By Ruth Purple

It has been said that women are less likely to cheat but when they do, the affair can be really serious and intense. That’s because when a woman cheats on her husband, she is likely to have an emotional affair rather than a fleeting one night stand. And because of this emotional intimacy based extramarital relationship, the cheating wife is more likely to consider leaving her husband.

One woman shares her story about almost leaving her husband of ten years for another man. Learn how she saved her marriage and how she fell in love with her husband again.

“The year 2007 was a tough year for my marriage. This was also the same year I met Tim, my lover for nearly three years.

He was also married with two children. And just like me, he was also looking for a breather from his stifling marriage.

Initially, I thought that extramarital affair helped improve my marriage. I demanded less from my husband, I never bicker, I never argue. I just couldn’t care less, if my husband was unavailable, I could always call on Tim.

The affair didn’t feel wrong. I never felt guilty. There was a point where I secretly consulted a lawyer friend about divorce. ‘Life is short…,’ I said. I was never ashamed of it. I even introduced him to some of my closest friends. With the pampering, the attention and the abundance of sex, I felt beautiful and sexy.

Everything was going my way. I was happy… until the clandestine relationship became too complicated. It became more chaotic than my marriage. He became distrustful and I became very jealous. The fun disappeared.

We tried holding on to our extramarital relationship, but it became worst everyday. It was a slow and painful process, but I decided to let go.

I still think of him sometimes. I even tried calling him, but never did. It’s not worth it anymore. It feels good not being a “cheating wife.” I feel clean and decent. Being out of the affair made me feel good about myself.

But the big factor that made me refuse from even looking back to my double-life was the attention my husband showed. He gave me and my children a home, he made sure the bills are paid on time, the groceries are plentiful, and the children’s school expenses are well provided. He also made sure that we are safe and secure. That nobody would dare harm us or take advantage of us. But it was my husband’s decision to prioritize us that made a huge influence to never again become a cheating wife. His decision to provide, protect and prioritize made me appreciate him more. And from that, more pleasant things followed- the sex becomes an experience, we communicate better and we are having fun again.

I can’t believe that I cheated on my husband. I regret being a cheating wife. If I could turn back the time, I would never allow myself to get involve with another man.

I believe that when a husband learns to provide, protect and prioritize, his wife will never ever consider having an affair. Or if you want to get your wife back from infidelity, this is the good way to do it.   What do you think?

Ruth Purple, is a Relationship and Dating Expert. Conquer Infidelity and Experience a Happier Love Life through her New eBook.  Visit her website at www.relazine.com

By Dr. Athena Staik

A new sort of infidelity has been on the rise for decades, and it’s one of the biggest threats to marriage: ‘emotional affairs.’ Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of opportunities for ‘emotional affairs,’ surpassed only by the Internet.

A relationship without sex can be just as intense, or more so than a sexual one. Not surprisingly, in most cases, approximately 80% according to Dr. Shirley Glass, author ofNot Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, the dynamics of these platonic liaisons crosses over into sexual love sooner or later.

Why the crisis?

To understand the intensity of emotional infidelity, it helps to see the dynamics as an addiction, a form of addictive love. That’s because it’s easier to let go of a toxic pattern when you depersonalize the experience.

It’s not about ‘how’ special the person is or makes you feel, it’s about the neurochemicals that get activated when you think and behave a certain way that keeps you stuck in the damaging pattern! It isn’t a coincidence, for example, that persons with alcohol and other addictions are more likely to get into toxic relationships. Seeing the problem as an addiction also gives you access to proven steps to identify and break free of the toxic patterns.

Why addictive?

An addiction to an activity, person or substance puts a person’s brain and body in an intoxicating trance that, on the one hand, does not allow them to think clearly and make informed choices, and on the other hand, ‘rewards’  them for the toxic behavior with the release of certain chemicals that provide quick-fixes of pleasure in the body. Albeit temporary, there is also pleasure from lowering or numbing pain, shame or guilt, as it provides distance from taking responsibility to resolve the real issues of life and marriage (which risk failure).

