Sex and Pregnancy: From A Woman’s Point Of View

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By Shayla Moore

Let’s get one thing clear, there’s no such thing as ‘normal’ when it comes to your feelings! Every woman will feel differently about sex and intimacy during her pregnancy, and if you feel a certain way then 9 times out of 10 do what you want (or don’t want) to do. Some women find they become even more randy when they’re pregnant, whereas some aren’t interested at all. Whatever feels right for you, go with it. There are a few physical conditions to consider, but as far as emotion goes, there’s no right or wrong way to ‘be pregnant’.

If you want sex,

Pregnancy is a time for wildly fluctuating hormones, these may make you feel surprisingly horny! If you do, there’s no reason to stop having sex, so long as your pregnancy is normal. However, you may have to make a few changes to your sex life as your term progresses. The missionary position is likely to be difficult or impossible as your bump gets bigger, you could try lying on your side with the belly supported, or go ‘doggie style’. This means you’ve got more freedom to move and can feel more in control. Now is a good time to experiment with different positions and lots of pillows, you may need to prop up your body. Many men find pregnant women particularly erotic, enjoy the attention if your man gets suddenly horny! Also, regular sex can help prepare your pelvic muscles for a smooth birth and your hormones often mean vaginal lubrication is better than ever before.

And if you don’t,

It’s not uncommon for women to go off sex as they start to feel ‘more mother than lover’. Often, towards the later stages of pregnancy sex may become more difficult simply because of the bump getting in the way, you may prefer other forms of intimate touch than full sex. If you’re experiencing discomfort or pain you should let your partner know and try other ways to relax together. Many women enjoy massage as a way to relax and feel close to their partner, just remember that during labor you should avoid highly scented oils or lotions. Touch and physical contact is an essential part of a relationship, and just because you don’t feel like having sex doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sensual feelings.

Things to check

If yours is a ‘high risk’ pregnancy (check with your doctor or care-giver), you may be advised to avoid sex, particularly in the later stages of pregnancy. This includes a history of premature labor, miscarriage or other complications. Opinion is divided as to whether sex and orgasm can influence labor, again, check with your care giver if you’re unsure. As far as sex toys go, generally speaking using vibrators externally should present no problem but is best avoided inside the vagina.

About the Author Shayla Moore is a writer for http://www.oasislingerie.com She has many intresting topics and ideas for all to read about. Check out more of her articles.

20 Easy Ways To Score Points With Your Woman

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by Aiyana Ma’at Little things make a big difference. Oftentimes, men forget about and stop doing the little things. They may focus on (what they see as) BIG things to express their love like say….paying the bills. 🙂 But, women need many expressions of love in a relationship to be fulfilled. One or two acts of love ain’t gonna cut it. So, men check out this list and make a mental note of these things and women chime in…What other ways can our men score points with us?

#1 Validate her feelings when she is upset.

#2 Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting for Friday night and asking her what she wants to do.

#3 When she asks for support, say yes or no without making her wrong for asking.

#4 When she talks to you, put down the magazine, your phone, or turn off the TV and give her your full attention.

#5 Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave.

#6 Tell her “I love you” at least a couple of times every day.

#7 Take her side when she is upset with someone.

#8 Make a point of cuddling or being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.

#9 Be patient when she is sharing. Don’t look at your watch.

#10 Create occasions when you  can both dress up.

#11 Notice how she is feeling and comment on it—“You look happy today” or “You look tired”—and then ask a question like “How was your day?”

#12 Pay more attention to her than others in public.

#13 When she prepares a meal, compliment her cooking.

#14 Touch her with your hand sometimes when you talk to her.

#15 Whenever you need time to yourself, let her know you will be back or that you need some time to think about things.

#16 If she generally makes dinner or if it is her turn and she seems tired or really busy, offer to make dinner.

#17When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up.

#18 Make the bed and clean up the bedroom.

#19 When you are out of town, call to let her know you arrived safely.

#20 Ask her to add her thoughts to this list.

