My Queen Cheated On Me With The Military Chaplain
VIDEO: I am writting you because I am desperately trying to heal from the hurt I feel as a result of my Queen’s infedelity in Sept.2010. I am going to try to be as brief as I possibly can, so I wish to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Just to give you a back ground of myself, I am veteran of the armed forces, and current federal employee for the military. I have always had a good income, even at time working 2 jobs when needed. I have a daughter from a previous marraige of 10 years, that I love and support both financially and emotionally. However, the fact that I have a child from a prior marriage has caused issues in my current relationship especially when it comes to visitation. This is has been very hard to deal with… nevertheless, I have always tried to be a good father to my daughter and a good brother according to societies standards. Which brings me to this letter….
When I met me queen, it was while I was working for Deer Park Spring Water as a delivery person. I really believe it was by divine intervention, how we met…. because this was not a normal route stop for me…it was someone else’s. We connected with each other and as I got involved I learned more about her. She is a mother of 2, one through early pregnancy, and the other by way of a short marriage. I was excepting of that, we began seriously dating and decided to live together. As time progressed, I would come to notice that she had a hard time severing the ties from the previous relationship of 6 years. Eventually, with a last ditch effort to secure my relationship with her I proposed…with the expectation that she would close that chapter.
I realized during that time that it was because he was a great provider to the children that she was still holding on to him. I was in transition from my divorce and things were difficult. I even told her I couldn’t be with her because I was not where I wanted to be financially, even though I held down 2 jobs. As difficult as it was during that time, we managed to make it. We restructured our lives (I moved in with her) and eventually with God’s grace we moved into beautiful home and started focusing on our future. We thought it would be all good however, with the new home there came new responsibilities. There were many arguments and fighting over finances because she had become accustomed to how her prior relationship was. I on the other hand felt everyone has to pull their weight, and honesty is paramount.
Ok here’s the reason I’m writing for your advice. See, there were times that she came to me and stated her concerns about me not being emotionally there for her. She said I was not spending quality time and there was no intimacy. She said I was not being a good friend and she saw no passion from me. Granted, I always showered her with flowers and gifts through the relationship however there was still something keeping us out of sync.
2010 was the year I wish I never had. I realized in mid-spring her attitude had changed. In September, she told a lie. She stayed out all night, and as any person who really loves their mate, I stayed up waiting for her return. I made countless attempts to reach her via text and voicemail, I knew something had happened. After 2 pots of coffee I fell asleep at 4am at the dinner table. When I woke up she still wasn’t home. I waited around even though I had to go to work, just to see if I would get some type of a response from her. Eventually I became sick of waiting so I decided to go in. Wouldn’t you know that while I was actually leaving she was pulling into our driveway. The look in her eye’s still sends shiver’s down my spinel. I knew right then she had been with another man. I didn’t accuse her of anything I went in to work so I could try and clear my head. While at work I actually heard a voice in a calm manner say “Go Home”…so I obeyed. As I drove to my house there was a Jaguar in the driveway. I prayed because I knew if I didn’t my life was going to change forever. So when the guy came out, I saw that the man she had been with was the military Chaplin. I was devastated. As bad as I wanted to wipe his DNA from my hands, I said hello as he passed by.
I would confront him via the cell phone 72hrs. later. He told me they met 2 weeks before and had been intimate twice. I found out he was not the only one… There was another guy she had been with too. As you can imagine, I was crushed. She told me that she was lonely and she didn’t want to live that way. She said she wanted to get out the relationship hoped if she screwed around, I would leave her in retribution for betrayal. Instead of leaving, I wanted the truth, and I wanted to repair my family, and myself. I sought marriage counseling because I wanted to do everything I could before conceding and letting it all go. In that process I found myself doing what I should’ve been doing all along. I gave all to God, and asked for his help. I would gradually change as I began to focus on everything she had issue with. After 8 months she would finally apologize for what she did, and eventually block the numbers out of her phone. I asked her to change the number after the discovery however, she said I was being insecure. I told her I’m not insecure and her even suggesting that I was is disrespectful …especially considering what she had done. It would be then that I realized that I had very low self esteem. That was the reason I was trying to keep us together. I didn’t want to lose everything I had tried to heal. I eventually came to a point where I accepted that …. if it’s in god’s will it will work out. I then told her…. I if I am not the man you wish to have a future with, then it’s ok. I wanted her to find her happiness wherever she could find it.
Since then, she has changed her approach. When she stated she wanted space, I told her I would move out of our home. She then said that she realized I had truly changed and she was afraid I would seek revenge and return the favor as she had done me. However, I refuse to normalize what she did by my actions. She stole those moments from me and I’ve not been the same since. I had asked her one time… who was best lover, she stated it was the Pastor, who was 15 years older, and with viagra, she said he was passionate. I told her no… that was game on both of your parts. You gave your self for a very little amount, just conversation and time spent… and in return he received the greatest gift. She was resentful at first…But I told her, if he truly wanted to you, he would’ve respected you and waited. She has changed however she has a more reserved demeanor. She says this who she is now. I’m wondering… when people cheat, does it take time before they can open up. I used to see different sides to her emotionally. We’re planning to get married next September.. Any advice Please let me know. I’ve changed, and everything she wanted from me I am giving her.
