4 Revealing Reasons Why People Settle For “Good Enough” Love

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By Mike Bundrant

Why do people settle for the wrong relationship partner?

It’s proven. People do settle. In fact, in one survey of 6,000 men, 31% of them openly admitted that they would settle for someone they didn’t love. And 21% even claimed they’d partner up with someone they found unattractive.

How many additional people settle, but would never admit it? How many people knew they were with the wrong person, even as they walked down the aisle?

Diving into this question takes us straight down the path toward the deeper issues in life, so let’s get to it. Here are four reasons why people settle, according to experience and research.

1. People settle due to fear of being alone.

A recently published study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has found that fear of being single is a major predictor of settling for bad relationships. According to lead author Stephanie Spielmann, people who have stronger fears about being single tend to be willing to settle for less in their relationships.

This may lead them to stay in relationships that they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they may choose to date people who are not good for them. In fact, people’s anxiety about being single plays a key role in these and other types of unhealthy relationship behaviors.

The researchers from the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology surveyed samples of adults from across Canada and the U.S., including University of Toronto undergraduates. The samples covered both men and women across a wide range of ages.

The study found that both men and women experienced the same concern and anxieties about being single, and that these feelings create similar behaviors. This directly contradicts the popular stereotype that only women experience a fear of being single.

Loneliness is a painful experience regardless of gender; and according to Professor Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology, fear of being single does not discriminate on basis of gender.

2. People settle because they don’t know how to create solid relationships.

In essence, we:

• Don’t date enough people before committing to one.

• Share intimate information too readily early in the dating process (missing the chance to just have fun together and establish a friendship).

• Have sex too soon.

• Get married first, then attempt to solve problems in the relationship.

• Don’t measure compatibility in terms of values, life dreams, communication styles and often chemistry.

• Are unwilling to end a relationship that clearly doesn’t work because they are driven by unresolved psychological issues.

When you don’t date around, become intimate before you know the character of the person you are with, get married before you’ve had adequate time to learn to solve problems, then you are set up for failure.

Given that so few people fully understand the rigors of creating a relationship intentionally, many may settle because – well – they simply give up trying to figure out how it is supposed to work.

3. People settle due to external pressures.

• Mom and dad expect you to marry and have their grandchildren. They approve of the person you are with now, so….you just do it.

• Mom and dad HATE the person you are with and this appeals to your rebelliousness, so you just do it!

• You need a way to support yourself and your partner makes good money.

• All your friends are getting married and you want to attend the barbecues.

• And so on.

4. People settle due to the compelling nature of self-sabotage.

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4 Ways to Talk to Your Long-term Boyfriend About Marriage Plans

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4 Ways to Talk to Your Long-term Boyfriend About Marriage Plans

Cohabitation is quickly becoming the norm in the US. National Health Statistics Reports reveals that 48 percent of women cohabitated with their future spouses before marriage. For some women, this was a quick stop on the way towards marriage. For others, it goes on for years and years. If you’re in a solid relationship and your boyfriend doesn’t have any moral opposition to marriage, it’s time to bring up the conversation.

In Sickness and Death

No one wants to think about their boyfriend getting sick or dying, but it’s especially traumatic if you can’t see him in the hospital because you aren’t next of kin. Talk to your boyfriend about the legal benefits you receive as a spouse that allows you to see each other in the hospital and handle legal inheritance in the event of death.

Talk Openly About Your Life Together

You don’t want to be passive aggressive about your interests. If you’ve been dating and living together for a few years and you’re both looking to settle down, talk directly about your long term plans. The Date Report recommends getting over any anxiety related to talking about marriage. If you’re sure about your relationship, there’s no reason to feel embarrassed when talking about your future together. Lay out your expectations and find out his thoughts on the matter.

Discuss the Financial Benefits

This is a strictly practical approach, but it’s possible that if your boyfriend is content in the relationship, he doesn’t see a point in getting married for emotional reasons. Perhaps he feels that it’s more of a religious concern or has another objection. When you point out the monetary benefits of marriage, however, he sees the practical side of it. How Stuff Works reports that many couples pay significantly less in income taxes when married than when filing as single. This is particularly true for couples who have disparate income,

In addition, it’s also much easier to get coverage through your partner’s health and pension benefits when you’re legally married. Some workplaces do offer benefits to couples who live together, but it’s not a requirement. Other financial benefits include lower insurance rates and avoiding estate tax.

Discuss Ring Preferences

You don’t have to sacrifice the surprise behind a proposal once the right time rolls around. For many women, however, it’s important to talk about ring styles beforehand. If your potential ring style is important to you, give him your ring size and check out the engagement rings at Macy’s or your local jeweler, so he knows exactly what you like. Ideally, you’ll also want to set a ring budget so you aren’t taking out loans to pay for your wedding jewelry, so you start your wedded life without adding debt.

