I Ain’t Feeling You Right Now

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Whomever said or thinks that couples who love each other DO NOT disagree with each other, get pissed off with each other, yell at each other, or just flat out at times are “through” with each other IS LIVING IN A STATE OF DENIAL.  One of the key ingredients of a healthy and loving relationship is passion.  Passion exist in the good times as well as the bad times.

We have an incredible relationship and are more in love with each other today than we ever have been….but that doesn’t mean we don’t “beef” with each other.  It ain’t uncommon in any healthy relationship to experience the fluctuations of going from fussing to fu#king…they both exist on the same continuum of passion.  The beautiful thing is that we’re skilled in utilizing the tools that we’ve learned in the classroom and in the lab of our relationship to make our relationship the bomb diggady.

Our love is real…and always will be.  Our passion is real and always will be.  Our commitment is real and always will be.

That’s what being in a real relationship is all about.

If you want to make money vlogging/blogging about whatever you passion is CLICK HERE and see how you can join our team.

5 Tips For Supporting Your Spouse After A Business Failure

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Nearly everyone dreams of starting a business and being their own boss. However, maintaining a business is hard work, and even with the best management and intentions, more often than not, new businesses fail within five years. While a business failure largely affects the owner, it also affects the owner’s spouse. As a spouse there’s several things you can do to help your spouse through a business failure.Support
The very first thing you should do for your spouse after a business closes is support them. Even if you don’t fully agree with how the business was run, or with how the business closed, provide an open ear and a willing hand to help with anything your spouse needs. Carry this attitude to your home life as well. Be extra accommodating at home, offering suggestions to do things you know your spouse enjoys, such as preparing their favorite meal or watching a specific type of movie. Avoid conflict if possible, at least for a little while until your spouse has come to grips with the business loss.

Assist
Offer to assist your spouse in tying up any loose ends from the business. If you have talents in organization or finances, offer to take a second look at why the business may have failed. However, approach the situation carefully in order to not offend your spouse or make them feel like a failure. Help your spouse write down what went wrong with the business, as well as what went right. These important observations will be key in the future if you or your spouse chooses to start a new business.

Relieve 
Insist on removing both you and your spouse temporarily from the situation. Take a day or overnight trip to somewhere relaxing or fun, any place that can help briefly take your spouse’s mind off the business. Taking time away from the situation can recharge their batteries and help your spouse better think outside the situation, looking at the big picture on how to move forward with a new business or in a new direction.

Brainstorm 
Sit down with your spouse and offer to help brainstorm new ideas for business ventures, or possibly ideas of how to enter back into the workforce under another company. Suggest enrolling in classes towards a first or an advanced degree. Discuss how you can work together to make schedules and finances work to move forward in the process. Brainstorming together provides a sounding board for ideas.

Financial 
In some cases, you may need to support your spouse through taking on a second (or first) job of your own to provide additional income. If money was lost in the process, or if there’s no other streams of income entering the household, offer to take on a job if you do not already have one. Even stay at home moms can contribute, especially with working from home now commonplace in many employment fields. If a job is not an option, you can also support your spouse financially by finding ways to cut costs around the house, whether through reducing spending outside of the essentials, or finding ways to reduce food costs through eating more meals at home or couponing.

While your spouse may not allow you to help much during a business failure, simply being there and offering to help can go a long ways towards supporting your loved one. Regardless, working together to overcome this hardship will strengthen your  bond as you move forward into the future.

Vanessa Garrett writes all about relationships and finance. Her recent work is on the Top 10 Accredited MSW Programs (On-Campus)

Are Your Friends Destroying Your Relationship?

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By Dr. Richard Nicastro

You exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you’ve been preoccupied and down. Since emotions are contagious, this will impact your partner in some way and her/his interactions with others may now be different as a result of what your friend shared with you.

How is this relevant to your marriage or relationship?

Your relationship exists within a larger social context, and your friends, coworkers, family, and even the society in which you live can directly or indirectly impact your relationship. Think of your relationship as one link on a never-ending chain of connectedness.

