Are We Done Yet? Survey Says Quick Sex Is The Best Sex!

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By Team BLAM

One of the hottest topics in our relationship education classes is SEX.  Couples enter class complaining about the lack of sex, the routine of sex, the expectation of sex, the disinterest in sex and so on and so on.  Unfortunately, the complaints are common and very clearly reveal a collective mis-education about the significance of sex and intimacy to a healthy relationship.   The cries of frustration reveal a deep seeded desire to thoroughly understand the impediments preventing them from having better sex, better love, and a better life.

To assist our couples on their journey, one of the things that we explain is that in our relationships we have a responsibility to challenge our pre conceived notions about what sex should look like, feel like, and sound like in a marriage because most of what you learned about sex prior to marriage ain’t applicable in your marriage.  There is a re-education that desperately needs to occur.

In one of our prior videos titled Sex, Lies, Vibrators And More we spoke on the idea that men (especially young men) engage in sex with the objective to “beat it up”, “punish that p***y”, “break her back”, “pop the cherry”, “bang it out”, etc. etc.  This approach is all about ego.  Essentially the idea is, I’m gonna make you remember me and the way I’m gonna make you remember me is by making you “feel me” even if it’s at your expense.  This really ain’t cool.  There’s way more than one way to make a woman remember you and most of those ways ain’t got nothing to do with what’s in your pants.

Another assumption that’s made is “the longer the better”.  I’m referring to the length of time having sex that is…lol.  Wrong again.  According to an excerpt from YourTango.com

Two Pennsylvania university students decided to poll sex therapists and researchers to determine what length of time in the sack is generally regarded as enough or too much.  Based on the responses received from thousands of patients, a survey of 50 psychologists, social workers, physicians, nurses and marriage/family therapists reported lengths of time to match four descriptions of intercourse duration: too long, too short, adequate and desirable.

Duration of one to two minutes was deemed “too short” and three to seven minutes “adequate”, which seem to match society’s perceived amount of time for good sex. But, surprisingly, most researchers assigned the title of “desirable” to an experience lasting anywhere from seven to thirteen minutes. And “too long” was defined as anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes.

So for all yall brotha’s who hang your hat on having a minimum of 90 minute sex sessions…..your woman was “good” a long time ago. Lol

The name of the game of life is GROWTH.  One of the ways to grow is to get educated and apply what you learn.  I humbly challenge you to re-examine your sexpectations and employ a new approach to intimacy.  Remember, better sex can lead to better love and better love can lead to a better life….if you allow it.  Stop Playin Start Pushin

Taught To Focus On Sex INSTEAD OF Being Taught To Focus On Love

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By Ilex Bien-Aime

For as far back as I can remember, sex has been on my mind. It seems as if the thought of sex dates back to elementary school. In a time when we are supposed to be our most innocent, my friends and I started to discover something that was too advanced for us to comprehend. Many little boys grow up in a house where uncles, fathers, and brothers inevitably have a porn stash.

I was talking with my wife the other day about the differences between little girls and little boys. A little girl plays with Barbie and Ken with a sense of innocence. She may have them walk together holding hands and will occasionally make them smooch but little boys are conditioned differently. Little boys will try to make the dolls hump each other while trying to replay the scene from a dirty movie. Long before he has had sex, the young boy has already developed a view of what sex is.

Think of the porn that men generally hide. Maybe back in the day it was Playboy, but trust me Playboy is like watching a sex scene on NBC compared to other magazines and media. Not to be crass but little boys are exposed to women with their legs wide open, penetration, and oral stimulation. In a time in which we should be learning about the Declaration of Independence and long division, we are learning about sex in the most unhealthy of ways.

Now times have changed and I saw the beginning of that change while I was growing up in South Florida. 2 Live Crew used to play on the radio. Guys would drive around in their cars with loud speakers blasting “Shake what your momma gave ya” and “Hey we want some p___y”. Before we knew any better, we were singing “head, head, and mo’ head”. Now little boys don’t have to sneak to watch Playboy because BET makes sure that we see more than enough soft core nudity.

