Dean Sunseri, LPC

There are 3 levels of agreement. The first level is the lightest and most casual which we will call an agreement. An agreement is a simple commitment between two people, such as making an appointment to go to lunch next Friday at a certain restaurant.

The next level of agreement is a Contract. This type of agreement has some legal ramifications, and is often done in the form of writing. This type of agreement carries more responsibility, and more consequences if it is broken. An example is a contract to borrow money from a bank to purchase a house. A contract requires a higher level of commitment, and each party has more at risk.

The highest level of agreement is a Covenant. A covenant is the highest level of commitment a person can make with another person. A covenant is a permanent agreement that is made before God as the highest binding authority. A covenant is made for mutual benefit, and is characterized by making the other person just as important as oneself. A covenant is never entered into lightly, and when the covenant is made, it is bound by some type of intense ritual that creates a permanent imprint on both parties. Some examples of covenant rituals is the commingling of blood, branding of names or symbols in the skin or permanent placement of rings on one’s fingers. The covenant partner will maintain the covenant, even to laying down one’s life to keep the covenant. The covenant system has been lost in our modern life, yet marriage is an institution that needs us all to get back to understanding the power of what a covenant commitment can do for you.

A covenant is an irreversible decision to move into a friendship bond that is deeper than blood siblings. A Covenant Marriage is the highest level of commitment two people could make towards each other. The covenant agreement is made during the exchanging of vows, and the original purpose of the vows is to state before God the covenant agreement. The understanding is that all possessions, talents and assets become part of the new unit, and there is no more “I,” there is only “we.” The covenant marriage is really a trio covenant. It is the bonding of the bride, the groom and God, into a new unity.

Pre-marital counseling is an important aspect of developing a covenant marriage. The couple needs to understand the meaning of a covenant commitment. They need to explore levels of compatibility, and their ability to live the selfless life that a covenant demands. A covenant commitment can be made only by mature adults, and the level of maturity of each person needs to be assessed. The covenant terms, or marriage vows need to be clearly understood and discussed before entering into the covenant ceremony. Pre marital counseling can help the couple discern whether they are truly ready to make the covenant commitment.

A covenant marriage requires a full commitment, yet it provides the highest level of security in a marriage. It demands accountability to a partner and to God, yet it provides the deepest level of fulfillment. The covenant marriage requires the greatest risk, yet it gives the greatest amount of benefit that a marriage can possess. If you want a marriage that will last the test of time, consider making your marriage a covenant union.

Dean Sunseri, LPC is a minister and Licensed Professional Counselor who has helped prepare many couples for covenant marriage. Visit him at Haveavoice.com.

By Neysa Ellery Taylor

At nearly every wedding this scripture is read. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.” But with 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, it seems as if love fails daily. But love doesn’t fail. Love – which is a gift from God – doesn’t fail. God’s gifts are divine and perfect. We fail. That’s right.. we fail love. Love doesn’t fail us.

Think about it. How often have you heard someone say that they and their partner just “grew apart?” Did either of them stop and say to their spouse “hey, I am feeling like we aren’t connected anymore. Can we talk about it?” I bet they didn’t. That is because folks are scared to be real. They don’t want to rock the boat. They don’t want to offend anyone. It is so much easier to leave a relationship, than to take a look a yourself and your mate and do the HARD work it takes to improve it.

Folks that make it in relationships are not the ones that never have any controversy. The couples that make it are the ones that unite and work together when controversy arises. And it will arise. Some will be little skirmishes, others will be big. But don’t get it twisted – the little problems can grow into giants if they are ignored and fed a constant diet of resentment.

The only way to keep failure at bay is to never lose sight of verses 4 through 7. That is the blueprint for making it. For the techie folks, it is a basic “if-then-else” statement. If you do verses 4-7, then verse 8 -“Love never fails”- will come to pass. But if you ignore verses 4-7, then you fail love. It’s that simple. But is it easy? Nope. Verses 4-7 are hard work. Daily hard work. But remember that day a few years ago when you were in church wearing that white dress and some guy was standing next to you wearing a tux and you made a vow to love someone always. Well, that love was a verb not a feeling. Feelings fade. But LOVE is an action. Sometimes love means speaking kindly to your spouse. Sometimes love means fixing their favorite meal. Sometimes love means making love. Sometimes love means shutting up and letting an argument go. Sometimes love means sweet kisses and cuddling. Sometimes love means starting over. See not only is love a verb, it’s a transformative verb. It becomes whatever you need it to be.

So the next time you are thinking about throwing in the towel and just walking away, stop and think “Am I failing love?” If so,try again. Because remember love never fails only we can.

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com