Should I Date A Man That Lives With His Parents?
VIDEO: We’ve received alot of questions from women asking whether or not they should move forward in a relationship with a man who lives at home or who is not completely….self sufficient. So, we decided to release this episode again to offer some clarity to folks who are fuzzy on the “dude who lives at home” dilemma.
You don’t have to listen long or hard these days to hear whispers and occasional shouts about the overwhelming number of black women who are single. This social phenomenon is unfortunate because Black women are beautiful, exude brilliance, and definitely deserve the best. So, if they deserve the best….what does the best look like? A viewer wrote in and asked us if it’s okay to date a man that lives at home with his parents due to these economic hard times. Listen in to hear what we think and let us know what you think.
I have a nineteen year old son who was dating a young lady who had just graduated from college. She was on a very different path and was trying to mold him into what she wanted him to be. With no shame, we ran her off. No woman in her right mind should be dating a guy who's parents are still supporting him financially.
After learning whether a guy is living with his parents or if his parents are living with him, keep this in mind: If he is staying with his parents and is a good guy, let that brother maximize his potential before you get anywhere near the dating game. When a man doesn't have his own, his mindset won't be focused enough to develop a healthy relationship with a woman. He will always be distracted, trying to make mark for himself.
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I think it's important to look beyond the looks and charming talk from that brother. If his work ethic is good, that's one thing, but if he was with his mama before the economy went south, think about it.
I married a man who talked a good game. He had fallen upon hard times, but the reality of the matter is he had never been on his own. I was so focused on him being "saved" that I thought God would change the easy material stuff. I didn't think wisely. His character was jacked up, and all the sweet talk ended once the wedding bells stopped echoing.
Bottom line, no matter how "spiritual" a man is, you can tell who he is by his fruit. Take off the rose colored glasses QUICKLY, otherwise you might find yourself in a painful situation later. Don't delude yourself like I did. Keep your eyes open. In God we trust…everyone else, we check out THOROUGHLY. LOL
Well said Harriet, However this issue is much deeper among people, not all the same but different.
Harriet…how long were you married? It sounds like you love hard. Question….do you love hard and quit easy?
Hi, Edward! I've been married for six years. We are currently separated. Trust me, I don't quit easily. I could have quit when he misappropriated my funds numerous times and left my credit in shambles after YEAR ONE.
I could have quit when he treated me like garbage when I was pregnant and neglected me after YEAR ONE POINT FIVE. LOL
I could have quit when we went to marital counseling numerous times, and as soon as the pressure was off, he went right back to his emotional abuse after YEARS ONE through FIVE.
I could have quit when he got fired from every job he ever had since we've been married, and he expected me to go to work daily, then come home, clean up, cook and take care of our son with no help from him after YEARS TWO through SIX.
I could have quit when he undermined my authority with my son and yelled, screamed, insulted and berated me in front of him and encouraged him to do the same after YEARS FOUR through SIX.
I could have quit when I chose to move with him to NC to be closer to his older son, knowing that I didn't have a job waiting for me in YEAR SIX.
I could have quit when it became apparent that I wasn't going to find work right away, and he treated me like I was a burden to him as opposed to his wife in YEAR SIX. Once all the money and savings I brought to the table had been spent on frivolous, irresponsible things by him, he ramped up his emotional abuse. I could have quit then.
I quit when I was down to NOTHING, and instead of him supporting me, he threatened my life, put me out of the home we were living in, took my son and wouldn't let me see him for three days, and in essence abandoned me. That's when I quit. I've stuck in there through a lot of mess and emotional abuse.
So yeah, love has been hard…but I gave it everything I had…and it didn't work, unfortunately. I most certainly did not quit easy. But looking back through the years, I should have quit long ago.
OH My God please! Most black women are single because of other reasons that has nothing to do with some guy living with his mother wow. It depends on who this guys is really.
Does he have drive and is he going places to offer to the relationship is what really counts. But as far as Black women being single. It's unfair to just say it's because of her boy living home with his mother.
In my opinion black women these days are their worse enemy, when you pullback the layers within, Not all black women but enough to make this out of a subject.
Again a lot of black women refuse to see what the real issues are when it comes to a mate. most women are way to busy in each other business these days and can not be their own women it seems, Not all of you but enough.
It's easy to say that their are no good black men around. It's a lie, there are tons of us around. The problem is we are not these idols that a lot of you want for mates. We are everyday men that has jobs and have morals and direction.
So to just keep saying, there are to many black women single, Hey! rather then say this look into who you are. Are you reaching way to high, I mean keep it real and just maybe the guy who tried to speak to you and because he did not fit your check list you decided to ignore him.
Hey excuse me but that your fault, or any of those reasons why a good man do not seem as if he the right one. Again we live in a society where your status makes you date-able.
Hey what about being friends first and putting away your crap that you push on your list and just chill and learn the value of real friendship. This where most of these issues are.
Listen, if you do not hear anything that I am saying, listen to this. For those of us whom run around saying that there's no good men or women around. You should check yourself in a serious way. It's not that there's no good quality people, it's us and our hangups in life that we'ver created for ourselves to put it bluntly.
As I mention above we are here. We are not the kind of men that you see on TV or basketball player, not rock stars. We are everyday people with morals and a great sense of direction.
However we are transparent to you because of your hangups about life these days.
Here's another hangup that i see. If you've dated 2 or 3 guys and it did not work out you assume that there are none left that are worth your time.
Check this out. How about paying close attention to your patterns when you seek these men out. Walk outside your box sometimes and you just might be shocked to find that there are men all around you. But your patterns of dating just want change.
Yah see it's very easy to blame everybody but yourself, uh huh! well try not dating for a spell and reconnect with self and clean up what really eating at you inside, but be honest because without that honesty this will be a lost,meaning you find and love you again and then look for someone that can be your friend first before you go from 0 to 100 in the bed room. Yes! I am keeping it so real.
And if any one would like to challenge this seek what eats at you and then lets see who you really are inside that looking glass of life.
I do not know everything but I do understand why most of us are single and complaining these days, It's us and no body else.
If I've lost you. please start reading from the top again but read it slow the second time around and have an open heart and mind, please.
Peace and Happy New Years
I like how you challenge people to pay attention to patterns of behavior when it comes to mate selection. We choose who we choose to be in relationship with.
No, ha ha ha , Run like hell lol. If you ignore this , over time you will become his mom.
Run as fast as you can. The story goes like this, When you want and need the company of a grown women you need to be out of your mothers house and have something to enhance her life.
We as men are suppose to be there protectors, their rocks so to speak. If you are still living with your mommy. And try to do this, You are not being the man she needs to make a home with.
Run As fast as you can. I do not care if he has swagg or has a cute smile with dimples Run lol.
Peace
I think its interesting that women who fit their own list such being (educated, financially secure, fit), and completely independent are being told to forgo their own attributes ans accept men who don't meet them ( the items on the list), or they are penalized for having a list. The irony is crazy.
If I bring it to the table why should I accept a man or even give him a chance when he doesn't meet my requirements? for what. Plenty of men out there do, we have 7 continents why settle for North America alone? just like google expand your search and you will find what your looking for, black women don't limit your self to men who meet your standards.