Little boys aren’t really raised with the mind set of what healthy sex is. He is raised on terminology like “when you gonna let me hit that”, I am gonna blow your back out”, and “When you gonna give me some brains”……So this is what he has become. Women aren’t really seen as queens and princesses, but rather as objects of desire. For most men, it does not make him angry to see Nelly swipe a credit card down a woman’s behind -he may think that it’s funny and maybe even something that he wants to try. This is not an excuse for the male behavior, however I believe this to be an important insight into why he behaves the way that he does.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.  Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at ilexbienaime@gmail.com.

Scheduling Sex….The End Of Spontaneity?

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By Denise Anderson

Despite the fact that I have a very public personal blog that gets read (or at least viewed) by thousands of people all across the world, I’m actually an intensely private person. There are certain things I just don’t talk about that often, not even with friends. ?But today I’m going to talk about something very personal and that I rarely ever share with anyone: my sex life.

In an effort to not overshare, I’m just going to be curt and to-the-point: our sex life has suffered since the baby was born. There, I said it. It happens to a lot of couples. Their lives get turned upside down with the introduction of this new person into the dynamic, and certain aspects of life don’t receive the attention they once did, including lovemaking. For us, I can say that spontaneity went out the window. We had to plan nearly every second of every day, and of course most of those plans revolved around our baby girl. Add to that hormonal changes and overall lack of energy from being pulled in a million different directions, and you have a perfect recipe for sexual disaster in a marriage. He was frustrated because he wasn’t sure if/when our next sexual episode would occur because they were so few and far between. I was frustrated because after working at a high pressure job all day long and taking care of a kid, I felt pressured to perform when all I wanted to do was rest. Our sexual context had changed drastically, and neither one of us knew what to do about it.

So we decided to try something new, something we’d hesitated to do in the past. We decided that we would schedule sex. We set aside two days out of the week when, come hell or high water, we’d get it on. Initially the thought of doing that was a turn-off because it suggested there’d be a lack of spontaneity in our lovemaking or that it would be forced and another chore on top of an already full schedule. But honestly, it’s not like things were happening on their own. This new sexual context we were in (parents of a small child) demanded that we be more proactive with our sex life. Scheduling sex would at least ensure that something happened, and that it would happen on a regular basis. It didn’t preclude us from sparking things up any other day of the week, but it did provide a way for us to actively and intentionally make time for each other. So the deal is on those days, after the baby is down, we get to work! No distractions from studying, television, or other hobbies. No Facebook, Twitter, or internet. Just me and him, deliberately connecting.

I have to say that I’m so mad at myself for hesitating to do this earlier, because it’s really changing my outlook on our sex life. Oddly enough, setting aside a time for sex takes the pressure off. It gives me something to look forward to and putting aside the millions of distractions on those days allows me to relax more. I don’t feel so depleted on those days, hence I have more interest in sex. And he’s much more relaxed because he knows that he’s not going to have to “convince” me to do anything. Turning him down when I was too drained was doing a number on his self-esteem. He now feels secure in the fact that his wife does love and want him — and that he will in fact get some!

A change in the dynamic of a relationship can wreak havoc on a couple’s sex life, simply because they’re existing in a new context, yet trying to operate as if they were in their old context. We had to come to terms with the fact that things just don’t pop off the way they used to due to a number of reasons. So instead of trying to make things happen the way they once did, we had to honor where we currently are and find a way to operate in that new space. As a result, I see a very real and enjoyable change in us, even if it’s not one of our set-aside fun days. We had to learn that if you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always be what you’ve always been. So we decided to do something different, and so far it’s paying off!

Do you or would you ever schedule sex? Does the idea appeal to you? Why or why not?

