WHY IS IT SO FREAKIN HARD TO TALK TO YOU?!

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Communication issues are a BEAST…in fact they’re one of the main reasons why relationships END.  In this Google Hangout You will learn some Pitfalls and Pointers To Help You Conquer That Communication Beast so that you can experience the connection you deserve and desire.

Here’s what one viewer had to say after watching it live:

Just wanted to say thank you for answering my question, thanks for this hangout. I’ve never properly been part of a hangout before, I stayed up til 3.30am in London to listen, and I learnt a lot!

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What’s up y’all we are Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at….a married couple that has been together since high school. Yup…high school sweet hearts. We have Fo’… not four… but Fo’ incredible children…who keep us on our toes all the time : ) We are relationship therapists, coaches, and experts that have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets. We are helpers…we are healers….and we are here to serve you.

If you or someone you know would like to have INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES coaching from us please CLICK HERE

To learn how you can work with us, have a business around whatever your passion is, and EARN MONEY ONLINE…. CLICK HERE

Be Quick To Love And Slow To Speak

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By Shaquan Lopez

It’s been said that women are too nitpicky about their men. That women pick their husbands apart and expect them to hold themselves together. Could it be that almost anything men do is wrong and that there is someone who can do it better? The truth of the matter is, women are not as well put together ourselves.

We have to learn not to be too hard on our husbands. Besides, they are the ones that have to provide and protect us. If we always break our husbands down by our words, they will shut down on us. Some of the women reading this may say, “I don’t do that. I build my husband up all the time. He won’t shut down on me.” Let’s help the women who aren’t quite there yet.

Have you ever asked your husband to take out the trash for days at a time and instead of him taking it out, more trash just began to accumulate? When you became frustrated of him ignoring your request, did you began to tell him how upset you were? Did you also add how lazy and irresponsible he was being, how you were growing sick of cleaning up behind him and how he was only thinking about himself?

If you have answered yes, it’s ok. There is an easy solution to the problem. Are you ready? Ok, here goes. Be quick to love and slow to speak.

Women tend to go off of emotions. The smallest thing can upset us and send us into a rage. There are times when we cannot control what comes out of mouth. If we learn how to control our feelings and our words, we can love our husbands past the meaningless things that causes us to nag at them.

Let’s reverse the role for a quick moment. There are many times when our men want to tell us off and correct us but they don’t. It’s not because they don’t want to hurt our feelings but it’s because they decide that it’s more important for them to love us then pick us apart. Most of our husbands understand that we may have a lot on our plate so there may be a reason why we didn’t cook, fold the laundry, or clean the house. They also know that we are emotional and we would probably cry or argue in response to them being nitpicky about us. Just like us nagging would make them shut down or run the opposite way when they see us coming.

Let’s think, what if our husband came home and dinner wasn’t prepared. Then, all of sudden they starts to complain and say that we aren’t being a good wife, we’re being lazy, and we are not meeting up to their needs. Life can be so much better if we learn how to let the little things that probably won’t turn into a big thing go. Trust me you’re not alone. I had to learn this too. I would always complain when the trash would pile up outside or when my husband left the toilet seat up, or even when he wouldn’t hold me when I sat next to him. These were little things that I was making into a big issue.

I learned how to be quick to love and slow to speak through a stament my husband made. He and I were arguing about the dishes. I was telling him how I would like for him to help me more with the dishes if he knew that I would not be able to get to them after dinner. I also added in some unpleasant words and even bought up things from the past that had nothing to do with the dishes. My husband looked at me and said, “You nag all of the time. You pick me apart and act like I am supposed to listen to you and do what you say. I am not your puppy who you train and discipline. I am your husband!”

I stood there in awe. I didn’t know he felt that way. I never knew I was treating him in such a way. All I could do was apologize and tell him that I would try my best to not nag him anymore. I had to examine myself and say, “What is it that is making me say mean things to my husband.” I knew that I wanted my husband to help me more in the house but there had to be a better approach.

Here is what I did, instead of nagging him about the trash, I took it out if I knew that he would be home late or if I was already cleaning up and had time to spare. Instead of getting upset when he did not hold me, I learned to put his hand around me. Eventually he started taking the initiative in doing what he knew would make me happier and cause less arguments. I learned that it was better to just love him through what ticked me off instead of arguing about it.

