I’m Not In Love With My Husband….Should I Leave?


VIDEO: My question is… If you know in your heart of hearts that you are not “in love” with your spouse but rather have more of a “brotherly / care taker ” type of love for them, and that you initially got married young and for ALL the wrong reasons. Is there possibily a way to salvage the relationship or is it better to cut your loses and move on?
Some history: 11 yr marriage, 2 children, co-dependent wife, dependent husband, got married for “so called” religous reasons.  Your thoughts??

BLAM Fam…What do yall think she should do?






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15 replies
  1. phelele
    phelele says:

    I've always wondered if Ayize's name is Zulu because in the Zulu language, Ayize means "let it come" … in that sense the name would be referring to rain or God. Sorry to go off topic there. A very interesting question. I must say from the question and comments, these are some of the things that make me fearful of marriage. It seems once you are a wife your options shrivel to nothing. its a lottery and a matter of luck – if your partner should choose to betray their vow of love down the line (no sex, no friendship, no communion, abandonment for years and years) you just have to take it. it looks as if the odds are stacked against women so why would I chase after prison? At the same time I hope one day to be in a loving marriage with my lover, soulmate and best friend. I know that I deserve to be happy should I ever get married. prayers and an abundance of love to all those who are in it and trying to make love live.

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      Hey Phelele,
      yup…the name is Zulu. I appreciate your perspective….we'll probably do a video touching on some of the things you mentioned in the near future. Take care and keep your head up : )

  2. Ken
    Ken says:

    If you are not in love, you should just break up. The purpose of life is to spend time with people that you love and want to be with. Not FORCED to be with someone just because…

  3. Hope
    Hope says:

    I have a friend that has a mixed family. Her husband has children from past marriage and she has children but this is her first marriage. The only thing keeping the marriage is their fear of shame. They are both active members of their church and don’t want the accusations that they are not following God’s word. There is cheating and beating and fussing and cussing. The church tried to help but both are older and find change hard. So they just suffer. Suffer because the bible tells them to but there is no love there. It’s very difficult to hear encouragement for marriage that they can not attach a bible verse to. I wish they would talk to the Ma’ats but I’m afraid it’s a lost cause.

  4. Arthur Smith
    Arthur Smith says:

    My wife and I are very disconnected from each other. She tells me that since our last anniversary she no longer feels that happiness in our marriage. She says that she feels like she got married too young and two soon. We've only been married for 4 yrs and have a 2 yr old daughter. I think she wants to leave but I'm not sure. This is very frustrating for me because I want to make this work, but she tells me that she's not sure if she feels the same way or not. And by the way, I've never cheated, and I'm a pretty good husband as far a helping out etc. What gives??? I need some advise.

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      Hey Arthur I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. Have you and your wife considered relationship coaching? Aiyana and I would be more than willing to work with you.
      My recent post I Deserve More Than A Wedding At The Courthouse

  5. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    My advice would be to stay with him until the last child turns eighteen. I say this because, I’m in a similair situation, but it’s not that I don’t love him, it’s because of his cheating. If we divorce, the courts will give him visitation rights and he would have our child in any womens house he meets in the streets, due to the fact that he doesn’t have any common sense. So, I have have to suffer for now, but at least I’m protecting my child from him.

  6. I'm Just saying
    I'm Just saying says:

    I'm like Crystal I've been married for a minuted and our marriage has had it challenges, up's and down, rips and back again but we have always stop to communicate, find out what the problem is, why and what we need to do to get to the root of the problem. It's not one person's fault it's both. Step back re-evaluate your love and why you got married in the first place. It does not matter if you got married young, you are not the first or the last. First fight for your marriage, if when you have done all you can and it does not work, well hey you tried. Peace!

  7. Frazzled
    Frazzled says:

    It's been 15 yrs…We married young and have had 3 children since then. He has cheated physically twice that i know of and recently i found inappropriate FB messages between him and a classmate. I've thought about it in my loneliness, but haven't actually ever cheated on him. He has no remorse and i can't work with that. Also, he has zero affection for me but when i ask if he just wants to separate, he say's no. I feel he's just used to me and is comfortable. His treatment of me has made my heart grow cold for him. I care about him but i'm not in love with him anymore. Plus he stopped being social and has made himself a hermit, he won't get involved with the church or any activities that the kids and i do and he stopped taking care of himself physically. I am ready for this to be over. I refuse to live like this and then just die one day, never have had a happy marriage. I'm already in my 30's and i'm not getting any younger.

    • Anon
      Anon says:

      The issues with infidelity aside, your husband sounds like he may have clinical depression (withdrawing, hygiene falling by the wayside, promiscuity, etc). He needs to see a therapist.

  8. Crystal
    Crystal says:

    I been married for a minute. I fall in and out of love with my boo all the time. I can't speak for anybody else, but for me, I find it challenging, yes, but very cool that we start a new relationship every time we fall back in. People who are single that are my age probably go thru the same changes with more than one person that I have gone thru with one man. Depends on what you want. I want somebody I can grow old with; I don't really think that's everyone's goal.

  9. Yagurl Bubblez
    Yagurl Bubblez says:

    It seems as if she has a fantasy of something else in a marriage. It is good that they are have a great friendship. that is the best b/c if you arent friends first, whatever love and lust youmay have can leave really quickly and you end up being bored after a while and want a friend instead. what she has seems like a good relationship but she? is focusing on a fantasy that isnt what is foreal

  10. Lavelle Lovious
    Lavelle Lovious says:

    yes it is a great question. I've been with my hubby for 18 yrs off and on. And married this yr for 7 yrs. But seperated for 2yrs. And I am ok with that. I love him. But cant live with him.? He is a man of family (mom, dad, sis, aunt). Not Me, and our 3 boys. So, that was a issue with me. So, I pray that God gives me direction in this marriage. But I pray more for us to be friends. I say think what u want and pray on it. B blessed.

  11. CHRISTIANchickTV
    CHRISTIANchickTV says:

    u two are so lovely & wise? beyond your years!

  12. tanyatmr
    tanyatmr says:

    I love the way your? husband looks at you when you're talking.

Comments are closed.