Denise is a wife, mother, and minister living in the Washington, DC area. She shares her musings on marriage and motherhood on her blog, How Mama Got Her Swag Back (http://newmamaswagger.com). Follow her on Twitter @newmamaswagger”


All Women Need Some Erotic Underwear To Spice Up Their Life And Their Relationship

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By Walker W.

There is much more to a satisfying sex life than just physical pleasure.  Feeling good about sex begins with feeling good about yourself.  One frequently forgotten way to boost your self esteem is by treating yourself to a set of sexy lingerie. It’s o.k to relax a little and allow yourself to see another side of you.  While you’re in the process of spicing up you, you might just happen to spice up your relationship too.  Let’s go shopping.

When you’re shopping for erotic underwear, start with the basics.  A good set of lacy, tantalizing bras will start your lover’s blood pumping to all the right areas.  While just the sight of your nude body will get your partner turned on, it’s often even more pleasurable to tease him  with a few scraps of satiny or lacy material.  And the right bras are not only fashionable and erotic; they are also functional.  Bras are designed to do what nature can’t, giving you perkier, more enticing breasts while tantalizing your lover as to what he might find under those bits of fabric.

But don’t forget about the rest of the package.  There are all kinds of erotic underwear online in and in stores that will make your lover tingle with the anticipation of touching you.  Erotic underwear like thongs, tangas, and booty shorts slip sleekly under any outfit, just waiting to surprise whomever is lucky enough to get a glimpse beneath.  With silk, satin, and lace caressing your every curve, you might just feel sexy enough in this erotic underwear to give a little pleasure to yourself.

And don’t forget some sexy lingerie on all of your special occasions.  Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or a special birthday, you can dress yourself up in sexy, tantalizing outfit that will bring your lover’s jaw to the floor.  A sexy, high quality set of erotic underwear can take any exciting event to the next level.

And, of course, there’s the ultimate in special events: your wedding.  Your wedding night is the most romantic – and perhaps erotic – night of your life, and it’s important to mark that with a set of absolutely show stopping erotic underwear.  Look through delicate and romantic babydolls, night gowns, garter belts, and much more in innocent and enticing white satin and lace.  A set of sexy lingerie is all you need to make your wedding night as memorable and full of pleasure as you have always dreamed.

But there is no reason to reserve your most erotic underwear for a special occasion.  If you want to achieve the ultimate in erotic pleasure daily and just simply feel better about you, a few tantalizing bras and sets of sexy lingerie are just what the doctor ordered.  When you pair the hottest lingerie with your everyday work clothes, you’ll feel your sexiest all day long – and when you come home, your partner won’t know what hit them!

So if your sex life needs a sexy little kick and you need a psychological and emotional lift, a few sets of the hottest erotic underwear may be just what you need to increase your physical, mental, and emotional l pleasure!

Myth: A Faked Orgasm Means Complete Dissatisfaction In The Bedroom

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By Telisha Ng,

Amidst online conversations with readers over a recent article I wrote, 5 Common Mistakes Men Make Sexually That Turn Women Off, I found that many women could relate to the “are we there yet” point in the article. A personal bedroom pet peeve of mine, I remember becoming extremely frustrated with my partner at the time who would constantly ask me if I had an orgasm when I clearly had yet to reach that heavenly climax. And it wasn’t just one partner. I’ve seen men have damn near panic attacks because they were obsessed with the thought of making this woman climax as opposed to living in the moment. I suppose, it’s perfectly normal to be somewhat fixated on the sexual satisfaction of your partner, but fellas the repetitive, “did you cum yet?”, can turn a woman right off in a millisecond.

Recently a light bulb was set off in my head and it occurred to me that a large number of men are as in the dark about female orgasms as women are about why they leave the toilet seat up.

How did I deal with the broken record of a man who was probably ready to give up and out? Well after a few…”not yet”, I pushed the “emergency escape button”….