We have to learn that if we have a hard working man and he provides for us, protects us, loves us, and spoils us, then its ok to take the trash out once in a while. He may be too tired or may have forgot. Its ok for us to serve our husband a nice warm meal for days at a time because he is working hard and you want to serve him. We also have to understand that men don’t think as deep as we think. They only see the surface of things while we look deeper to see what’s underneath the surface. It’s what separates us.

The most important thing to remember is that our words can hurt our husbands more than a stranger slapping him in the face. Just think of the better days we will have if we give more love and more encouraging words. Besides, life is too short to always argue over trash.

My name is Shaquan Lopez. I am 24 years old. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Charles Lopez, for four years and we have a beautiful three year old son. I was raised in the southern part of Georgia, raised by my mom. I am the youngest of three. We are triplets. Yes, I am a triplet! I aspire to write and capture the attention of young married women like myself to help them succeed in their marriage.  

Want to know how Shaquan makes a living blogging? CLICK HERE

 

The Damage That Silence Does To A Relationship

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By Mel Schwartz, L.C.S.W.

Over the many years that I’ve been practicing therapy, I’ve found that couples that are struggling in their relationships often succumb to the default mode of silence. Sometimes, it’s one person who defers to the unspoken, and at times it’s actually both. In either circumstance, such silence—not a healthy pause or meditative break—speaks to the absence of verbal and emotional intimacy. Unless we’re communicating on levels of extra sensory perception or body language, words are the only tools available to us to communicate let alone resolve our issues. There’s little sense to being in a relationship and resorting to silence. Not only does it sabotage the lifeline of a healthy coupling, it chokes your expressive needs.

When you can express what you’re feeling—in the moment that you’re experiencing it—there’s much less likelihood that you’ll act out on that feeling. Problematic feelings that go unexpressed tend to percolate and boil over—they take on energy of their own, and the ensuing conflict hours or days later may have little correlation to the original emotional insult. When this occurs there’s little chance of being validated, as there may be little correspondence between your hurt feelings and the disruption of the moment.

Telling someone that you feel angry, and explaining why you do, will ordinarily sever the reactive state of being angry or acting angrily. Furthermore, the non-verbalization and suppression of your feelings will—over time—result in substantial resentment, with the accompanying behavior that we might expect. If you don’t share your problematic feelings, there is a great probability that you’ll act out on them, in any number of unrelated ways. Having done so, you now become the problem in the other’s eyes. We’ve now entered into a negative spiral of silence and struggle.

Silence is Controlling

When we think of controlling people, we ordinarily conjure images of loud or aggressive individuals. They may, in fact, appear to be bullying and controlling of others. Yet we know exactly what we’re dealing with. There are no surprises.  here’s a much more insidious type of control, however, which is predicated upon silence. When we don’t share our thoughts with each other, we are often doing so to control the other’s reactions and behavior. If they don’t know what we’re contemplating, then they can’t possibly respond. At times, people who are inclined to please others or avoid confrontation fall prey to this dilemma. The tendency is to choose silence rather than upset the other party.

CLICK HERE to read more.

NAME IT and TRAIN IT to COME WHEN YOU CALL

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In this video you’ll discover a powerful tool that if used correctly could improve the quality of your life and your relationship 10 X over.  We’ve used this strategy with couples in our sessions and have seen them unlock a forgotten part of themselves.  We’ve seen them smile more, laugh more, become more affectionate, and stand in their strength more as they’ve employed this technique.  Check out the video, apply what we teach you to your relationship and then let us know what you think.  We look forward to your increased personal and relational success.

By the way if you’re interested in learning how you can make some extra money doing blog post like these CLICK HERE

 

The Key Ingredient In Healthy Relationships – Communication

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By Mark Webb

Communication is a very important part of our daily lives. The skills we use to communicate will greatly determine our level of personal happiness and fulfillment. Effective communication makes our lives work. It helps us make and keep friends. It helps us become successful within our work.

Sometimes, however, the role models we need to learn the proper skills for good communication are not available and problems may begin and persist without these skills. By modeling the basic techniques, we can teach future generations how to develop healthier relationships.

One of the biggest ways to turn persons off is through body language. Our nonverbal messages disclose much information about ourselves, our feelings and attitudes. By increasing awareness of our body language, we can convey to others our interests and likings which we in turn want to receive. We can do this by finding a close distance in which we can talk and interact comfortably and by maintaining eye contact which conveys sincerity, smiling, leaning forward when we speak, uncrossing arms and legs and allowing expressions to show.

