6 Innovative Ways To Improve Your Struggling Marriage

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By Cucan Pemo

Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.

 

Listen

There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.

 

Understand

But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.

 

A positive attitude

Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.

 

Be present

When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.

 

Stay calm

While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.

 

Make plans

One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.

 

 

 

 Cucan Pemo is a freelance writer who has contributed to various online publications.

I’m Not In Love With You Anymore

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For many couples the passion tends to fade in the relationship overtime. Those who were once madly in love now find themselves questioning whether there is enough love to keep the relationship going. Check out this video of a wife who says her husband told her he is no longer in love with her. Let us know what you think.

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Can You See Being With The Same Person Forever???

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VIDEO: What do you feel when you ponder the idea of being with your partner forever? Is there overwhelming excitement or are you muddled in misery? This question is designed to give you a gut check…so take a second to check in with yourself and see how you really feel about ya’ll.

Are You Compatible With Your Partner?

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By Denise Wade

All of us emerge from childhood with an inborn temperament and dominating personality traits. Believe it or not, most personality characteristics are encoded in your DNA. It is these inborn tendencies that largely determine the ways in which you adapt to your childhood environment, family members, education, and conflicts – and not the other way around. This could very well be the reason why you may not get along with your ex boyfriend, while his current girlfriend seems to have a soul connection. Or perhaps you and your husband get along beautifully but you don’t fare well with his family.

There are nine universal personality types called the Enneagram. Most likely you encompass pieces of all nine types, however most experts agree you possess one dominant type. In their book Are You My Type, Am I Yours? Authors Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele simplify the Enneagram for you. *

Whether you are looking to improve a good relationship, find your soul mate, or understand a difficult partner, by gaining an understanding of the nine personality types you will be able to forgive more, judge less, align a potential match, and appreciate your personality differences.

The Nine Personalities Types

The Perfectionist – has high standards; can be critical of themselves and can oftentimes be critical of their partner; is motivated by improving people; can be seen as controlling, obsessive, judgmental; wants to be seen as perfect; wouldn’t think of asking for help.
Best Match up: The Adventurer (teaches the perfectionist how to lighten up)
Worst Match up: The Romantic (not productive enough for the perfectionist)

The Helper – Puts their partner’s needs ahead of their own; has trouble receiving; may tend to work or perform for love; good listener; masks their own feelings; prioritizes themselves last; dire need to be loved; will manipulate or victimize themselves to get love; overly accommodating; won’t speak up for themselves.
Best Match up: The Asserter (can teach the helper how to speak up for themselves)
Worst Match up: The Romantic (will take advantage of the helper)

The Achiever – Measure themselves by their successes; driven; typically not in touch with their feelings or their partner’s feelings; industrious; efficient; can be overly competitive, narcissistic and insensitive to achieve results; may ignore their partner; preoccupied with work.
Best Match up: The Adventurer (achiever can learn how to have fun)
Worst Match up: The Peacemaker (achievers will see them as lazy and unmotivated)

The Romantic- Emotional and needs to be noticed; tends to be idealistic about their relationships; creative; warm; needs to be understood; can attract a partner very easily, but has trouble keeping him/her; goes to great lengths to avoid being ordinary; tends to be moody, depressed, guilt ridden; expects their partner to be excessively available to them or they feel neglected.
Best Match up: The Perfectionist (ironically the perfectionist can teach them self discipline and practicality)
Worst Match up: The Helper (romantic becomes overly dependent)

The Observer- Curious; needs to understand every detail; may have trouble connecting in relationships; self sufficient; doesn’t want to look foolish or stupid; wise; analytical; can be stubborn, critical of others, emotionally distant.
Best Match up: The Adventurer (can teach observer how to become more fun loving and broad minded)
Worst Match Up: The Asserter (they will fuel each other’s anger)

The Loyalist- Likes safety, security; doesn’t like change; seeks approval; insecure, loyal, responsible, trustworthy; does not trust easily; tends to make great monogamous partners; can be paranoid; worrier, defensive, controlling.
Best Match up: The Peacemaker (teaches the loyalist to trust in their own inner authority and to take life less seriously)
Worst match up: The Achiever (loyalist will feel like a failure around achievers)

