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This is a video that was sent to us that is well worth watching. If your relationship is less than rosy then it’s time for you to take ownership. Listen in as “ET” the Hip Hop Preacher breaks it down….
We were recently interviewed by L.A.-based premier community newspaper Our Weekly for an article focusing on “Real Love & Spirituality”. In it we talk about how important spiritual work is in trying to create and maintain a good and healthy relationship. We said that Yes, love makes you feel all warm & fuzzy but real love challenges, grows, helps, and matures individuals within a relationship.
Check out the article here: Valentine’s Day. When Love Is Special As Well As Spiritual: The Ma’t’s Advocate Real Love
Today is the first day of National Marriage Week! What will you do to strengthen the image and concept of marriage in your community?
So, just what is National Marriage Week?
National Marriage Week USA—from February 7th to 14th every year — is a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture, which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children. Together we can make more impact than working alone.
There’s so much you can do:
* For an extensive listing of other creative ideas for how to Strengthen Marriage in Your Community here’s 101 Ideas to Get You Started
*Become a Marriage Educator. An extensive listing of training programs is offered by Smart Marriages, a national clearinghouse of marriage educators.
* Use the wonderful and positive energy from National Marriage Week to get ready for Black Marriage Day coming up on March 27, 2011!
But, remember true change and commitment starts at home! So you can:
Take a Couples’ Check-Up! Both husband and wife can take this nationally renowned “Couple’s Check Up” quiz, developed by Prepare-Enrich, which will generate a report for you about your relationship. This is a productive way to have a conversation and move forward with growth and change in ways to strengthen your marriage. Maybe use the results as a topic for discussion on a special weekend retreat or date night—even Valentine’s Day!
Onemillionloveletters.com will provide an effortless and inspiring website that will guide you through the process of writing a love letter. Select your stationery; add a photo or a quote. Not a writer? Not to worry. A guided writer will help you find the words.
And, of course you can browse our 150+ Love & Marriage video catalogue throughout the website here but while you’re at it check out another route to see all of the videos in one place by visiting and subscribing to our YOUTUBE channel. 🙂
Happy National Marriage Week! Tell your sweetie you love them today…..better yet SHOW them. 😉
by Aiyana Ma’at Today is the first day in February, a month that traditionally focuses on the rich and vibrant past of black folks and the often misunderstood but, oh so powerful, concept of Love. As I sat this morning in my quiet time I began to think about the whirlwind of events and happenings that will be taking place this month…Black History Celebrations, i.e., reports on Harriet Tubman (you know you did one when you were little) :-), recitations of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech , African drumming & dancing performances, and on and on. Let’s not forget about all of the “Love” focus that will be taking place this month…Sweetheart Dances, gifts of chocolate & roses, children begging parents to get the perfect Valentine cards (with the lollipop stuck to it) to give to friends at school. These are but a few of the small and big traditions that we as African Americans engage in during the month of February. And, it’s all good…
Except today, I want you and I to do something a little different. I want us to take this “Black History” & “Black Love” thang to another level. Let’s do a little Self-examination. But, first let’s be clear on exactly what self-examination is. Self- examination is introspection and contemplation of one’s own state, conduct, motives, and desires. At least, this is how the dictionary defines it. I like that definition. But, just in case that’s a bit too wordy for you, here’s my definition: Self-examination– To get real and stay real as you look at your “real” self and not your “made up” self. “So,What’s the point?”, you ask. You see, we don’t want to look at ourselves just because we can. No, the point is to gain insight into who we’ve been, who we really are now (as in are you really living your life in the way that you like to present to the outside world?), and who we are destined to become. It just amazes me sometimes at how many people do not take time out to just sit down somewhere and look at themselves. But, hey I understand it….because I’m guilty of not doing it too.
Ok, so now that we’re clear on self-examination let’s get back to looking at your personal Black History & Black Love Lessons. The title of this article is: Is Your History Holding You Back? How would you know if it is or isn’t? When you take a moment to think about what it was like growing up in your house with the people that lived in your house what comes up for you? Were there beautiful, balanced, and affirming images of love between your parents, other adults, and between you and your caretakers. How were you treated? Did everybody scream in your house? Did everybody stuff their feelings down and make sure they were “appropriate” all the time?