Self disclosure is an important part of communication. It adds excitement and develops intimacy within our relationships because we are communicating information about ourselves. The risk of self disclosure will lead our relationships to the level of intimacy that we desire.

Some suggestions for this area:
– Practice sharing factual information about ourselves. When comfortable with this, move on to the next step.
– Share your thoughts, feelings and needs but only about the past or future, such as your beliefs, hopes or thoughts on the future.
– From here share your feelings and needs on a “here and now” basis. This will involve saying what attracts us to the other person, saying what we like and dislike about their behavior. This is the most difficult level of disclosure but also the most satisfying. When we risk sharing our true feelings we can become closer to others and create stronger bonds.

Other things to keep in mind when disclosing include:
– Preparing ahead of time on what we think, feel and want within our relationship.
– Being positive.
– Taking responsibility for our position by using “I” messages, such as ” I think”, “I want”, “I feel” and not using “You” messages such as “You always” or “You never”. This puts the other person on the defensive.

Listening is another important part of communication. It is our ability to listen that makes and keeps relationships going. When we show others that we are good listeners, they are drawn to us. By taking the time to listen we learn to understand others. Listening is a commitment to the understanding of how others see things. It is also a compliment to others because we are telling them we care. Listening however does not mean we have to sit still with our mouths shut. Listening involves active participation.

Helpful suggestions for healthy listening skills include:
– moving away from distractions.
– leaning forward.
– maintaining good eye contact.
– nodding and paraphrasing.
– asking questions.
– committing yourself to understanding the other person’s viewpoint.

The only way to learn these skills is by using them. It may feel awkward using these techniques at first but as we continue to work at them, they become second nature. The benefits we will gain from these skills will convince us that it is worth the initial discomfort.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. Sign up for Mark Webbs Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 value). Just visit his website athttp://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com.

Ten Do’s And Dont’s Of A Happy Marriage

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By Mark Webb

With the divorce rate as high as it is, you must do everything possible to strengthen and protect your marriage. You can’t always have your way or give in to your feelings. You have to discipline yourself to do the right thing. You must do what is in the best interest of your marriage. Here are some fundamental guidelines that can make a huge difference.

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.

I like to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth. Use them in this ratio. Listening is truly an art form and it takes practice and commitment. If you don’t listen to each other, someone else will.

2. Don’t always try to be right.

You cannot be right and be married. It is always better to do the right thing than to be right. Trying to always be right will doom the future of your bond. The powerful chemistry that you once felt will be diluted.

3. Never threaten to leave or divorce.

Things change between you once you speak these words and it’s hard to correct. Even if you’re angry, don’t threaten divorce.

4. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry”.

It amazes me how rapidly a couple is strengthened in love by sincerely saying they are sorry.

5. Don’t expect your spouse to believe all the same principles you do.

Respect their differences and them. Love them unconditionally.

6. Build your spouse up.

Freely give encouragement and praise. Remember, it is better to give than to receive. Most people are starving for kind and uplifting words. Don’t let the person you love fall into this category.

7. Always side with your spouse in disputes outside of the marriage, even when they are wrong.

Respect the bond of your marriage. Give your spouse the message that “You can always count on me. I’m here for you.”

8. Learn to appreciate the things your spouse does and verbalize these often.

Don’t take your spouse for granted. Thank them for the things they do for the marriage. Cooking, cleaning and bringing home a paycheck are worthy of frequent appreciation.

9. Try to never go to bed angry with your spouse.

At the very least, learn to allow a truce between you until you can figure things out. Your marriage is more important than the conflict.

10.  Start and end each day by telling your spouse that you love them.

Let your eyes and your embrace convey the same message.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. CLICK HERE to visit his website.

How To Renew Your Relationship After You Start To Feel Like Roommates

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By Jack Ito

Are you married, but wishing your relationship was more like it was before you were married? You are not alone. When a relationship starts out, both men and women are interested in making a good impression, getting a positive response, having a good time, and increasing intimacy. The relationship feels exciting, the lover appears like the perfect match, and the desire to commit to each other is high.

Following the marriage commitment, the very same things that at first made the relationship so exciting are the very same things that fall away. After all, why work on making a good impression if someone has already committed their life to you? For men especially, often the highest level of intimacy they desire (sex) has already been obtained. Why put in even more time talking when there is no greater intimacy to be had and there are other things to do? On top of this, the things that were previously fun activities for the couple become routine (even a rut).

