Who Says You Can’t Take Sand To The Beach? Why This Wife Loves Going To The Club With Hubby.

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

Why take sand to the beach?

A few years ago I had a conversation with a male friend before we headed out to a party. I asked if his wife was coming and he replied, “No! You don’t take sand to the beach.” Honestly, I was dumbfounded. I enjoy going dancing – although I don’t get to go nearly as often as I’d like. And I’ve never had a conflict about going dancing – or to the club as some call it – with my husband.

Here’s why:

I like to dance. I am not one of those women that puts on a too short dress and 6 inch heels and walks around the club like it’s a runway. That’s not me. Nor am I the chick that just sits there and waves at people as they walk by. Uh-uh, that’s not me either. I’m the “let’s hit the bar and as soon as my song comes on I am going to be on the floor until I fall out” type of girl. While I can go out with my female friends and do the cute “I’m married, don’t touch me two step” I prefer “dirty south booty shaking.” (Think Beyonce-Ciara-Keri Hilson hip rolls w/some Uncle Luke thrown in there.) For that you really need a male partner to dance with. And guess what, I am married so I come equipped with a male partner. Easy-Peasy, right?

Another reason I can take my hubs with me to the club is because my husband is a great dancer. Now, I must admit right here that I am a much better dancer than he is (he is surely dialing my cell number right now to dispute this). We are that couple that hits the floor and dances and laughs until we are sweaty. Then when the slow songs come on, we vacate the dance floor, wipe our brow, grab a drink refill, and wait for the DJ to crank the songs back up. I know, we’re weird like that. Slow dancing isn’t our thing. And don’t let any old school songs come on! The dance battle will commence. Believe me, it’s a sight to see.

We can go to the club together because we don’t have to prove that we “still got it.” I know I still have it. It might have shifted a bit, but I am working it daily. Heck, just last night at the grocery store – while in sweaty workout clothes – I was hit on. So, I don’t have to get dolled up to prance around a club to see if someone will buy me a drink. And I make sure that my hubs knows that he still has it too. I tell him (and chase him) all the time. So we don’t have to look outside the house for confirmation. Plus, why even start down paths that you know you can’t finish? Why play with folks’ time and money like that? Why play with your own temptation like that? Umm, no, not doing it.

Finally, my husband is super sexy. Yep, I said it. I take my husband with me when I go out dancing because it is a great form of foreplay. We are dancing, drinking, having a great time and at the end of the night – BOOM! BAM! Fireworks! Why? Because we have a good time together. We laugh and remember that we like each other. On the dance floor we are not parents or co-workers or any of the gazillion other titles that we wear. We are not thinking about fiscal issues or outside pressures. We are together on the dance floor having a great time. And that is sexy as hell.

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com

Making Your Marriage Bed Better Will Make Your Sex Life Sweeter

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

If you are married I will assume you know the basics of sex. He takes his ___ and puts it ___ and voila! That is sex. But is it good sex? Not if all you are doing is filling in the blanks.

Married sex is wonderful and awesome if you make it wonderful and awesome and if you keep it wonderful and awesome. It’s really that simple.

Wives:
1. You have to get rid of the head scarf during sex. For real. I know you sat at the beauty shop for four hours and paid good money to get your hair done. I know. But think about it for a second. Close your eyes and think about your secret male fantasy getting ready to seriously make love to you… while wearing black church socks and flip flops. Your male fantasy may be so fine that you overlook the socks a few times, but after looking at those raggedy flip-flops over and over again you’ll want to rip those things off his feet. Right? Right! Well, that’s how fellas feel about your head scarf. It ain’t cute. So take it off, make love, then re-wrap your hair. And if making love totally wrecks your updo, I bet the hubby will be more than happy to shell out the funds to get it re-done.

Hubbies:
1. Remember when you first met your wife and you would do the “thing” followed by the “you know” and it would drive her wild? Well, she’s bored with it. I know what you are saying, “but she always loved it like that!” She used to love it, but now she’s bored. Let me let you in on a little secret – women are fickle. One minute we want a soft caress, the next minute we are hollering expletives that our mothers would be ashamed of. We are definitely chameleons. And we need you to remix your “game plan.” So surprise her. If you always do A then B then C.. tonight start with B, pull out a brand new D then go back to A. No one says throw your bag of tricks away… just remix it.

