

    • Aiyana
      Aiyana says:

      Hey Sis..
      If I ever indicated that you shouldn't respond to comments I sure didn't meant to. Chile, that's the exact opposite of what we want our writers to do. I was actually wondering where you were… 🙂 Kudos to you for jumping in and representing for your life, your decisions, your man, your marriage, and your family! You are an inspiration sis!
      My recent post I Saw A Kiss That Changed My Outlook On Life

    • Jenny
      Jenny says:

      Just because someone has a different opinion than yours does not mean they are "hating" on you or your decision to remain married. You opened the box and put your business in the street. You should have expected this.

    • Darryl
      Darryl says:

      Mrs. Taylor:

      First off, let me say one thing to you….you may not be the poster child for marriage or infidelity….you are the poster child to what God wants us to do, when people err we are all guilty of short comings. I'd rather you stay married and grow, versus add to the already, high percentage of the divorce rate, over the inability to put self aside, and realize that the vows you take are terms and conditions. They are such, where you should go to the alter and realize, our bond with God is made perfect, all thought the co-signers are not. You are the picture of divine strength, and divine love. For those hating keep hating…the greatest thing hating does is motivate.

      • Not Blinded
        Not Blinded says:

        If sleeping in a bed, raising children, and going on about life like she is not sharing a household with a man that she knows is continuing to cheat on her is a sign of strength, then more power to her. Vows are meant to be taken seriously– but that is for BOTH parties. Her husband does not take her seriously, and I'm sure his mistress doesnt either. God does not call anyone to be a fool. Apparently she enjoys being the fool of a wife while her husband has fun having his cake and eating it too.

  23. runexald
    runexald says:

    I commend you on fighting for your family but like some of the other posts I'm not so sure about your husband. I understand that your post is supposed to be about your struggle but I think some of your readers want to know that your husband is equally as committed.

  24. Violet
    Violet says:

    Love your husband. Love your children. Love you. You've identified what you want and you're making it a reality regardless of what all the haters are saying. Your approach may be unpopular but so the f*ck what. It's YOUR approach, and if you've managed to find a way to create happiness after experience chaos, then DO YOU!

  25. Destiny
    Destiny says:

    I think you're strength is inspiring. When celebs cheat people are too quick to say that the wives stay for the money and I've always said maybe she just forgave him. I think it takes a strong woman to do what you did and I hope the rest of your lives will be blessed

  26. All Cried Out
    All Cried Out says:

    God does not call on a person to be anyone's fool and that can sometimes include your spouse! I would not want my sons to get the impression that they could behave in the same manner as their father and expect their wife to stand by their side. God will never leave them, but the wife may and she'd be completely justified in doing so. I also do not want my daughters to think they should make such a sacrifice to hold on to their marriage. Sometimes the strength is actually in letting go.

    • Tia
      Tia says:

      I think that this situation is very personal and If someone still loves their husband, loves their family, and he is truly doing all he can to show her that he is invested in his marriage and his family than it is a courageous and wise thing to stay. We can handle a lot more than we think and Neysa, her husband, and her new family are living proof of it.

      • All Cried Out
        All Cried Out says:

        Personal, but being shared publicly, which means that there will be a wide range of reactions. I agree that people can handle a lot of things. But just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

        • Tia
          Tia says:

          @All Cried Out & YoshiHenry
          So, are you saying that even if her husband has changed his ways and is committed to his family and she's forgiven him that she should simply not stay because there are children involved? What are you basing "she should leave" on? It should be based on how he is being and how he's coming in the situation now. Ya'll don't care about whether he's righting his wrong or not. Ya'll just wanna tell her to bounce. Marriage should not be cast away so nonchalantly. That's the problem with marriages today. People think you should just be able to tap out. It's not and should not be that simple. Again, if he's coming correct now and doing what he's supposed to do that should make a difference.

          • @ooh_selene
            @ooh_selene says:

            Amen, Amen and Amen….Those are valid facts that didn't seem to be considered by All Cried Out & YoshiHenry…and I don't believe that he didn't right is wrongs or tried all he could to reconcile!! Let's keep it real!!! they are making it work and it is what it is!!!

    • yoshihenry
      yoshihenry says:

      My question is this…Does loving someone make any behavior acceptable or forgiveable? Does love negate the boundries on your self-love and self-respect? If you are the only one standing in your corner, look around, maybe everyone else has a point.

      • @ooh_selene
        @ooh_selene says:

        Loving someone is what it is!! It has been a year for her and I'm sure she wouldn't be there if HE (her husband) wasn't putting forth effert, yes it is a hard situation, and yes most would have left, yet it takes strength, faith, and courage to continue after an affair, you don't know how much they had to endure, you don't know how much counciling they may have had, and you don't know what GOD has planned for this union!!!

    • @ooh_selene
      @ooh_selene says:

      I understand your concept if your looking from the outside in, yet NO-ONE knows what God has instore!!! When true forgiveness takes over we are not in control!!! I don't think she was being a fool, I believe that she put forth effert and she didn't do it alone!! God made ways and because God gave her the strength I feel that's how the union was reconciled!! If you read Pt. 1 the issues you spoke of are addressed in that article. I know you are only giving your opinion but I believe this was a very difficult journey for her and she is using it as a platform to show the "TRUE POWER OF GODLY FORGIVENESS".