Allright, add to this list! Let’s keep the love and the learning going!

Excerpted From John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

I’m Hurting Because In 19 Years I Haven’t Found Love With My Husband

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VIDEO: I have been in a relationship for 19 yrs and we have been married for 9.  We have three children (15, 8, and 3).  When I met him he was in college and I was in high school.  He had huge goals and I had no goals. We were together for three years and he left me.  He didn’t see the relationship going anywhere.  I found out I was pregnant, he denied the baby, then returned when he realized the baby was his.  We married when our daughter was five years old. I went to the Military two days after we married and he fought with me every time we spoke.  He wrote one letter in the six months I was away training.  This was the beginning of the end.

My husband and I have had a rocky relationship for the past sixteen years and here’s why.  He is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. He’s arrogant, he has a sense of entitlement, and he’s a taker, unappreciative, self centered, manipulative, and unforgiving, an alcoholic and over bearing.  He is never wrong and unapologetic.  He sleeps, eats, shaves, drinks, works, complains and criticizes everything. Then he walks away leaving the mess behind. I saw these things in the beginning but I weighed the good and bad.  He was motivated, ambitious, loyal, and he would never hit me nor cheat on me.  Oh and you ever met him…he’s a charmer.

I have always felt insignificant in his world.  Neither my feelings nor wants ever mattered.  I wasn’t asking for material things.  I asked for gentleness, care, love, kindness and respect.  I also asked him to wear his wedding ring.  I would occasionally ask him to go dancing with me.  I received nothing.  When I would express to him how his tone or choice of words made me feel. I was treated with disregard. He would say to me “If that’s how you feel, that has nothing to do with me”.

After years of that response, the once soft and loving woman I was had turned hard and hateful.  I stopped cooking, cleaning, and doing his laundry.  Then of course my reaction to the way he treated me…turned into how slack of woman I am. His emotional, verbal, and mental abuse was matched along with me now becoming physically abusive.  Anything I would ever say to him didn’t matter during an argument or otherwise.  I became frustrated, sad, and angry.  All I ever wanted was to feel was an unbreakable togetherness.

He says because I come from a broken home and he from a two parent household, I don’t know any better.  According to him, I’m psychotic and crazy.  He attributes that to my thyroid or my period.  I have asked to go to marriage counseling and he denied us that option.  He says I am the one with the issues and I need to seek help on my own. He takes our issues to streets and tells whoever will listen.  Then he comes to me with the feedback. He never sees his own problems.  He doesn’t recognize the problems within himself that existed before there was ever an “us”.  He doesn’t see that he is mad at himself as well.  He has a Master’s in Management but has no experience. He is so educated and I am the one with a good job, benefits, and I make more money than he with my GED…hmph.

Our last altercation was per usual.  Yelling and screaming.  All of my past transgressions and short comings were thrown in my face.  I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. He subjected our children to his tirade (once again).  He pulled the children into our match.  He told them to “Pay attention to your mother and watch how f***ed up she is”.  He has said in front of my kids “your mother is f****ing you all up”.  He left the house for two days without a phone call.  He returned only to pack his clothes.  I asked him to at least call the kids.  .  I apologized for hitting him.

I realized that no matter how I feel I should always control myself.  He apologized for nothing and still takes no responsibility for anything that has ever happened between us.  After all that has happened, I still asked him to stay.  He said no.  He said we need time apart.  Funny because I don’t feel we were ever together.  He said he needs to “do him” for a while.  He’s been doing him all along.

I want to love, cherish, adore, support, and take care of my husband but I don’t know it’s possible.  I want my marriage to work.  I want my family.  I want peace.I’m no angel.  I own my part in all that has happened.  I am not crazy, I am not psychotic.  I have issues.   Don’t we all?

CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING with AYIZE & AIYANA MA’AT

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Does Your Relationship Need A Digital Detox?