When a child comes along, focus on each other tends to turn to focus on the child. Although this as first renews sharing and adds vitality, it later increases the routine, decreases available time and energy, and increases stress. For this reason, couples are encouraged not to have children until their relationship is stable and strong.

Becoming roommates rather than husband and wife is usually a gradual process of gradually increasing emotional distance. Once this distance reaches a level that is uncomfortable for both the husband and the wife, there is a crisis. Depending on the way the crisis is managed, the couple continue to be roommates, have increasing conflict until breaking up, or redefine their marriage to allow for a positive change.

Redefining or renewing a relationship is the process of moving closer together. There are three components to creating a healthy relationship:

1. CHANGING VISIONS–Either the husband, wife, or both need to clearly discover what kind of relationship they want to have. So many couples become embroiled in trying to fix the problems, that they never really stop to consider what they want. A counselors will often use this problem focused approach that at best can get people back to where they were before. A relationship coach, on the other hand, will use the technique of creating a vision. Visions, desires, and goals, pull us toward them in a positive and exciting way. This makes for the possibility of an entirely new type of relationship to replace the old.

2. CHANGING BELIEFS–One of the most debilitating beliefs is that one’s partner must change before the relationship can improve. The fact is that one person must make the first move and that person can be either partner. It is not necessary to have a simultaneous start up. For example, a person who is unhappy in their marriage may find that by changing their job or starting a new hobby, they become happier with more of a zest for life. This, in turn, can make them more attractive to their partner. Misery loves company and when one person refuses to be miserable and makes positive life changes, the other partner is often pulled in that direction without any kind of coercion.

3. CHANGING STRATEGIES–People do what they know how to do. This means that they try to use the same strategies as in the past, but this time hoping to achieve different results. Even when couples put 100% of their effort into reviving their marriage by returning to what worked in the past, they will more than likely end up in the very same place. Trying harder to achieve different results using the same methods does not work. The number one strategy for creating a better relationship is getting help and support from someone who knows how to do that. It the person you see in the mirror has not had success in the area you want to improve, do you really want to put all your trust in his/her methods? If someone wants to quit smoking, which do you think would be better–hoping that you will develop the urge to quit smoking, trying to quit alone, buying a stop smoking self-help book, or committing to meeting regularly with an expert in smoking cessation? What would be the best strategy for achieving a healthy relationship?

An exercise that you can do now to begin changing your vision is to get a piece of paper and a pen. Write at the top of the paper, “My Dream Relationship.” Pretend you are not married. Imagine your fairy godmother grants you the wish of the man or woman of your dreams. Write down what that person is like physically and emotionally. What will you do with that person? Where will you go? Where will you live? What will your daily life with that person be like? The interesting thing about this exercise is that when husbands and wives who are emotionally distant do this exercise separately, they actually come up with many of the same ideas for their dream partner. When couples are distant, it is not usually because they want different things, but because they don’t know how to get what they want. Working on these areas of common desire with new and effective methods will bring new spark into the relationship and create the potential for more lasting, positive change.

He Quit Drinking BUT I’m Still Being Shut Out

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Dr. Edward Wilson

It’s a common, if quiet, complaint heard over lunch, or at breaks in meetings, at the Chamber of Commerce mixer, or the League of Women Voters retreat. “My husband finally quit drinking, attends AA, and life is certainly calmer, but… ” The “buts” are varied, but essentially come down to the fact that while one’s spouse is no longer actively drinking little else has changed.

An unfortunate side-effect of AA and other 12-Step based programs is that while they may help a man stop drinking, they actually encourage him to maintain, and even expand, his focus on alcohol. So he continues to neglect his family and remain emotionally distant from his wife and she doesn’t even get to complain about it because he is “working his program.” For her, precious little has changed.

“I really am glad he isn’t drinking,” one said. “I don’t miss the late night worrying, the calls for bail or a ride home. I don”t miss wondering about our debts, credit rating, or whether he’s going to get fired. But he’s still got his head in a bottle and we don’t even fight anymore. There seems to be so much less of him. I probably sound selfish and ungrateful, but I miss him.”

It’s a common and heart-breaking story. Another failure of the American system of alcohol treatment – a system that even when it works merely substitutes one form of alcohol obsession for another.

