When Crazy Knocks….DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!

 

Video: Ok here goes , I started dating a 42year old man 6 months ago, he was the perfect verbal gentlemen for the 1st 2 months, visits, dates, calls text blah blah blah, then he started to drop in the communication area and started to be sporadic……he disappeared without a word for 3 weeks, I showed up at an event and he looked as if he saw a ghost then called me out of the blue not wanting to explain but asking for financial assistance(after lying about being employed), and now he wants to be clingy…..but still won’t explain where the hell he has been, he doesn’t have his own place but on some occasions he’ll call and ask to come over, when I agree he will say “open the door”….I am assuming he is always casing my street to see if I am having company and to top it off he always has an overnight bag. No, I have not given him the money, I have my own house, car and job and still I struggle. Please help, recently I had 2 anxiety attacks because of emotional stress. This brotha is very active in church but when he walks out the doors of the santuary…..he is something else, I am 39

I Want Kids And He Doesn’t….What Should I Do?

Viewer Question: I’ve been dating this guy for about a year and a half. When we first got together I asked him if he wanted anymore children. I have two from a previous relationship and he has one. His child is about to start his last year of college and my two are school age. He is 8 years older than me I’m 33. He is a wonderful father to his child and treats mine as if they were his own. My kids adore him. Lately we’ve been talking about our future together like moving in together and getting married. Ok so in the past when I brought up having another child the answer he always gave was “yes, no, I didn’t know” just two weeks ago I asked him again and now he is dead set on “NO more”. We even sat in bed one night and he told me he couldn’t wait to experience pregnancy with me. I’ve always wanted another one and this is heart braking to me. I have found my perfect man that has not only shown me love but my kids as well. My question and I know people can change their minds but is it ok for him to kind of make this decision for me? I believe he would have told me if it weren’t for me telling him we need to talk about it. So do I stay and accept his decision and possibly have my longing for another child turn into resentment down the line or do Ieave and hope to find another my perfect man that wants to have another child?

Ladies..Be Mindful Of The Words That Are Coming Out Of Your Mouth

Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your man.  Be mindful how you speak to him.  You don’t have to walk on egg shells and cater to what you believe is hypersensitivity…You do have to encourage him, support him, inspire him, and speak to the God in him if that’s what you desire to see.  All men want to stand tall…all men attempt to stand tall… and most men would love to have a supportive woman beside them while they’re standing tall and being the men they’re meant to be.

Can you be that woman?

Why Don’t You Say “I Love You”?

 

I Love You. 3 Simple…yet life changing words are often a forgotten part of our vocabulary. Everybody needs to feel love…everybody wants to feel love……so why don’t you take a moment, cuddle up with your boo and say….I Love You. They need it…and you need it too.

 

How Do You Help The Helper?

How Do You Help The Helper?

Viewer Question: I’ve recently come to find your page and to date I have found your articles and videos quite helpful. However, I haven’t found that you’ve discussed military marriages….

I’m married to an army officer. I knew that going in and I have absolutely no problem with it. In all actuality I’m proud of my husband and the work that he does. He deals with stress combat which is training and counseling soldiers before and after deployment. The problem lies in the fact that he is so busy helping others that he finds it impossible to talk about his own issues (which we all have). I feel so shut out and isolated from his life. I tell him that all I want is to be his help mate but because he won’t talk to me I don’t know exactly how to help!

Do you have any advise on how to help the helper? I really miss my best friend!

10 Ways You Can Help The Helpers

  • help with everyday tasks that are routine
  • invite helpers to talk about their experiences
  • help helpers accept help; offer something specific instead of “call me if you need anything”
  • do not rush helpers; their sense of time may be distorted
  • reassure them that their stress is normal; most people recover well from stress
  • respect their privacy
  • encourage sensible health habits
  • repeatedly show appreciation for the helper’s work
  • take care of simple needs for helper, such as picking up a meal for them
  • provide a listening ear, a hug or other expression of support

10 Ways Helpers Can Help Themselves

  • get some sleep
  • eat well-balanced meals as much as possible
  • set up and maintain a structured routine, if possible
  • learn to say no without feeling guilty; prioritize your time
  • change your environment; take short breaks
  • seek normality
  • realize when a situation or problem should be referred to another helper
  • be aware of your energy limits; stop when these limits have been reached
  • communicate with people who understand your endeavor
  • practice optimism and humor

 

Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are relationship experts and internet marketers who have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets.  They are helping people build healthy relationships and build home based businesses.  To learn how you can MAKE MONEY while working from home CLICK HERE.  To get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES  COACHING from Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Ladies Stop All That Drama

Ladies…this video was not made to offend, but rather to inspire.  I believe that you have the capacity to have the relationship you want.  It’s easy to get caught up in the weeds…in the mess…in the DRAMA.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up because that’ the only existence we know.  Ladies, we want you to know that there’s a life outside of the DRAMA….and that if you want something different you’ve got to challenge yourself to be and do something different.  Stop Playin’ and Start Pushin’!

