I am in need of guidance. I am a 34 year old black male who has been dating a 24 year old mother of one. We spent our first few months talking, as I wanted to get to know her. I live in Houston and she in Sherman. So it does take some effort to see eachother, but it’s never an issue. I love her deeply and she knows this. I respect her and am committed to her and her daughter. We have wonderful communications. We always manage to work things through and we never hold grudges. I love the way I feel when i’m around her . She has expressed the same feelings towards me. All in all, we are good.
Here’s the rub. When we first started talking/dating, we would speak a little about sex, but not too much because I know what I can do in the bed and I didn’t want sex to become the foundation that we built our relationship on. But during that time, she would hint a few times that she can’t wait to do oral on me. Fast forward. I have not gotten it. Not even once. I make baths and massage this woman, I give her oral and whatever else she dersires in bed. I have asked her as politely as I can about it. Her previous response was “I will once I get comfortable.”
I have never been a cheater, but most of my life I have been cheated on. So this bothers me, I am a clean person. I even shave. So last night I ask her to tell me straight up if she is pulling my chain because my desires matter too. I give her oral with pleasure. And for her to have once bragged on it , yet has not done it to me yet, really hurts. I’ve asked all the important questions. Her response was “I think we should wait until we are married so it can be something special.”
That pissed me off in ways unknown. I don’t defer her wants and needs. Yet I have to wait, even longer? If i am the best manshe has ever had, as she claims, then why must I wait when I’m sure whe was slobbing other guys genitals in her past relationships? It make me feel unappreciated, unacknowledged, unattractive, unimportant, and insecure. It’s not fair. I’ve been a good man. Now the negro in me that has laid dormant in me since birth, is very tempted to find a woman on the side just to please me in that area. I spend my money, We talk for hours everyday. Yet I can’t get this one simple thing I ask for?
The only thing that is preventing me from doing it is the fact that i love her. But this cannot continue or she will lose me. I believe In “we instead of I”. I live that way in our relationship. I refer to her daughter as our child. I also belive in “you play how you practice”. This is truly hurting me on a deep level. If you guys have the time. Please help me figure out what to do.