Disclaimer: The emergency escape button is not to be used on a regular or consistent basis. If you use this more than once a month or rather once a year, re-evaluate the relationship you are in!

I faked it! There is not one woman I’ve met who hasn’t had to resort to emergency measures at one point in her sex life. And the myth that a faked orgasm means a lackluster love life is far from the truth. I believe that an orgasm is rooted in mental stimulation. We all have rough days, emotionally trying moments in life and the mental and physical don’t always communicate the way they should. In this case for the purpose of saving an ego and to build confidence in my partner (or just to shut him up), I resorted to emergency measures…I took one for the team. Now I’ll be honest, this person is not in my life at the moment and won’t be ever again, but the boost of confidence helped enhance our bedroom experience at that time. Eventually the repetitive questions ceased as I learned to communicate exactly what I wanted, which was less question asking and more exploration. Like I always say in the bedroom we are all teachers and students collectively.

Isn’t faking an orgasm dishonest? Absolutely, especially if it’s being done on a regular basis, there is no way around that. However, a faked orgasm shouldn’t necessarily be seen as a cover up but more as a stepping stone. What can I do better to help my partner please me? How can I communicate my needs to him better? Should I be doing some more self-exploration? Is this relationship right for us?

Black Love and Marriage Family, what are your thoughts? Are faked orgasms an indication that a woman is dissatisfied in the bedroom? To fake or not to fake? Fellas, is it difficult to tell when a woman reaches the big “O”? Let’s discuss…


Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I or send her an email at contact@goddessintellect.com.  This article was originally published on HelloBeautiful.com

9 Sex Positions That Enhance Emotional Intimacy

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By Heather Kindberg

Certain sex positions facilitate higher levels of emotional intimacy. These positions allow a couple to go beyond their sensory experience, intensifying the intimacy of their encounters and imbuing them with emotional meaning. Eye contact, kissing, caresses, trusting, watching. . . these are emotional complements to the physical experience, and these nine sex positions promote that beautiful, emotional connection.

1. Woman On Top. A man lying down with the woman on top can be a vulnerable position for both lovers, which in itself can create emotional intimacy. He must rely on her decisions, while she is bared and exposed for his perusal. This position is ideal for lots of touching and intimate caresses.

2. Hold Me. In this position the man holds the woman as if she’s just jumped into his arms. With her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck, this loving position is conducive to slow movements, passionate kisses and romantic swaying.

3. Enhanced Missionary. The missionary position is already intimate, with faces close and full-body contact. To enhance the emotional intimacy, the man can hold the woman’s butt or move his legs to the outside of hers to more fully envelop her body. And if a couple is so inclined, this position also offers a good approach for anal sex by retaining face-to-face emotional intimacy.

4. Spooning. Although there is no eye contact in spooning, this sex position creates intense emotional connectedness as the man protectively cradles the woman with his entire body. It’s also a wonderful position for touching, squeezing, rubbing—and even hand-holding, which can be incredibly intimate during sex.

5. Hands Free. With the man sitting on a chair, and his woman astride him, facing him, with her feet on the floor, the couple not only has face-to-face contact, but also maximum access for tantalizing kisses, whispers. . . and four free hands for touching.

6. Crossed Legs or Lotus. The lotus sex position offers stunning emotional intimacy. With the man sitting cross-legged, or in the actual yogic lotus position, and his woman on his lap, arms and legs wrapped around him, the lovers are fully entwined and face to face. The need for slower, sensual movements in this position adds romantic intensity.

7. Standing Missionary. Turn the missionary position 90 degrees so both people are standing and you’ll find that this full-body-contact sex position has added intensity. Muscles tighten to remain standing and, even with a support behind her, both partners are more physically dependent on each other.

8. Slow Going. In this sex position, the man is seated, legs extended, leaning back on his arms. His woman sits on top facing him, then leans back herself and extends her legs behind him. By necessity, this position requires slow, gentle movements. There is an electric emotional intimacy in not being able to move much, only being able to watch each other.

