The Awesome Benefits Of Marriage: It’s Way More Than What You Think

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By Team BLAM

I remember the moment that I realized that marriage is waaaaay more than 2 people coming together because they fell in love. In that moment my outlook was radically changed. The knowledge that I gained in that moment shifted the way I viewed my own marriage, the need for strong families in our community, and the impact we can all have when we learn the skills that are necessary to build solid marriages, families, and communities.

Marriage researchers have determined that having a healthy, happy, fulfilling marriage benefits all family members. Below are marriage statistics from research by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Healthy Marriage Initiative. Check them out and be impressed. 😉

Marriage Statistics:

Benefits of Healthy Marriages For Children and Youth

Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

More likely to attend college

More likely to succeed academically

Physically healthier

Emotionally healthier

Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol

Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors

Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse

Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers

Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married

Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone

Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers

Less likely to contract STD’s

Less likely to be raised in poverty

Benefits of a Healthy Marriage for Women

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

More satisfying relationship

Emotionally healthier

Wealthier

Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes

Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse

Less likely to contract STD’s

Less likely to remain or end up in poverty

Have better relationships with their children

Physically healthier

Benefits of a Healthy Marriage for Men

Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

Live longer

Physically healthier

Wealthier

Increase in the stability of employment

Higher wages

Emotionally healthier

Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse

Have better relationships with their children

More satisfying sexual relationship

Less likely to commit violent crimes

Less likely to contract STD’s

Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

Benefits of Healthy Marriages for Communities

Researchers have found many benefits for communities when they have a higher percentage of couples in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

Higher rates of physically healthy citizens

Higher rates of emotionally healthy citizens

Higher rates of educated citizens

Lower domestic violence rates

Lower crime statistics

Lower teen age pregnancy rates

Lower rates of juvenile delinquency

Higher rates of home ownership

Lower rates of migration

Higher property values

Decreased need for social services

So, what do you think BLAM Fam? Do the benefits of healthy marriage impress you?


Source: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html

My Husband Goes To Strip Clubs So Why Can’t I?

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VIDEO: Marriage & Strip Clubs. Do they mix? Many couples feel that including this into their marriage has enhanced their relationship. They speak of the experience (going alone or together) as having allowed them to explore and share sexual fantasies with each other, be  vulnerable with each other in ways that they otherwise might not, and increase the physical and emotional intimacy between them. In the same token many couples feel that strip clubs take away from their relationship, increase the likelihood of lying and deceit in the relationship, encourage behavior that is not focused on building the love that they share with each other, and are generally just a bad idea. Well, opinions are like belly buttons…everybody has one. So, what we’d like to remind everyone is that it’s easy to focus on an activity and give it power that it DOES NOT have. For example, saying strip clubs make sex exciting or strip clubs encourage lying really isn’t the truth (…how many of us have done the same exact activity with two different people and had two totally different experiences? One’s a thrill! The other a bore. One is oh so honest. The other has a very hard time keeping it real.)—-no, it comes down to how the two people in the relationship are connected and how they communicate and genuinely look to each other to be transparent about their feelings and expectations. You and your spouse are the two people who give a definition of desire or disease to strip clubs. It’s you and your spouse who ultimately have the power to be vulnerable and “see through” in your communication. It comes down to the meaning that you and your spouse assign to strip clubs. It comes down to how you choose to utilize or not utilize strip clubs in your relationship…it comes down to the foundation the two of you have. Is your bond built on trust & confidence or on mistrust and doubt?

Here, we answer a viewer who says her husband goes to strip clubs and she has no problem with it. However, she recently wanted to go out to a strip club with some girlfriends…and he wasn’t feeling it. Double standard? Maybe. Maybe not. How should this be handled? Listen in to hear our opinion. As always feel free to leave a comment or submit a video response. We always love to hear what you think.

I’m A Christian. He’s A Muslim. Should We Marry?

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VIDEO: This girlfriend admits that she is deeply in love with her boyfriend. She says that they have a relationship that is centered around love and respect. But, there is one problem (or is it?)…they are of two different faiths. Do you and your spouse practice the same religion? Can people of two different faiths live and love together and raise healthy well rounded children? Here, we explore some important ingredients to help you get through the stickiness of different spiritual paths and help you achieve harmony in your home.

CLICK HERE to get your RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE to get SPEAK LOVE RIGHT: Real Questions. Real Answers. Real Talk on COMMUNICATION

CLICK HERE to get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING

Have You Started Your Marriage Spring Cleaning?

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

So yesterday was the first day of spring.  Winter is gone.  Summer isn’t here yet.  But spring has sprung and what are you going to do in this season?  Most folks change air filters, clean out closets and garages, and mop floors.  They spend weekends weeding the yard, planting flowers, and cutting the grass.  So after you do all of the improvements to your home and yard, are you doing any improvements to your marriage?