Looked at logically it’s easy to see what happens. Instead of avoiding problems by hanging out at bars with drinking buddies, your husband now spends it at 12-Step Meetings with, well, drinking buddies. Instead of confiding to his bartender, now he shares his innermost thoughts with his “Sponsor.” Where he used to excuse any behavior with “I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing,” now it’s “I’m working my program.”

Not worrying about whether or not he’s going to make it home becomes small compensation for still not having a husband in any meaningful sense. But you dare not complain lest you send him back to actively drinking again. He’s still captive to alcohol and you’re still being blackmailed into keeping quiet about it.

Not exactly major progress if you want a real relationship.

The implied, but no less real, threats aren’t subtle. “Don’t complain or you’ll be responsible for him relapsing.” It’s nonsense but it’s hard to ignore when everyone from Dear Abby to the minister is saying it. They also tell you to be grateful and that it’s the only way. Of course that’s ideocy too.

There are a few voices of reason but they are usually drowned out by the cacophony of 12-Step honking. Here are a few thoughts to consider when you have once again been neglected, or shut out, by yet another demand of “The Program.”

Your husband’s alcohol abuse, active or passive, is his problem and responsibility. You didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it.

If he prefers his relationship with alcohol to one with you, well, okay, but he doesn’t get to complain when you decide you’d prefer one with someone else – someone capable of real intimacy with you, not with a bottle or a program.

If he really wants to kick the 12-Step habit and leave alcohol behind, and keep you, it is certainly possible and probably a lot more fun than sitting in drafty smoke filled basements drinking bad coffee.

You might want to start by taking equal time. For every meeting he attends, you go to a class, a workout, a bar, whatever appeals. If he objects, note that you are only “working your program.” Please create one more interesting than his. God knows you’ve earned it.

You are understandably dissatisfied and that isn’t going to change until you do. Maybe it’s selfish to want a complete life instead of one spent sharing him with his obsession but, if that is so, so be it. Don’t continue to be intimidated by his 12-Step nonsense. You have a right to a complete life whether he wants one or not.

Dr. Edward Wilson has been developing and providing alternative alcohol counseling, including moderation, since 1990. He is the co-founder and Clinical Director of Your Empowering Solutions, Inc, located in southern California.Learn more about Y.E.S. at:
http://www.non12step.com

A Christian’s Perspective On 3 Ways To Get Your Husband To Talk To You

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By Steve Koening

A study that found that most women want their husbands to talk to them. The desire is so great, that the majority of women said this was more important to them than sex, money, or children. So how can a woman get her husband to talk to her?

It’s a tricky question, because the very nature of the question makes it sound like you can manipulate your husband into talking. Well, that’s not the right way to go about it. You can’t simply make someone talk if he doesn’t want to. In fact, if you try, you’re more likely to drive him away than you are to find success.

But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck doing nothing. There are, in fact, many things you can do to encourage him to talk. Let’s look at three of them.

(1) Pray — This seems obvious, but most people pray according to their own desires, not according to their husband’s greatest need. In other words, do your prayers sound something like this, “Lord, please make my husband talk to me.” If they do, then you know your prayers are focused on you and not on your husband.

The next time you pray for your husband, try this instead: Pray for his relationship with God. If he’s not talking to you, then he’s not leading you and your family. He’s not fulfilling his duty as the spiritual leader of the home. So his relationship with God isn’t where it needs to be. You can’t force your husband to have a right relationship with God, but you can pray for him. So pray and trust God.

Once he gets his relationship with God in order, you’ll be amazed at the difference in his willingness to talk. It probably won’t come all at once, though, so be patient.

(2) Give up control — Remember what happened in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve fell? The curse against the woman was that she would desire her husband. Another way to think of this is that the woman would desire to control her husband. A major reason a man refuses to talk to his wife is because it’s his way of maintaining control of an area of his life. The minute he opens his mouth about it, a controlling wife will instantly take control of it. So he remains quiet.

Many wives don’t realize they’re controlling. The best way to discover what your husband thinks is to ask him if you’re controlling. But be prepared for an answer you may not like. And don’t get defensive. Listen closely to what he says. You might learn something about why he doesn’t talk to you.

If a controlling wife wants her husband to talk, she has to give up control. She can start by repenting and asking God and her husband for forgiveness.

Then she needs to take the focus off of what he’s not doing and turn her attention to what he is doing. Encourage him, praise him, and find ways to build him up. Use Philippians 4:8 as an outline for action: “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

(3) Study your husband — Who does your husband talk to? Why does he talk to them? What does he get from them? By studying your husband’s conversation habits, you might discover some things you’re not offering him in your discussions with him.

