If you’ve ever wondered if true love exists….stop wondering….
Check out the pics….watch the videos.
We’ve helped thousands of couples in their relationships. We lift up and represent the significance of love. Relationships require work. Love doesn’t happen on accident. You’ve got to be intentional about becoming it.
By Aiyana Ma’at
Black Marriage day is right around the corner.
Black Marriage Day began in 2002 to create a cultural shift in the way marriage is viewed and celebrated in the Black community. Bet you didn’t know that it started with just 30 supporters initially. Hundreds of people celebrate Black Marriage Day every spring.
12 years after its beginning we thought we’d help to spark your imagination and give you some interesting and fun things to do this year. Whether you are considering celebrating this day for the first time or have celebrated since the beginning, I’m sure you’ll find something that appeals to you!
Bubble bath for two. Candles. Champagne. Need we say more?
Pick a TV show, get a season’s worth on DVD and make a running date to watch it together every night.
*Try brunch and a matinee; fancy restaurants are way more affordable in the a.m.
*Take a dinner cruise: The motion of the ocean sets off sensuous signals inside us (think water beds).
*Make your boo a personalized mixtape.
*Put a blanket in the backyard and have a picnic.
*A Night in Paris Without Leaving Home. You decorate your home like a restaurant in a foreign country. Make it as cheesy as possible while keeping it looking nice. Cook the themed food yourself. It shows off your cooking skills, your romantic side, your sense of humor and your creativity. <— (I really like this one.)
* Go wine tasting at a winery at a local winery event or get a couple of glasses, a bottle, and have a picnic lunch outdoors.
These ideas and suggestions come from the Smart Marriages Website. These are just the beginning of what you can do. Be as creative as you like and tailor the program to your community.
Ask judges and divorce lawyers to declare a moratorium on divorce – NO Divorces filed or granted during the week leading up to Black Marriage Day. Ask them to “schedule vacation” that week if that’s what it takes. Get this to the media!
Celebrate your own marriage. Teach by example! If you’re not married, offer to babysit so someone else can go celebrate.
Strengthen your own marriage. Read a book, attend a course. See smartmarriages.com for books and classes.
Create a “Ten Most Affordable (or best, or most romantic, or most creative) Marriage Dates” list/contest for your community. Get these to the media – radio, TV, newspapers, community newsletters. Ask radio stations to promote a contest – keep the focus on Marriage – not just any old date, but ideas for the best, most creative, or most affordable Marriage Date.
Honor members of your extended family or community whose marriages have had an impact on your life. Write a note of appreciation for marriages that have inspired you. Or, throw a surprise party.
Hold a “How this marriage has had an impact on my life” or a “Why I think this is a great Marriage” essay contest for children in the community (lessons learned, examples set, why they want a marriage like this when they grow up, etc.) Award prizes, get the media involved. Marriages described could be those of their parents, relatives, ancestors or one of local, state or national significance.
Send a marriage-strengthening book or give a gift certificate for a class to newlyweds, new parents, or anyone whose marriage could use a boost.
Organize a Community Marriage Policy and get it signed during the week leading up to Black Marriage Day. See www.marriagesavers.org to get started.
Encourage civic, community and religious leaders to acknowledge Black Marriage Day with an endorsement, announcement or declaration and activities.
Ask media to include a Strengthening Marriage Tip, Marriage Article, Marriage Quiz -” Of the Day” for the full week leading up to Black Marriage Day. Send them the material! It’s only seven days……
Recognize the couple in your community, region or state who has been married the longest.
Ask local stations to run Public Service Announcements about marriage.
Source: Blackmarriageday.com Smartmarriages.comMarriage rates in the United States have hit an all-time low, dropping from a 1960 high of 72 percent to just barely half. Leading family scholars are troubled. Studies show that children from cohabitating and single-parent households face increased risks for a wide range of social, emotional, and economic ills compared with their peers from intact, married households, whose numbers are rapidly dwindling. Black families fare far worse.
“The black community has the distinction of the lowest marriage rate in America,” says Nisa Muhammad, founder of the Wedded Bliss Foundation, the sponsor of Black Marriage Day. “When White America has a cold, Black America has pneumonia. And we don’t have the resources or history to rebound as quickly.”
In 1960, 61 percent of blacks were married; today the rate hovers at a dismal 31 percent. Seventy percent of black children are born out-of-wedlock. Their mothers are more often than not poor. Black children continue to have the highest rate of poverty. While the considerable gap in divorce rates between blacks and whites has narrowed (blacks still out-divorce whites), far fewer blacks are also marrying. Forty-four percent of them consider marriage obsolete.
