What’s The Right Age To Tell Your Child That The Reason For Divorce Is ….CHEATING?
VIDEO: In this video Ayize and Aiyana debate about what’s the “appropriate” age to tell your child that the reason for divorce is…..CHEATING. We also discuss what we believe to be the most appropriate way is to share such devastating information. Although we both identify specific ages, the most important point is to consider the maturity of the child. Infidelity is not only damaging to a marriage…but it’s also has the power to destroy a family. Be careful, be mindful, and B Intentional.
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I think we better speak for ourselves right away.
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ITS BEST TO TELL THEM AT AN AGE BEFORE 18 CUZ THEY WILL WANNA KNOW WHY MOM OR DAD LEAVE IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM THEY GONNA HAVE A GUILT FOR WHICH EVER PARENT WALK OUT ONCE THEY DON'T KNOW THEY WONT UNDERSTAND..IF THEY KNOW SOME KIDS LOOK AT IT AND DAY I WILL NEVER DO THAT TO MY HUSBAND OR WIFE WHEN AM MARRIED.
I had the same experience as blessed beloved…. my dad always took me to womens house, but i told my my mum and when they? would fight my dad use to blame me and tell me i'm trying to break them up. then when i never told my mum, my mum blamed me for taking sides with my dad and allowing my dad to sneak, and that is a lot to put on a child, so its best not to get the children to involved at atall i suppose but if they ask its best to tell them straight.
Since every situation is different, I believe you have to start with where you are; like Blessed Beloved stated, she was taken to the other woman's house, so that means that the child would probably have questions early on that would need to be addressed. Personally, I waited until my son started to ask questions; he was 14ish 15. We sat down on several occasions and I honestly answered his questions. I also believe its important for your children to know that you and your mate were very much in love at one point, give them the good as well as the bad. I also let my son know that I had faults in the relationship as well because that's part of the history. One of the things I always stressed to my son, was the one thing me and his dad had in common and that was how much we both loved him, and nothing would ever change that.
I understand what both of you are saying~protect them & be honest with them. I? am 43 and I knew at the age of 4 that my father was cheating on my mom. I can remember him taking me to the woman's house. I knew it wasn't right.. I knew I felt uncomfortable & wondered where my mommy was. I also knew somehow that I couldn't tell my mother, so it taught me how to be sneaky, make up stories & keep secrets. Be honest with the kids they are resilient & they probably already know.
I think whether or not you tell the child should depend on your motivation. Why are you telling the child? Did the child ask? Or do you want the child on your "side"? If your motivation is pure it will be easy to tell the? truth (bare minimum facts). You know what your child can handle.
From my own very personal experience, I wish my parents would have protected me from my fathers infidelity. While I understand why they chose to tell me and I also appreciate how they were able to sit me down and explain it together, it was still way too much for me to handle.
They left everything open so I could ask questions but the one thing they couldn’t do no matter how hard they tried was determine the way in? which I internalized this devastating information.
rmin3937
Adulthood. No child needs to know husband and wife business and be drawn from one side to the other. I grew up as a child / partner to a parent who shared FAR too much with me. It was awful.
I love the honesty and different perspectives. Eleven would have personally been too young for me, maybe even 18 would be too young. I thought my family (extended and nuclear) were all perfect until around the time I got married at 23. I know that's sad :). I don't really like dealing with drama but I'm getting better at it. I'm fortunate in that my parents didn't get a divorce however my dad was bedridden at 11, so I had a host of other problems to face. I did have to grow up fast, and that probably helped make me have an even stronger foundation.
i like honesty and reality, especially when the child is past the age? of santa clause.
Let them know what happened (cheating) and the consequences (divorce). Just the facts. Let them know the cheating caused hurt but don't blame eachother, and you don't get into all the dirty details. Children can learn the effects of this in the long run… so even if they have not started dating yet, they will have the info for when they do.