Also consider what really turns him on. What are his interests? Try to learn more about those interests and talk to him about them. Remember, the goal here is to start a habit of conversation. So even if it doesn’t go very deep, at least you’re getting him to talk.

Finally, study his strengths and weaknesses. How can you encourage the areas where he’s strong? And how can you help out where he’s weak? Service will go a long way toward starting conversation.

Every man is different. And the reasons they don’t talk are just as varied. But these three principles will help you focus on the real priorities.

Don’t Just Tell Me You Love Me….Show Me You Love Me

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By Bellasia Filippis

The words “I love you” can become repetitive and meaningless if they are said after every phone call, before every night at bed, and every time you part. In fact, they can turn into the shortened version that sounds something like “Loveya “.

The fact that those three words can make us feel loved and part of a happy union means that we can’t cut them out of our daily lives altogether and only say them once in a while, but we can change the way we say them. There are ways to add some substance and some power behind them that make them even more special and important when they are said.

So in case you are stuck in the “Loveya” section, here are ten ideas to help you get into the meaningful “I Love You” seats.

1. Make your partner feel like a superstar.

Everyone feels good when someone tells us how great we are, and where better for that news to come from then from our partner.

Whether they closed a huge deal or made the best supper ever, let them know that you think they are amazing. Tell them, without exaggerating, how good of a job they did or why they are so good at doing it.

2. Do something for them that you normally would not do.

Do you normally wait till they do the dishes to come into the kitchen or do you never get out and do the yard work? There’s always something that we ‘let’ our partner do all the time because it has become their role. Give them a break and take over that role for them and let them know that you appreciate that they always do it.

3. Watch out for their best interest.

This can become pushy or overbearing if it’s done improperly but there’s no better way to say I love you then to show them how much you care about them. So if their cholesterol is through the roof, let them know how much you want them to be around for years to come and how laying off the fast food may help that happen. Basically let them know that you care about them, their health, and everything that concerns them.

4. Admit when you are wrong.

It’s hard to admit when we are wrong to our partners but if you love them enough, then you will give them the courtesy of letting them know when they are right. They will appreciate the gesture because it is just as hard for them to do it and they know it.

5. Give them compliments in front of other people.

It doesn’t matter if it’s their boss, friend, or a complete stranger sitting on the same bench. Show your enthusiasm and appreciation for them in front of others.

6. Accept that they are different than you and appreciate them instead of making them feel bad.

Do they take forever to say what they have to say while you can just spit it out? Do they suck at playing cards and make games drag out forever? This is who they are!

They are not the same as you and just because they don’t excel where you excel doesn’t mean that they are wrong. Make them feel good about their differences by telling them the upside of them instead of making them feel like they are not living up to your expectations. This is a huge way to say I love you. Accept them for them.

7. Use the saying “This is one of the reasons why I love you.”

If they make you feel good about something than whip out the saying and mean it. If they do something nice for you then use it again. It makes them feel as though you really love whatever side of themselves they are showing you. It will make them feel loved for doing nice things for you. You can’t go wrong there!

8. Take their side in an argument with others.

In private you may not have to agree all the time but you should let others know that you stand by your partners thoughts. Standing beside them wherever you go is one of the best ways to say I love you. If you always agree with other people instead of agreeing with them then you are sending them the message that you don’t respect the way they think or feel. If they say it happened, then it happened. If they say it’s blue, then it’s blue.

9. Listen without other distractions around.

You are the person your partner shares their day with and feelings and thoughts about it. You should be listening and acknowledging what they are saying and not just simply nodding while watching TV or playing on the computer.

Listening is one of the hardest parts of communication and to do it properly makes the other person feel validated and respected. So give your undivided attention to what they have to say without distractions, interrupting or adding your opinion.

10. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.

he golden rule has never applied to anyone as much as it should in your closest relationship.

Outside of your relationship you can sometimes be treated poorly, be humiliated, made to feel or look bad, and you can be looked down upon. But you should never have to feel this way with the one you love and what better way to tell them how much you love them than by treating them the way you want to be treated.

Bellaisa is an advocate for happy and stable relationships with yourself and with others and she is the owner of The Relationship Circle. For more information and advice on how to find love or fix a relationship issue visit http://relationship-circle.com and begin a happier and more fulfilling love life.