Over ten years ago, Muhammad, a journalist raising her own five children, went searching for answers to the problems plaguing the African-American community. She found her way to a Smart Marriagesconference, and left “mesmerized” by all the information available about the benefits of marriage.
“Black married people make more money, their kids do better in school, marriage rescues blacks from poverty, their kids are less likely to go to jail, become teen parents and get divorced,” Muhammad says. “I started thinking, does anyone in the black community know this stuff?”
She asked around and nobody did. Even among the well-educated. She couldn’t find anyone promoting marriage within the black community either.
Mainstream cultural cues mostly excluded blacks. No black Bachelors or Bachelorettes. Muhammad thought “27 Dresses” was a cute movie, but notes that the average black woman doesn’t have 27 married friends, much less has attended 27 weddings. When Muhammad spoke at Morehouse College, a distinguished all-male black college in Atlanta, Georgia, she asked the young men in the audience to name a song where a black man says “I love you” to a woman in the lyrics.
“They look baffled,” she says. “They couldn’t name one song. College students being nursed on music that offers sex without responsibility.”
Relationship stories in the black community typically center on “somebody did me wrong” or “woe is me,” she points out.
When Muhammad couldn’t find anyone offering portraits of healthy marriages, she took on the task herself. “Our silence co-signs a lot of negative behavior. We say it’s not me, but then it becomes you. That bothered me.”
So she founded Black Marriage Day in order to shine a national spotlight on all the positives. Stories of black couples married 50, 60, 70 years. Relationship workshops, celebratory dinners, vow renewal ceremonies, inductions into a Black Marriage Day Hall of Fame. She praises President Obama’s example of regular date nights with the First Lady.
Reprint *3/25/12 @HuffingtonPost.com
If you’ve ever questioned whether it’s “o.k.”…whether it’s “cool” or whether is “manly” to profess your love for your woman….STOP QUESTIONING. It’s o.k to tell your woman you love her. It’s cool to show your woman you adore her. It’s manly to profess your love and dote over her. That’s YOUR woman. She wants to know that she’s yours. If that’s what you feel ….own that feeling. I give you permission….just do it and watch the magic that happens.
Alright…enough typing, it’s time to go buy my lady some roses.
By Aiyana Ma’at
*This pic is of me and my mother in law whom I affectionately call “Mom Sharon” at a Prayer Breakfast on a Saturday morning. I stole it from my hubby’s Facebook status. :-)*
One day last year ago my mother in law gave me a call and said that she had been meaning to do this for awhile and just hadn’t but wanted to see if we could spend more time together.
WOW! This may seem small to you but it was huge for me! I was so touched by her desire to be closer and her willingness to take a risk and see if she could make it happen.
And you know what? That one simple yet profound gesture instantly elevated us into another space where we now make it a point to connect, connect, connect!
So, what’s the BIG LESSON here?
You can RE-CREATE any relationship you have….all it takes is a willingness to try. I’m so thankful for our new found connection. It has inspired me to re-create a few of my other relationships too! So, now it’s my turn to take a risk and ask for what I want. I’ll keep you posted!
Are there any people in your life you’d like to see more, know better, or connect with more? Leave a comment below and let me know how you plan to make it happen. 90% of the time the only thing standing in your way is YOU.
Love y’all……
#StopPlayingStartPushing
By Graham White
Finding a life partner is difficult enough but then you also have to instill trust into your relationship. This is especially important if you intend to become intimiate with the person. Read on to see the different ways you can indentify a truthworthy lover and how to value yourself and body.
1. Sex Is A Choice, Not A Gift
Sex isn’t something you give away to someone else, it’s a decision you make for yourself. It’s not something you provide in exchange for gifts, guarantees or security. Making choices about sex begins with you, not them.
2. Trust Is Based On Evidence
Naïveté & gullibility are results of inexperience or ignoring intuition and result in extending trust where evidence is lacking or questions remain. What someone says, even how they make you feel aren’t what trust is built on. It’s the degree to which you know them and how consistently their actions match their words. Explanations and excuses in any part of life are a sign of incongruence in all parts of life.
3. ‘Exclusivity’ is a Decision Not A Right
Exclusivity is a decision made for one’s self, not a conditional demand that can be placed on another. Both individuals must make this decision of their own free will, not pressured by the other to come to the same terms at the same time.
Any decision made under durress is worth little and therefor the reality is that this is the most challenging of all relationship decisions as there is no guarantee that exclusivity will be offered in return or way to control whether they are being truthful.
