Can A Habitual Cheater Truly Change His Ways?
VIDEO: Cheating is not a new phenomena….it’s been happening for a long time by both men and women. In nearly every situation when cheating occurs….someone almost always gets hurt whether the couple is married or not.. How do you deal with the pain that habitual cheating causes in a relationship when you are the one that has caused the heartbreak? Usually the person that causes the pain wants to rush through the anguish, get beyond it, and go back to normal happy land as soon as possible. However, that’s unfair to the person whose been hurt. You have to respect the process and know that if you want the relationship to be right you’ve gotta GET RIGHT and really B Intentional about closing the gap that now exists between you and the one you’ve hurt.
What does it really mean to GET RIGHT? Does it mean that you instantly pledge to never hurt or be dishonest again? Does it mean that you plead and beg for forgiveness so that your loved one can see that you understand the error in your ways? Perhaps it means that if you’re not married—you should propose and attempt to now get married so that the other person can see that you are dead serious about living right and being committed now—NOT! None of these are true and genuine ways to GET RIGHT. The only way to truly GET RIGHT is to put on the cloak of self-awareness and submit to the pain-staking process of self-examination. Until you truly look at yourself for who you are (and perhaps who you’ve become) real change will be elusive and hard to maintain. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge and you can’t maintain what you don’t understand. Therefore, it stands to reason, that you must acknowledge that something is not right inside of you and endeavor to understand exactly what it is. The habitual cheater almost always has an unbearable bottomless hole within themselves that they are desperately and unconsciously trying to fill. Until you do the work to find out where the hole came from in the first place and then learn how to fill it the right way—from within permanently—you will be stuck in this vicious cycle of bringing hurt to the one you say you love because you haven’t dealt with the hurt that’s inside of you. What’s your take on this issue? Let us know what you think by leaving a comment or submitting a video response.
When you say, there is a hole to be filled, how do you find out what it is, cause ur dead on with what u say. I cheated on my girlfriend alot over the past three years, I want to stop, i though i knew how to, but i figured something but it doesnt feel permanent. I tried supporting her to date other people since we broke up but at the sametime i am trying to rush tru her pain to bring her back.
Shodel, One of the best ways is to do some personal work. I'm a huge advocate of counseling and I think it's one of the best ways to get to the underlying issues. There are also lots of self-help books out there that you can purchase. However, I say do both because when you don't feel like picking up a book you will have your counseling space to come to on a regular basis and when you cancel your counseling appointment cause you're not "feeling" it you'll have that book staring at you…willing you to read it. Just B Intentional in exploring where you are and what's going on inside of you. The answers will come…
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I think it's real easy to judge but we all have issues we need to work through. I don't think people really understand that someone who is addicted to cheating is scared to commit and be vulnerable with the other person which probably means something happened or didn't happen enough in your childhood to make you that way. I guess I'm just sayin the person who cheats is not some big monster…they're a person with feelings and pain too.
Why would you remain in a relationship with someone who is a habitual cheater. Women get too caught up! You know the saying….fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.
It's not just men out here doing the cheating. Unfortunatey I have a couple of co-workers who are cheating on their husbands. One of the things I liked in the video is that the Maats mentioned identifying triggers. This can apply to any area of addiction.
i've been through this myself and it was horrible. People with issues like that need to work on themselves before they even think about getting in a relationship!
This is really a sensitive topic for me. I can't even begin to express to you the sense of outrage and betrayal that I felt when I discovered my husband was cheating on me for 3 years of our marriage. What about our vows is what i kept saying to him and to myself. I felt like he SPIT in the face of me and our 2 children. I say all of that to say take your time and know that you are ready for marriage before you get married because other people are trusting you with their heart.
Did you guys work through your problems?
We were able to work through that difficult space in our marriage. After he told me EVERYTHING he had done…. I felt relieved and like the way had been cleared for us to start over. It wasn't easy….he went to counseling…I went to counseling…..and we went to counseling together. Like I said it wasn't easy but we worked through it.