This was evident with two couples I recently coached:

A brief story of relationship isolation:

Tad and Wanda have lived together for a little over a year and during a recent coaching session, Wanda complained that “all of our friends seem to be getting divorced or breaking up. It’s depressing and makes me think there’s something wrong with me for trying to make my relationship work. When I try to talk to my friends about a fight I had with Tad, they just tell me to ‘find someone better-suited to you,’ or ‘relationships are overrated anyway.’ The whole ‘there are lots of fish in the sea’ mindset isn’t helpful when I’m trying to make my relationship work now.”

Tad and Wanda lack the couple-to-couple support that is vital for a sustainable, long-term relationship. They both struggle with feeling like the “oddball couple” in a sea of failed relationships (and they don’t have any single friends who are pro-relationship) and both acknowledged that this was starting to negatively impact their union.

A brief story of marital support:

Molly and Jeff have been together for eleven years. Both are retired and have been active participants in their local community and volunteer for numerous causes. This involvement has offered them opportunities to develop friendships and socialize with other couples.

Molly joked that their friends “saved our marriage on at least two occasions” because of the support they offered Molly. She shared, “If Jeff and I are going through a difficult time, for whatever reason, I don’t feel alone. I have at least two other women I can talk to who have been through difficult times but they’re still happily married.  I know I’m not alone in my struggles and that makes a world of difference. And I have a few single friends who are supportive of my relationship and committed relationships in general, even though they’re not in one now. All that encouragement among my friends really helps whenever I start to worry that the challenges of a romantic relationship might be too much for me.”

The need for relationship support

Couples love to hear about other couples who have successful relationships. Have you ever noticed how people in relationships are happy to learn that a famous couple is in it for the long haul? Many couples feel validated to discover that their favorite movie star or musician has resisted the temptations that come with fame and are committed to one person. Notice your reaction the next time you hear that people you know and/or admire are splitting up.

Couples root for other couples and there is an unspoken, cosmic connection, a sense that we’re in this together. If your neighbors and friends can make their relationships work, you end up feeling more hopeful that you can make your own work.

Seek Out Relationship Support

Relationship support comes in many forms and the first step is to look in your own backyard. Make a list of all the individuals and couples you know and admire: family, friends, teachers, community leaders, local organizations or church members.

You might be surprised to learn that there are people in your life that have been married or together for a long time (and feel lucky to be with the same person). These couples can be an emotional resource for you and your partner. Would you consider asking them about their relationship, especially what has worked for them? Are you willing to seek their support when you (or your partner) need advice or guidance?

We all need relationship mentors and couples who have successfully navigated the complicated interpersonal terrain that comes with committed relationships. This doesn’t mean you should overlook friends not currently in relationships as potential sources of support. Often single friends who understand and celebrate you and your relationship can be a safe place to go to when you need a different perspective or just need to vent.

Don’t overlook the vast relationship wisdom that surrounds you.

Many couples like spending time with other couples. If most of your friends seem to be in dire relationship straits or your friends’ values regarding commitment differ from your own, you need to expand your social network and seek out couples you and your partner can socialize with, couples dedicated to making their own relationships work. The goal of expanding your couples-support-system doesn’t mean you have to abandon your current friends because they aren’t in a relationship or their relationship is in trouble and it means that you enrich your circle of friends to include those that believe in the benefit of a long-term, committed relationship and will help support you in yours.

It might seem like a paradox that you can be with someone you deeply love, yet still feel isolated. Often couples assume feeling isolated means there is something wrong with their relationship and while this can be an indication that there are problems that need to be addressed, it can also be an indication that your relationship is surrounded by negativity and a lack of support.

No matter how strong your relationship might seem, you and your partner do not exist in a vacuum. When you establish the goal of building a support network for your relationship, you have taken an important step in buffering the damaging effects of relationship-isolation.

 Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

You + Me = Bliss

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Often times it’s the small things that make your heart melt.  The longer you’ve been in a relationship it’s easy to get away from the “sweet nothings”, and the little tokens of love that lit your relationship on fire when you first met.