Wives:
2. (I’m about to get high fives from every husband I know.) Ready? Ladies, you have to have sex more often! (I’m pausing right here because men everywhere are standing up giving me a round of applause.) Sista, you have to be in the mood more than his birthday, anniversary and Dr. King Day. Yes, I know you’re busy. Yes, I know the kids are forever calling your name. Yes, I know all of that. But you have to tap into your inner sexy. Think back to when you first met your husband or first got married. You couldn’t keep your hands off him. So take a day off from being a wife and mommy. Have the hubs pick up some McDonalds for the kids and drop them off at your mama’s house. Let the laundry pile up for a day. Grab a bottle of wine and rekindle that spark. The flames are still there, you just have to stroke the embers.

Hubbies:
2. Quit thinking you are going to get the good-good if you haven’t helped out around the house. (The ladies have just welcomed me back to the team!) You can not expect anyone to fix dinner, check homework, wash clothes, clean bathrooms, work 50 hours a week, change diapers, braid hair, and break you off all in the same day. You want some loving? Then start engaging in household foreplay. What’s that? Oh that is where you do a chore on your wife’s to-do list. The scene goes a bit like this –
Man: rubbing on his wife “Baby, I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
Wife: pulling away from hubs, “Boy please. I gotta fix this dinner and lil’ Jimmy has soccer practice in a minute. Not to mention I have laundry to do.”
Man: Pulling wife back to him, “Don’t worry about that.. I already fed Jimmy and he is at Bobby’s house. Bobby’s mama is taking them to soccer. I picked up dinner for us, and as for the laundry – it’s folded and already put away.”
Wife: “For real?” Boom bam! She is butt naked and it’s on and popping.

Wives:
3. Men are visual creatures. Men are visual creatures. Men are visual creatures. Yes, you have to shave the whole leg. Yes, you are going to have to wax there. Yes, you are going to have to invest in sexy lingerie. You need to channel your inner Draya-Trina-Pussycat Doll and work it! Don’t stress over it. Buy the Halloween costumes on November 2 and play dress up. Your man will eat it up!

Hubbies:
3. Personal grooming matters for your too! Umm-hmmm! If your hangnails will mangle her lower regions, go get a manicure. Shower up and smell nice before coming to bed. No one wants “fresh off the toilet” or work funk all in the bed with them trying to be sexy. And a little lotion won’t hurt either. All over lotion – not just your elbows and knees.

Both:
4. Learn something new. Take a moment and read a Zane book or two. Try to play “helicopter” with the ceiling fan. Do yoga naked and see what happens. Play twister in bottoms only. Go on a field trip to the Hustler store and each of you buy one thing you want to try. Read The Joy of Sex or the Kama Sutra. Try one of the poses. Keep it lighthearted and fun. Remember, this is your spouse. If you got married at 30 and live to 90, that is 60 years of sex with that one person. The one person that you love more than anyone else on the planet. The one person that can make your toes curl over and over again. So try something different. If you like it, keep it as part of your sexual repertoire. If not, try something new the next night.

Either way you will keep the marriage bed – and the marriage – happy.

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com

Wife Beater….Really?

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By Ayize Ma’at

You’re no longer a boy right?  You’re no longer a girl right

This Wife Aged 50 Years In A Few Days! Would Your Love Fade If This Happened To You?

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The thought of going from age 23 to age 73 can be pretty daunting, but could you imagine going through the physical 50 year aging process in a matter of days?

Nguyen Thi Phuong was 23 years old when she switched medications to treat an itchy allergic reaction to seafood. A mixture of drugs left her skin sagging and wrinkled in a matter of days.

Neighbors said Phuong, now 26, is unrecognizable from her former self; her voice and black hair are the sole indicators of her true age, Tuoi Tre News reports.  Her husband says his love for his once beautiful wife has not faded.