9. Higher Love. The woman lies on her back at the edge of a bed or another surface, and puts her legs on the standing man’s shoulders. Both lovers share control; the man with the movements, and the woman using her legs to push him back a bit and slow him down, or to let him lean all the way into her.

Which positions create emotional intimacy for you?

Heather Kindberg: I am a writer, an editor and a single mom. I worked in the film industry for most of my career, production managing, writing and directing, and I was previously the editor of IN Hollywood Magazine. I now do freelance writing and editing. To see more writings from Heather visit YourTango.com

7 Things You Better NOT Do When You’re Kissing

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By Melanie

Kissing is always fun to do – I still remember my first kiss – I think those are things that you will never forget. My husband and I like to talk about our first kiss (with each other, of course). Kissing is romantic and it can really set the mood. Of course, there are some things that you should avoid doing or saying when the two of you are engaged in this intimate moment. Below, I am going to give you 7 things not to do when kissing …

7. Don’t Charge with Your Tongue Sticking Out

This one could actually gross the person out. Instead, put your lips together, then insert the tongue. I know, it sounds funny, but that is how it is done. This way, we don’t actually see the tongue.

6. Don’t Keep Pulling Away

Of course, this if you want to be kissed. If you don’t want to be kissed, then you pull away and if that doesn’t work, smack them. Now, if you actually want to be kissed by that person, then don’t keep pulling away.

5. Oxygen

People hate it when you push too hard, shove your tongue down their throat and don’t give enough oxygen. You should do it gently and give room for oxygen. While I said do not keep pulling away, there is a time you need oxygen, so use that time to gently kiss the neck.

4. Don’t Make Jokes

While you are kissing and in an intimate hold, don’t keep making jokes. I think this is a bit childish and guys could get turned off by this one. Especially, if you are making jokes about saliva or something gross.

3. Don’t Belch

Oh goodness, if you feel that you are about to belch, please don’t do it in their mouth. By all means, ignore number 6 and pull away before you belch!

2. Don’t Pass Your Gum

Unless your partner specifically asks for you to give the gum from your mouth to their mouth, don’t do it. This could totally gross them out.

1. Don’t’ Say Someone Else’s Name

While you are kissing, I know things get in the heat of the moment, but you should avoid saying someone else’s name. You definitely should not say your ex girlfriend or boyfriend’s name. Also, don’t go and mention how they used to kiss – this is not the time or the place to do something like that and sometimes, things are better off not said.

Those are 7 things not to do when kissing. If you do these things, then your partner may not respect you so much the next time the two of you kiss. They may also try to avoid giving you kisses from then on out. Oh and as a reminder, before you kiss, make sure you clean your nose, because you would hate to introduce your partner to whatever may be inside your nose. I think I about covered it – do you have a terrible kissing story you would like to share?

The above article is from All Womens Talk.com

Ladies & Gentlemen: Stop Giving Your “Gift” Away

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By Ilex Bien-Aime

I was reading Men’s Health Magazine not too long ago when I ran across an article titled 30 Secrets Women Keep. In the article women say that they would not tell there partner how many men they had slept with. The article goes on to say that even if she does give you a number of men she slept with, odds are she’s probably lying to you. If that’s  not bad enough they say, “Her lie is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet.”

Many women try to stay away from this conversation because we live in a society that does have double standards. Let’s be honest about this for a second, if a woman has slept with x amount of men, even other women look at her in a negative light. For men however, it is almost accepted that he has “sown his royal oates.” When watching a scene in the movie Better Than Sex the female character admitted to having had 27 sexual partners while the male character admitted that he had slept with somewhere between 40-50 women. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this picture?

I am not writing about the double standards amongst our sexual practices. That is beyond old and quite frankly a stupid argument. What I’m writing about today is the gift that we have given away. Most of us who have gotten married, did not get married as virgins and though some of us have a conservative number of sexual partners, others will probably put Wilt Chamberlain to shame. This my friend should not be. If you have had sex with one more person other than your spouse, you have already given away your gift.

