Black Men Need Help

by Ayize Ma’at We get a lot of emails from women voicing their frustration with the current condition of the black men in their lives and in the community. There’s this reverberating impression that black men have an apathetic approach to life….black men have lost their hustle which consequently has a devastating impact on the black family. This video gives a couple of reasons why black men are not being as productive as they could be. This is some REAL TALK coupled with a REAL CHALLENGE. This is one black man’s perspective… Leave a comment or submit a video response letting me know what you think. B Intentional family, What’s up with black men? We need to hear your voice on this one.

18 replies
  1. brien jones
    brien jones says:

    I am a African-American male in my mid-forties and in between jobs. I have been laid-off and terminated within the last six years. I have work experience and education to compete on any level. There has been circumstances out of my control due to my status. I feel like giving up and my wife is beating me in every area of life and accomplishments. It is very frustrating and embarassing to constantly start over. Please someone give me advice of how to cope with problems. Email me a response

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      What areas of your life are you winning in? I know you said everything feels like it's going bad….even it the midst of the mess you've gotta find and cling to what's going good. The belief in the possibility of goodness will pull you through the mess.
      My recent post Are Pics Of Past Girlfriends A Problem?

  2. Michael A. Wright
    Michael A. Wright says:

    I love it! "What are you going to do to help?" It's important distinguish between "helping" and "enabling." Of course, I like the way my wife does it. She has a definite space in her life for me and a need for me to contribute. It's more than just financial. It's spiritual, physical, emotional. We've had times when she supported us financially while I was in school, but she never once lost her need for me in every other way. Summation: be independent until you find someone that wants to collaborate with you. Then, make space and NEED it to be filled.
    My recent post A Reminder to Embrace the Role of Model

  3. Myra
    Myra says:

    Both Black men and Black women are hurting! I wish both genders would wake up and face this harsh reality… If one of us hurts, we all hurt. It becomes collective. 🙁
    My recent post Ladies, You Choose

  4. Britbro
    Britbro says:

    There are plenty of productive black men out there. The question I have is where are these ladies finding these men? At the club? Hanging out on the street? Was he wasting time playing video games when she met him? Or was he coming home from running b'ball all day at the court? Or did she find him at church and take the time to observe his behavior and character? Or was he on the train on his way to or from work, dressed neatly and speaking well? Ladies, the lazy brother will never be your man if you never hook up with him. Don't get with him while he's doing nothing and then complain that he's doing exactly what you found him doing. Do you really want a productive guy? Walk right on by the unproductive ones and perhaps it will help motivate him to get his act together when he sees that you won't settle.

    • Michael A. Wright
      Michael A. Wright says:

      I appreciate this post, Britbro. As a happily married man, it's hard to comprehend how women enter relationships AND have babies with guys who aren't productive. I find myself wishing they knew that it is not all (sex and playing house) or nothing. You can take time and "date" or more directly "court." No sleeping over. No late night temptations. No weekend trips. More outings to the park. Show me where you work. What's your 5 year plan. I'll show you mine. Or, let's go to a seminar together to learn how to create one.
      My recent post A Local Structure for Social Determinants of Health

  5. She-Ra
    She-Ra says:

    Wow, Ayize that was deep. It actually helped me confirm what I always suspected for a while now, so many men out there are hurting and that is the reason why some of them act in a way that may seem crazy to us. I was in a relationship with a someone who came from a very dysfunctional home and well let's just say, brother got some serious issues. I tried to be loving and supportive but that never seemed to help. I have a daughter by him and he's only met her twice since she was born 19 mths ago. He doesn't care about her at all, only thing he ever does is pay court ordered child support, no calls to find out how we are nothing…I was about to just stop him from having any contact with my daughter but after this maybe I'll be a lil bit more empathetic…

    Stay Bless and THANK YOU.

  6. Cynthia
    Cynthia says:

    Ayize, Ayize, I could just give you a big old grandma hug for this post. My mother and I had this discussion a few months ago and we decided that instead of tearing our men down, we will use that same energy to uplift them, encourage them and build them up. Black men face an ugly and degrading world and then they come home to a raggedy mouth woman? ( It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.) Proverbs 21:19 KJV People are drawn by love and kindness (yes, men too). He can't find his way out to stand on his own two feet if we are waiting at the door to beat him down. Powrful and on point Ayize.

  7. Tasha
    Tasha says:

    Ayize, Ayize, bravo sir… you were so on point with this. Powerful and heartfelt delivery of the truth. I hear you and I have noted the pain of our black men…

  8. Rocco
    Rocco says:

    This was on point!!! Ayize

  9. Ayize
    Ayize says:

    A Youtube Viewer Said:

    This is beautiful. There are so many that encourage each other to act and think in self-defeating ways. Its great to say I understand your? pain and its valid, but you have to move on and reach your potential. You have the power.
    My recent post Black Men Need Help

  10. Ayize
    Ayize says:

    A Youtube Viewer Said:

    I feel personally that the Feminist movement is the reason why men? have just given up!
    My recent post Black Men Need Help

  11. Kandi
    Kandi says:

    Speak Black Man Speak. This was an awesome vid. You gave me insight and you gave men marching orders. I love you guys

  12. JessicaR
    JessicaR says:

    OMG!!!!! Thank you for sharing this Ayize. You just helped me to look at the situation i'm going through with my man in a totally different way. Thank you.

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