We Barely Have Sex But We’re Happy

Viewer Question: Hello,
My husband and I have viewed a few of your videos and enjoy your viewpoints or should I say appreciate them.  We consider ourselves to be sensible, realistic, honest, sick of the craziness in the world and loving. We’ve been together for 23 years and married for 20. We have two sons, one of which is grown and disabled and now we are dealing with my mom who is experiencing some mental challenges. We have a highschooler, one of us is underemployed (works once or twice a week)  due to job loss a couple of years ago and the current care for our oldest son. Because the situation worked out where I have the full time career etc., admittedly I have many demands and sometimes feel like I am juggling a lot.  Often in addition to my career and being the current breadwinner, I also teach on the side to meet some of our needs. We don’t get caught up in this so much but naturally hubby wants desperately to find reasonable employment and finish school, yet find security for our son!! LONG STORY THERE!
Financial stress: we have that, mortgage woes: we have that, exhaustion due to meeting the needs of our son and life:  got that….and the list goes on.  We even get your communication challenge discussions, because sometimes we have that problem too.  Hubby depression: been there on and off for the last 8 years, with the last two being horrible. He is not happy with his career life.  Church attendance strain due to hubby’s new weird work schedule: problem!!! Me having meltdowns on occasion…PROBLEM!

Now what we manage to do to keep all of this together is have mini dates, dinner nights, concerts, coffee outings, cuddling, talking, car talks, and plenty of laughter in our home.  We can call each other on the phone and flirt, text flirt, reminisce about the past and definitely enjoy our boys. There’s a lot of love in our home even in the midst of the stress.   What is missing is what I will call our sex life!!! Our sex life is nearly null and void. Are we intimate in other ways? I would say yes.  Even if we flirt and kiss cheeks, grope, etc.  we don’t get to actual good old sex. On top of that ( no pun intended) my husband has asked me if I have an office relationship, and he’s acted suspicious etc.  he recently acted suspicious about one of my white co-workers, that quite honestly I wouldn’t be attracted to if I were down with the swirl!! Just because I mostly enjoy the work I do, does not mean I would destroy a marriage over some nonsense!!!
Yes we heard your talk on cheating too! Hubby agreed with your points by the way. With our busy lives we have challenges but cheating is not on my mind!  Hubby reiterates often that he would never accept me going outside of this marriage and he loves me and that he is just going through a difficult time. I understand, even though I am stressed.

So we are under stress and need to get back to a sex life.  Our teen son is observant as all get out so it makes it even more of a challenge. I think he’s listening!  ANY SUGGESTIONS?  We just can’t seem to get it together. I think I count once or twice  in the last 8 months, and I’m scared that I don’t even remember.   When we do finally have sex, it’s not that great unless its some spontaneous living room moment when the boys are at their grandparents, and now that is as rare as an eclipse.  Heck if we weren’t so broke we’d rent a room!!!
Yes we are attracted to each other, and love and adore each other. As an example we had a bit of foreplay last night after going out to dinner without the boys, but the looming drama around my ill mom who I hospitalized this morning and the nosy teen put a damper on that!  We try to have mini dates once a week and an evening date at a concert or event once every 4 to 8 weeks!  Just to give you an idea, I think I’m fairly young at 41 and hubby is 46….God willing we have too many years to love each other  to be at this point.

Please offer us some suggestions.

Thank you for your time!  Peace and love.