The Adventurer- Needs freedom; short attention span; tends to get bored easily especially in relationships; likes to have fun; avoids suffering and negativity; charming, spontaneous; can be restless, impulsive, undisciplined, and rebellious.
Best Match up: The Observer (settles the adventurer down)
Worst Match Up: The Perfectionist (adventurer becomes resentful of the perfectionist; sees him/her as the bulwark to having fun)

The Asserter- Tends to be loud; somewhat aggressive; likes to take on the bully; isn’t intimidated by much; needs to be heard; self- reliant; direct; protective; can be domineering, insensitive, aggressive, and controlling.
Best Match Up: The Helper (teaches the asserter vulnerability, tenderness, and concern for others)
Worst Match Up: The Observer (asserter becomes distrusting; more withdrawn)

The Peacemaker – Wants everyone to get along; usually the mediator; avoids conflict; takes on the other eight personalities depending on who he/she is trying to make happy; can be pleasant, generous, open-minded, stubborn, passive-aggressive, judgmental.
Best Match Up: The Achiever (peacemaker becomes more efficient and productive)
Worst Match Up: The Loyalist (peacemaker becomes more indecisive and rigid, overwhelmed by worry and anxiety)

3 Things You Can Say To STOP People From Meddling In Your Relationship

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By: Bellaisa Filippis

Relationships can be hard enough without your mother or friends struggling to ‘make your relationship stronger’ or, worse, trying to do away with your relationship! It’s not fun to have someone meddling in your relationship steadily.

I personally experienced a friend who would consistently counsel me about my brand new relationship (now my husband). She would explain to me what he really likes and how he really believed and she would tell me that getting to involved with him may not be a good idea.

Oh, I know what you might be thinking…’Well, she had your best interest at heart!’, but you are dead wrong!

I regularly questioned as though her nosiness was part of something bigger. And it turns out, as I down the line found out, she was interested in my boyfriend and wanted to get him away from me.

We are not friends anymore but I’m married to him.

It will not always be someone trying to break your relationship up though. There are going to be people who seriously think that they are helping your relationship. This is when you need to put a stop to it and tell them a few important things that they need to fully grasp.

Keep in mind, if you are in an abusive relationship or a really miserable relationship than your friend, loved one or whoever is probably making an attempt to help you see the light; or if you are heading for heartache in some way than you may want to listen to what they are trying to say.

On the other hand, if they are just meddling because they are nosy and opinionated then you should want them to stop meddling and leave you alone.

Here are 3 things to say to that meddling person.

1. YOU Are Not in This Relationship!

A sexual relationship has much more to it than what’s on the surface where others can see. Most of us reserve a special side of our lives for our intimate relationship that only our partner and ourselves experience.

There are personal moments of interactions and intimacy that creates a tight bond between two people that is critical for a strong.

The person who is prying does not share those moments you have had. And most importantly, they are not sharing the emotions and experiences you are experiencing in the relationship.

They are in no position to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do in your relationship given that they don’t actually know what your relationship as it really is at the core!

2. YOU Are Not Me!

Frequently a meddling individual will declare “If it was up to me, I would do it differently Of course, they most likely WOULD do it that way; because that’s the way THEY would do it! But they are not you. And YOU have a unique way of doing things.

Not only do you have a different way of going about things, but you also have a unique way of viewing things and you have unique beliefs, behaviors, and dreams in life and in your relationship than they would. Because of this you handle things differently than them – and they have to realize that.

3. I am Happy With My Relationship

Occasionally you you can’t convince them of anything and you just have to shine the happy aspects of your relationship.

As much as you would like to share the sadder moments or discuss relationship problems with them, they may not be able to handle hearing that kind of information without meddling in your relationship.

It’s not being fake, it’s not being untruthful, it’s just letting the prying person see a side of your relationship that they can deal with without interjecting their beliefs.

If they are always seeing love and happiness then there will be no reason to get involved.

Squash nosy people using the above 3 tips. Your relationship will thank you!

VIDEO: Can’t NOBODY Give You The Gift Of Love Like You Can Give It To Yourself

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By Team BLAM I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows If I fail, if I succeed At least I live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can’t take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me I found the greatest love of all Inside of me The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all I’m sure you recognize these words. These are the lyrics to the chorus of Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love Of All”. These words capture the essence of the message we at BLAM, are always trying to convey to you…..ALL change, ALL transformation, ALL responsibility, ALL insight, ALL power, ALL motivation, ALL passion, ALL progress, ALL purpose, ALL love begins at home within your heart, mind, & soul. You hold the key that will ultimately unlock the door to the possibilities in your life and your love. If you don’t love yourself first, there is no room for you to recognize love when it comes from someone else. You have the power to create the life and the love you want to see. But, first you must say these 4 words:

IT ALL BEGINS WITH ME.

Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

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CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY

The Chemistry Of Love

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By: Dr. Christy Wise

Intense feelings of passion and romance of a new relationship often describe the wonderful feeling of being swept away, engulfed in a euphoric state of emotion, or on “a love high”. The book, The Chemistry of Love, by Michael Liebowitz (1991), has researched why we feel involuntary chemical reactions when meeting new people that we are attracted too. There is some real basis to the chemistry and how it effects our brains. Liebowitz states, “The investigations contend that the initial elation and the energizing “high” of excitement, giddiness, and euphoria characteristic of passionate love are a result of surging levels of three key brain chemicals: Norepinephrine, dopamine, and especially phenylethlamine (PEA). Extreme highs can be felt by tapping the PEA factory when we meet someone. Dopamine and Norepinephrine are released, causing psychological and physiological reactions similar to amphetamines. The Dopamine system is linked to reward-driven learning, meaning that when we meet someone that we are attracted to, a Dopamine release reenforces the interaction as a positive one, and ultimately adjusts our mental attitudes to an expectation of positive reaction. We actually become addicted to the person we’ve met. Well, at least for as long as it lasts, which is different for everyone. Most often, relationships can retain such a high for the first six months and up to a year. Thereafter, other aspects of life creep in and that is when the real work begins.

Another well known chemical reaction is in the form of Oxytocin. Oxytocin is secreted during cuddling, caressing and physical intimacy. Dopamine and Oxytocin both contribute for sexual arousal, which further fuels the fire to passionate love and signals this couple that they are clearly responding to one another.

Three areas of chemically induced love can be defined as Attachment, Attraction, and Lust. The Attraction aspect often involves loss of appetite and loss of sleep.This is a result of the chemical reactions from Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and a Nerve Growth Factor. The Attachment aspect is a result of Oxytocin and Vasopressin. Lastly, Lust can be chemically traced to levels of Testosterone and Estrogen. As an aside, Pheromones can also play a part in our attraction to another. All in all, we cannot necessarily control how our body reacts to others, but we can recognize that love is an ever evolving feeling and pay attention to when these chemical reactions occur and how they effect us.

However, the amphetamine like high and sexual arousal associated with new love does not typically last. Our body ultimately stops responding because we become accustom to the high and our bodies develop a tolerance to PEA and the related neurotransmitters. The Nerve Growth Factor has shown to have retreated back to original levels prior to the “love high” within a year. This is because our brain becomes unable to keep up the demand for higher and higher levels of PEA to keep that loving feeling. Therefore, the high that we began to love and depend on eventually diminishes and fades away. Usually between six months to a year. This is the point in the relationship where it either heads south or begins to really grow!

Love, Passion, Romance, and Intimacy are the very foundations for a happy and healthy relationship. While other characteristics and intrinsic actions also qualify for a successful relationship, my passion and desire is to bring sex alive and well to every relationship, while addressing the very foundations necessary to do so.

Dr. Christy Wise is the CEO of San Diego Family Services and a licensed clinical psychologist. To find out more, please visit http://www.sdfamilyservices.com. She is also a national speaker on relationship conflict resolution and sex therapy.
Her personal page is at http://www.drchristywise.com

Ooooh….How My Husband Makes Me Feel

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By Aiyana Ma’at

If only my husband could really understand how he makes me feel. He has such power….such an immeasurable and amazing ability to touch parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. If only he could feel just a tenth of how he makes me feel when he takes the time to do the simple small things like add the word “love” to the end of “I’m sorry” or “Are you ok?” or “Do you want some eggs?”. It really doesn’t matter….just the fact that he calls me his “love”….. it makes my heart weak.  I love how he looks at me. How he holds the door for me. How he looks out for me. Oh, how my baby impacts, moves, and shapes me. If only he knew…..