What I Learned From Going On Air with Roland Martin

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By Aiyana Ma’at

So, we recently had the opportunity to go on News One Now on TVOne with Roland Martin. He had us on to discuss the disparities in dating that black women face and the show was good…. I love how vocal so many of you were on the topic.

But, that’s not what I really wanted to talk about today…..

Rather, I wanted to share what I learned from being in Roland Martin’s presence for the brief time that we were there. It can really be summed up in just a few words.

It’s so simple yet so profound at the same time. And, while it’s simple it’s something so many of us don’t do for a variety of reasons.

But, I’ll stop beating around the bush—-here’s what I learned from Roland…..

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#1 BE YOURSELF.

#2 FOCUS ON WHAT YOU’RE PASSIONATE ABOUT AND BELIEVE IN.

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to listen to this clever, intelligent, and hilarious man you’ll quickly come to the conclusion that he’s the real deal— passionate, opinionated, clear about what he believes, and unafraid to speak his truth. You may not always agree with him. Hell, I might not either. I don’t know where he stands on every issue.

But, that’s not the point.

Let me reiterate the qualities I just mentioned again:  Passionate, Opinionated, Clear about what he believes, and Unafraid to speak his truth (and simultaneously the truth of so many other African Americans in this country and around the world.)

Can you say this about your own life? Is there any where you are authentically YOU? Where you show up, speak, and do from a place where you bring the beautiful, the ugly, and everything in between….and you’re ok with it because you know that it’s your truth?

I love people like Roland….folks who (unbeknownst to them) reinforce for me that:

  • It’s OK to be me.
  • It’s OK to be you.
  • When you focus on what’s in your heart and your gut you can never really go wrong. (Even if you have to re-evaluate or double back later.)
  • We waste time when we try to fit in, make ourselves digestible for other folks, and not offend.
  • When you let your light shine through you automatically give others permission to do the same.

So, that’s what I learned from Roland the other day. The opportunity to dialogue about a topic that is important and relevant to our community on his show was awesome. The ability to elevate and increase exposure for our brand was amazing but the take away lesson…..priceless.

 

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Some People Want A Relationship So Bad. What About Your Relationship With God?

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By Pierre E.

Fear causes us to make alot of unwise decisions, especially when it

comes to relationships… The fear of feeling left out.. The fear of

being single at a certain age (as if being in a relationship is an

achievement).. The fear of a person we “think” is perfect for us,

ending up with someone else.. The fear of missing out on our

childbearing years, and never being able to have children, etc. …..

This type of fear creates desperation…. A desperation that causes us

to disregard all wisdom and intellect, and try to force things into

place in our lives.. (which ultimately leads to pain and heartache).

 

But if we would trust in God, we’d see that we don’t have to try to

create our own blessing… Proverbs 10:22 says that “The blessing of

the LORD makes rich, and he adds NO sorrow with it.” ….. God knows

what we like! He knows what we find attractive. He even knows the very

number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7)! So when GOD blesses us with a

mate, He’s gonna make sure that we receive everything we wanted, and more! We don’t have to chase anyone, we don’t have to settle for just

anyone who comes our way, nor do we have to randomly date trying to

find Mr. or Mrs. Right… All we have to do is wait on God… A

slow-cooked meal beats the microwave!

 

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the

desires of your heart.” ……. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the

kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things [Your heart’s desires] will be added to you.” …….. The only relationship

we need to work on, is our relationship with the LORD…. Stay

encouraged (reader), aaaaaand wait……

 

 

Pierre E. is a minister, writer and Christian Hip-Hop artist from Los Angeles, CA. After pursuing a career in secular rap music, acting, photography, modeling, club promoting, etc. He discovered that the true meaning of life is only found in Jesus Christ. None of Pierre’s job titles could bring him the peace and joy that he longed for. It was only when he accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior (in February, 2012), that he experienced joy unspeakable. Pierre now dedicates his life to spreading the Gospel of Christ.

Check him out at the following: 

 

 

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His Shady Female Friend

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Join us (Ayize & Aiyana) and learn how to discover your purpose and put ACTION to your passion by clicking the link below. It’s an opportunity to work with us directly, share your passion, and make money. No Excuses yall…get started today by clicking the link below.

http://smb01.com/let-the-cat-out-of-the-bag

10 Tips On How To Be The Romantic Partner You Want to Find

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By Diana Oak

 

You know what you want in a romantic partner, but how do you go about finding someone who has those qualities? While opposites might attract in some cases, these usually don’t result in steady or long-term relationships. The most solid ones are based more on “like attracts like.” That means you’re better off working on developing those desired partner qualities yourself, so that you’ll attract someone who already has them. Here’s how to do just that.