To book a session with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Are You Committed? 3 Steps To Achieving Your Personal And Relationship Goals

Commitment….Commitment……Commitment. That’s the mantra in our household these days. Actually, commitment and discipline <—-that’s a big one. Why are we focusing so heavily on commitment right now? Because you’re dead in the water before you even begin—when you don’t have commitment.

Simply put. Commitment is Crucial. Listen in as I explore why commitment is so integral to your success.

Step 1: TAKE OWNERSHIP

Stop blaming everything outside of you and start asking yourself what is it that you can do differently to improve your situation.  Remember…wherever you go there you are.  If you want things in your life to show up different….YOU’VE GOT TO SHOW UP DIFFERENT.

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Step 2: SEEK REINFORCEMENT

Don’t be a Sunday Saint.  You need reinforcement everyday of the week.  In order to get reinforcement everyday you need to be held accountable.  Share with a friend, neighbor, child, or parent your goals.  The fact that others know will help to reinforce what’s required to achieve your goals.  Seeking reinforcement 1 day out of the week ain’t gonna cut it.

Mommy and daughter excercising

 

Step 3: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

Did you bring your A game or your F game this week.  What did I avoid that I know I shouldn’t be avoiding?  What did I do this week that was a true success?  Don’t fool yourself and lie to yourself about your progress on your path.  Look real hard at your self in the mirror.  What you see is where you’ll gain your strength.

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Again we ask the question Are you committed?  If you’re not committed and you’re expecting change in your life….you’re pretty much acting like a dumb ass.  Sorry…but it’s true.  In order to see true change you’ve got to

1. Take Ownership

2. Seek Reinforcement

3. Be Honest With Yourself

If we were to add a #4 it would be TO TAKE ACTION!  If you’re interested in elevating your commitment and taking action toward your goals CLICK HERE and let us help you go to the next level.  Joining us can help you reach your personal goals, relational goals, or business goals.  All we ask is that you commit.

How Do The Ma’at’s Stay Soooo Connected?…Because You Asked

VIDEO: A viewer wrote in asking us how we manage to stay so connected given the everyday “stuff” in life. Well, we feel that every couple that is in a happy and healthy relationship has a uniqueness about them that makes them work. Listen in as we share how we stay sooo connected and how the flame of passion continues burning 15 years after we first met.

B Intentional Family, What helps you to stay connected and plugged into your spouse from day to day? Are there certain things you do to maintain that connection?

Successful Relationships Don’t Walk A Straight Line

By Ayize Ma’at

If you look at any successful relationships and really study it…you will be amazed at how sophisticated, complex, structured, clean, and ……DIRTY their relationship has been.  I intentionally highlighted dirty because folks have a general misunderstanding of what real love looks like.  Yes it’s pretty as hell….but that beautiful diamond you’re looking at initially had a whole bunch of dirt on it that had to be cleaned off.  The unfortunate thing about most people in relationships is that they’re unwilling to dig to find the diamond….and once found they are unwilling to deal with the DIRT!!!.

Come on yall….you can’t shine bright like a diamond if you are unwilling to get cut.

For INDIVIDUAL OR COUPLES THERAPY with Ayize and Aiyana Ma’at

CLICK HERE

Did You Miss Ayize & Aiyana Talking “All Things Relationships” on WPFW 89.3 FM’s Empower Hour? Listen In Now!

By Team BLAM

We enjoyed hanging out with our good friend DeShuna Spencer  on her consciousness raising and life changing  radio show emPower Hour. We talked about what we love to talk about the most—-Healthy Relationships!

We always tell folks that our company’s mission and focus is to increase people’s relationship self-awareness and raise our community’s ability to engage in…..not just any old relationship…..but healthy relationships! So, just what does that mean? What does a healthy relationship look like? What are the signs and symptoms of  an unhealthy (i.e., messed up) relationship?

Click below to Listen in Now

…and hear us share our professional and personal expertise on what it takes to have a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!

Tweet us at @BlkLuvNMarriage or Leave a message on our Facebook Page to connect with us!