The exact cause of the Vietnamese woman’s rapid aging still had doctors scrambling for answers, pointing at either a rare condition called lipodystrophy or a side effect of too much steroid medication. CLICK HERE to read more.

Stop Acting Deaf, Dumb, Blind, And Stupid….YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT

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By Ilex Bien-Aime
When it comes to dating human beings are either blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, or are insane. Something has got to be seriously wrong with us because it seems as if we make the same foolish decisions time and time again. Maybe we are just gluttons for punishment, clearly broken hearts just don’t quite hurt enough.

The average human being is born with two functioning eyes. This gives us the ability to see and react to things that are going on around us. What I am starting to realize is that, though most of us have physical sight, we remain mentally blind. Let’s be honest, we have seen enough in our lifetimes not to make certain decisions as they relate to dating and yet we still make them. I read an article in Essence Magazine not to long ago about a woman who had gone out on a date with a guy who did absolutely everything to sabotage the date and what did she do, she slept with him. Long story short, she left the guys house in tears because he was a jerk.

It’s one thing to be a teenager and even a young adult who makes stupid decisions. We all think that being used and abused could never happen to us, but come on people, I know folks well over thirty years old who are still doing the same stupid crap. It’s a little hard for people to feel sorry for you when you willing walk into a land mine field. One definition of being blind is to disregard evidence and sound logic. Another definition is that someone is not controlled by intelligence and reason. It’s understandable not to see a bad situation before hand, but to see a bad situation and run to it, is just foolish.

Most of us are not only blind but we are also deaf. It’s not that we are unable to hear, we hear just find. The problem is that we sometimes choose not to listen. I have friends who corner me just about every time I see them. They are always asking me about what some guy they are dating is thinking. Now grant it, I don’t know what’s in every guys mind but for the most part if a woman tells me something that a guy has said or done, I already know what he is thinking and/or is going to do. I know many people ask questions that they already know the answer to yet it is human to hope for a more positive answer than anticipated.

Sometimes you have to be willing to listen when your friends and family tell you something about the person you are dating. I know that we have this tendency to tell ourselves that our loved ones just don’t know the person and are on the outside looking in but let’s be honest. We often make excuses for our mates even when we know that our loved ones are telling us the truth about them. Many times people tell you exactly who they are and we choose not to listen to them and amazingly we are surprised when  we get hurt.

When we aren’t playing blind or deaf, we decide to play dumb. The real definition of dumb is someone who is not able to speak but we speak just fine. The real issue with us is that we are afraid to tell people what we want, need, and/or deserve. We are scared of what they are going to say or how they are going to react. So we sit in silence as we are mistreated and go unloved. People sometimes have this tendency to blame their mates for their not being happy and yet say nothing to them about it.

Even those closes to us have a tendency to play dumb. They know how we get when they try to tell us about our love interest. Someone could be beating you, cheating on you, or using you but let somebody tell you that they are and you will go months if not years without speaking to the messenger. People choose to clam up when you speak about your mate because they know that if they give an opinion, they will get all of your displaced wrath.

Let’s face it, when it comes to love, most people look stupid. Being stupid is showing a lack of normal intelligence or understanding but we understand just fine. We just choose to continue walking down dark paths. Some of us call this insanity but insanity by definition is mental illness or derangement. I can’t imagine that the world has so many insane people.

Look, you are not blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, or insane. Life is filled with choices and you have to choose to do what is best for you. When you see that something is not right, act upon it. Be willing to listen when people try to give sound advice because they love you and want you to be happy. Speak up when you are not being treated the way you feel you need to be treated. Lastly, stop acting stupid and/or insane because you aren’t. Show some love for yourself and people can’t help but love you and if they won’t love you, they will have no choice but to respect you.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.  Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at ilexbienaime@gmail.com

Pride Prevented Me From Telling My Wife I Love Her. Pride Ruined My Relationship.