What many people don’t realize is that marriage has seasons too, and each season has work to be done.  To often we get complacent in marriage and think “Well, we’re ok.  We aren’t having any major difficulties so why rock the boat?”  I am not saying to make trouble or to look for things that aren’t there.  You can be content but never becomplacent.  Those are two very different things.  Content means that you are in a good place and satisfied with where you are but always open to growth and change.  Complacent means you really don’t like where you are but it’s “good enough.”  “Good enough” will kill a marriage.  “Good enough” will choke the life out of your passion.  Let’s be honest: “Good enough” never really is “good enough.”

In this season, you need to take stock of where you are in your marriage. Take a look around. Do you have dust bunnies in your marriage that you need to sweep out? These “dust bunnies” could be resentfulness, a spirit of unforgiving, unresolved conflict. These “dust bunnies” could be lack of sexual touch, affection, or true communication. You have to get rid of the dust bunnies in this season.  Take a look at the show Hoarders.  No one ever purchased an item and said “wow, I am on my way to being a hoarder.”  Nope, it started with one purchase after another after another until the home was overwhelmed.  Marriage dust bunnies are the same way.  You may be able to overlook one or two, but if you don’t deal with them, then one day the dust bunnies will overrun your marriage.

So take a moment this season to really sweep out the dust bunnies.  To really shake the dust off your marriage.  Throw open the windows and let the spring breeze flow through.  Remember spring is a season of freshness and renewing.  And who doesn’t want that for their marriage?  I know I do.

Neysa Ellery Taylor is an integral part of the writing team here at Blackloveandmarriage.com. She lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work atMyriadthatisme.blogspot.com

He Said We Would Be Divorced In Ten Years.

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By Ayize Ma’at

VIDEO: Don’t take for granted the value of TIME when it comes to building a solid relationship. You will not gain the understanding to make your relationship successful overnight. Experience is required in order to make the information you’ve gained….a part of you. Love does work! But it requires work to make it work.

You Need To Change More Than You Think

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By Ilex Bien -Aime

 

I have always heard the saying “Men go into marriage expecting their women not to change; women go into marriage expecting that their husbands will”. From the beginning of the marriage, there is already this push and pull. We often walk into marriages with mixed expectations and this makes it harder to become one. Both sides have to realize that they must adjust their perspectives and that there is need for change.

 

The word change is a very dirty word for most people. Let’s face it, when someone thinks you should change, you feel as if they are telling you that something is wrong with you. It’s hard not to take things personally because you feel that this is the person that your spouse married and that they should have known that this was who/how you were from the beginning. Honestly, this is where the trouble truly begins and where animosity begins.

 

Everyone is reluctant to change, especially when someone is requiring it of you. When you change on your own, it obviously does not feel forced. When someone else wants you to change, most people fight it tooth and nail. I guess you can say that this is where pride takes over. When that happens, it’s difficult to get through to the other person. Instead of listening to each other, it almost seems as if you begin to try to “one up” the other person.

 

The problem with most humans is that we know that we are not perfect and yet we act as if we are. Fundamentally we know that we have issues but we don’t like it when other people try to tell us. When our friends tell us that we aren’t perfect, we laugh it off or we tell them where they can go. When our spouses tell us about our imperfections it’s a slap in the face. We expect for them to live with us, flaws and all.

 

Change is all around us and to tell you the truth, we change all of the time. Sometimes we change by choice and other times out of necessity. When it comes to changing in marriages, our personal feelings get in the way. That seems to be the thing that makes changing so difficult – being personally invested takes over our rational thinking. Change, however, does not need to be as horrible as we make it.

 

Honestly, I feel that change comes from within. Once your spouse lets you know that there is an issue, you have to decide to change to accommodate them. All too often we expect our spouses to change right on the spot or when we want them to but that can be dangerous. Change isn’t something that happens overnight for most people. Sure, some people can change cold turkey but that is not the norm. Someone who has been a certain way their entire life now has to change – that does not come easily.

 

I am not going to sit here and act as if I have this change thing down because I do not. Honestly, change is very difficult for me. I am a very analytical person and when I don’t feel like something makes sense, it’s hard for me to change. The thing about change in marriage is that it is a two way street. All parties must be willing to change in order for things to work. No matter how great you think you are, you will need to change. If you can seriously read this and think that you do not need to change, you probably need to change more than you think!

Ilex Bien-Aime is an integral part of the BlackLoveAndMarriage.com team. He lives in Washington, DC with his lovely wife. He writes as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. He writes as a man who wants to give his future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly he writes what he writes because his female friends are always asking his opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email atilexbienaime@gmail.com.

You’re In Love, So Now What?

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Falling in love is wonderful, it’s exciting and truly the adventure of a lifetime. I believe in Love at First Sight and I believe in people being “meant for each other”. I also believe that learning to love and be loved is a life long learning experience. That is what this article is about.

 

There are different ways of looking at love. If you feel love in your heart for your partner, you might consider yourself “In Love” with them. That is a wonderful thing, and obviously where it all starts. Staying in love means you need to “do love”, not just feel it. It means you take time to communicate, compromise, and deeply relate to each other.