And, what about the legacy of relationships and marriage in your family? Were most folks happily married? Were you and all of your cousins and nem’ (smile) raised in single parent households? Or were there folks in your family married….with the husband having a family on the side that nobody ever talked about? Here’s what I’m getting at ya’ll…. What is the legacy that your family has built over time? This legacy impacts you more profoundly than you realize—for good or for bad. More importantly, what are you doing to continue patterns that need to STOP? What will you do right here and right now to change the course of history in your family? YOU can be the change your family needs. YOU have the power to do some self-examination and make a decision to do better. YOU can chalk where you (and your family) are in life to a comment like this: “Hey, it is what it is…” as you shrug your shoulders or you can start charting a new history in your life & in your love relationships with a statement like this: “It is what I say it is and I say My family will do better and be better—starting with me.
Today, find some quiet time wherever and however you can find it and ask yourself: “What behavior, habit, or pattern am I continuing today that started with my family? That’s all you need to do today. Identify it. That’s the first step toward changing it. Take your personal history and use it to transform you and push you forward instead of imprison you and hold you back.
This is true Black History. True Black Love. Some might even dare to say it’s true…Black Power. 😉
We receive tons of questions day in and day out here at Blackloveandmarriage.com. Some of the questions that come in are from couples so we’ve decided (with their permission) to present both sides and allow you to be the judge. Weigh in by voting below and leaving a comment letting them know what you think.
Back when we were dating my wife’s cousin asked if we would be Godparents to her daughter. We both said yes without much hesitation mainly because she was a young single mom and we were big supporters for her. I wanted her to know we had her back and we still do. Except now, she’s gotten into some major trouble with the law and may be locked up for like 5 years! We have her daughter now but I can’t see the next 5 years! Times are hard and money has been tight. We’re supposed to be trying to pay down debt and get our finances in order. We just can’t do that the way we need to with another mouth to feed. My main reason for not wanting to become legal guardians is because when I said yes to being a Godparent I never thought for a minute that I would have to take responsibility for her child because of some crazy irresponsible behavior that got her locked up. And, there are other family members we can talk to about taking her. I think we should at least call a family meeting to talk about the options.
I can’t believe that my husband doesn’t take our commitment to be our little cousin’s Godparents seriously! The mere fact that he wants to back out makes me question his integrity. I have no idea why he feels like the fact that my cousin is locked up makes a difference. The child is the one left vulnerable and we are the ones everyone expects to take care of her because we are the Godparents! I don’t want to even have a conversation with any of my family about “other options”. I think it’s unfair to put my family in that position. When I make a commitment, my word is my bond. And, I think we need to follow through on our commitment. It won’t be easy but we are not destitute and living in poverty either. We can work it out!
by Harriet Hairston I’m a “what you see is what you get” type of person. My yes is my yes, and my no is my no. The gray matter in between gets the yellow light until I can sort it all out. Women admire the boldness God gave me to put into words what they feel. Men admire the fact that I haven’t given up on them, and I don’t put all men in the same category.
But now I’m more transparent than ever, and that makes me dangerous. Heartbreak and pain can take a person and flip them inside out, where all veins, muscles and nerves are exposed. No skin, just blood and bones. So what you see now ain’t what you want. TRUST ME.
I say this because I find myself (almost) single again. There is a vacuum and void that exists in me that must be filled with the right things, otherwise I’ll never be whole again. I’ve said before that bitterness has attempted to fill that void. Fortunately, it hasn’t, because I’ve fought that battle successfully. However, once I win one battle, like the 300 Spartan warriors at Thermopylae, another threat attempts to barrel towards me, wanting me to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Why?
Because I want to experience love the way my parents did. I want so badly to feel safe and secure in the arms of someone who loves and respects me for who I am. For me, a man is kinda the prerequisite for a desire like that…a black knight in shining armor who will sweep me off my feet and carry me to “happily ever after.”
