My Wife Told Me She Was A Virgin But I Found Out She’s Had Anal Sex


VIDEO: What does it mean to be a virgin in 2011? A newlywed husband wrote into us expressing concern and hurt because he thought his wife was a virgin. Why?  She told him she was prior to their getting married. However, he recently found out she’s had anal sex. Needless to say this was a shocker to him. He says you weren’t a virgin when we got married then! His wife says Yes, I was! He feels as though the integrity of their relationship foundation has been compromised. So, what do you do when what you thought was….just isn’t? You do the 2 “F” words. FORGIVE & move FORWARD. Listen in and let us know how devastating you think news like this can be for a relationship.

30 replies
  1. Jennie
    Jennie says:

    The integrity of the relationship was not compromised. If the wife honestly doesn't consider anal sex as breaking her virginity then her claim was not a lie.
    You know what they say about making ASSumptions! He made a very big assumption and now he's blaming her for it
    Build a bridge and get over it!

  2. R Douglas
    R Douglas says:

    WOW!!! She let a man penetrate her anally but not vaginally. I was married for 10 years and my WIFE would not let me have anal sex with her. How many men did she let hit her ass? How many blow jobs did she give?
    I am so jaded about marriage, these days it's almost better to be with a prostitute because you atleast know where you stand with her.

  3. Lord
    Lord says:

    all you guys on here a fucking stupid! She is a lying whore. How many men have fucked her ass? This poor man has married a dirty deceitful whore! She is not the person he thought she was. LEAVE HER AND MOVE ON!!!

    • john
      john says:

      yes you are right but the truth is many women are lying it to their husbands. I curse all those women who lie their husbands about being virgin. Now doctors have joinde in and they are doing hymenoplasty and also a fake hymen is there in market that fakes virginity to fool men.
      All the doctors and these people making and selling fake hymens will rott and die in hell. Curse them all

  4. Terrence Felder
    Terrence Felder says:

    Without getting racial, I’ll just say that it’s actually not not an unusual practice, among certain cultures, and we’re talkking highly educated people. I have friends who have dated women who was taught by their mother just as she was taught by hers to never let anyone penetrate her Vagina. If she wanted to satify her sexual urges, have oral sex, and even anal if she feels the need, but leave her hymen in tact.

  5. James
    James says:

    To have err is human but to forgive is divine. I think it’s very important though before her husband can forgive her she must see how deceptive she was either on purpose or through ignorance. It’s next to impossible to forgive someone if they never even admitt any harm done to the injured party. So in a nutshell, wifey fess up, and hubby forgive.

  6. Ilex
    Ilex says:

    This article should be less about whether the guy was a virgin or not. I is about being truthful in how you present yourself. If someone asks are you a virgin, you can say I have never had vaginal sex but I have had anal sex. You can say that I never had vaginal sex but I have had oral sex. We shouldn't have to play these games of words but be honest with each other. If I tell you I slept with one person or 100 people, at least you knew that I was HONEST with you!

  7. FrankAllen
    FrankAllen says:

    Wow! This situation stinks! Pun intended…but ANYWAY…it looks like in this day and age you have to also ask, "Are you an anal virgin?" Just to make sure you cover all your bases. While some might scoff at this idea, it's what I do. Naturally inquisitive, I go for the jugular when getting to know my woman. I don't believe there's a stupid question. And if you can't or don't answer then something's up. But I make sure to get this all out on the table so I can process and decide if I want to move forward. I want the dirt NOW not LATER…to determine if I can stomach and forgive her having been with one man sexually or thirteen men anally, or twenty dudes orally…before I throw a ring up on it. Or just throw up period.

  8. Tanya Hairston
    Tanya Hairston says:

    No offense or disrespect intended, but I guess that would make ALL gay men virgins also!!

  9. Jennifer Lopez
    Jennifer Lopez says:

    She straight lied, the husbands feelings are valid! It is about integrity, truth and honor. I am a female my sel she was just wrong!

  10. tchelle1000
    tchelle1000 says:

    can't believe anyone is so delusional that they would think that anal sex does not void any virginity claim. Come on Son

    Stop playing…LOL

    And really who would start there sexual journey with Anal Sex? Sorry all I can give that scenario is a Come? on Son

  11. JodyJoe
    JodyJoe says:

    she probably done alot of? things withn men she aint telling.

  12. intjurban
    intjurban says:

    You want a virgin be a virgin yourself or karma's? a female dog with mange.

  13. naturalhairful
    naturalhairful says:

    I feel that being a Virgin means you are pure and not been touched. In my opinion. Never being touched sexually in any manner is what I consider to be a virgin. We fool ourselves to think I can degrade myself every other way, but if I don't? allow him to defile my vagina, then I'm good.That's what these teens are now doing. (oral and anal) We can get aids from anal, oral, or vaginal. So stop playing and start pushing. LOL I just had to say that sorry. lol

    • ShoeQueen74
      ShoeQueen74 says:

      There is nothing else that needs to be said!!!!!!!!

