Stop Acting Deaf, Dumb, Blind, And Stupid….YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT

By Ilex Bien-Aime
When it comes to dating human beings are either blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, or are insane. Something has got to be seriously wrong with us because it seems as if we make the same foolish decisions time and time again. Maybe we are just gluttons for punishment, clearly broken hearts just don’t quite hurt enough.

The average human being is born with two functioning eyes. This gives us the ability to see and react to things that are going on around us. What I am starting to realize is that, though most of us have physical sight, we remain mentally blind. Let’s be honest, we have seen enough in our lifetimes not to make certain decisions as they relate to dating and yet we still make them. I read an article in Essence Magazine not to long ago about a woman who had gone out on a date with a guy who did absolutely everything to sabotage the date and what did she do, she slept with him. Long story short, she left the guys house in tears because he was a jerk.

It’s one thing to be a teenager and even a young adult who makes stupid decisions. We all think that being used and abused could never happen to us, but come on people, I know folks well over thirty years old who are still doing the same stupid crap. It’s a little hard for people to feel sorry for you when you willing walk into a land mine field. One definition of being blind is to disregard evidence and sound logic. Another definition is that someone is not controlled by intelligence and reason. It’s understandable not to see a bad situation before hand, but to see a bad situation and run to it, is just foolish.

Most of us are not only blind but we are also deaf. It’s not that we are unable to hear, we hear just find. The problem is that we sometimes choose not to listen. I have friends who corner me just about every time I see them. They are always asking me about what some guy they are dating is thinking. Now grant it, I don’t know what’s in every guys mind but for the most part if a woman tells me something that a guy has said or done, I already know what he is thinking and/or is going to do. I know many people ask questions that they already know the answer to yet it is human to hope for a more positive answer than anticipated.

Sometimes you have to be willing to listen when your friends and family tell you something about the person you are dating. I know that we have this tendency to tell ourselves that our loved ones just don’t know the person and are on the outside looking in but let’s be honest. We often make excuses for our mates even when we know that our loved ones are telling us the truth about them. Many times people tell you exactly who they are and we choose not to listen to them and amazingly we are surprised when  we get hurt.

When we aren’t playing blind or deaf, we decide to play dumb. The real definition of dumb is someone who is not able to speak but we speak just fine. The real issue with us is that we are afraid to tell people what we want, need, and/or deserve. We are scared of what they are going to say or how they are going to react. So we sit in silence as we are mistreated and go unloved. People sometimes have this tendency to blame their mates for their not being happy and yet say nothing to them about it.

Even those closes to us have a tendency to play dumb. They know how we get when they try to tell us about our love interest. Someone could be beating you, cheating on you, or using you but let somebody tell you that they are and you will go months if not years without speaking to the messenger. People choose to clam up when you speak about your mate because they know that if they give an opinion, they will get all of your displaced wrath.

Let’s face it, when it comes to love, most people look stupid. Being stupid is showing a lack of normal intelligence or understanding but we understand just fine. We just choose to continue walking down dark paths. Some of us call this insanity but insanity by definition is mental illness or derangement. I can’t imagine that the world has so many insane people.

Look, you are not blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, or insane. Life is filled with choices and you have to choose to do what is best for you. When you see that something is not right, act upon it. Be willing to listen when people try to give sound advice because they love you and want you to be happy. Speak up when you are not being treated the way you feel you need to be treated. Lastly, stop acting stupid and/or insane because you aren’t. Show some love for yourself and people can’t help but love you and if they won’t love you, they will have no choice but to respect you.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.  Connect with Ilex at or via email at

3 replies
  1. Ada Martin
    Ada Martin says:

    Been there…ooh i felt were 100 percent correct.

  2. Michelle Sargent
    Michelle Sargent says:

    TRUE, TRUE, and TRUE!!

  3. Lotus Blossum
    Lotus Blossum says:

    I love this… Thanks for sharing

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