Whether it was holding hands, cuddling up on the couch, or staring into each others eyes, every one of those actions evoked a sense of giddiness that was difficult to hide.

I’ve been married for 11 years and I can honestly say that my wife still “does it” for me.  She makes my heart melt.  She makes me feel warm.  I love being in love with her.  I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.

It’s no accident that I feel the way I feel for her.  She puts in effort and as a result I’m satisfied. Recently she gave me a card that said You + Me = Bliss.  It was totally unexpected.  That simple action reinforced for me that she knows me, loves me, and is committed to us.

When Best Friends Become Lovers

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It’s always encouraging to receive and read warm hearted stories of couples who are in love and making it happen. The following couple is an example of the magic that happens when passion meets promise and emotion meets motion.  That magic is called LOVE.

from Essence.com 

The last place any woman expects to meet her husband is in middle school, but that’s exactly where nursing student Shanté Harris-Superville found hers.

His name was Chris Superville and they became best friends back in 1992 at Buck Lodge Middle School in Adelphi, Maryland. “We talked on the phone every single day that summer, and we practically had every class together,” she recalls. “We’d always call each other while watching cartoons after school and then talk all evening.” When she went off to college, he would always come to campus parties with her and then crash in her dorm room. Throughout her childhood, Chris was always the person Shanté could confide, but she never knew he had a crush on her.

They remained close even when they both went Shanté got married and had a son, Dylan, who was diagnosed with autism when he was 2-years-old.

At age 22, Shanté was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and despite her best efforts, her marriage still began to fall apart. After she got divorced, she learned that Chris had recently broken off his engagement. He provided a shoulder for her to lean on and he had to confess – he told her that he’d always been in love with her. “God is amazing,” she insists. “He knew exactly what our plans were from the day we met.”

Shanté’s cancer has been in remission for eleven years now. The happy couple recently celebrated their two-year anniversary and and started a non-profit organization called F.A.C.E (Facing Autism with Children Everywhere) to help raise awareness about how many children are diagnosed with autism each year.

We asked them how being the best of friends made them better lovers, what kind of love healed their pain and more.

CLICK HERE to read more.

7 Secrets To Marital Bliss

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By Michael Hehn

Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that “special someone” who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, statistics show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their lives.

As a society, we’ve become so conditioned to the fairy tale of “Happily Ever After” that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking something if they’re not a part of a couple.

But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples’ thoughts seem to stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says “I do” and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They don’t think about what happens after the honeymoon.

Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the dotted line of a marriage license.

Having a happy marriage doesn’t just happen by accident. It doesn’t happen because you’re “in love” or “perfect” for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.

Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you’ll be on your way to having what we all want — a happy marriage!

1. Communicate. It’s important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage — jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education, church. If you’re suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you’re fighting about money, it’s especially important to talk about what’s going on.

2. Listen. It’s a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it’s to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you’d give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don’t try to finish their sentences, don’t try to solve their problems, and don’t ever say, “I told you so!” Here’s an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:

It’s really a good idea to probe a little deeper into the subject of marriage,love. What you learn may give you the confidence you need to venture into new areas.

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals – things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether it’s getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means “I love you”, or creating couple signals for “Let’s get out of here, or “No, I don’t want to buy a timeshare for $95,000!” find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday, you’ll look back on each time as a treasured memory.

4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept their marriage strong is going out on a “date” with their spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality “couple-time” helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they’re married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems.

6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your marriage, it’s vital that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say “I love you” every single day. Mind your manners, and say “Please” and “Thank-you”. Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you’ve heard them. Don’t sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while.

7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially difficult today, but it’s important that you put your marriage first. If you’re committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, there’s nothing that the two of you can’t accomplish.

And you’ll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage!

Don’t limit yourself by refusing to learn the details about marriage,love. The more you know, the easier it will be to focus on what’s important.

My Husband Wants To Watch Me Have Sex With Another Man!

