Is Marriage For White People? That’s A Dumb-A*% Question!

By Aiyana Ma’at

Okay, so pardon my profanity in the title of this article. But, that’s how I really feel. I haven’t said much in response to the book “Is Marriage For White People” by Stanford Law Professor Ralph Richard Banks. The book has received a whole lot of press and Professor Banks has gotten a whole lot of attention but we haven’t commented over here at BLAM because frankly, the title to the book is stupid and annoying.

Before I go on let me be clear this is not a review or analysis of the book. Rather, this is a response to all of the articles and television programs that are giving so much attention to not only the book but that question in and of itself.

Is Marriage For White People? Really? Let me ask you this.

Is Education For White People?

Is Raising Children For White People?

Is Home Ownership For White People?


Do people in general, and black folks in particular, have certain psycho-socio-economic hills to climb when it comes to restoring our relationships and our families? Yes.

Are there things that we as a people can do much better at when it comes to learning how to express our love to our children in whole and healthy ways? You bet.

Do we need to pay closer attention to the profound impact of poverty in our communities and learn the skills necessary to build generational wealth in our families and communities?  I am screaming an emphatic Yes!!, Yes!!, yes!!!

And, even with this knowledge that we have some significantly serious things to work on I (as well as most folks) don’t ask stupid questions like “Is Marriage For White People?”. All communities have things they need to work on. Do we hear other communities giving concentrated consideration to “tapping out” and saying “I’m tired of this, let’s just give up”.

And, yes that’s the message that the title “Is Marriage For White People” is generating in our community and beyond—that we should just abandon our own restoration. And, like a colleague and friend of mine, Ronnie Harris Tyler, of, recently said on Headline News “It’s Dangerous”.

Not only is it dangerous, stupid, and annoying—-but it’s a DUMB ASS QUESTION.

Black Folks, don’t be distracted. Let’s keep building. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

Aiyana Ma’at is the wife of Ayize Ma’at, mom of 4, and co-founder and owner of this website,, as well as Aiyana is a Seeker, Motivator, Risk Taker, Explorer, & Overcomer. She is a self-described PurposePusher and does her best to live her life with self-awareness and intention. Some of her official titles include licensed psycho-therapist, certified marriage educator & relationship coach and speaker. She is clear that a part of the call on her life is to help bring insight and awareness to others so that they can “get out of their own way” and create the lives they want to have.

10 replies
  1. Lorinda
    Lorinda says:

    Thank You for this write up and Thank You Patricia for your insight and wisdom.
    I was Angry, Hurt, Frustrated and Angry all over again when I found out about this book. You are right WE CAN NOT GIVE UP ON SELF, BLACK LOVE AND FAMILY.

  2. Patricia Knight
    Patricia Knight says:

    My answer to the question, Is marriage for white people?…..NO, IT AIN'T!!! My husband and I are soon to be twenty years married, and we are not white! Marriage is good, groovy, all that and a bag of chips, sexy, heavy, hot and sweaty, as well as, stable, good for you (like vegetables), and works wonders on serious things like finances and raising kids to be what God created them to be (rather than a day late and a dollar short).

    Marriage helps us to raise our kids with a good foundation, and cause them to be ready to compete with other races. When we don't understand the importance of marriage, we're easily overtaken by whatever happens. Two are better than one; when one falls down, the other is there to help him up, and when one is cold, the two can cuddle together and create warmth, they have a better reward for their work. This will ALWAYS BE TRUE! Our race needs all the help it can get. We need to learn to cling to the ways of marriage, if we want to see our race progress.

  3. Phylicia
    Phylicia says:

    Don't get caught up in the title! Read the book. It's obvious that none of you have. The title was meant to grab media attention (which it has), but the content of the book is interesting and worthy of thoughtful conversation.

  4. K.O.
    K.O. says:

    Thank you for speaking the real, Aiyana. Maybe someone else believes that hype, but I'm not falling for that dumb a%# mess that they're trying to push on us.

  5. Ronnie_BMWK
    Ronnie_BMWK says:

    You said it perfectly!!! It is a dumb ass question….I know why marriage matters…and I am reaping the benefits. So what does this question imply…that black people don't deserve or can't have happy marriages?

  6. Roe
    Roe says:

    You are right…that is a dumb ASS question. And you don't have to pardon my profanity. lol

  7. Bernice
    Bernice says:

    Tell the truth and shame the devil. Thank you for making it plain. The question this book asks is absolutely ridiculous.

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