In the The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior Craig Nakken provides the following definition for addiction, as:

“A pathological love and trust relationship with an object [person] or event … the out-of-control and aimless searching for wholeness, happiness, and peace through a relationship with an object or event.”

It makes sense that so many depressives and alcoholics find themselves in toxic relationships.

What are the warning signs?

There are at least 12 warning signs to alert you to take action to protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’

1. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.

If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in treacherous waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies (to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong. Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only ‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases, an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find interesting and attractive poses risks.

2. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues. 

Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an emotional bond between two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away to another person, regardless of the justification, is infidelity, a betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond in human relationships, much stronger than a sexual one. 

3. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partners. 

Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not getting to make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s also a breach of trust. And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an illusion that you, your happiness, your comfort and needs are totally valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the test!). 

4. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner. 

Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’ and ‘unfulfilling’ about the partner.  This builds a case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust, this unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that associate pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly. 

5. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong. After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?

6. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual ‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a ‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re contributing.

7. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing, being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.

Money, power, and respect are impressive right?  So much so that many people will lie, cheat, steal and toss morality out the window to grasp it.  No judgement….just choices and consequences that have the ability to impact others.  In the below piece we are offered a glimpse into the life of professional athletes who are propositioned by married women and groupies on a regular basis.  What are your thoughts?  Is it all about money, power, and respect?

I’m a publicist, and I’ve worked with high-profile athletes for nearly 15 years. Olympic gold medalists, NFL All-Pros and Super Bowl champions, MLB All-Stars and World Series champions, even an NBA player on a championship team once. I’m not really a nightlife guy, but there are times when I need to accompany clients to clubs, concerts, after-parties, whatever.

When I first started, I remember my mouth dropping at every attractive woman who approached one of my clients, and at the things they would say to them or offer them. Now, I don’t even bat an eyelash. The only reaction you may get from me is a laugh if it’s an approach I haven’t heard before. I’ve seen women slip their numbers to my clients while their boyfriends weren’t looking. I’ve seen women ditch their boyfriends in the bar just for a shot at one of my clients—and I’ve seen my client shoot those same women down just to laugh at them.

I write this after seeing last week’s story of Terry Francona trading pictures with some guy’s girlfriend. What this boyfriend needs to know is this: Most likely it was your girlfriend who approached him initially. The odds are that she escalated what was happening. I speak from experience.

One of my former MLB clients used to have me keep a phone for him. Part of my job was to respond to the women who texted. His only instructions were to “see how dirty they get.” Which turned out to be much easier than I expected.

A few of the women were married. One was a newlywed who swore at the start she just wanted to be friends. She loved her new husband and would never consider such a thing. Two texts later—one of which was “but my cock is so hard for you”—I had a picture of her tits. She was making plans to come see “me” in a city close to her. I asked her if she would just come in, fuck “me,” and leave without saying a single word. Her response is one I’ll never forget: “I’ll do whatever you want. I want to be your c#m slut.” My client just laughed when I showed it to him.

The guy whose girl sent the boob shot to Francona? It could’ve been so much worse for him. No woman is off-limits for a sports figure. I once went to a billiards bar with another client, the NBA player. The place doubled as a night club, and because my guy had just won a title, heads turned the moment we walked in.

An attractive married woman—she had a huge rock on her finger—came over and started hitting on my client immediately and relentlessly. After a while, her husband came out from the dance club area, clearly upset. He never threatened anything physical. He barely even raised his voice. He just wanted to know what she was doing. His wife played dumb. So my client spoke up: “Your girl is trying to f#ck me.”

The husband got into it a little with his wife. He wanted to leave. My client called over one of the bouncers and told him to get rid of the couple. The wife decided to stay. The husband got booted. He was irate. She didn’t care. Five minutes later, my client was having sex with her in the back office of the club. She left, and he never talked to her again. Obviously, we have no idea what happened with the marriage.

FYI: “Anonymous Publicist” represents several professional athletes in several different sports. Occasionally, he will share stories Deadspin.com about what it’s really like to handle publicity for the pros.