4. Choosing To Wait Before Intimacy Is A Personal One
Waitng to have sex or abstinance is not a tool to control the behavior or choices of another and no one has the right to demand abstinence or exclusivity of another. These are gifts that can only be given, not laws or constraints applied as a condition. This is true regardless of the nature or length of the relationship, they are daily choices of commitment, not irreversible milestones. The idea that someone owes us sexual availability, exclusivity or mutual abstinence is about control and an inability to manage the risks of intimacy.
5. A Person’s Worth Is Not Determined By How Long They Wait For Sex
The value of an individual is determined by the consistency of their behavior when observed under stress particularly when demonstrates towards those who can do nothing for them.
6. Exclusivity Is Not A Right
Exclusivity is a choice that results due to an ongoing unique benefit of partnership. For our grandparents generation this was linked to mutually beneficial survival and child rearing, today the standard is much higher as both of these are fairly achievable single.
Partnership and exclusivity today are based on the ability of two people to connect on many more levels and a much greater depth than ever before. Those who partner out of need for support or who require completion do so on a faulty foundation when one or the other matures and requires the same new level of depth to feel a connection. High value individuals have multiple options. It would be naive to assume that because you choose not to be intimate with them at any point or for any reason that they don’t have other options.
CLICK HERE to read more.
When it comes to building and maintaining a healthy relationship, a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice needs to be made by both parties. This is not something that’s hard or arduous; it’s made in the spirit and feeling of loving a person to the point where you want to be the best person you can be for the other person. It means that changing and sacrificing a “me first” attitude for a “we first” feeling is the most natural thing around.
While love may happen in an instant, it feels like a massive dose of the drug “emotion”. It can bowl you over in feeling the warmth and comfort of being with the other person. This feeling can last a lifetime, but its sustainability can come with “I’m sorry’s” when things go awry, no resentment and blending of two things that are both pragmatic and fanciful. It will always lead to positive actions so that there are no regrets for missed opportunities.
Healthy relationships have give and take. While first love is highly charged and emotional, true, lasting love is series of quiet giving from each person involved in the relationship. It melds two people together around their strengths and weaknesses. Where one is weak, the other is strong and can willingly pick up the load and vice versa.
People think that the number 7 is lucky, that personal growth and a healthy relationship is based on utilizing seven principles, seven lucky tips, and the like. While this may be true in some cases, in relationships, there are actually eight traits that need to work in concert for the relationship to be healthy and happy. Without these components, a relationship will be out of balance in some way, and it probably won’t stand the test of time.
The magic number in any relationship is eight. You need to have eight traits to have a healthy relationship that lasts forever. Think about it, if you turn an eight on its side, you get the infinity symbol, so the universe was probably trying to tell human beings something. There are eight qualities that should be brought to the relationship including trust and confidence, a passion for life, wisdom and humor, financial responsibility, a spiritual nature, an awe for the beauty of life and a commitment maintaining romance and intimacy in the relationship.
Let’s look at financial responsibility. In a relationship where there is no financial responsibility, there is always a high level of stress, fights and eventual separation. Most people’s biggest battles are over money, so you need to have the trait of financial responsibility in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Without it, there’s strife, strain and arguments.
Romance and intimacy is another biggie. Without it, relationships dissolve and reasons for staying together begin to lose their impact. Emotions either disappear, stress builds and eventually arguments ensue. In the worst cases, there aren’t even arguments, just disinterest and a drifting apart between two people who used to be madly in love.
Some of the best advice you should remember is that these are just two the eight traits that when not present causes a relationship to sicken and die. Having all eight traits in place is necessary to maintain a long term healthy relationship. Without one or two of them, a relationship is unbalanced, and unbalanced relationships generally lead to dissolution.
By Heather Morgan Shott
Think I’m a selfish, terrible mother? Actually, the opposite is true.
“Are you and daddy getting divorced?”
I was four years old, sitting on the bathroom floor and chatting with my mom while she soaked in the tub, when I blurted out this question. “No, of course not!” she immediately responded. “Why would you think that?” I don’t remember what I said next, but somehow we moved on to a new topic.
Later I heard her whispering on the phone about what I’d said. She must have been thinking, How did my little girl, the one with the stay-at-home mom and Catholic upbringing, know about divorce?It’s not like my parents were screaming and slamming doors all the time. Their unhappiness wasn’t supposed to be obvious, especially not to a little girl. But somehow, even at that young age, I could sense that my parents were deeply unhappy in their marriage.