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Picture this: A beautiful Sunday morning at a beachfront café. After a stressful work week, you and your man are sitting down for a relaxed brunch & some quality couple time. You’re discussing the idea of summer vacation, dreaming up ideas of where you might enjoy more quality time together. Before you can say, “French West Indies,” his cell phone starts buzzing, a call is coming in. Without meeting your eyes, he reaches for the phone. Excitedly, he says “Hey Man, whaz up?” He and his buddy grunt out a quick conversation about a pickup ball game later that day, which, of course, seems completely meaningless to you. He disconnects, and you are now disconnected from him. Your “Boy-are-you-in-trouble” expression solidifies as your honey looks up and says, “What?”

What ensues is not pretty. What’s the real issue here? It is not the cell phone or its use in our society. As a therapist, the beef I have with digital distraction, is that when cell phones are allowed to interrupt a conversation or replace the conversation that is going on, their use is often a cop-out for intimacy and also demonstrates an inability to set boundaries in a fast-paced, ever-connected world.
Put simply: Excessive cell phone use allows us to hide away from our primary relationships…if we don’t really want to engage face to face for whatever reason. If we are squirming in our seats during a conversation that is not going the way we like, we may check the screen to see if anything, something, could please possibly call our attention away.
As we head toward becoming a nation of hyper-stimulated phone junkies, not only do we hide from others but from ourselves, and our deepest thoughts and feelings.
So, how do you know if your relationship is in jeopardy due to Digital Attraction? A couple of key questions:
Have you or your spouse ever spent a day being entertained by your phones, without making contact with another human being? Be honest here. And when was the last time you spent an entire day with your spouse and never checked your phone? Be honest here too.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Sometimes What You Got Is Soooo Good You Gotta Share It!!!

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by Ayize Ma’at

Since working with couples I’ve come across a lot of men that seriously question the purpose of marriage coaching, marriage counseling, and marriage education. I see the hesitation to engage so frequently that i’m not surprised when I encounter the reluctance and sometimes resistance to jump in head first. The general impression is that you are diving in shark infested waters where women and their issues are waiting to eat you alive. The fear of being ridiculed, ostracized, and even challenged, each make up a brick on the wall blocking your interest in participating. It’s real yall……however with that being said, I will unashamedly say that marriage counseling , marriage coaching, and marriage education has had an amazing impact on my relationship. My wife of yesterday is no longer my wife today…and i’m eternally grateful to the process of marriage enrichment.

A lot of men want to know how they will benefit from engaging in marriage enrichment activities. To answer that question I will provide you with 3 ways my relationship has changed as a result of constantly seeking to strengthen the bond between my wife and I.

1.)The quantity and quality of sex has improved.

I ain’t got to ask her a thousand and one times to “get some”. She actually initiates and gives it to me with her whole mind, body, and spirit. You ever get it so good you just gotta tell someone? Below is an email message I wrote to some couples back in February where I just had to share the “goodness” I got:

What’s up Everybody,

I hope yall had a wonderful weekend being intentional about connecting with that special someone.  I just wanted to pause for a moment and give my wife a shout out for being remarkable and to say thank you, thank you, thank you.  I’m doing this publicly  because IT AIN’T DONE ENOUGH.  Many of you on this email thread have heard me say that it’s married folks responsibility to make marriage attractive.  We can do this by not being ashamed, embarassed, or dismissive about the “goodness” that we got.  We gravitate to the applause in life….so stand up and clap for your spouse….I’m going to do that for mine.  Last week my wife sent me an email invite to a romantic dinner in our home….scheduled for last night.  There were rose petals in the shape of a heart on the dining room table.  The 4 chairs that our children would normally sit in were faced outward and pushed away from the table which made the experience feel exclusive.  I was pleasantly surprised when my wife walked from the kitchen and served me dinner in black laced lingerie.  WOW!!!! She sat on one end of the table….I on the other.  I couldn’t hold back the two tears that trickled down my cheek.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  We played valentine’s day checkers for about 20 minutes…pulled out the chocolate and stencils……..and then we……………………………………….. ?