Many of us were raised in the church and taught that we should not have sex before marriage. We were taught that this was the design of  God. Sex is meant to be enjoyed and is a beautiful thing. It is meant to be the gift that you give to your spouse and only your spouse. Now a days sex is just a thing. It no longer holds any real significance to us because everyone is doing it. These days even elementary school kids are having sex. How sad is that?!

People think that their sexual past is just that, their sexual past. They believe that you should not worry about their past because that past does not involve you, but I disagree. In the movie For Colored Girls one of the main characters is seen in the doctor’s office crying with her husband because they cannot have kids. She admits to him for the first time that she had contracted a disease from another man some time ago and this is the reason that she can’t conceive. Her past had now become their past.

This isn’t just on women. Men are just as guilty. Because of our foolish ways we have spread disease throughout the land. On top of that, we run around getting women pregnant and in many cases random women. Before you know it, we have two and three baby mommas. Your past is not just about you—especially not when some of those crazy baby mommas come knocking on your door. Your future wife may not be all that accepting when she sees how much child support has to be paid on a monthly basis. She wants to be the first and only mother of your child.

These things are the outward consequences of past sexual relations. What about the inward things? In a survey from Men’s Health Magazine 51 percent of women said that is was natural to fantasize about other men while having sex. Though some men could care  less about what a woman is thinking during sex, I caution you that this is not a good thing. Make no mistake that men are guilty of this also but something that seems so innocent can become a big problem. Now you are starting to compare your partner to your old sexual partners. Trust me nothing good can come of this. Before you know it, your past is now staring your present and future directly in the face.  You’ll start to find yourself getting upset because your spouse does not do the things that someone else used to do. We are supposed to come into a marriage with the same amount of sexual experiences–zero. We are supposed to create our own sexual history and not have it blurred by other people.

We spend so much time worrying about fulfilling our sexual urges that we do not think about the future consequences of them. If you asked a man to give up his Rolex watch, he would want to know what he stood to gain from the exchange. If you asked a women to give up her new Christian Louboutin shoes, she would not give them up without a fight. Yet we give our bodies to just about anybody that smiles at us right. How many of us have people that we can’t remember in our sexual archives? How many of us have people that we hate in those archives? Sex is supposed to be the closest that you can ever be with someone. You are physically inside of another human being and to so many of us it means nothing. The once great gift that only one should have had the privilege of opening, is no longer valued the same way God designed it to be. So to you non-married readers out there I ask you, how long will you continue giving your gift away?

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.

The Older The Woman….The Better The Sex…The Older The Man The More Comfort In Cuddling

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How many times have you made a subtle sexual advance toward your wife only to be confronted by blatant rejection?  How many times have you winked at your husband or kissed your husband only to later find him sulking because he misconstrued your playful flirting? How many times has he asked, “When was the last time we had sex?”  How many times has she asked, “When was the last time we cuddled?” Well… these are all common experiences in relationships that frequently create disappointment, anger, and frustration.  Trust and believe you are not alone.  You probably feel like your “better half” just doesn’t “get it”…right.  Don’t worry, in due time your significant other will have the opportunity to see through your eyes.  In the below article from YourTango.com we see that as couples age…their appetite for intimacy changes as well.

The older, the better? You bet! A recent study found that as time progresses in a relationship, women become more satisfied with the sex — while men become more satisfied with the relationship as a whole. In fact, it takes 25 yearsin a long-term relationship for sex to begin predicting how happy women are with said relationship. Crazy, right? Hey, for a lot of us, that’s a long way off!

This information is based on new findings by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, which were reported by eHarmony. So what’s the deal with this 25-years thing? Do women really have to wait that long to reach peak sexual satisfaction?