 

Take Good Care of Yourself

You want someone who looks and feels their best, so you should take steps to make sure that the same applies to you. Get enough rest, eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, learn how to manage stress and get regular exercise and fresh air. This will help keep you in good shape physically and emotionally.

 

Work on Fixing Personality Flaws 

Everyone has their own quirks, but if you have a flaw or two that you’d hate to deal with in a partner, work toward fixing them. Are you constantly late for appointments or dates? Are you a perfectionist or a slob? Start changing these undesirable qualities, so you’ll be more likely to find someone who doesn’t have them.

 

Be a Good Listener

Communicating is an important aspect of any relationship, but listening can be the tougher part to master. Work on becoming a good listener when you talk to friends, family or co-workers. Your future partner will appreciate the fact that you’re focused and attentive while they’re speaking.

 

Learn to Be Romantic

If you’re not a natural romantic but you wish to find one, learn how to become one in order to get the pheromones flowing. Be more in touch with your emotions, read some romantic poetry or books and get creative about how you would woo someone you’re interested in.

 

Develop a New Skill

Does your ideal romantic partner have a skill that you don’t possess? You can change that by working on developing that skill. Whether it’s being a great cook or a wonderful dancer, take classes that will teach you this new skill and practice it on a regular basis.

 

Work on Being Honest

If honesty isn’t your best policy, practice becoming more straightforward and truthful. Being able to trust each other is one of the most important aspects of a relationship, so give them reasons to do so. Telling a little white lie to spare someone’s feelings every so often isn’t a problem, but making a habit of lying is a big one.

 

Practice Being More Open

Being hesitant about sharing your feelings or talking about yourself can prevent your relationship from really taking off. Since you want a partner who isn’t closed off emotionally, work on being more open with other people. Even focusing on your thoughts and writing them down in a journal can help you feel more comfortable expressing your feelings.

 

Improve Your Social Skills

You don’t have to become a completely outgoing person if that’s not your thing, but working on how you interact with others can help you find the ideal romantic partner. Practice striking up conversations and finding interesting topics to discuss with others. Pay attention to social cues too so you know when to switch topics or how to politely end a conversation.

 

Take Risks

Instead of shying away from challenges, learn to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things. You can learn more about yourself this way and what appeals to you, which will help you find the perfect partner. Taking reasonable risks can also give you a big confidence boost.

 

Embrace Change

No matter how much you and your future partner have in common, you won’t be exactly the same. Work on being able to adapt to minor and major changes, so you can overcome any differences the two of you might have.

 

The author Diana Oak is a relationship consultant and co-founder of LiveLoveLaw. You can tweet Diana for free advice: @MissLoveDoc

 

4 Reasons Why Women Leave Men

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By Paula Snyder

1.  Being too controlling

You may not have even considered yourself as the controlling type, but women sometimes see this differently. Maybe you get jealous of her friends, or tell her not to spend so much time with her friends. You tell her she spends too much money. You tell her that her house is not clean enough. You hinder her from going somewhere she has plans to go. More than anything, you tell her where and when she should go out.

She had a life before you came into the picture and she can still manage her own time and money without your help. There are situations in which she may want your input or advice, but otherwise, do not be pushy with advice or demands. Instead of demanding time, ask for it, give her space and let her make her own decisions.

2. Being too critical.

A little constructive criticism can be positive. Although suggestions are generally considered acceptable, particularly if she asks for them, putdowns and negative are unacceptable in her eyes. Constantly correcting her will make her feel nitpicked and self-conscious. Smart women know that they should not spend time with a man who puts her down.

You must treat her with kindness and respect at all times, and only give her advice if she asks for it.

3. Not having a life of your own.

Maybe you sulk when she tells you that she has plans to go out with her friends. Women interpret this as being needy. It is a popular belief that women are clingy and needy, however, men do the same thing. For any relationship to be healthy each partner must have his or her own life.

Make it obvious that your career is important. She wants your job to be important to you, and she is proud of your success and wants you to do well. On the other hand, if you start staying late at work, and canceling dates or if you are constantly hanging out with your coworkers after work hours, she will get ideas about your priorities.

Although a woman appreciates a focused and ambitious man, she also expects you to make time for her. This behavior will make her feel neglected, and she will feel like you do not have time for her, and she feels if you really love her then making time for her should be something you want to do. She also knows that if you do not want to make time for her, that someone else will.