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Hello, just wanted to say first off that your blog keeps me inspired and is very informative.  I see people really blog about real life and lay it all out on the table.  The one about needing to focus on me instead of my wife’s faults struck a nerve.  I am dealing with the negative results of that situation.  So much that I was actually putting my feelings on paper.  It started out as a vent to myself, but then I thought what if I sent it to you guys because I cannot make sense of my situation at this point.  I am no blogger, writer, or journalist.  I am just someone who is going through a tough tribulation in my marriage right now.  I am in no way looking for any notariaty;  You don’t even have to post this to your blog, but maybe shoot me a response personally. It would be good to probably get opinions from other men and women who went through the same thing. You don’t know me unlike the people who deal with me so maybe I could get a more unbiased opinion. I’ve attached it… Thanks for your time.

My thought right now is “Who am I fooling?”.  She said it’s over between us.  Or at least this is what it feels like.   I’ve gotten off track before but how did I get this far off track?  A good friend told me yesterday it was nothing but PRIDE that I allowed to ruin it.  PRIDE wouldn’t let me forgive her.  PRIDE stopped me from telling her how much she meant to me.  I’m saying it now but it seems as if it may be too late so she seems not to be buying it.  PRIDE prevented me from what was in front of me rather go off assumptions and accusations.  PRIDE stopped me from telling her I loved her every day.  PRIDE is the reason I kept throwing it in her face that I was tired and I wanted out.  I wish she knew that wasn’t how I really felt.  I was frustrated but didn’t know how to say it. I did tell her after the fact but it was too late. My communication skills are horrible when it comes to us.  Maybe it was something passed down. I don’t want to make excuses because I am a grown man.  We’ve survived almost 14 years so there must’ve been some time where I did all the right things.  PRIDE made me shut down and not speak to anyone about how I felt other than show disdain for her; I probably could’ve gotten some good pointers on how to handle this situation.  Instead I’m sitting here feeling defeated trying not to wear my emotions on my face while working.  She does have me quite confused because after going back and reading text messages a few days after she told she wanted a divorce, she was clearly disappointed that it seemed that I had given up but claim to want to make things right.  She also said my reaction was helping her decision, but she really didn’t want to end our marriage. Me being stubborn, I went straight to the couch, took my ring off, gave her the silent treatment like it was her fault.  She asked why did I take off my ring, literally begged me sleep in our bed, and told me I didn’t have to leave just yet.  Speaking of faults, she admitted hers to the fullest and even commended me for putting up with what she put me through (it was more than the average person would put up with. She cheated, I chose to stay).  Yet in the end, she wants to leave me.  Or does she?  Does she just want me to step it up or is she really done?  In the last few days, I’ve tried to go back and start doing those little things but it feels like it’s too little too late.  I send the sweet texts and get no response, tell her I love her and get no answer, we do talk especially about the kids (14, 10, 6).  She even went as far as getting a second job so she could make her ends meet when she know she doesn’t even have to work at all because I make more than enough.  She says she doesn’t want my money, just take care of my children.  Is she really done or am I just allowing PRIDE to let me see what it wants me to? Our 9th wedding anniversary is next week, and there has been no mention of it.  I’m really in bad shape right now, but I have heard that a love that is never tested cannot be trusted…

Help Me Find A Way To Say I Love You

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Brother Jamil’s Music Moment

Salaams, Y’all…This is a beautiful and rare example of the quintessential NEW YORK voices of Little Anthony and The Imperials, blended with the early Bell/Creed Sound of PHILADELPHIA…Listen to the drum patterns define the unmistakeable Philly groove behind the soaring skyline of Little Anthony’s Gotham-bred vocals. Two great traditions = one great record! Can you dig it?

Brother Jamil Muhammad is a dedicated Marriage Educator and an avid fan of music in all its forms. He created the award-winning couples’ curriculum “Making Music in Your Marriage” and is committed to the use of music to put and keep passion and excitement in your marriage (reach him atwww.weddedblissinc.com or at 202 696 5150


7 Secrets Of A Satisfying Marriage

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By David Valencia

An Ideal marriage has:

~ Harmony

~Love

~One Mind

But the reality is that most marriages have:

~Disharmony

~Conflict

~Disappointment

People say:  “I feel cheated “.  “I started with an ideal and in a few months or years it turned into an ordeal.  Then I

began to wish or look for a new deal.”