I know someone else out there has a story.  I know someone else has a reason to say thank you.  I know someone else is itching to celebrate the “goodness” that they got.  Celebrate black love….it’s “OUR” love.

P.S.. Some of yall might say this is TMI….but it’s the TMI that needs to happen more often.?

2)My wife nags me less.

Prior to really seriously working on our relationship I felt like Aiyana was a gnat hovering around my ears. I felt like a part of her purpose in life was to remind of what I wasn’t doing, where we need to go, what I need to do, and how I need to do it. Needless to say this was problematic. I was feeling like……I’m a Grown Ass Man and I’m quite capable of remembering what needs to be done and respect the fact that I have my own way of doing it. Well guess what yall….because we worked on us and improved the quality of our relationship….she don’t be all up in my ear the way she used to be. Both her tone and approach have changed (kinda sort of softened) when it comes to tackling heavy topics. Instead of being an irritant to my ears…..her words now soothe them.

3)My wife respects me more

By no means is Aiyana disrespectful to me. Aiyana is strong willed and that can occasionally complicate conversations when we are trying to get clear on roles and responsibilities in our home. Aiyana used to fight me tooth and nail on things that I felt were in my lane…..such as vehicle repair and maintenance and it used to get on my last nerves. On some occasions I actually wondered why is she arguing with me about this when she doesn’t know what the hell she is talking about? However, since taking and teaching marriage education classes Aiyana argues less and defers more. She actually yields to my understanding in certain areas. I’m thankful to her for that.

All in all I thought our relationship was pretty good prior to going through the marriage education process…I mean we are best friends so we’ve always had an extremely tight, passionate, and love-filled connection. However after making the conscious decision to immerse ourselves in improving what we thought was good so that it could become even “gooder” a whole new world opened up. The wife I had yesterday is no longer the wife I have today and I’m genuinely excited about walking towards eternity with my wife, my lover, and my friend…..Aiyana Kai Ma’at.

IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE A CONNECTION LIKE I JUST SHARED…HIT US UP FOR COACHING

CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING

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What Women Don’t Know About Men

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By David Osterczy

A quote attributed to the great George Carlin states that “Men are all stupid and Women are all crazy. And the reason women are all crazy is because men are all stupid”  I’d like to add a few words to this sage verbiage: “And when the few men who are not stupid run into the women who the stupid men have turned crazy, those men in turn suddenly become stupid.”
It’s a defense mechanism and we, as men have learned to use it effectively.
Y’see ladies, men occasionally become overwhelmed with the mixed signals that society thrusts on them “be strong, be a man, be a leader, be tough, aggressive in business, provide for your family, fight the fight, be a protector, be successful” and other badges we must wear, while we also hear “be gentle, be kind, be attentive, warm, caring, affectionate, emotionally available, empathic, know what she wants before she asks, be a great father/son/brother/friend, be sensitive to her needs” and so many more.

And yes, this does drive us crazy!
Speaking personally as a man raised mostly by women (mother, grandmother, aunts) I developed many of the latter qualities, and less of the former. It took me many years, many failures, and lots of time spent with strong, masculine men to “find my balls and my voice.”
You see I never needed to find my balls before because there was always a willing woman in my life to locate them for me. I was effeminized as are so many men in today’s society and needed to find my own answers. I can tell you that it was a very painful road but the benefits of becoming a man amongst men, a leader of men, and a “go to guy” has changed the type of woman I attract.
You may not realize it ladies, but you are stronger than us. You are more outgoing than us. You have more drive, more “stick-toitiveness” and you may be smarter than us. We are, as men, and at the end of the day – all little boys searching for the little girl who just wants to come out and play nice with us.

When we are sick we just want someone sweet to take care of us. Make me chicken soup (organic, of course) and I will develop a very soft place in my heart for you and brag about you endlessly to friends and family.
When we are blue we need a soft shoulder to cry on (even when we say we don’t). We don’t always know what we need so we need you to be smart enough to feel, to read between the lines, and to be our Amazon when we fall.
When we are tired from working ridiculous hours we just want a pretty face and a warm, gentle touch to rub our long-day out of our back and shoulders.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Can A College Degree Increase Your Chances Of Getting Married?