4. Being judgmental of her friends and family.

You have to understand that these people are important to her and that she will be very defensive about them. Try to see the good things in them, you might actually start to like them, avoid confrontation with them. Do your best to get along with those closest to her. It will pay off in the long run.

If your girl has or is falling away from you, you can get her back. Learn more about the secret ingredient a woman requires in a serious relationship and if you give it to her, she will never leave. It’s never too late to get her back, no matter what mistakes you have made.

VIDEO: Can’t NOBODY Give You The Gift Of Love Like You Can Give It To Yourself

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By Team BLAM I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows If I fail, if I succeed At least I live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can’t take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me I found the greatest love of all Inside of me The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all I’m sure you recognize these words. These are the lyrics to the chorus of Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love Of All”. These words capture the essence of the message we at BLAM, are always trying to convey to you…..ALL change, ALL transformation, ALL responsibility, ALL insight, ALL power, ALL motivation, ALL passion, ALL progress, ALL purpose, ALL love begins at home within your heart, mind, & soul. You hold the key that will ultimately unlock the door to the possibilities in your life and your love. If you don’t love yourself first, there is no room for you to recognize love when it comes from someone else. You have the power to create the life and the love you want to see. But, first you must say these 4 words:

IT ALL BEGINS WITH ME.

Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

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CLICK HERE to get your RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.

CLICK HERE to learn how to COMMUNICATE BETTER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY

What Do Women Really Want From a Man – 4 Tips To Help You Understand Women Better

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By A.J. Smith

It’s not unusual for a guy to feel like he doesn’t quite understand women and what they want. It’s actually quite typical for a guy to feel that way. You don’t have to feel weird about wanting to know what women want, because there are plenty of men who feel just like you do. And I know, it can seem at times as if women don’t even know what they want, so that just seems to add to the confusion that you feel. You don’t have to stay in the dark, you can find out some clues as to what women really desire from a man so that you can understand females a little bit better.

Here are four tips that should help you figure things out:

1) Women usually want to spend time with a guy who knows how to hold a good conversation with them.

Unless you have drop dead good looks, you have to be able to talk to a woman and hold a good conversation with her. You have to be able to win her over with your personality and you have to be able to give her a reason to want to spend more time with you and that can easily be done just by mastering the art of good conversation. You don’t want to talk about things that you know are going to make her feel like she is bored. You are going to want to speak about things that really interest her and even fascinate her.

2) They want to know that they can have a life of their own as well as with you.

It’s good to let a woman go out and hang out with her friends and that is one of the things that you need to be able to show her. One of the things that a lot of women do worry about is ending up with the kind of boyfriend that won’t let them do their own thing, and that is an impression that you don’t want to give off. You need to be cool with the fact that you have a girlfriend that goes out and has her own life.

3) They want you to have your own life as well.

One of the most attractive things to most women is when you are able to do your own thing. Having your own hobbies and interests is a good thing and it also helps to make you seem more interesting. Going back to the first tip about being able to have a good conversation, that’s much easier to do when you have interesting things to do in your free time.

4) Women want to be with a guy who knows how to kiss well.

Yes, the kissing thing does matter to most women and you have to be able to show that you have kissing skills. Now, I know that most men are going to assume that they know what to do when it comes to kissing a woman, but you might be surprised at what a lot of women say. A lot of women will reveal that the guys that they have dated haven’t all been good kissers and if you can’t do that – you don’t stand much of a chance. You definitely want to be known as a guy who knows how to kiss a woman.

When you really understand what women are attracted to, it makes it easy for you to be able to get a girlfriend and succeed at having meaningful relationships.

Pick The Players For Your Team: 4 Qualities Of A Good Relationship Wingman

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by Ayize Ma’at

In my 1st year of marriage I was at a bar with some single friends talking about relationship “stuff”. I quickly realized we were in very different spaces in our lives. I knew I had to find new friends or develop patience with the ones I already had to increase my chances of relationship success. Thus began my search for a good wingman. What is a wingman? A wingman is someone that will:

Tell It Like It Is

A good wingman will hear you out and then call you out when you are making excuses. You want some one that has the courage to tell you when you are right and when you are wrong.

Been Around The Block

Have you ever received advice from someone and thought, “That sounds good, but…take a walk in my shoes.”? You want a wingman that’s been around the same block you are on so they can speak from a space of experience and understanding.

Knows There Role

A good wingman values there role in your life, respects boundaries, and plays their part when asked. Additionally, there can be NO romantic or sexual interest. Stay in your lane to avoid a major crash.

Got Your Relationship’s Back

Your wingman should stand in your corner and cheer your relationship on. You want someone that will support what your relationship NEEDS vs. only what you WANT.

Keep these 4 qualities in mind when looking for a wingman and you will definitely increase your chances for relationship success.