  14. Ruby Griffin
    Ruby Griffin says:

    As i alway say,Don't let your right hand,know what your left hand doing…what i mean by that, if y'all are already in a solid marriage…Why,wait after marrige to spill your guts?and you know that going to damage your relationship in y'all marriage…Dirty on the table before marriage,in the beginning,to give the opposite sex,time to focus,on what he want…Yes,he can forgive. But noooo,he want forget,cause his subconscious want let him,reason the bond has been broken,if she lie about this,whatelse,she keeping from me…That a men point of view,looking for something to keep over a women head,all the time…when they have as much dirty,or more then we do,but they know how to hold their tongue,but they have a way of making us as women feel guilty,of the little things we do…needy to say,a hush mouth goes a long way,when it come to your sexual past,cause when you forget,they don't…but,who am i.Each it on….

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      i see where you are coming from Ruby…..but secrecy is a heavy curse in our community that stands in the way of relationships being as fulfilling as they could be. I'm always an advocate of honesty. Of course being honest in the beginning is always better. It gives folks an opportunity to make a well informed decision whether or not they want to move forward with the relationship. I think people are entitled to that opportunity.
      My recent post The NEW Marriage Negotiations

  15. Abdul-Qaadir
    Abdul-Qaadir says:

    I think the both of you should be tested for a sexually transmitted disease. This is if you haven't already?

  16. ruleyourwife
    ruleyourwife says:

    All the other commentors have covered the sex/not sex part of the discussion – so I'll leave it alone. As Aiyana stated "Forgiveness." Here's why – no matter the subject there are going to be occasions in your marriage when one spouse thinks and believes one thing and the other spouse will be polar opposite. Change the sex for credit. Your wife ask you if your credit is good and u show her your credit score. But a year later she finds out a friend loaned u some money that you didn't pay back. You believe b/c u have a good score ur good. She believes u're a liar b/c u didn't divulge that unpaid loan. My example may sound stupid, but differences of opinion like that always find their way into marriages. Check out… 4 a similar discussion.
    My recent post Marriage commitment reminder

  17. theredeemed22
    theredeemed22 says:

    i? bet the husband wasn't a virgin. he should have questioned her regarding any sexual activity.some people really do not consider anal or oral the same as vaginal penetration.a friend told me she had only had sex with 1 guy (at the time she was 24) i thought that was good then later she told me she had oral sex with about 7 different guys i was like yuck.she told me she only has oral sex to keep her number low (number of sex partners)

  18. mrsgmason
    mrsgmason says:

    Aww, I love the way you too disagree, compromise, then come back together, YEP, you been together forever, awwww, LOVE you two, keep up the good work. Both of you, I didn't care, I am who i am and didn't care about what he thought; simply because I am who i am, and if he didn't like nor want me,? fine, there were others to chose from and I believe that was why we are married still to this day. LOVE yall and GOD Speed.

  19. bernadettelsmith
    bernadettelsmith says:

    Thank you for covering this topic b/c the young ppl think oral and? anal sex is not sex. How stupid is that?

  20. Lady OH
    Lady OH says:

    I’m still trying to figure out how she skipped vaginal intercourse and went straight for the gusto. Anal takes some preparation, lol. I think she lied.

  21. kamirarenee
    kamirarenee says:

    Good post. Wow I feel bad for the husband. I do agree with Mr. Ma'At though. Unfortunatly I have heard of? women using the term "virgin" when they are clearly not. Apparently nowadays there are different types of virgins which is ridiculous, in my opinion. These females need to be honest with themselves. If someone wants to bail based on your past, then let them. Find someone who will accept you as is. I think if you are able to catch an STD in any form that is s e x.

  22. Colbi
    Colbi says:

    Amen ya'll, forgiveness is so in important moving on. I love it.

  23. Ricco
    Ricco says:

    Yooooooo……..she definitely "mind freaked herself and mind freaked him". I feel for him…..that could be devastating for a man. Ayize… hit it dead on when you spoke about that foolin around piece. Women…stop being so vague.

  24. andsanp
    andsanp says:

    Dawg, I was feeling your vibe before your wife reprimanded you.? The problem is that she is a LIAR…a manipulator…and just plain dishonest. That is his main problem.They are in for a rough journey,

  25. KingJames432
    KingJames432 says:

    awww.. this? story is cute and sad.
    Husband's feelings were definitely hurt. Believing one thing about your spouse and then finding out something else is a huge blow.. whether some view it as small or large. And for some reason, it's even worse for men.. just how we operate. And being that he feels lied to, it'll take some healing.
    Huge blow.. and it happens in relationships..marriages. I think they can get past it .. and hope they do!

    Thanks for sharing folks!

  26. Rebel Makeup
    Rebel Makeup says:

    Ok I know this is quite immature but Anal Sex =? YUCK!!! No no no that's a one way street but that's neither here not there, she wasn't a virgin. He does have to forgive, it's not worth fighting over and letting it affect your marriage! XOX

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