Turns out they did get divorced—four years later, right around my eighth birthday. The quietly hostile relationship that my parents had when they were married bloomed into an outwardly hostile one during the split, and it stayed that way for years after the divorce papers were signed. By the time my sister and I were pre-teens, our dad had remarried and pretty much vanished from our lives.
The whole thing—the divorce, our father deciding to go his own separate way—was incredibly sad and unfortunate, but it taught me an important lesson: It’s almost impossible to have a happy childhood if you have miserable parents. At some point I decided that if I were ever to get married and have kids I would do everything I could to have a happy marriage that lasted for the long haul…and if that wasn’t possible, then at least I would do my best to forge a positive relationship with my ex-husband for the sake of my kids.
Years later, I met an amazing man. I got married and we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary this past June. We’re very happy, and because I want to stay happily married and give our three-year-old son the kind of joyful home I didn’t have while I was growing up, I put my marriage first. That’s right. My husband comes before anyone else in my life, including my beloved child.
Before anyone calls me a selfish, terrible mother, please let me explain what I mean by that: I think you’ll see that it’s not as harsh as it sounds. And, in fact, the priorities that we’ve set benefit everyone involved. Putting my marriage first means I’m protecting the relationship that’s central to Mason’s happy childhood; I’m making sure that Chris and I coexist happily despite the changes that we experienced in our relationship after our baby was born, particularly in those first few months (from the way that we needed to divert our attention and, at times, affections to this new little person in our lives to the mind-boggling lack of sleep that lasted for months and made us argue about silly little things like who forgot to buy more coffee when the last bag ran out).
Putting my marriage first does not mean neglecting my son; Chris and I are extremely involved parents. We both say constantly that Mason is the love of our lives. He’s the greatest thing we’ve ever done; we can’t imagine our lives without him. We love him infinity plus. So for Mason’s sake (and for ours), here’s how we make our marriage our top priority:
We plan child-free couple vacations. This isn’t something my husband and I do every year; in fact, we’ve only done it once so far, but we plan on taking more trips alone in the future. Our first vacation a deux took place when Mason was six months old. Too soon? No way. Chris and I needed to go somewhere and reconnect after my extremely difficult pregnancy (which included 30-weeks of morning sickness and extreme anxiety), so my mom graciously volunteered to come to New York to stay with him for five days. She insisted that we needed that time alone, even though I dreaded leaving the baby. And you know what? She was right. Going on that trip was the best thing we could have done for our marriage. We had sex, we got some much-needed rest and we had wonderful dinners together. By the time we returned to New York, we were a stronger, happier couple—and ready to take on whatever Mason dished out. Bring on those sleepless nights, baby: we can handle it!
We present a united front. This means we always have each other’s back, no matter what. When Chris needed to take a job that would keep him in another city five days a week, I supported him. When I told Chris in September that I needed to leave my nightmare job and do something else, he supported me, no further explanation needed. With Mason, it’s all about being on the same page at all times; we never try to become the favorite parent by caving in to what Mason wants versus what we believe is right. For example, I feel strongly that Mason needs to go to bed at 8 p.m. unless it’s a special occasion. Chris, on the other hand, would be fine with letting him stay up later…but he knows this issue is important to me, so he respects my wishes. We’re being consistent with our messaging to Mason so that he doesn’t get confused and so that he feels secure with a consistent routine—but more importantly we’re showing him that we’re united in the decisions that we make, as well as demonstrating unequivocal support and respect for each other.
CLICK HERE to read more.
What’s up Fam,
We wanted to send a special shout out to our friends and our fam…Montsho and Nwasha Edu (Founder’s of Akoma Day). Every time we connect with them it’s filled with good energy and divine intention. These are our peeps and we’re sending them our love and blessings during this Akoma Day Celebration.
Akoma Day is a non-denominational, culturally based holiday that will enhance spiritual insight and provide a culturally correct context for us to celebrate love. This 7- day holiday is celebrated from February 14 to 20. Akoma Day includes seven virtues and seven principles, and symbolism that reflect the service and rewards that are the foundations of “Building up Love” (the antithesis to falling in love).
The holiday is based on the Sacred Science of Soul Mating that can be applied to the intimate, family, and even professional relationships of people, and the corrective education About the Akoma symbol (an (An Adinkra symbol, from Ghana, West Africa) that is misunderstood as the Valentine’s Day heart. These and other culturally correct themes and customs are a part of Akoma Day; our day, celebrated our way, for our love. CLICK HERE to learn more.
Valentine’s Day is a magical time of year where we are given the opportunity to share our love with the one who truly gives meaning to our lives.