What happened? Good marriages don’t just happen.  Good marriages take:

Energy and Effort

The “good news” is that you don’t have to change your life completely in order to make your marriage better.

Actually, minor changes will bring major changes. So, what does it take to have a satisfying marriage?

1.  It takes…  Communication.

The  average couple today spends 4 minutes a day in meaningful conversation,
a total of 28 minutes a week!

But, people spend 46 hours watching television each week.

Without learning to communicate and making time to listen to each other,
there will not be any progress in the relationship.

Added to that, we know that men and women communicate differently.

So many people assume that their mate thinks as they do….They don’t!!!

Think of what you think….then consider the opposite.
Your mate’s language, needs, desires are different.

Never say:  ” You shouldn’t feel that way!   When you do, you devalue your mate’s feelings.
When you devalue their feelings, they will immediately shut down and any open lines of
communication will shut down as well.

2.  It takes… Consideration.

But How?

Start by paying close attention to what your mate says when they are talking to you.

Became aware and regularly ask things like:

How do you feel?

May I help you?

I would love doing that for you!

Bring the groceries in for her.

Wait until both of her legs are in the car before you take off!!!

Find out in how many ways you could make his/her life easier.

Think about these 5 funny yet very real stages in a marriage:

First Year:  “Baby darling, I am worried about that sniffle you have and I’ve called the Doctor to see you immediately.  After that I want you to take a break and rest here at home and I will be preparing your favorite meals for dinner for the whole week!

Second Year:  ” Sweet heart, I don’t like the sound of that cough and I have arranged for Dr. Johnson to see you tomorrow and right now let me tuck in bed.”

Third Year:  ” You look like you have a fever. Why don’t you drive yourself to the pharmacy and get some medicine. I’ll watch the kids.”

Fourth Year:  ” Look, be sensible, after you feed and bathe the kids and wash the dishes  you ought to go to bed.”

Fifth Year:  ” For Pete’s sake, do you have to cough that loud? I can’t even hear the TV.  Would you mind going to the other room while this show is on? You sound like a barking dog.”

Don’t be afraid to evaluate yourself.

Am I considerate only when I am in a good mood?

Do I readily help my mate when she or he asks?

Do I look for creative ways to lighten his or her load?

3.  It takes…  Compromise.

The wedding day…” First you walk down the isle, then you come to the altar,
then you hear the hymn, and now it’s time to alter him”

The minister asks: Will you? One says, ” I do”…while the other is thinking: ” I’ll re-do”

Every marriage has problems.
No matter who you are, you will disagree.
When two people agree in everything, one of them is not necessary.
The greater the differences, the more potential is there to grow.
Your mate is the greatest tool you have available to become more mature.

You have to learn to compromise!

Here is a list of examples:

1.  What about vacations?  Go to 30 places in 10 days? Or stay in one place?
2.  One wants to plan everything in advance and the other wants to get in the car and leave.
3.  How are you going to raise the kids?
4.  How are you going to spend money?

Some of you are morning people.
Some of you are night people.

What about sex?   One is saying: Drop everything!
While the other says: Drop dead!

More marriages die because of inflexibility and an unwillingness to change
than they do for alcoholism, abuse, infidelity.

What is the big problem?
Your unwillingness to change!

Don’t be afraid to evaluate yourself and make some changes.

I can be stubborn and unwilling to compromise.
We have to talk about the issues on which we disagree.
We need to stay with the issue until we compromise.
Both of us must commit to go the extra mile for each other and our marriage.

4.  It takes…  Courtship

A satisfying marriage has:

~Romance
~Physical affection
~Fun
~Playfulness
~They enjoy each other


” If there was more courting in marriage, there would be fewer marriages in court.”

The Problem:   The things you did at the beginning of your courtship, you stopped doing.
Now you see each other at the worst part of the day when energies have been used.

Don’t just share the chores but share the joys and the things you have in common.

You say: ” We have nothing in common!” Well, then I ask you: What do you think attracted you
to her in the first place?