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By Kait Smith

Good news for the educated women of the world — that so-called “marriage gap” has finally closed.

If you’re scratching your head at this, allow me to explain. Back in the 1950s, white women who were college-educated were 15 percent less likely to marry by 40 than their high-school graduate peers. So, essentially, while some were off fetching degrees and the promise of a better future, others were focusing on husband-hunting and saying, “I do.”

But, after years of gradual shrinking, that gap has finally closed, according to a new study from sociologists at NYU (conducted on women of all races, thankfully). In fact, those of us with fancy college degrees apparently have more marriage staying power (meaning fewer divorces or untimely husband deaths) — 75 percent of college-educated women today are married by age 40, as opposed to 70 percent of high school graduates and 60 percent of high school dropouts.

CLICK HERE to read more.

4 Ways That You’re GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY In Your Relationship

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By Virginia Clark

One reason your relationships tend to fail is that you start out well enough, but then slowly, without realizing it, you start to give away your power. This process is insidious and before you know it, instead of having a healthy give and take, the relationship has lost its balance. When you give your power away it erodes your self-esteem and you start to feel a sense of unease and resentment. This affects how you show up as half of a couple and can’t help but create tension and dissatisfaction.

Giving up your power never feels good, though it may feel comfortable. It’s a habit you may be repeating without your awareness.

How you’re giving your power away in relationships

  • You avoid conflict: No one enjoys conflict in a relationship, but all too often a woman will ask me, “How do I confront him with this?” I then ask her why she’s using the word “confront?” Why not consider how you may have an adult discussion about a problem. If you frame it in your mind as a confrontation, of course you’ll want to avoid that. If you think you’re someone who avoids conflicts, you might want to learn some new skills on how to appropriately present your needs.
  • You’re afraid what others will think: If you find yourself not quite being honest to your friends and family about the state of your relationship, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. You’re at risk of starting to believe your “lies” and not facing the truth about what is hurting you. You may be embarrassed or you maybe afraid they’ll be mad at you — so you fake what you’re feeling to avoid their judgment. When you conduct your life worried about what others think, you will never be true to yourself and always feel unfulfilled in love.
  • You compare yourself to others: Comparing yourself to others will only cause you misery and pain. Anytime you look outside yourself for validation you will be disappointed. If you see a loving couple out in public, you might compare by asking yourself, “Maybe he doesn’t love me enough, why doesn’t do that with me?” A better response is to let them inspire you to be more like that yourself. One response adds more love to your life while the other replaces it with a complaints.

CLICK HERE to read more.

How Moving Away From Family Strengthened Our Relationship

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By Mona Lisa Macalino

A couple of weeks ago, my fiancé and I moved back to California after living in New York City a mere six months. Long story short, our lifestyle preferences clashed too much with the Big Apple (read: shoebox living and heavy pollution vs. spacious homes and abundant nature) for us to justify staying and growing roots, leaving our west-coast roots behind.

Luckily, our relationship has grown because we’ve been supportive of each other through the laughs and the tears (and there were many). We’ve witnessed miraculous transformations and cheered each other on through monumental career shifts. Not to mention, we conquered a completely new city together! There’s something to be said for living 3,000 miles away from familyand friends — it really solidified Team Us.

CLICK HERE to read more.

School Teacher Thought She Was In Trouble…AND…Was Surprised When She Was Proposed To During Class

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Check out this surprise marriage proposal video below.

The teacher thought that she was in trouble when the principal called her into another teacher’s class when 4 students held up signs that said “Will-You-Marry-Me,” and then her boyfriend walked in to surprise her with the proposal.  What a remarkable example you provide to children about the significance of love when you publicly demonstrate your commitment and incorporate children to assist you in the process.