He does it so much. Oftentimes, it seems he does these seemingly small things without even thinking. But, recently he intentionally took the time to do another seemingly small thing and it touched me so much. You see,my birthday recently passed (yay! I’m 21….not!)  Lol. And, my husband gave me a card and took me out on my birthday, celebrated with the kids, etc. But, a few days later he gave me a very special birthday card in which he wrote:

Love of my life,

We fit perfect together. Just the right amount of fire & ice, sweet & spicy, go gettin & chill, confidence & uncertainty, patience & impatience and so on and son on and so on. It’s that blend that has birthed 4 babies, thousands of feel good yummy to my tummy moments, a business, and a belief in the future that will be a million times more brighter than our glowing past. Our blend is beautiful baby. It’s unique, it’s special, it’s ours. Guess what….you get to add another year of wisdom, grace, and beauty to it…to us…because you’ve entered the year of 36. 

I love you baby! I truly believe that this year you will be better than you’ve ever been…do more than you ever have, and have more than you’ve ever imagined because you are growing more acquainted with and allowing the energy of the God within you.

I love you.

Need I say more? This brought tears to my eyes. This man inspires me, secures me, and loves me in a way that I can’t even begin to describe.

Husbands/Boyfriends/Significant Others: You have an amazing ability to rock your woman’s world by the things you say (and don’t say), the words you choose, the focus and attention you give her and on and on……it’s the simple and seemingly small things that continue to build and strengthen the bond!

I love you baby!!!!!!!! Thank you for loving me!!!!

My card:  🙂

 

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How Can I Get My Wife To Love Me Again?

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By David Logan

If you’re in a situation where it looks like the luster has come off of your marriage, or it is beginning to look like your wife doesn’t love you anymore, it is sad. Still, though it is sad it is very common and fortunately, it is a correctable situation under many circumstances.

Yes, it is possible for love to dwindle away and when this happens there are times when it is just not worth it to pursue getting the bloom back on the rose, so to speak. If this is the case, making your wife fall in love with you once again will be difficult, at best. Then again, romances have been rekindled and relationships that looked like they have been given up on have become hot again.

One of the keys to becoming successful in getting your wife to love you again is to make up your mind you will work hard to regain her love by changing any bad habits or vices you may have developed since the first time she fell in love with you.

Physical attraction isn’t everything. However, if you have let yourself go this may have something to do with your wife losing interest in you. This isn’t so because of the pure romantic aspect of your relationship but because it shows a sloppiness or a willingness to accept low standards. Maybe, she does not share these standards.

If you have gained a lot of weight or have become out of shape or let yourself go in other ways, make up your mind you will make a concerted effort to correct these things. If you do, it won’t take very long before she will notice changes are taking place in your appearance and if the love is still there it will come out very evidently. Even if you’ve only been on a program to improve yourself for a little while it will show her you are making an effort and if there is anything still in her heart for you, this will make a world of difference!

Many times, there is no physical evidence that you have become complacent. In other words, you may still look just great. However, to her it might appear you haven’t been making a strong effort to keep the family finances afloat or you have squandered money on your hobbies and interests at the risk of personally bankrupting your family.
If this is the case, once again you must look to yourself for the reason she has fallen out of love with you. If she sees you are trying very hard to give up spending money on things that are for you and using these resources to balance the checkbook, you will start to look like an absolute prince to her. This can make a big difference in whether or not she loves you. Even if you are unsuccessful in your quest to balance the checkbook, if the effort is there, so will her love for you be there.

Finally, a woman will never be able to stay madly in love with someone who totally ignores her. The remedy for this is simple. Pay some attention to her. Make it a point to talk with her and by all means, listen to what it is she has to say!

To recap, there is no real way to guarantee a woman who is fallen out of love with you can fall back in love with you. However, to give it your best shot you must:

• Make an effort to take care of yourself physically
• Be unselfish as far as the household finances are concerned, and
• Pay attention to her, or as Brothers Cornelius and Sister Rose so profoundly sang, “Treat Her Like A Lady.”

Need sound advice about how to get your wife to love you once more? We all know dating services really don’t deliver and waiting for the right one to come along might be an impossible task especially when the right one may have just gotten away. However, love expert, Hilda Laine has been helping people mend their broken relationships for over a decade. Visit her free website at Getting Your Ex Back.

Are Booty Enhancements Necessary?

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Relationship Experts Ayize & Aiyana Ma'at

There is so much hype these days about booty injections, penis enlargements, and breast augmentation that we began to wonder whether these image “enhancements” will eventually become socially acceptable across the board.  If so…when?  If not …then where is the line?  Blam Fam what are your thoughts?  Are booty enhancements necessary?  Where should we draw the line when it comes to image “enhancers”?