Someone said: ” Opposites attack and then opposites attack.”

Don’t be afraid to evaluate yourself.

1.  Is courtship non-existent?
2.  Do you still write love notes?
3.  Do we schedule a date regularly?

5.  It takes…Confrontation

Question: Do you openly bring up your mate’s liabilities privately or publicly?
Please do it only privately!!!

Kindly, if necessary, point out things in your mate that need to change to make the relationship better.

” As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.”

” An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”

6.  It takes…Commitment

Your marriage is what you make it to be!

Remember that you married someone who was willing to put up with you!

Your # 1 enemy is your selfishness, so, do you do what is best for you or what’s best for your mate?
Your answer will tell you what king of a commitment you have.

The secret for your marriage is how much are you willing to sacrifice your rights and serve your mate.

Where is the grass greener?… where you water it!

Most marriages get stuck in:
Comparing and complaining – and all the energies are used doing so.

” Your commitment is shown by how willing you are to be unhappy until you both work it out”


 Here is a Success Tip: ” How do you get to change your mate?…by changing yourself.”

Don’t be afraid to evaluate  yourself.

Are you toying with divorce?
Are you using divorce as a threat?
Is divorce not an option for you?

7. It takes… God

Morning prayer:

” Help me to have,

1.  Uncompromising love 2.  Unconditional acceptance 3.  Total fidelity 4.  Ceaseless devotion 5.  Untiring service 6.  Unending sacrifice

God gives us not what we deserve but what we need.

When you know you have been loved like that, you will want to love your mate in the same way.

Ask yourself:

What does she/he need from me? not what you think they need but what do they really need?

If you have the courage to answer that question… then you will grow a marriage with:

1.  Good communication.
2.  Alert consideration.
3.  Willing compromise.
4.  Creative courtship.
5.  Humble confrontation.
6.  Unwavering commitment.


David Valencia, has spent more than 20 years counseling/coaching people through the most difficult issues of their lives. Not just a counselor or coach, he’s a man who has made mistakes himself and has personally worked through difficulties associated with guilt, grief, forgiveness and more. David’s underlying motivation is to help others. He has a B.S. in psychology and a Masters of Divinity. In addition to coaching David has been a minister and college professor. He lives in the mountains of Pennsylvania with his wife, 3 daughters, an “issue-ridden” springer spaniel and 2 cats. He enjoys reading, cooking, riding motorcycles, and restoring old homes.

I Don’t Condemn Anyone For Choosing To Divorce & I Believe No One Should Condemn Me For Making My Marriage Work

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

For the past 72 hours, I’ve been taking body shots. No, not the type of body shot that involves drinking liquor off some strangers belly. I am talking about the world of boxing and the body shots that come from having hard blows hitting you in the stomach. That is the body shot that I am referencing. Why? Because I decided to share my testimony with a nationwide audience. That’s why.

I’m not going to go into a back story here, you can google my name if you want the details or just search my name on the blog. It’s all there for you to read. And actually that is how the problem arose. I decided to share my test and resulting testimony with a large audience. And that made some people very angry and very opinionated.

But opinions are like assholes – everyone has one, right? So it’s fine. Disagree with me. I don’t mind that. As a journalist (that is my full time gig) people disagree with me all the time. I am used to that. But I must say I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of negative energy that came from my latest autobiographical post on blackloveandmarriage.com. The most negative remarks even went as far as to call me a bad mother. That remark had me ready to “vaseline up” but instead I took a break. But now I am back and ready to address it.

Here’s the deal: As I said before I’m not the poster child for marriage or infidelity. I in no way condemn anyone for choosing to divorce just like I believe no one should condemn me for making my marriage work. I don’t know what God told you to do, just like you don’t know how He spoke to me. You can choose to discredit my encounter with God if you’d like. I don’t have to convince you of anything. You know why? He wasn’t talking to you! He was talking to me. And I listened and stepped out on faith.