All over the world, couples are planning on extravagant adventures, romantic excursions, getaways, and unbelievable date nights that will put the spark back into their relationships and leave their partners absolutely breathless.
But there’s a problem for many of us out there..
We’re “romantically challenged”.
We’ve never felt comfortable being romantic. We don’t experience a rush of creative and original ideas when planning out a romantic event, heck, we’re barely able to pick out a decent greeting card at times.
We find these times of year overwhelming, and we sometimes need a bit of help coming up with thoughtful ways that we can express our love for the one person in our lives that we can always count on.
But while we WANT to be romantic, and we know that there are times (like on February 14th!) where we’re EXPECTED to be romantic, it doesn’t always come so naturally.
You’re not alone.
There are thousands of us all over the world who need that extra guidance when planning out a romantic date, and with so much pressure to create the perfect Valentine’s Day, we find ourselves dealing with can intense stress and anxiety.
After all, we can’t all be born natural Casanova’s!
But here’s the thing. You are on this website because you know how important Valentine’s Day is to your partner. You don’t want them feeling left out, neglected or unappreciated.
Your partner does a lot for you, and she (or he) deserves to be treated like the centre of your world, because they are.
So, if you truly want to give them a day they will always remember, and show them that you put your best effort into celebrating the love you share.. We’ve got you covered!
This year, you are going to make it a day they will never forget, because as of right now, you will have more than enough creative and affordable ideas to melt their hearts and leave them breathless!
Even if you are on a shoestring budget, have kids to deal with, or can’t whisk your sweetheart away on a romantic getaway, it doesn’t matter! There are ideas for EVERYONE and EVERY lifestyle FOR ONLY $14.95!
We’re not all born with the romantic gene, and for those people who struggle to come up with creative and unique ideas for a memorable Valentine’s Day, this guide was written JUST for you! Collectively written by both men and women, it includes some of the most thoughtful, creative and inspirational ideas for planning out an incredibly romantic day that they will never forget. If you truly want to show that special someone in your life that they mean the world to you, these simple ideas provide the perfect twist to spicing up your Valentine’s Day. Whether this is your first Valentine’s Day together or your 20th, these ideas are guaranteed to impress your lover! Valentine’s Day is the one day a year set aside for us to show our partner’s how much they truly mean to us. This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t make an effort all year long to celebrate our love for one another, we should, however it’s a day where couples all over the world take a moment to demonstrate their love and devotion to the person who means the most to us. Yet unfortunately, many couples neglect to make the day a memorable one only because they aren’t quite sure what they can do to leave an ever lasting impression. Don’t let that happen to you! Your partner deserves to feel special on Valentine’s Day and with this guide, you will have as many unique and heartfelt ideas for planning a genuinely romantic day, that you will only have one problem: Deciding on which one to go with! Here are just a few ideas that you will discover. How you can give your lover a Valentine’s Day gift that no one else will EVER give them and is GUARANTEED to melt their heart! (and it costs less than $50 to set up) The #1 way to start their Valentine’s Day in an incredibly special way that will instantly put sizzle back into your love life! (and takes only 15 minutes to do) – ( Page 6) One of the most overlooked ideas yet definitely on the Top 10 for “most memorable moments” you’ll ever give your partner! (this one is a MUST if your relationship is new) – ( Page 13) The easiest way to add spark back into your relationship while using Valentine’s Day as an “excuse” to make them fall in love with you all over again (Page 10) One of the most affordable ways to show them that they are the love of your life and it only costs $20 or less! (See page 14) Looking to turn the heat up on your relationship or take things to the next level? Check out my personal favorite idea on Page 18 and prepare to walk on the “wild” side! Do you want to give your partner something that NO ONE else can ever give them without spending a lot of money this year? See page 23 for the perfect gift even for someone who is incredibly hard to shop for! (and it costs less than $30!) Shock them, impress them, and melt their hearts in a way that no one ever has before with the special tip on page 28. (this one will be at the top of their most treasured memories) And Much More! You don’t want to let the day go by with the usual hum-drum. It’s not only heart breaking, but will leave a stinging impression that can ultimately scar your relationship in a very deep way. They don’t deserve to be left out of one of the most celebrated and romantic days of the year. “Will You Be My Valentine: 18 Fool Proof Ways To Feel The Love And Experience The Passion On Valentine’s Day And Beyond” was written just for you. We want to give you as many creative, fun and memorable ideas as possible so that you can plan out the most romantic Valentine’s Day ever, easily FOR ONLY $14.95! buy
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