There are plenty of good brothers out there who are putting in their resumes, too. Their objective: “Seeking a position as Harriet’s hero. Motivated expert in loving pain away.” Is that so wrong?
Heck, yeah, it is! It’s the right desire that hit me at the wrong time, y’all! And I’m audacious enough to put it out there because I see so many of my sisters making the same mistake my desires are trying to get me to make. Let’s break it down to the lowest common denominator, shall we?
If I jump right into another relationship:
It’s quite possible that I’ll settle for someone just because they are NOT the person I just left. That’s no guarantee that they will be better than him. In fact, they could have characteristics worse than him! Or…
A man will find himself as an innocent bystander getting hit by the blows that open, unhealed wounds cause. Who needs that?
Instead of moving forward, I will find myself moving laterally, putting my life at a standstill that I can’t afford. I gotta get my life back together so I can continue to be a good parent to my son. I don’t need distractions right now.
I think it’s so important for a young lady to allow God to regulate her feelings after experiencing heart break. That takes support, God’s wisdom, and in some cases counseling. Most importantly, it takes TIME.
Men become “Public Enemy #1” to many women because we impulsively jump from one relationship to another far too quickly. Same script, different cast. If a woman did an honest self evaluation, she would find that a great deal of her heartache was self inflicted because of unwise choices and illusions she erected in her mind instead of looking at reality.
The future me is having an out of body experience right now, and she is SCREAMING at the “inside out” me the following advice:
Get yourself together, girl! You know you’re not totally healed, and if you’re so allergic to drama like you say, why step into another relationship that will put you in anaphylactic shock? Get somewhere and sit down!
It’s great to want love and respect, but you have to use wisdom. The right desire acted out in bad timing is still WRONG.
If you just HAVE to hear a man’s voice, call your brother (or whoever a male friend you can trust is). He has no agenda, and you know he wants what is best for you.
The anthem of my heart is, “Slow down, baby, you’re going to fast. You’ve got your hands in the air with your feet on the gas. You’re about to wreck your future running from your past. You need to slow down, baby.” (India Arie)
I want a hero right now, but I don’t need one. What I REALLY need is healing.
The only hands that are expert enough to reach within and fix all the brokenness are clean and sterilized. God’s hands–the same ones that grabbed stars from their storage bin and tossed them up in the sky–are touching nerves and sewing things back together.
I’m content to be still, know He knows what He is doing, and give myself time to heal after the surgery is over.
You all are the visitors that come with the flowers, balloons and “get well soon” cards that are characteristic of the prayers you have graciously blessed my life with. I so appreciate you for seeing the ugliest side of me and loving me still.
Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only one that has stuck so far is “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. Her transparent style chops away at the proverbial “elephants in the living room” that no one wants to talk about. She has made her own life an open door, so others will be willing to look at themselves and their humanity unashamedly and keep pressing forward in spite of the obstacles encountered. You can contact her at harriethairston@yahoo.com, and you can read more of her previous work at blackandmarriedwithkids.com.
VIDEO: A viewer wrote in saying that she and her husband argue about everything and she is at her wits end. Her fundamental question is….What do men want? Listen in as we help this wife get a better understanding of her husband and what he wants. For another perspective and some different tips check out this post we did titled: “What The Other Woman Will Do That You Won’t.”
We came across an article that gives an inside view into the marriage of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. & Coretta Scott King and we thought it was quite interesting. Our aim is to give a close up look at the marriage of the Kings—their difficult places and their sweet successes. There is always something to be learned in everything we read, experience, and are exposed to. So, read on and learn.
We hope you will be honoring & celebrating the wonderful work that Dr. King did in the minds and hearts of the people in this country and the world today. When you finish reading about the Kings, find a place to celebrate his legacy in service by clicking here.
Taken From Sheri & Bob Stritof of About.com
Marriages in the spotlight often have to deal with lack of privacy, long periods of separation, gender issues, and temptation. The marriage of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King was no different.
Here’s information about how Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott met, their wedding, children, and more.
Born:
Martin Luther King Jr: January 15, 1929 in Atlanta, Georgia.