I share my story not for elevation or to be put on a pedestal. I share my story because:

1. It helps me heal. Writing helps me process and move forward. Publishing means you get to come along for the ride.

2. To show that God is able to repair a marriage. Even a jacked up looks like it’s over marriage.

3. To illustrate that in the midst of trials, you can grow and change for the better. (Damascus anyone?)

4. To show that forgiveness is real. God forgives me daily (actually much more often then that – I’m kinda a hot mess) and I am trying to learn to share that forgiveness with others.

5. To give hope to others. If there is another person out there going through a trying situation and hearing the voice of God in the midst of it, I want to let them know that it’s ok to trust that voice REGARDLESS of what everyone says.

That’s it. That’s why I write and publish. Am I looking for praise? Nope. But I will gladly accept prayer.

So for all the people that disagreed (hated on) my post, sorry that I riled you up. But I am just getting started. Your angst does not change my purpose or my pen. I am trying to live my life His way. All I’m trying to hear Him say at the end of my days is “Well Done.”

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com

Different Things To Different People: Don’t Forget Your Husband’s Other Roles

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By Briana Myrick

The day of your wedding, you become husband and wife, but have you forgotten the other roles of your spouse? They had roles before you began dating, probably found a few during your courtship, and even after your first anniversary. Sure, your marriage is one of the most important relationships they’re in, and very well could be the most important, but that doesn’t mean they’re your husband or wife, and only that. We have to respect that our spouse has other relationships he or she has to keep healthy as well, and should allow, support, and encourage them to do so. Roles include being a child, a sibling, a grandchild, an employee, a friend, an uncle or aunt, a niece or nephew, and more.

I support my husband’s roles and try my best to stay in my lane when things come up with those other roles:

My Husband’s Role as a Son

I love my in-laws, and I found I’m one of the few who doesn’t have problems with mine. My in-laws gave birth to my husband, and their relationship didn’t end when him and I moved in together, nor did I expect it to. His mom and dad will ask him to do things for them and I don’t mind at all. Even when they get on his nerves, I remind him that they’re his parents, and will always be his parents, and encourage him to be patient with them. I don’t say “don’t call them” or “why are they coming over?”; I make sure he calls to check up on them, and that their relationship remains solid.

My Husband’s Role as a Brother

Hubby is the baby in his family, and he has a bunch of brothers and sisters. As a matter of fact, he just found a long lost brother of his, and he’s meeting him this week! His brothers will call him and they will keep him on the phone forever, but I don’t mind. I don’t have that relationship with my siblings, so I always tell him to be thankful of that. While most of his siblings don’t keep up with him, and he gets down about it at times, I remind him that he still has some who he can rely on. He’s even gone to midnight premiers of comic book movies with one of his brothers. While some wives would prevent their husband’s from going, I sent him out the door without a second thought.

My Husband’s Role as a Friend

I have admitted that I’m jealous of my husband. He has had some of the same friends since Kindergarten which is almost unheard of! My best friend and I knew each other in 3rd grade but didn’t become friends until the 6th. Anyways, I’m a faithful believer of giving your husband ample time with his friends. I have never wanted to be the girlfriend or wife who keeps her man from hanging out with his boys. When his friends want to come over, I say sure. If he wants to go out with them, I say absolutely. I don’t get upset or inpatient. I don’t like being selfish with him. I’ve always tried to make his friends feel as comfortable as possible, and that will never change.

My husband has other roles that I respect, and try not to interfere with. My main focus is our relationship and his role as a husband. The only role I’ll be extremely concerned with, butting in and speaking my opinion, is being a father, and we have plenty of time for that. Likewise, he respects my roles, which may be a little more demanding: daughter, granddaughter, friend, entrepreneur, etc.

What other roles does your spouse hold that you may have butted heads about? Any that you wish he or she spent less time on? By the way, that’s hubby, his parents, and some of his siblings.

I’m Briana, a 20 year old newlywed and freelance writer/blogger. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart when I started my blog, 2oandengaged.com, and we married after being together for almost 4 years. We decided to ditch the expensive “dream wedding” and opted for a courthouse ceremony instead. After being laid off, I started an online business of freelance writing, sites and services called Engaged Media. You can check out more of my writings at www.20andengaged.com