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By Ayize & Aiyana

I’ve bee married to my husband for 3 years. We dated for 4 years prior to marriage and i feel like we have a solid relationship. My man is freaky in the bedroom. He has expressed a desire to watch me have sex with another man. I don’t know what to think of this. Does he want to be with another woman? Is he testing me? where is this coming from? I’m a sexual person too so I’m open to it….but worried at the same time. What do you think?

 

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5 Bad Habits You’ve Developed In Your Marriage

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By K.S. Louman

There is no misconception that marriage is easy. Most people know that marriage takes a lot of work, and like any relationship, it evolves – developing a deeper understanding of one another. This evolution of your relationship also creates new challenges – including many bad habits which, if you can identify and avoid, can be easily overcome. Read below for some common bad habits people develop in their marriage, and what potential they can have to ruin your relationship.

#1 Falling into a Routine Just because you are married doesn’t mean you don’t have to try to impress each other anymore. Getting into a routine sometimes means only doing nice things for each other on special occasions like birthdays and Valentine’s Day. Get out of that routine – you should be reminding your spouse of why they fell in love with you, not making them wish you acted more like you did when you were dating.

#2 Avoiding Conflicts Every marriage will have its conflicts and disagreements. But trying to avoid a fight doesn’t make the problem go away, and in fact, it makes it worse by leaving it unresolved. Learn to discuss problems constructively and deal with them in a productive way. Nagging, yelling, and ignoring are not solutions and will only make matters worse. Bring up issues before they get to be serious problems and you may be able to resolve them sooner and with less conflict.

#3 Getting too Comfortable One of the great things about marriage is that you can be yourself and know that your spouse loves you for it. Your days of nervous dating and “do they like me?” are over and aren’t you relieved! However, there is such a thing as being too comfortable. Burping at dinner, leaving dirty laundry around and basically acting like you live with a college roommate instead of your spouse can lead to a serious decline in romance. Be comfortable with your spouse, but also be courteous, considerate and clean.

#4 No Sex One of the main bad habits people fall into in marriage is the lack of a healthy, active sex life. Time consuming work, children, and a boring routine can kill a libido – and have a devastating effect on your relationship. Keep it exciting, even if it means scheduling romantic time together. You’ll both be glad you did.

#5 No Fun Marriage should be fun, not boring or stressful. Be spontaneous! Surprise your spouse after work with tickets to a movie and a nice dinner. Take a weekend trip even if it is just a bed and breakfast an hour away. Having fun doesn’t mean spending lots of time or money. There is no reason that you can’t manage a few hours a week for recreation together. Making time to have fun and relax makes a huge difference in easing a potentially stressful and unromantic marriage.

Like all habits, some are hard to break. If you have found that your marriage has developed these habits, it’s best to talk to your spouse about them and discuss ways that you can both work to revive your marriage and break them together. Maybe you can even start to develop exciting and new healthy habits in your relationship.

K.S. Louman writes relationship advice for www.marriagemax.com. For more information on how to keep your marriage in good shape and overcome bad habits that you may have developed, please visit www.marriagemax.com.

Ten Do’s And Dont’s Of A Happy Marriage

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By Mark Webb

With the divorce rate as high as it is, you must do everything possible to strengthen and protect your marriage. You can’t always have your way or give in to your feelings. You have to discipline yourself to do the right thing. You must do what is in the best interest of your marriage. Here are some fundamental guidelines that can make a huge difference.

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.

I like to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth. Use them in this ratio. Listening is truly an art form and it takes practice and commitment. If you don’t listen to each other, someone else will.

2. Don’t always try to be right.

You cannot be right and be married. It is always better to do the right thing than to be right. Trying to always be right will doom the future of your bond. The powerful chemistry that you once felt will be diluted.

3. Never threaten to leave or divorce.

Things change between you once you speak these words and it’s hard to correct. Even if you’re angry, don’t threaten divorce.

4. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry”.

It amazes me how rapidly a couple is strengthened in love by sincerely saying they are sorry.