BLAM FAM what do yall think of this brotha’s situation?
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damn dont do it, ur girl is a freak, a ho and she will do it again
Maybe I'm just a mean person, but I find this dude and his letter to be terribly irritiating. He seems overbearing. Another thing, folks drive me crazy bringing God into their mess! This wasn't his wife and they were living together, which if you go to church you know is the ultimate no-no, so why go all religious now asking God for help and guidance? And another thing….the fact that he asked her who the better lover was and she told him the other guy (lol just a little), ought to be his number one clue that she isn't in to him. She didn't even give him the dignity of telling him a lie about who was better! She is clearly not that into him….
Unfortunately, loyalty is not this woman's strength. When a woman is a man's Queen, it should go without saying that he is her King. She didn't treat this brother like a King. She held up other men to him, as if to say "be like him, or them". These are not the actions of a Queen.
Nuff said. Get to stepping. This woman has zero value for you as a man. But that’s her prerogative. The question is what value do YOU have for yourself? She has nothing to offer you now and it will only get worse. Do NOT marry a person who won’t even bother to put her best foot forward. Easier said than done but that passive-aggressive trip she’s on is leading ya’ll nowhere. Good luck in your NEXT relationship.
I feel for this brother, I crige when I hear sisters say I can’t find a real man, but when they do find one this type of stuff happens, sure not in all cases but the bad boy mentality is still a attraction for some wayward women. Now the Military Chaplin what can I say? Straight hypocrite, I would’ve have turned in his butt to his commander very fast, who else could he be banging that’s in his unit? He’s not fit to serve, if ur gonna be a player please get out of the pulpit! But sad truth is I can find more pimp in the pulpit then u can find in the street. My brother people normally treat you the way u allow them to treat you, she’ll not your queen she’ll your Trojan horse, find someone who will love you for who you really are, better yet learn to love yourself first. I wish you the very best.
Unfortunately you didn't see the many issues you two had from the gate, and just because you had a chance meeting with someone doesn't mean its Gods will for you to marry. First of all she had issues with your daughter visiting or you visiting your daughter either way that is one of the biggest deal breakers. Secondly you proposed to her out of fear that she would continue to stay attached to her previous relationship, not because you two Love each other but because some how you thought proposing to her would change her feelings toward her ex. and lastly but by no means least, your not paying attention; she needs to be kept by her mate and you feel everyone should pull their own weight, you two are not on the same page. If God was showing you anything it's like Brook said "he's showing you yourself". I personally believe you already know deep down in your spirit what you should do, but you might not want to face it. You have to get honest with yourself and deal with your issues, and stop trying to lose them in a woman who obviously doesn't love you. If your having problems connecting with her emotionally and she is cheating on you now, do you honestly think giving her everything she wants will make the both of you happy? The minute you slip up (and you will slip up) she will be off to the next dude; that's what you call a Queen? Doesn't seem like you love her as much as your pretending to, and you should never have to buy love, and that's what your doing. Don't Do iT!!!!!
Move forward …. I wish this brother all the happiness in the world ….? Love you and the rest will follow.
He definitely needs to step back and look at the? history of the relationship and carefully consider whether it's a healthy basis for future commitment. He also needs to look at his partner and think about whether she can or will contribute to making it work. It seems too easy and too knee-jerk reaction for her to be a little disatisfied and go sleep with someone else to make herself feel better, instead of working on problems WITH him. It just doesn't sound promising.
This is the saddest story i've read in a while. I wouldnt know what to say to him, its extremely complicated.
Wow! So many thoughts.
1) She's not your queen, that title goes to a woman who behaves as one.
2) It was divine intervention that you two met, but it was probably not for you to be together. She came to you to help you see yourself. It's time to ask yourself why you want to be with a woman who has from the door made you feel as though you weren't as good as other men.
3) You said that you are a good father to your daughter. If she can't appreciate that about you, and it causes conflict. It may indicate that she has some self-esteem issues. A Woman should feel proud to be with a man who takes care of his children. That means he will take care of her children with him.
4) You have self-esteem issues and they aren't because of her cheating. They were there before she came along. That's why she came along. You both have poor self-esteem and you were drawn to each other because of it. Hope I'm not being harsh, but your letter indicates that you are missing some big cues.
5) God bless you! I wish you well on your journey to loving yourself. Don't try to find another woman until you know who you are and love who you are. Start walking that path, and the true Queen will just show up without you looking for her.
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Couldn't have said it better. It sounds like he didn't take a break from one relationship to the next and that is some needed space to learn from the previous relationship and about himself. The young lady has issues of her own that she needs to address otherwise, into the marriage, she will repeat the same behavior trying to fill a void in her own life. It would healthier for the both of them to move on and work on themselves before getting seriously involved in another relationship. I feel for the children!! They are seeing even when you think they don't.