Coretta Scott: April 27, 1927 in Heiberger, Alabama.
Died:
Martin: Martin was killed on April 4, 1968 at 6:01 PM in Memphis, Tennessee by an assassin, while King was standing on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel.
Coretta: Recovering from a paralyzing stroke on August 16, 2005 Coretta died in her sleep at the age of 78 on January 31, 2006 from stroke complications. Coretta died at Hospital Santa Monica, a wholistic health center closed on 2/3/06 for not having proper authorization and located in Playa Santa Monica, Rosarito Beach, Baja California, Mexico.
How Martin and Coretta Met:
A friend, Mary Powell, introduced them in 1/1952 in Boston on the phone.
Coretta, about meeting Martin: “…he was looking for a wife. I wasn’t looking for a husband, but he was a wonderful human being…I still resisted his overtures, but after he persisted, I had to pray about it…I had a dream, and in that dream, I was made to feel that I should allow myself to be open and stop fighting the relationship. That’s what I did, and of course the rest is history. “
Source: US Liberals
Wedding Date:
Martin and Coretta were married on June 18, 1953 on the lawn of her parents’ home in Marion, Alabama. Martin’s father, the Reverend King, Sr., performed the wedding ceremony.
Mrs. Edythe Bagley, Coretta’s sister, was maid of honor. Reverend A.D. King, Martin’s brother, was best man.
Children:
Martin and Coretta had four children.
Yolanda “Yoki” Denise King: Born November 17, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama. Yolanda was a motivational speaker, actress, producer, and author. She died on May 15, 2007 at the age of 51 in Santa Monica, California.
Martin Luther III: Born on October 23, 1957 in Montgomery, Alabama.
Dexter Scott King: Born on January 30, 1961 in Atlanta, Georgia.
Bernice Albertine King: Born on March 28, 1963 in Atlanta, Georgia.
Occupations:
Martin co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the SCLC, in 1957. A preacher, author, and speaker, he received the 1964 Nobel Peace Prize.
Coretta was committed to Martin’s work in furthering nonviolent social change.
Previous Marriages:
None. However, while at Crozer Seminary, Martin fell in love with a Caucasian woman.
They talked about marriage, but after being warned of the difficulties of an interracial relationship and the possible negative impact on his career, they ended the relationship. King was described as a “man of a broken heart–he never recovered.”
Source: “Bearing the Cross”, by David Garrow, pages 40-41, and Gale Group
Residence:
Atlanta, Georgia.
Martin’s Alleged Extramarital Affairs:
Since 1989, when Reverend Ralph Abernathy wrote about Martin’s adulterous relationships, the question of whether or not Martin Luther King, Jr. was unfaithful to his wife or not is still being debated.
A year before he died, Martin allegedly revealed a longstanding affair to Coretta. However, Coretta stated that she and Martin “never had one single serious discussion about either of us being involved with another person.”
Source: “I May Not Get There With You”, by Michael Dyson, p. 216.
King described his affairs as “a form of anxiety reduction.” Martin said, “I’m away from home twenty-five to twenty-seven days a month.”
Three relationships were more than one-night stands, and Martin grew especially close to one woman. The “relationship, rather than his marriage, increasingly became the emotional centerpiece of King’s life, but it did not eliminate the incidental couplings that were a commonplace of King’s travels.”
Source: “Bearing the Cross”, by David Garrow, p. 375.
Ralph Abernathy: “Martin and I were away more often than we were at home; and while this was no excuse for extramarital relations, it was a reason. Some men are better able to bear such deprivations than others, though all of us in SCLC headquarters had our weak moments. We all understood and believed in the biblical prohibition against sex outside of marriage. It was just that he had a particularly difficult time with that temptation.
Source: “And the Walls Came Tumbling Down” and Snopes
More Quotes About the Marriage of Martin and Coretta Scott King:
Martin, about their first date: “So you can do something else besides sing? You’ve got a good mind also. You have everything I ever wanted in a woman. We ought to get married someday.”
Source: Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.
Coretta, about their arguments: “When we get in an argument, usually he just stops talking.”