 

The challenge is to discover how to “Do Love” in a way that benefits your own love partnership. I believe the first step is to take very good care of you. Offering your partner your best self is a most excellent gift. Attend to your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs to the best of your ability. Pursue activities that help you develop the best self to offer to your partner. You want to make sure you are as healthy as you can be to fully accept the love your partner is showering back on you too.

 

You will also want to take a close look at the preconceived ideas you have about love and your relationship with that special person. As you are growing up, you form beliefs about what roles people “should” play in your life. For example, a man might just take it for granted that the women he falls in love with will always cook his dinner and do the laundry. A woman might think the man should be the one that knows how to fix the car or other home maintenance issues.

 

Be very honest with yourself in making your list of expectations. After you have your list throw it away. The minute you start putting your preconceived expectations on another person, you are in for trouble. Take the time to communicate and compromise with your partner when it comes to domestic responsibilities. Find solutions that work best for both of you.

 

Now, go on an exploration of what both you and your partner need to feel loved. People experience love in different ways. Perhaps you need to hear love and can ask your partner to tell you often how much they love you and enjoy being with you. Other’s need to feel love. They feel loved when their partner takes the time to be affectionate, kiss them hello and good-bye and freely give hugs and hand holding.

 

In order to “Do Love”, you want to know what sort of activities to pursue that will help your partner stay reassured of your love for them, in ways they best experience love. You also want to be able to communicate to them how you experience love so they can do the same for you.

 

Another one of the absolute best things you can do for the love of your life is to stay aware. This is probably the most important and least talked about area of relationships. Your immediate presence is by far the best present you can give to those you care about! Look at them as if they are brand new in your life every day. People change and grow and you want to be in relationship with the person you love today, not the image you have in your head about them. This also helps maintain appreciation for the person sharing their life with you.

 

Doing Love is something you recommit to every day. It’s an excellent adventure and will help assure that the love you feel for each other stays exciting and fresh for years to come! If you would like more specific suggestions for your unique love life, or want to learn more about the topics discussed in this article, please feel free to email me at anytime.

 

Tracy Togliatti is a Registered Reiki Master through the Global Reiki Association and an Energy Psychology Practitioner. Tracy is also acting Director of Happyher.com, where she offers free email Reiki lessons.

President Obama’s New Film “The Road We’ve Traveled” Premiere’s Thursday, March 15th On The Web. Sign Up To Watch!

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By Team BLAM

President Obama and his campaign never cease to amaze me at how adept they are at using media in all of its forms to spread their message and make their impact. They know how to get a message across–that’s for sure. This Thursday, March 15th they are releasing a new film via livestream on the web that’s titled “The Road We’ve Traveled”. Check out the trailer below and the letter that came out from President Obama’s National Field Director, Jeremy Bird.

This Thursday, you’re invited to the premiere of Academy Award-winning filmmaker Davis Guggenheim’s documentary about President Obama’s first three years in office and the tough calls he made to get our country back on track.

 

Be the first to see it — and make sure others do, too.

 

If you know anyone who needs to know about the progress we’ve made under President Obama, this is the film that they need to see.

 

Check out the trailer (if you recognize the narrator’s voice — that’s Tom Hanks), and sign up to watch the premiere on Thursday, March 15th:

 

 

After you sign up, look for an email on Thursday with the link to the livestream of the film.

 

When President Obama took office, our economy was in crisis, with 750,000 people losing their jobs every month, the auto industry near failure, and the markets close to collapse.

 

The Road We’ve Traveled follows the tough decisions the President made to bring our nation back from the brink and fight for the security of the middle class, from reining in Wall Street to ending the war in Iraq, reforming health care, and getting millions of Americans back to work.

 

The story’s told by the people who watched it unfold — like the First Lady, Vice President Biden, President Bill Clinton, and Elizabeth Warren.

 

Between now and November, this film will be one of the many tools we have to bring others into this campaign and get folks out to vote for the President.

 

Because you’re a part of this campaign already, you should see it first, then share it with everyone you know who’s been asking questions about the President’s record or needs to get more engaged around this election.

 

You could even invite them over to watch it with you on Thursday.

 

So check out the trailer now, and sign up to watch the livestream on Thursday:

 

http://my.barackobama.com/The-Road-Weve-Traveled-Livestream

 

Thanks,

 

Jeremy

 

Jeremy Bird

National Field Director

Obama for America

 

When Wisdom Speaks We All Should Listen – Oldest Living Couple Gives Relationship Advice

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From YourBlackWorld.net

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?

H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?

We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life – our marriage has lasted a lifetime

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?

We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?

Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith – when you meet him, you’ll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?

Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?

Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?

Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax – the look on her face & clean plate made my day!

8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?

“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?

Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?

The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs – together.

CLICK HERE to read more.

How About A Surgery Room Proposal??? Check This Out!

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Have you ever seen a surgery room proposal???  Wow, what a surprise this ER nurse received from her boyfriend when she was caught off guard by her boyfriend’s well crafted plan to win the woman of his heart.  The surprise proposal took place inside the hospital’s surgery room in front of Tashia’s co-workers, who all appeared to be in cahoots..

Congratulations to the couple!