5. Don’t expect your spouse to believe all the same principles you do.

Respect their differences and them. Love them unconditionally.

6. Build your spouse up.

Freely give encouragement and praise. Remember, it is better to give than to receive. Most people are starving for kind and uplifting words. Don’t let the person you love fall into this category.

7. Always side with your spouse in disputes outside of the marriage, even when they are wrong.

Respect the bond of your marriage. Give your spouse the message that “You can always count on me. I’m here for you.”

8. Learn to appreciate the things your spouse does and verbalize these often.

Don’t take your spouse for granted. Thank them for the things they do for the marriage. Cooking, cleaning and bringing home a paycheck are worthy of frequent appreciation.

9. Try to never go to bed angry with your spouse.

At the very least, learn to allow a truce between you until you can figure things out. Your marriage is more important than the conflict.

10.  Start and end each day by telling your spouse that you love them.

Let your eyes and your embrace convey the same message.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. CLICK HERE to visit his website.

How To Fix Your Relationship Even If Your Partner Doesn’t Want To

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By Dr. Jack Ito

Many people feel like their relationship with their partner or spouse is stuck in neutral and going nowhere fast. They think to themselves that if only their partner would work a little on the relationship, it could be much better for the both of them. But, their partner either denies that there are any relationship problems, or blames any problems there are on the other. How can a man or woman help their relationship in such a situation?

One thing that keeps couples stuck in neutral is the idea that it takes two people to improve a relationship. It is true that it takes two to have a relationship, but either damage or improvement can be done by one person. One person having an affair, gambling away the house, or constantly criticizing their partner can do dreadful damage. One person earning trust, learning to listen, or taking time to spend with their partner can do a world of good.

Another thing that keeps couples stuck is trying to determine who started the problems in the first place. It is as though if they figured that out they could somehow go back in time and stop that person from making the mistake. Or maybe it is to lay blame. The first case is not possible and the second case is not helpful.

What holds people back from making progress and achieving success in life is the avoidance of responsibility. Telling ourselves that we need more time, more money, more help, more health, more luck, etc., before we can change our life situation is what stops us. The people who have the greatest feeling of success are the ones who climb a mountain although they have no legs, start a business although they have no money, earn a degree although they have no time, or work on their relationship although they have no help. What separates these people is a do it or die attitude and taking responsibility. They do not let any condition stop them from moving toward their goal. You can be such a person. You can be the champion for your relationship and you can start today.

To get your relationship moving forward again, relationship coaches recommend the following:

BELIEVE that you can make a healthy relationship by taking appropriate action even if your partner does not want to. What you do may determine whether or not your partner takes healthy actions. Do you believe your current inactivity is helping you or your partner to take healthy action?

STOP focusing on whose fault the problems are. Whether they were your fault or someone else’s makes no difference for moving forward. Do not waste time getting your friends to agree with you about whose fault your problems are. Successful people have more skeptics and naysayers than they do supporters. Have the guts to work on getting what you want even if others do not believe you can.

SHIFT your attention from the past to the future. What do you want your relationship to be like in 6 months? In 5 years? In 20 years? Do not be limited to what you think you can achieve. Dare to dream. This is your life and you can choose how to live it. You can fail to achieve your dreams, but if you don’t dream at all, how much will you progress?

LEARN the skills that you need to get you where you want to go. People have climbed mountains with no legs, but they had to learn to walk in a different way and practice on level ground. Get help and support from people motivated to help you reach your goals. If you need professional help, get it. Make the most of your time.

BECOME a person who would be worthy of the kind of partner and relationship that you want to have. Do not expect to get Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful before you have become wonderful yourself. Could you get a great job if you were not suited for the position? How could you expect to have a great partner if you are not one yourself? Are you willing to work on becoming the kind of person who can have such a partner?

You have done well to get where you are now. To have a better life and better relationship, you must be willing to give up old strategies. To get even further, you will need to dream new dreams, learn new skills, and take new actions. There is no one stopping you but yourself.