Source: “I May Not Get There With You”, by Michael Dyson, p. 216.
Martin, about Coretta: “I am indebted to my wife Coretta, without whose love, sacrifices, and loyalty neither life nor work would bring fulfillment. She has given me words of consolation when I needed them and a well-ordered home where Christian love is a reality.”
Source: Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.
Michael Dyson, about their roles in marriage: “King was in constant conflict with his wife about her role. She wanted to become much more involved in the movement; he wanted her to stay home and raise their children.” Source: “I May Not Get There With You”, by Michael Dyson, p. 195.
Martin’s advice in Ebony, placing the responsibility for an affair on a wife’s shoulders: “When a woman asked what to do about her husband’s extramarital affair, King told her to think of what the other woman might have to offer that she did not. What faults of her own might make her husband look elsewhere? “Do you nag?” King asked her.”
Source: “Bearing the Cross” by David Garrow, p. 104
For more of this article and relevant links CLICK HERE
by Cynthia M. Dismuke On December 28, 2010, I found my husband on the bathroom floor nonresponsive. His eyes were wide open but no movement, not even a blink. As I dialed 911 simultaneously calling his name, our whole life together flashed before my eyes. Everything that I was angry about, disgruntled about, sad about went away instantly. As he lay on the floor, I began to cry out to him telling him. “Come on man, you can’t do this now!” He looked as though he was deceased. After about two minutes, he began to come around and I was breathing a sigh of relief.
If he had died, in an instant our lives would have been changed forever. This made me think about how trivial some arguments and disagreements can be. Sunday, I was barely speaking to him because of something he had said while my parents were visiting for the holidays. The following Tuesday, I was dialing 911 not knowing what type of crisis we were about to encounter.
The things we hold on to and argue about seem so important in the moment. But, we can’t allow our pride, ego and selfishness to ruin our lives and relationships. We have to stop taking each other for granted; tomorrow is not promised to you. We spend so much time getting caught up in the little things that we often don’t realize what really matters until it is too late.
Seeing my husband lying on the floor looking like a dead man made me think about how life is too short and too fragile for foolishness. Yes, there are legitimate issues that may come into debate throughout relationships but what is legitimate and what is foolishness?
I once had a neighbor whose husband was a pilot. They had been fighting about him proceeding with his flight plans in spite of the incumbent weather. Against her request, he decided to go with his flight plans anyway. He tried calling her before he departed, but she was too angry to answer the phone so she ignored his call and continued lunch with her girlfriends. So, he left her a voicemail message and took off. Later that day his helicopter crashed. He and his entire flight crew were killed. She was left with deep regrets, two young boys to raise and a voicemail message.
LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCES OF OTHERS!
Each day we are provided the opportunity to live, love, give and respect each other. Don’t waste it on foolishness. Life is truly about perspective and what you make out of it. Don’t allow what happened to me and my neighbor to become your story.
Cynthia M. Dismuke is a Spiritual Advisor and founder of Still I Rise Ministries. She is also the creator of Free and Unashamed, a support group for women who have survived physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. She loves empowering women to become who God created them to be with practical applications of God’s Word. She strongly believes that life experiences are lessons to be shared to educate, free and empower others. She is the mother of five, grandmother of two and resides in Texas with her husband of twenty years.
VIDEO: How do you feel about interracial marriage? Just 7 months ago a Justice of the Peace in Louisiana refused to grant a marriage license to an interracial couple. This Justice says he did not break the law and has the right to recuse himself of performing the ceremony based on his concern for the “offspring of mixed race marriage”. This action sparked a controversy that caused many folks to ask “Are we really still dealing with this issue in this day and age?” It also caused many to say “Of course we’re still dealing with this!” Many people usually identify as being for or against interracial dating/marriage. You will find views from people that say there are little to no significant problems that come from marrying outside your race and then there are those that say there are more issues than you can count that come from marrying outside one’s race. What do you think? Are you open to marrying outside of your race? Is this an issue that should be dead or is it still alive and well for a reason?
What The Couple Had To Say…
The Justice’s Rationale…