    • Arie
      Arie says:

      I have read several posts about this affair and it did not occur once, twice, or even three times– but continually several years (and from everything I've read, it seems the author was aware of the affair). Though God's presence may have made it easier to absorb the blow once the mistress became pregnant and questions began to arise, it is easy to try and save face publicly and parade around like a great victory has been won. It seems the author is placing herself on a pedistal and saying "Look at what I've done" while openly admitting to the world that her husband disrespected and manipulated her for years. As well, the author seems to have no problems forgiving the very man that owed her the world. Yet, she seeks an apology from a mistress that owed her nothing? Kudos for holding tight to the marriage but if the choice was made to continue the union, then it is her duty to love and accept the children.

    • Going Thru_2
      Going Thru_2 says:

      You have done what not many women could ever do, however are you to be commended? You speak of God bringing you through every situation. He has brought you to share your story, which is part of your healing process. However lets look at the other side.You & your husband made vows to have & to hold-not you & this other woman. Even if she knew he was married she owes you nothing…he does. You just taught your daughters that its ok to see mommy unhappy & stay with a man that doeant treat you as a queen. Christ said that men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Your husband is to be the head & he has the responsbility to make it right.

      • Going Thru_2
        Going Thru_2 says:

        You are wanting the other woman to be accountable for what your husband should be doing & should have been doing all along. I enjoy your story but all I hear is you making excuses & blaming the other woman. Do you feel that you would be less of a Christian if you left? How about your story ended with you showing your courage to leave! Often we as women stay in situations because it is what we are use to & afraid to step out on TRUE FAITH because the sense of failure hurts. I am not judging you at all & you are clearly stronger than I am cause I wouldn't do it. I have been the other woman (not proud to say) but wasnt thinking about the wife at all. Because you have become so comfortable with the situation, I wouldn't be surprised if he was still cheating. He now knows that you are willing to stick around for the worst of all situations. So there is no incentive for him to not engage in the behavior. He just has incentive to be more careful. However my comments are just food for thought.—best of luck!

  27. Kelly
    Kelly says:

    I commend you for your dedication to the entire situation. I am not so sure I could walk in your shoes. At what point do you love a man so much that his betrayl becomes harmonious cohesive family unit? What example does this set for your daughters? Be these are really rhetorical questions I remain curious.

    I watched my stepmom be emotionally abused by my father. They stayed married after many many many affairs. His

  28. Sunkissed
    Sunkissed says:

    When will you get the strength to leave him? I understand that you're fighting for survival of your marriage, but not all marriages are worth saving. Just think of all the peace you would have. It sounds like you're isolated because of shame and I'm sure that some of your family members have asked you the same questions. Of course they're not around you any more because your husband has already lost their respect, but still has control over you. You don't have to put up with this. But, you will have to realize that for yourself one day. It's not the other woman's fault.

    • bruhman
      bruhman says:

      Sunkissed.. you seem extremely bitter.. but you are right.. it's not the other womans fault.. I've noticed in your comments u perceive her husband as a manipulator.. you seem to speak from experience.. but you haven’t asked or commented if her husband has taken responsibility for his actions.. u seem to perceive that he’s just shrugged it off and acted like it never happened. Now if he hasn’t then you’re right.. move on, but if he has, I think that changes things. I don’t think she’s laying blame on the other woman, but there must be some form of recognition of wrong doing. It might not happen now or at all. But you cannot negate those thoughts. As a man reading this, I pray for all parties involved, and to you Sunkissed, I pray you forgive whoever did you wrong.. or feel the need to admit to the wrong you’ve done.

      • Sunkissed
        Sunkissed says:

        Admit to the wrong I've done, really? Please, I've done nothing WRONG, but can't help but see how she's expecting an outside woman to apologize when it was not the woman who stood before GOD and made any vows to her. I just hate it when women blame the 'other' woman for their husbands actions. Having a mistress is one thing, but getting the mistress pregnant is EXTREME. So, I guess if he would have strayed and brought her HIV instead of twin boys we would all be commending her for staying.

        I man would be allowed to BEAT his wife for similar actions!

      • Mrs. Tee
        Mrs. Tee says:

        Bruhman, if your wife did the same thing her husband did to her, would you stay, buy birthday cakes, and buy cribs for them? I think not!!!

    • Kayla
      Kayla says:

      oh, I think you have really missed the whole point here. Of course she's dealt with shame, hurt, and pain. That's real. It's a part of the process. Just because she's experiencing pain doesn't mean that she can't experience joy. And, I didn't hear her say it was the other woman's fault but isn't it normal to have anger at a woman who slept with your husband? Why do you assume that he's controlling her instead of considering that she could have made her own decision to take control of her life & work through her relationship no matter what judgemental people such as yourself say.

    • @ooh_selene
      @ooh_selene says:

      Ok maybe you need to re-read the article both parts!!! This isn't just about her hurt or pain, it's about the strength to continue on because of her faith in God.!!!

  29. @ooh_selene
    @ooh_selene says:

    Sis, you know my prayers are with ya!! striving to be stronger as I endour, You give women out there hope, and knowing that God is the fore-front of your reconcilation makes faith in action "Real", Keep on PUSHING & INSPIRING!!

  30. Saa
    Saa says:

    Standing ovation to you for making it through 1 year. Happy birthday to the twins and happy elevation day to you.

  31. Julie Hayes
    Julie Hayes says:

    No matter how many problems occur to us the kids should always be our priority. I love the way you've handled this, it only shows how strong you are.
    My recent post SMS

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