By Aiyana Ma’at
Okay, so pardon my profanity in the title of this article. But, that’s how I really feel. I haven’t said much in response to the book “Is Marriage For White People” by Stanford Law Professor Ralph Richard Banks. The book has received a whole lot of press and Professor Banks has gotten a whole lot of attention but we haven’t commented over here at BLAM because frankly, the title to the book is stupid and annoying.
Before I go on let me be clear this is not a review or analysis of the book. Rather, this is a response to all of the articles and television programs that are giving so much attention to not only the book but that question in and of itself.
Is Marriage For White People? Really? Let me ask you this.
Is Education For White People?
Is Raising Children For White People?
Is Home Ownership For White People?
Do people in general, and black folks in particular, have certain psycho-socio-economic hills to climb when it comes to restoring our relationships and our families? Yes.
Are there things that we as a people can do much better at when it comes to learning how to express our love to our children in whole and healthy ways? You bet.
Do we need to pay closer attention to the profound impact of poverty in our communities and learn the skills necessary to build generational wealth in our families and communities? I am screaming an emphatic Yes!!, Yes!!, yes!!!
And, even with this knowledge that we have some significantly serious things to work on I (as well as most folks) don’t ask stupid questions like “Is Marriage For White People?”. All communities have things they need to work on. Do we hear other communities giving concentrated consideration to “tapping out” and saying “I’m tired of this, let’s just give up”.
And, yes that’s the message that the title “Is Marriage For White People” is generating in our community and beyond—that we should just abandon our own restoration. And, like a colleague and friend of mine, Ronnie Harris Tyler, of BlackAndMrriedWithKids.com, recently said on Headline News “It’s Dangerous”.
Not only is it dangerous, stupid, and annoying—-but it’s a DUMB ASS QUESTION.
Black Folks, don’t be distracted. Let’s keep building. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
Aiyana Ma’at is the wife of Ayize Ma’at, mom of 4, and co-founder and owner of this website, BlackLoveAndMarriage.com, as well as PurposePusher.com. Aiyana is a Seeker, Motivator, Risk Taker, Explorer, & Overcomer. She is a self-described PurposePusher and does her best to live her life with self-awareness and intention. Some of her official titles include licensed psycho-therapist, certified marriage educator & relationship coach and speaker. She is clear that a part of the call on her life is to help bring insight and awareness to others so that they can “get out of their own way” and create the lives they want to have.