What Men Aren’t Saying About Sex-Part 1

By Ilex Bien-Aime

When God created men and women, He had some serious jokes. We were made to be physically compatible and yet our anatomy’s tend to make our sex lives difficult. But sex goes beyond just the physical state, our mental state is just as important. There is always this preverbal tug-of-war between the sexes but true understanding is lacking. Let’s face it, a man will never truly know how it feels to be a woman and a woman will never truly know how it feels to be a man. I think the biggest problem is that we know this fact and yet we tend to do a lot of assuming and less communicating with each other.

For the most part, God made man’s body simple or at least more simple than women’s bodies. Think about it, a healthy man with an adequate amount of testosterone wakes up with an erection everyday. He does not have to think about sex, it’s just a simple human function for him. It does not take a lot to get a man going. If you are looking good in your Victoria Secrets, we are ready to go. If we see you in those jeans that we like that show off your sexy curves, all we can think about is taking them off. Ok let’s be real, if you come in the room wearing a moo moo, we will still want to make love to you. Sure men love visual stimulation and a moo moo may not work for him in the long run, when it comes to sex though, if we want it that won’t matter much.

It takes men a long time to grasp the concept that women are not built the same as we are. Not only are we not built the same, we do not think the same way. Men don’t need all day interaction, hand holding, kissing, and sweet nothings. We could be sitting downstairs watching football all day and when we come upstairs we can be ready to make love on the spot. A woman can be upstairs watching Basketball Wives marathons and she may not need to say two words to us, if she comes downstairs and is ready for sex, we will not turn her away. I will admit, that as a married man, I am starting to understand this concept a lot better. Growing into a man can be made difficult when you have developed bad habits as a younger man. Many men are used to making booty calls but your wife does not want to be treated that way. We don’t do this out of disrespect, we just see the situation from a totally different angle.

Men define intimacy differently than women. A woman may like to be told that she is beautiful and desirable. Men on the other hand like for you to show us that you think we are desirable. Nothing makes a man feel better than when his woman can’t keep her eyes and hands off of him. I know that women think that sex is mostly physical for men but we believe sex is very intimate for us. Often times men feel rejected by their wives because they feel that their wives do not desire them as much as they should. A man does not like feeling that he has to bring sex to the table all of the time. Sure you may never tell him no when he attempts to make love to you, but if you don’t initiate it, he will start to resent that.

Most men won’t say this out loud but it is discouraging to hear women say that they are thinking about other things during sex. I thought that sex was supposed to be enjoyable and some women claim to be thinking about bills, the kids, or whatever else may be on their minds. Let’s be real, sex is on average 3-13 minutes long, so can’t your man have your body and mind for that amount of time. Don’t think that we just walk around the world aimlessly, we have things on our mind also but when you are naked in front of us at that moment, you are all that matters to us. The bills will be there, the kids will be ok, and you can think about every thing else when we are done.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at ilexbienaime@gmail.com.