Don’t fret. The researchers aren’t saying that women don’t enjoy themselves in bed until 25 years into a relationship. Rather, they’re explaining that over time, women become more sexually satisfied with their partners.

There are a couple of theories as to why this is happening. First, at about the 25-year mark, a lot of women are entering into menopause and no longer have to worry about the pregnancy and child-bearing that comes along with sex, so the experience is potentially more worry-free. Also, older women don’t have nearly as much pressure thrown at them about “performing.” They don’t exactly sit around reading Cosmo, hoping to find 50 more ways to please their man in bed. They’re comfortable enough in their relationships to know what works.

Guys work the opposite way. After 25 years, most of them are more happy with their relationships—though not necessarily with the sex. Men’s testosterone levels fall pretty swiftly as they age, and they’re more open to the simple things like cuddling up. They’re also putting the needs of their ladies ahead of their own. Aw.

A few other interesting facts came out of the study, so take a look:

1. The more sexual partners a guy has in his lifetime, the less sexually satisfied he is. (We love this one!)

2. In a win for women, a guy who is more concerned that his partner reaches orgasm is much happier in the relationship.

3. Curiously, lots of kissing and cuddling is key for a man when it comes to relationship happiness, but that isn’t the case for women.

Goes to show that long-term relationships pay off…

BLAM Fam…what do you think?  Have you noticed a difference in your sexual appetite as you’ve aged?

Spicing It Up With Boudoir Photography

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By Olivia Nicholas

One of the sexiest photography trends that women are exploring are boudoir photos.  These pictures are not your average photos, they are intimate pictures of you taken by a professional photographer in the most sensual and tasteful manner. You can give these private photos to your husband as an anniversary or birthday gift.  Most women that are thinking of participating in this new upcoming trend should implement as much personality in the shoot as possible, to make this a picture perfect moment for your husband to cherish for years to come.

When brainstorming this sexy photo shoot there are many aspects to take into consideration.  From the lingerie to the location, great thought and detail must go into your choices. Consider you or your husband’s favorite color and try to coordinate that into your lingerie selection. Visit your local lingerie or intimates store and browse their selections.  Don’t be afraid to try something new, from corsets to push-up bras, it’s all about feeling confident and sexy!

While you’re at it don’t forget the accessories that make the photos come alive, from fishnet stockings to the diamond incrusted stilettos, details like these will really make a statement.

Since this type of photo shoot is all about sex appeal think about being a bit more dramatic when it comes to your hair and make-up.  A sexy makeup style for this type of shoot includes smoky eyes with fake lashes.  You could intertwine your lashes with crystals for a sparkly, sexy touch to your bed room eyes. You also have to think about the hair style you will chose for the photo shoot that complements the lingerie you will be wearing.  Hair should be playful and sexy, don’t pin or slick your hair back in a rigid, taut look.  Keep your hair loose so you can whip it and toss it about during the shoot.

As far as the location of the photo shoot many women have used their own bedroom making the entire experience just a little more personal. Being in familiar surroundings will make you more comfortable when it comes to stripping down to just your intimate apparel.  If you are doing this as a gift for your significant other, seeing you posed in the bed you share will make the photos just that much more personal.

One thing you must keep in mind is to find a photographer who has experience in these types of photos so they can capture you in the most flattering way possible. It is very important that you feel comfortable with the photographer who is taking these intimate photographs of you. Since most women are very nervous in the beginning a good photographer will be able to diminish your anxiety to ensure a carefree experience.  A photographer who has experience in this area of photography will be able to choose the best lighting and posing techniques that works best for each specific woman. Once you have chosen a style and added all other accessories to your boudoir photo shoot you are sure to have a sensual masterpiece.

Olivia Nicholas is a seasoned wedding planner with over 10 years in the wedding business.  She has a passion for all things related to the celebration of marriage; from engagements to weddings to the honeymoon.  This passion also motivates her to work in her spare time as a freelance writer and author for MyWedding.com